The "Terrible Two's" are bad, But the "Horrible Three's" are WORSE!

[java]

Well I have 4 children(12,8,3,1) And the 3 year old is the tough one. He is stubborn, bossy, loud and physical....but he is also loving, funny, an I love you mommy boy, and playful. So while he can be difficult I know(by looking at my 12 year old) that it is a phase. If you are consisitent with discipline and set the rules it all works out in the end. (I am a time outer and a toy take awayer not a spanker and that works for us) Hang in there and know that this is there way of exerting their sense of self. They are trying to find their way. There was a great book by Penelope Leache(raising your baby and toddler I think? that went into it all..or was it a Dr. Brazelton book.... oh well they are both good and I generally agree with their discipline styles.)

 

[mom_2_boys]

I have two sons - DS2 and DS4 - and you guys are describing the last week at my house! The boys will go for a couple of days with no problems. I mean, literally, no fighting, hitting or biting. Then all hell breaks loose! For the last week, we wake up angry, argue over breakfast, throw toys, yell at me, yell at DH, yell at the postman! I have tried taking them outside for LOTS of activity. We yelled and the whole neighborhood heard us! I took them swimming and when it was time to go, you would have thought I was stabbing them! I took them to the zoo - let's just say we won't be going back there any time soon! LOL

Seriously, it is so much harder being a parent than I ever thought! It seems as if kids are programmed with a special sensor that can detect your weakest moment and exploit it! I have spoken to our pediatrician (a mother of 4 boys, bless her soul) and she says that my kids are perfectly normal. Very active (this actually means destructive), smart (proabably know right from wrong, just enjoy wrong more) and playful (huh?!).

Did I mention that I am a TEACHER?!?!?!?!?

Good to have a laugh with you this morning but I gotta run. Lots of running and crashing sounds. DH is in charge!

 

[zalansky]

You can add me to this club! I have a DS who is 3 1/2 and a DD who is almost 11 months old. Until January, my in-laws watched my DS while we both worked. My FIL played with my son, CONSTANTLY. Which was wonderful for him, not so great for me....because as soon as I decided to stay home full time, I was expected to play with DS CONSTANTLY. Naturally, that cannot be done with a needy baby in the house. And also, I admit, I am human and don't have the capacity to play cars or army men for 8 hours a day. So DS has taken to annoying the baby at every turn, behaving badly, talking back to us, just being bad in general.
It all boils down to one word = BOREDOM. So many of you said this and I am so happy to see it because it affirms what I have believed all these months, that it truly is the boredom. He even goes so far as to huff and puff and throw himself down on the floor and sigh to let me know how bored he is.
The upswing to my story is, he starts pre-school in 2 weeks!
I am thrilled more for him because he desperately needs this time to play with other little kids and have things to keep his mind busy. He is a very good boy in general and has never had a meltdown in public.
We have tried timeouts, hot sauce, taking away toys, etc....all the things you ladies have done. I have heard of vinegar and am going to try that next, as my son actually enjoyed the hot sauce.
We also have the Nanny 911 book, what geeks we are! Anyway just wanted to post because we all have such similar stories and I am relieved to see this thread and actually chuckled to myself you all have used the same tactics. I will be anious to hear some more.

 

[mommy2savannah]

Wow ! I am loving this thread. It's great to feel like you are not alone in raising these "spirited" toddlers.
Just yesterday my mother watched my 2.5 dd for 1 hour while I ran some errands. When I got back my mom said that if I decided to go back to work (I'm a SAHM) that she would definitley not be able to babysit dd! She actually said she's never met another 2 year old who behaves so badly. It really made me feel bad. As a mother, I really try to do the best I can. I read all the books and so forth. My dd is super smart and savvy, but she wants things done her way and is very demanding. Anyway, my mother's comment almost made me cry. After reading this, It just made me feel better that I'm not the only one going through this!

 

[buzzmom3]

I am so glad I read this thread!!! I thought I was the worst mother in the world. My DS was angel, until he turned 4. My DH and I were looking for the 666 that must be on the back of his head. The little bit of hot sauce on the tounge stopped the cursing but it took awhile. The problem I have is he talks back constantly. I never would have talked back to my parents and I was not spanked. I was against spanking but I finally tried it and IT DIDN'T WORK. One minute, he's some evil troll who should be living under a bridge and the next he's in my lap telling me how much he loves me. I keep hoping it will pass before I go But, he does have excellent manners. Please, thank you, excuse me all the time. So, maybe there is still hope.

 

[Tosie]

We NEVER had terrible two's with either of our kids (they are 10 and 5 now).

Then they turned 3.

My husband's mantra during that period was simply "I hate 3."

4 was slightly better and 5 was great.

Hang in there!

 

[susykt4]

AAAHHHHHHH!!! Three is awful!!! Four is seriously WORSE????? DD6 only went through a "terrible" phase for a few months after her brother was born. Otherwise, she has been pretty easy. DS3 1/2 turned terrible pretty much on his third birthday. He had been the best sleeper in the world and suddenly started fighting bedtime and getting up throughout the night. He also absolutely has to do EVERYTHING for himself or else he will throw a fall on the floor tantrum! This morning I handed him a spoon for his breakfast cereal and he bawled for 20 minutes because HE wanted to get the spoon!!! Why?????

On the plus side, he's getting better at doing things on his own. He does all kinds of things his older sister doesn't do such as pouring his own milk and making his own sandwiches. He also picks out his own clothes and gets himself dressed to shoes before he comes out of his room in the morning. (Some outfits are pretty bad, but hey, ya gotta pick your battles...)

 

[pbharris4]

Same thing going on here, too. My DD turned 3 June 24th and we were at WDW when it started to happen and the last 2 weeks have been REALLY bad. Fighting with her older sister (10), not sharing, saying No to everything, screaming, and all that stuff. We put her in the naughty chair (Thank you, Supernanny!!) which works some, but we are consisitent. When she rants about not getting her way..we just started to ignore her and when she realizes we aren't going to do it or she won't get it, she tends to calm down. Ever since school let out and my older DD is home she has been like this. She would have gone through it anyway, but I think now her older sister is here all day and she has to share me more it angers her. I hope this phase passes quickly...my goodness....I am tired of breaking up arguements all day. She's fine when my older daughter goes to a friends house though. My older DD is kind of hyper, talks all the time, and my 3 yo doesn't like that. Sigh....we'll all laugh about it........someday! (Like when their kids are doing it to them )

 

[sjams]

This discussion makes me so happy! I have been battling my 5 year old DS since he turned 2. I have a DD who is 8.5 and he is constantly picking on her. His new one is lying and that absolutely is the worst for me. He yells for his talking, like we can't hear him and I know he doesn't have a hearing problem since that has been checked out recently. He is just 110% boy from what all my friends tell me. He is so loving one minute and devilish the next. I too am at my wits end. Maybe he is doing all this to make me not miss him when he is off to full day kindergarten in a month. It is working!!
Good luck to us all!!!

 

[zalansky]

A Toddler's (and Pre-schoolers) CREED

If I want it, it's mine.
If I give it to you and change my mind later, it's mine.
If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks JUST like mine, it is mine.

 

[luckymommy]

Just you wait the "F'ing 4's" are on the way.

I agree with the boredom scenario, when they are so used to a very active structured day with non stop activity, home can become tedious and thus the behavior outburst.

I liked the book by James Dobson "Dare to Discipline" it was an excellent source when my very strong willed DS was that age.
Now he is 16, 6'4", 240#'s and still afraid of me

Hang in there............

Im am so glad Im not alone on the 4's!! My son had huge meltdowns daily or even 2-3 times a day. I thought I would lose my mind....shed lots of tears toos. He is now 6 and it is better. I hope that encourages some of you....

Also I read the book " The Good Son" and it talks about the differences between girls and boys and how also gives you some good behavior strategies. But the best advice I can give is just hold on tight and let it pass!

 

[Grendalynn]

....Today DS7 went to a friends house for the night. He left first thing this morning; leaving DS3 with mommy and daddy all to himself. I thought this would be a great ratio and that he would love being the only one here today to get our full attention. WRONG! HE still acted out, acted like a little devil and spoke rudely to us. But I also have to say that he was good for a lot of the day, but wanted to go and pick up his brother every ten minutes! He fights his brother constantly and aggitates/instigates every seccond that they are home together, but then misses him terribly when they are not together! I give up!??

I am very much stressing about our vacation next week... We are heading on a family vacation with my parents and 2 (unmarried) sisters. DH is staying home, just cant get away from work,so it will just be me and my boys and the rest of my family! I think my father is in for a rude awakening! When we were little we did what we were told and that was that. Cut and dry. Black and white. We were coltrolled by the sound of dads voice and "the look". Your heart would just break if you got "the look"; that meant he was disappointed in us and that was worse than anything!! I think we actually still are controlled by those things as adults to this day!

I don't think my poor dad knows what he is in for! I am one of 5 girls, so he has little to no experience with the whole boy world. Just what he has experienced with my children so far. I hope he is not disappointed and can understand what is happening and gives me a little sympathy! God only know he had to have gone through his fair share of terrible 2's and horrible 3's with the 5 of us girls!?? Thank goodness they are staying another week after we leave inces they are pains in the butts...to put it nicely. Or maybe Gramy will wip them into shape?? I may just have to print this off and share it with he and my mom!!?? Wish us luck!

 

[Grendalynn]

Im am so glad Im not alone on the 4's!! My son had huge meltdowns daily or even 2-3 times a day. I thought I would lose my mind....shed lots of tears toos. He is now 6 and it is better. I hope that encourages some of you....

I absolutly agree tha the fours are an emotional age/stage! DN who is 4 going through it now. I think girls are genetically more dramatic anyway, but my SIL is beside herself! Especially when my boys come around, its drama through and through! I remember DS at 4 crying about everythng! DH would get so exasperated and think he would grow up to be a sissy! Thank goodness he grew out of that stage. HE is now 7 and a very good kid all around and seems to hold his own when it comes to getting bullied at school or with peer pressure. Don't get me wrong he and his lil bro do their fair share of fighting and have fist a cuffs almost daily as you all know, but it takes two to tango! I guess there is always a beef with every age!? We will be back here againina few years moaning and groaning about 8, 9 and 10. 13, 14 and 15 and so on ....

My Parenst always said that grandchildren (our children) are payback to us for all that we put them through. How right they may be ........

 

[luckymommy]

I am so glad I read this thread!!! I thought I was the worst mother in the world. My DS was angel, until he turned 4. My DH and I were looking for the 666 that must be on the back of his head. The little bit of hot sauce on the tounge stopped the cursing but it took awhile. The problem I have is he talks back constantly. I never would have talked back to my parents and I was not spanked. I was against spanking but I finally tried it and IT DIDN'T WORK. One minute, he's some evil troll who should be living under a bridge and the next he's in my lap telling me how much he loves me. I keep hoping it will pass before I go But, he does have excellent manners. Please, thank you, excuse me all the time. So, maybe there is still hope.

Yes there is hope. Your post sounds SOOOOO familar..even the 666. When my DS was 4 my DH and I would say " Oh my goodness, we have created the devil himself.." And we only have 1! YIKES!!!!!!! But DS is 6 now and is better, not perfect, but better. But then again anything is better than the spinning head and pea soup vomit ( well, thats what we thought would come next.)

Hang in there. Even though you think your efforts are in vain...theyre not! Keep being the strong mom that you are!

 

[Grendalynn]

Yes there is hope. Your post sounds SOOOOO familar..even the 666. When my DS was 4 my DH and I would say " Oh my goodness, we have created the devil himself.." And we only have 1! YIKES!!!!!!! But DS is 6 now and is better, not perfect, but better. But then again anything is better than the spinning head and pea soup vomit ( well, thats what we thought would come next.)

Hang in there. Even though you think your efforts are in vain...theyre not! Keep being the strong mom that you are!

Yep - we say similar things like - "Push the horns back into your head" and "Can't you see the horns and little red spiky tail?" LOL

Maybe we are just "labeling" the kids these things and they have nothing better to do than live up to those expaectaions?? I sure do love my "Poco Diablo" though, he is the cutest blond haired/blue eyed devil I ever did see.......

 

[cinjam]

We have the same problems here some days. My sons are 2.5 & 5.5, some days they get along splendidly and other days....well they are not so splendid.

My older son is generally well behaved, always has been, no terrible twos, no terrible threes, no effing fours - thank God. No flames from me for spanking, I will spank for very serious things. I have spanked my older son maybe 4 times in his life. The last time I was about 2 months ago: after repeatedly being warned about not crossing the street without us present, he ran into the street without looking. He just cannot do that.

Anyway, my 2nd son is a handful some days; his latest "thing" is spitting - full-on; hock-a-loogie spitting when he gets mad. I don't know where he got it from (NOT his brother - maybe pre-school but they say no). We are consistant with a punishment when he does it, but it doesn't matter. He spits while in timeout. DH spanked him once, spit back while crying. Ped says it's normal, he knows it gets to us and exploits it, he will grow out of it. **sigh** I hope that happens soon!

 

[dznygurl]

This all sounds like my home! My DS turned 3 just yesterday. He has been a handful since he was about 15 months old. He is constantly on GO and will gladly go to "time out", which is quite often.

Since his b'day was yesterday, I told myself, "I will not yell at him, I will not spank him, I will try my best today". I brought my kids to Chuck E. Cheese's and then we went to run a few errands. I had a return at Dillards. While browsing the shoe dept. he climbed out of the stroller that my DS11 had to hold him down in so that I could strap him into. I tried to be patient, so I let him walk to the elevator and press the buttons to the 2nd floor. When I got to the counter, he was running and yelling. I tried to catch him, but he was too fast. He took off into the dressing rooms to press the "help" buttons, laughing his butt off the entire time. I finally caught him and tried to get him back into the stroller, but before I could he grabbed a chunk of my wrist and bit down with all of his might. I lost it! It was all I could do not to scream in pain. My DS11 just looked on in shock and embarassment as the clerk behind the counter and some snooty customer looked on with rude looks on their faces. The clerk then said something to the effect of "well, now that you've got him in there, i guess he's going to scream and cry for a while". Her and the customer got a good laugh out of my struggle. SOOOO, I made a rude remark as we walked off loud enough for them to hear.

So, you all have me scared about the 4's. I just can't imagine things getting any worse!

 

[nicolemomof4cuties]

Dznygurl- I feel so sorry for you that your son behaved that way in public. All of my children have bitten me exactly one time apiece and I was devastated with each one because it is such a rude action. But like I said they only did it once because Mommy bit them back (not hard or anything like that). Each one was truly upset- I believe all of them said some rendition of "You bit me! That is Nasty! That makes me sad!" I then explain to them that was how I felt when they bit me and they have never bitten anyone since. Good Luck it does get better!! Sorry gotta go my 2.5 year old says his naptime is lonely without me
nicole

 

[mommy*RN]

Holy Moley! Am I glad I read this thread! My DS just turned 4, but his 3's were a VERY trying time! He still is sassy and talks back constantly! DD was born a month after DS turned 3, which made it harder yet! He gets so mad so easily and it is tough to keep him constantly entertained. As I am typing this message I had to yell at him to get off his sister 3x and finally told him he can either go to his room or sit on the ottoman in the room I'm currently in. He chose the ottoman - of course he had to tell me that he doesn't love me first though. He and DH can really get into it though. I think DH doesn't have patience when it comes to DS's meltdowns. I try to intervene when necessary, but that isn't always good. I also try not to spank, but I have...and it made ME feel horrible! One thing that really seems to help is that we put DS in full day school 2 days a week. I would like to up it to 3 days a week, but it is expensive. He has learned a lot and to be honest the days he has school, our nights are much better. He seems too tired out to argue and fuss. Of course I didn't appreciate it when I got a bad report from his school in the early weeks...seems he told a teacher to "Shut Up" and then proceeded to say something about the "f-ing bucket". I don't know what that is about, but I know where it came from...not to point fingers, but DH can't always leave the firehouse talk at the firehouse...(though I am guilty of occaisonally letting the f bomb fly - but usually when DS isn't around!)

I am hoping as we progress through 4 things will get better. He has calmed down immensely at school and has been getting very good progress reports - of course now that I typed that he will probably get expelled tomorrow or something...

Here's a toast to all us mom's out there - parenting is HARD! I'm still waiting for my "wife" to come live with me...do my laundry, make meals, clean the house, take care of the kids, etc...

Good luck!

 

[graciespeaks]

Here's a toast to all us mom's out there - parenting is HARD! I'm still waiting for my "wife" to come live with me...do my laundry, make meals, clean the house, take care of the kids, etc...

Good luck!

toast to you!!
I can't believe you said that, I am always saying "I wish I had a wife" LOL