The Official New Mom Thread Part 2

[floridafam]

SL,

I would be so upset. Isn't that illegal for them to not pay you? I can't believe they are doing that to you. Please keep us posted.

DisKim,

Great pictures!

I am just off today. My tooth is bothering me and I'm praying I can make it through the pain until next Tuesday-the Dentist is gone until then plus I'm maxed out on my dental benefits until next year so I don't want to go in until Jan. 1

The thought of having a root canal next week does not thrill me if that is what it comes to.

UGH!

 

[Hermosa11]

So, first off the baby girl is doing good. Whew. They monitored the baby all night at hospital, and the doctors said she had a BAD case of acid reflux!!!!
So, you new mommies must guess......??......that the baby was having terrible reaction to some the mom ate or drank? Wow. Well, the doctors said it would be okay for them to try again on flying out to Mid-west (is Indiana in the 'mid-west'?)...............

 

[Alice28]

Great pictures everyone! Joats, the picture of Jace is a RIOT. I forgot to mention that yesterday! And what a cutie on his Thomas Train!

Kim- the dog is so cute! And Emmy looks so darn proud and happy- good job Mom! Did I spy your wrist with the gold bracelet on it in the background? Oo-la-la!

Justine- My goodness is Madison beautiful, or what? And Henry has the sweetest smile.

Hermosa- what cute pictures of your sweet grandbaby! I'm so glad the other baby is OK- that is so scary.

Holly- did you get that cash register on clearance, or do you think it's something the stores might still have? DH has a Williams Sonoma GC to spend, and PBK is right next door. I want to get Molly that for her bday if they still have it. It sounds fun- Sam had a Sesame Street cash register he got for his 2nd bday, and that was the hit of the party. All the kids were arguing over it! It died a slow death a couple years ago.

Ice- I don't know what to say about Tess- sometimes my kids throw fits about naps too, and they have had a pretty normal upbringing so far!

BNB- My DH would be in the dog house too over something like that....It is SO HARD getting them to sleep through the night, esp nursing babies. Our boys slept with us til they were 5-6 months, just cause it was easier. Molly did it for 10 months, and boy, was she a bear to break of that habit (my fault as DH was gone and I hated sleeping alone). Hope you guys can work it all out soon.

Hillbeans- I'm sorry you are having some friend issues.I guess my only advice about the friend who sends the card is to just let it go....I know it's hard. It took me a long, long time to get over the huge blowup a cousin and I had, oh, about 5 years ago now, but I realized I'm just better off without that kind of a person in my life. She's weird, and just mean.
Loved the pics of Kevin on Christmas!

SL- Well, I would be quite pissy about that money! I hope it gets straightened out by Friday.

I had a great shopping trip this AM. Except for 3 bratty kids of course. But I went to BABW and only wanted to spend $20. Well, I got everything i wanted, and guess how much it was- $20! Yay me! Then I met up with MIL and we went to the Disney Store. She got each grandkid a .99 sword with candy in it and and I got some Disney Dollars for the boys. I saw best friend and her DH- heads up- Target Clearance goes to 75% on Sunday (her DH is a manager). Then we went to Gymbo and my MIL bought Molly TWO OUTFITS! I was so tickled, I can't even tell you. She spent only $20 too. She just gushed over everything, and then when she saw the $3.99 and $6.99 price tags, she gave in. I bought two tops too for only $9 or something. They had TONS of summer hats, but NONE were in Molly's size, darnit! And only .99 too. Jumped in Gap and got Joshua some socks. We're going to the outlets tomorrow or Friday. Then she treated to lunch at Applebee's so I take back my griping I went on about last night.

My Coldwater Creek appt had to get moved as the pedicure person who I had an appt with hurt herself. Shoot. Now I'm scheduled for the 5th, but that's only if my mom or dad can babysit. I promised them dinner when I left a message on their machine if they would do it!

I don't think I shared with you all, but I have the BEST news- Aunt Flo finally came, FOR REAL for me last weekend! I feel like a new woman! I feel so great, happy, upbeat, for the first time in MONTHS. Thank you God! I was seriously ready to go on anti-depressants if my cycles didn't straighten out soon.

And finally, thank you PhD for the nice compliment you gave me the other day, about always being upbeat (or something like that). I strive for that, and it's nice when other people notice it.....one thing I feel I took from my whole Dh in Iraq experience is, A. Things can always be worse and B. I don't take crap from anyone anymore. But in a nice way. (usually).

 

[justhat]

I know I don't have much time here as it's Madison's bedtime, but Henry was just crying so we have to wait a bit to put her in bed. He got all off schedule at WDW and I got up with him during the night (which he hadn't done in awhile) and let him sleep in my bed several times so he's not liking going back in his bed all night. My husband went up there to calm him down just now so hopefully that will work. I didn't want to go cause he uses me to nurse to sleep.

Alice28-Thanks for the compliment! I like to think they're cute too, but of course I'm biased. Molly's Christmas photos in the heels are adorable!! I'm still waiting for Madison to get into that girly stage cause I think it's so cute when they dress up like that. She likes Minnie and Daisy so it's a start, but the Mater and Lightning McQueen tattoos on her arms do not scream girly.

DisneyPhD- Glad to see you back here! Enjoy your trip and congrats to Lily outgrowing the allergies.

Icebrat-Don't worry, things will calm down with Tess. It's a huge adjustment for her and major life change, and at her age she doesn't have the vocab or means to express her feelings so it's all gonna come out through tantrums. Just be as patient as you can, but stick to your rules and routine and she'll come around.

DisKim-Love to pictures!! Your puppy is so cute and your kids seem so happy to have him. I cracked up at the line you told Emily about the puppy whining all night!

BnB-Yes, it is like the planets align when you somehow manage to get a decent photo of multiple kids. When Madison was a baby we tried to get photos of her and her 2 cousins (who were 10 months and 2.5yo). We finally managed to get a decent shot and then as we were paying the photographer told us we could have saved $20 by purchasing this photo cd but it was too late now. My husband and BIL got so mad that we all ended up leaving without buying any pictures after all that.

Hermosa-Glad to hear that baby is okay and your granddaughter is beautiful! Enjoy your trip out to see her.

Ginamarie-Henry got used to being held the past week too and it is making life at home difficult. Cute that Olivia is clapping now! I haven't read your trip report yet but home to do so tonight. And congrats on your team making it to the next round.

Henry is screaming again so it's my turn to go see what's with him. Well now he's suddenly quiet and my wonderful husband just said "I hope he didn't die." Like I don't feel like the devil letting him cry as it is that he has to interject fear like that. He was crying 6 minutes so not forever. So now I'm gonna go make sure he's fine and breathing.

 

[floridafam]

Loretta,

OMG! That picture is so funny!

Robin,

I called last night to ask if they have any more cash registers (that's how much we like it) and they said that the stores carry them and they are on sale for $19.99. He was able to tell me which stores in my area had them and that they could ship it to me. We don't have any stores in the area. It is so nice. DH was playing with it again when he got home. It was for DD 7 but Kona loves it, too.


justhat,

Welcome back. I haven't had a chance to look at the pictures yet but the one in your signature is so cute.

joats,

I love the Santa picture! Kona wanted nothing to do with Santa, either.



Hi to everyone. What's everyone up to tonight? Not much here. We are playing Apples to Apples and I'm doing laundry. I may actually venture out tomorrow just to get out of the house.

 

[kdibattista]

Help!

This child has been crying for over two hours. I think it really hit her that she isn't going back to the old environment. She has been screaming for mommy, daddy and daycare for over two hours. Nothing I do is calming her down. She finally cries herself to sleep only to wake up minutes later and repeat the process. Will she seriously do this all day? How can I put her down for a nap if she is going to do this all day? She HAS to get on some sort of schedule as school begins for me Jan 15th. She has so many issues. All advice is welcomed and appreciated.

I have really, really been hesitant posting because I didn't want to jump in on a discussion that doesn't pertain to me but I'm really concerned. Have you or your partner gone through any sort of parenting classes or had any sort of training for handling Tess (who is adorable BTW ). She is obviously going through a very tramatic experience and it sounds as though you and your partner are not ready to handle this on your own. I hope this doesn't come across as judgemental but DH and I are in the process of adopting and have done a ton of reseach on attachment issues. It's worth closing down the DIS for a bit and checking out because it can be very serious. I can point you in the right direction if you want

I hope everything works out because the last thing Tess needs is someone else abandoning her and I'm concerned that at this point you are very stressed out and that's not good for any of you.

Again, I did not mean to hijack but I was concerned

 

[kdibattista]

Here is some info what you need to be concerned with:

Description of Reactive Attachment Disorder

Reactive attachment disorder is a very real illness. Children with reactive attachment disorder are reacting to events in their early life that may include neglect, abuse, or something subtler like ongoing, undiagnosed painful medical issues (see Potential Causes below). Due to these events, many children are unable to attach to a primary caregiver and go through the normal development that is required in order to function in relationships. My explanation is somewhat simplified but may be helpful to you. It does not replace a diagnosis from a qualified attachment therapist.

In the first two years of life, children go through healthy attachment cycles - the first year and second year attachment cycles. A healthy first year attachment cycle looks like this:

As the baby has a need and signals that need by crying, the mother (primary caregiver) comes and soothes her baby and meets his needs. If this cycle is repeated over and over again and the baby's needs are consistently met in the proper way by the same caregiver, the baby often learns to trust. He will then be able to continue on in his development. Now, take a look at the disturbed attachment cycle:

As you compare the Healthy Attachment Cycle to the Disturbed Attachment Cycle, you can see how the baby has a need, cries, but this time, the need is not met by his mother (primary caregiver). Sometimes the need is met but it is inconsistent or there are different caregivers who are not attuned to this particular baby. Sometimes the baby's cries go unanswered as in the case of neglect or the baby's cries are met with a slap as in the case of physical abuse. Whatever the cause, the baby's needs are not met in a consistent appropriate way. (See "Potential Causes" below)

Instead of learning to trust as the baby who experiences the Healthy Attachment Cycle this baby learns that the world is an unsafe place, that he must take care of himself, that he can trust no one to meet his needs. He learns that he cannot depend on adults. Instead of trust developing, rage develops and is internalized. He learns that he must be in charge of his life for his very survival. Is it any wonder that a child with reactive attachment disorder feels the need to be in control? He thinks his very life depends on it.

If the child has been able to successfully go through the Healthy Attachment Cycle during his first year of life then he most likely will be able to go through the next which is the Second Year Secure Attachment Cycle:

It is only by going through this Second Year Secure Attachment Cycle that the child will ever be able to learn to accept limits on his behavior. It is by going through these two attachment cycles - the Healthy Attachment Cycle in the first year and then the Second Year Secure Attachment Cycle - that the child learns to trust, engage in reciprocity, to regulate his emotions. It is back there that he starts to develop a conscience, self- esteem, empathy, and the foundations for logical thinking are laid down, etc.

The breakdown of these two attachment cycles will damage all of the relationships he has for the rest of his life unless interventions are made. When the first cycle breaks down, the child cannot do the second year. To expect the child to function as a typical child when his normal development was completely stunted back in infant/toddlerhood is not rational. We must take them back and help them redo these steps.

ETA: I did not post this to scare you... only to hope that you will look into help for Tess and you both. I truly hope that everything works out for the best

 

[zalansky]

Hi everyone!

Glad I could bring a chuckle to your lives at my expense if only for a second or two!

We just got in from a long day out with the kids at Busch Gardens and my Dads house - so I apologize I don't have time for a proper post. And Connor's birthday is tomorrow I can't believe my BABY will be 4 years old. Freaking out a little there....

Robin - tell you DH's he's on! that is a good idea to meet up and then do whatever afterward. I'll bet after he saw my crazy picture he is thinking "there is no way I am letting my wife go meet that internet nutjob in some bar alone!" HA!

justhat - welcome back and I did have time to se your pics...they came out great! I wish we had those photogs here! The kids are adorable. Love Madisons eyes...

Hillbeans - sorry about your friend troubles. I have been having a friend issue the past year or so and finally decided to let it go. When the friendship stopped bringing anything good to my life it was time to let go. About the one at work, I had that same situation one time but thank goodness I didn't report to the person. I call these people "toxic" because that is exactly what they are. Life is too short, as you well know.

GM - congrats on getting through WPASDI. I love when babies start clapping!!!

GLT - got your card today, thank you!!!

diskim - great pics! the puppy is adorable....love the pics of the kids pretending to sleep with the puppy! Too cute.

FF - are you still playing with the cash register? I digress, I have been playing with a singing and dancing toy from the Backyardigans that MIL got for Cameryn. It sings the catchy theme song and I can't help but press its hand!

BNB - My DH would be in the doghouse too. Sleep deprivation is the WORST!
I hope Luke starts sleeping through the night very soon so you can get some more rest.

nuc - glad to hear you had some moments too during the holidays! Didn't get any good photos, did you?

Hi to the mommies I missed. Suddenly I am really tired. I need to hit the pillow. Have a goodnight ladies!

 

[floridafam]

DisneyPhD,

You're on for the house exchange. Just kidding. We always wanted to spend Christmas in Florida when we lived in Michigan. Now, it just seems weird to have it be 80 degrees on Christmas Day.


Loretta,

Yes, we are still playing with the cash register.

 

[tkyes]

Guess what? My Ipod works!!! DH did some research and apparently I'm not the only idiot that has washed their Ipod. Everyone said let it dry out for awhile, then plug it in to your computer and restore it. I had to put all of my songs back on, but that's a whole lot better than buying a new Ipod! yeah!

justthat - Welcome back! I haven't peaked at your pics yet, but I bet they are great. Your kids are adorable!

ff - I'll have to check out that cash register. It would be cute in the playroom at my mom's house.

bnb - Oh, no worries about the dolphin thing. It's an adults only trip!! (is there a smilie drinking a margarita?)

hermosa - Glad the baby is ok! How scary!

diskim - Cute puppy pictures! That is one adorable puppy!

alice - sorry they rescheduled your appt. Sounds like you guys got some good deals today! I'm heading to the Mall of America tomorrow to see what deals I can find.

gm - Congrats on your team making it. I love when kids start clapping, it's sooo cute!

hillbeans - I'm sorry to hear about your issues with your friends. That would be so hard. How spiteful of your friend to keep sending that card.

bellacam - I'm glad Bailey is doing better!


Goodnight!!

Tamie

 

[DisneyPhD]

FF, Sounds like a plan! It is a true case of never really knowing what you got. I think the 1st few years FLA Christmas would be fun, but I would miss the cold after a few years. The thing is I can handle winter up until new years and then I am pretty much done. Too bad winter can last into May here.

Alice, so pleased to know my comment meant something to you. I mean it, I have always admired your courage and ability to keep smiling even during hard times.

Zalansky, wow a picture does say a thousand words. What a riot!

Joats, no wonder that is his favorite gift. Any kid would LOVE that. How cool is his own ride on Thomas! What a dream come true for him.

Dizagain, hugs. That is hard. My advice is don't do cry it out when it goes against your instincts. I know many people (and doctors) encourage it, but I think it does more harm in the end to let them cry it out then just to respond. He is still really young, cuddle and love him. He will get over this later. Some babies just don't sleep well with out mama. Anna did great, Lily not so much (but now as a 2 year old is a great sleeper, on her own even.) She does like to cuddle though. We ended up co-sleeping with her a lot the 1st year, not because we wanted it, but because it was the only way any of us got any sleep. I don't regret it at all now. It will get easier and it won't last forever.

Ice brat. Kdibattista has some good but difficult to hear advice. . As adorable as Tess is she is one troubled young girl. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT in anyway. You are a strong and wonderful person (as is DP) for adopting her, but you really need some help in dealing with this. Research and reading is a good place to start. I know you don't have much time, but make time. It is important. I know I have put more research into being a mom then my whole MSW or even college career. When you are supported and better prepared for it you can rise to meet her needs better. Did you ever find any more info on head start? There are people are there trained to help you with this. There is also a lot of info out there on how best to handle it. Things will get better in time.

Hermosa11, good to hear the baby is doing better. I would worry about food allergies. My 1st advice for the mom is to cut out all milk and eggs and see if that helps (what my DD was allergic to, but also one of the most common.) It takes a few weeks to get out of the body though. It could also be other things like peanuts, tree nuts, and soy. It can be very hit or miss and believe it is not easy to cut it out. If it is allergies though the very best thing is for the mother to continue to breast feed. It can really make a big difference. It just can be so hard to identify at that age. Thank goodness Lily didn't really have any problems with it until she was 8 months old.

I actually got out of the house and saw Aragon with my brother and his 15 year old daughter. I was really bugged by all the little kids in there though, it is ok for older kids (10 and older, maybe 13 and older) but there was a girl Anna's age behind me, and she was not enjoying it. It really bugged me that her mother brought her in the 1st place (and it made it hard for other to enjoy the movie too.) She was not the only one. It should be rated something stronger then PG that is for sure. Rather intense ands scary, some pretty yucky images too.

Hope everyone is doing well.

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Hi, everyone!

I don't have time to do a proper catch-up (surprise! surprise!) but I need to get to bed soon since I am going to attempt to take Kylie to daycare in the morning. I am hoping any and all viruses will be long gone from her daycare. She has only been twice since I started my Christmas break nearly 3 weeks ago (I can't believe I have less than 2 weeks before I have to go back to school already! ). I really need some time to get some things done around here. I still haven't gone through her old toys to make room for her new ones and I really need that space now more than ever!

Anyway, I am glad everyone had pretty good Christmases and I LOVE all the pictures! Here are a few of Kylie as well. The ones where she is wearing camouflage were taken at my ILs house on Christmas morning...bright and early!

"Wow, a Dora doll and a Dora stroller!?! I must have been VERY good this year!"

We tried to get all of the cousins and Mamaw (dh's mom) in a group shot...but, as you can see, it is almost impossible to get all of them to pose at the same time. Kylie's cousins are 12, 6, and 9 months old. The 9 month old now weighs more than Kylie! He's a big little guy! Anyway, here is attempt 1 (Kylie is looking away and Clay, the 9 month old, has his eyes closed):

Okay, on to attempt 2. Kylie is looking at the camera but she's almost the only one and, yes, she put her finger up her nose as I snapped that picture! She never does that but, OMG, she did then! Blackmail in her dating years, perhaps?

Before heading out to Kylie's great-grandmother's for lunch on Christmas day, she insisted on riding her new "ree" (that's the sound horses make apparently and that's what she calls it). She loves this thing but she is still way too small for it. Her feet won't reach the stirrups for another year or 2 at the rate she grows.

Kylie in her Santa outfit with her new stroller and her Cabbage Patch baby at her great-grandmother's house. The matching shoes and hat did not stay on long at all.

And of course it wouldn't be complete without a day after Christmas shot. I do believe Christmas threw up all over the living room!

Hmmm...smilies still aren't working for me...drat! Ah, well, have a great night everyone! If I don't get on here again before New Year's (which I am hoping I will but if Kylie goes to daycare then I will be busy trying to get some things done and might not get the chance) then I hope you all have a fantastic New Year's! Okay, off to shower and then to bed.

 

[DisKim]

Tasha - Great pictures of Kylie!

Icebrat - I am so sorry that Tess is having difficulty with adjusting. I guess I'm a little more laid back in my attitude toward parenting, but I think she will get over it very quickly. Tess is only 2. She will get past this in a few weeks and eventually forget about her old life. You just have to be patient and try to see things from her point of view. Seeing situations from the child's point of view is something my favorite child psych professor taught me in college and I never forgot it. It has helped me so much in times where my patience is running thin. I know you, DP and Tess will be fine .

Robin - Why yes, that must have been my bracelet in the picture. I don't remember being in any of them. I was trying to hide from the camera due to my usual lovely morning hairdo. My morning hair makes Loretta's drunken hairdo look like it was done at a salon!

DH and I actually got out and went to Atlantic City. We mostly shopped. They have a Coach outlet. Many bags were marked down with an extra 20%! Then, we went to the mall they have on the boardwalk. They have a really cool fountain/light show. We have to take the kids to see it. It was coordinated with music, etc. Then, we had a drink and listened to music and lost $40 in about 3 minutes. I wouldn't gamble any more than that. I really hate gambling. I'd rather buy something with that money.

 

[DisKim]

OK, time to finally post some pictures.

The gifts before the kids got up

The kids in front of Santa's chalet at Storybookland.

Aidan's lovely reaction to Santa Claus.

 

[kdibattista]

Icebrat - I am so sorry that Tess is having difficulty with adjusting. I guess I'm a little more laid back in my attitude toward parenting, but I think she will get over it very quickly. Tess is only 2. She will get past this in a few weeks and eventually forget about her old life. You just have to be patient and try to see things from her point of view. Seeing situations from the child's point of view is something my favorite child psych professor taught me in college and I never forgot it. It has helped me so much in times where my patience is running thin. I know you, DP and Tess will be fine

I'm sorry... I don't mean to be rude but this is one the most ridiculous things I have ever heard and something that should NOT be said. She won't "forget" about her past life and she won't "get over it quickly" and telling Icebrat that will only allow her to continue to bury her head in the sand that this child has issues... nobody's fault except her biological mothers. I'm very surprised that you took a child's psychology class and that's what you came up with. I'm sorry, I guess that does sound rude and I don't want to be but seriously??? If there is no assessment of this child now it can lead to huge problems down the line. Hopefully all will be fine but based on what I'm reading Icebrat and her partner will have a bigger problem on their hand if they don't intervene now and get Tess and themselves the counseling, training, education they so obviously need.

I was trying not to be this blunt but if people are going to continue to placate her without any information to back them up then I guess I have to be. My concern right now if for this child, Icebrat and her partner. They have had her for only a few weeks and I can see that she is at her breaking point. Couple that with the tramatic experience that Tess has experienced and their inexperience in dealing with it and you have a recipe for disaster. Honestly, from the posts I'm seeing I would not be surprised if Tess was shipped back because they can't handle her anymore. That is what I'm trying to avoid. Pretending there aren't serious issues is hurtful to everyone involved.

Right now, I'm more concerned about this child then how I am being perceived so I apologize if this rude... I really do... but that's not my concern right now.

Love is not always enough... not even close... although I wish it were

http://www.olderchildadoption.com/rad/RADdescripNG.htm

http://older-child.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/adjustment-issues-and-the-adopted-child

http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/does-older-child-adoption-equal-special-needs.html

 

[icebrat001]

I have really, really been hesitant posting because I didn't want to jump in on a discussion that doesn't pertain to me but I'm really concerned. Have you or your partner gone through any sort of parenting classes or had any sort of training for handling Tess (who is adorable BTW ). She is obviously going through a very tramatic experience and it sounds as though you and your partner are not ready to handle this on your own. I hope this doesn't come across as judgemental but DH and I are in the process of adopting and have done a ton of reseach on attachment issues. It's worth closing down the DIS for a bit and checking out because it can be very serious. I can point you in the right direction if you want

I hope everything works out because the last thing Tess needs is someone else abandoning her and I'm concerned that at this point you are very stressed out and that's not good for any of you.

Again, I did not mean to hijack but I was concerned

No, we did not have any parenting classes
We would never abandon her
Thank you for your concern, I am not offended, feel free to PM with more resources if you like.

 

[kdibattista]

No, we did not have any parenting classes, we were not trying nor expecting to adopted. The plan was for my partner to be inseminated when we were in our 30's. We are very much into travel, fine dining, investing and just enjoying our time together.

However once DP found out that her 1/2 sister who has lots of kids was having a lot of problems and Tess was an environment when she was being emotionally and physically abused and was in an environment where she could be touched sexually (we've been told nothing happened sexually), we went ahead and took her. If we didn't take her, she would've sold her kid to the highest bidder or continued to let the child be abused and possibly even molested.

This whole parenting thing is new to us, we aren't experts. I've ordered books, I've asked some of the great moms on this board for advice and I've emailed some people from the boards for help. This current period in our lives is not only an adjustment for Tess but for me as well. I've done tons of research online, I've sought out advice. We are giving her time to adjust as we know it is a huge adjustment, if things continue to go as they are, we will seek more professional help. However as previous posters have said, she is 2, she is adjusting, some things take time. While some things are normal two year old behavior, many many things aren't.

We would never abandon her, heck, DP would abandon me and hire a nanny for Tess before she abandoned the child.

At the pre-school I previously taught at in California I saw a lot of attachment issues, I've taken butt loads of child psychology courses as my college major was molecular and cellular biology with a double major in child psychology, as my plan was to go to medical school and I did the child thing for pure interest. Her behavior is something that I haven't read or encountered, but I have been researching. I would've go as far as to give us the DIS because that is my only outlet right now and for her sake as well as my sake, I need an outlet.

Thank you for your concern, I am not offended, feel free to PM with more resources if you like.

If she has had to endure what you say she has... you need professional help... NOW!!!! If you have seen first hand attachment issues at your preschool then you are aware that intervention is the key... not waiting and seeing. The healthy attachment cycle has obviously not happened so why wait? Get her and yourselves help now.

See my resources above. I believe you are in the Tampa area... I think anyway. Please call or email Carol:

Carol Crow

Florida Institute for Family Attachment
2902 Busch Lake Blvd, Suite 7
Tampa, FL 33614
813-915-1038

carol@insightcounselors.com

 

[zalansky]

kdibattista - do me a favor, you are certainly entitled to your opinions...but I don't know where you get off thinking you can come to this thread and insult people that post on this board when clearly you have an agenda of following Icebrats adoption process. If you have thoughts, advice and opinions to offer to Icebrat, send her a PM....but please don't come to our thread looking to start trouble.

 

[kdibattista]

kdibattista - do me a favor, you are certainly entitled to your opinions...but I don't know where you get off thinking you can come to this thread and insult people that post on this board when clearly you have an agenda of following Icebrats adoption process. If you have thoughts, advice and opinions to offer to Icebrat, send her a PM....but please don't come to our thread looking to start trouble.

I clearly have an agenda? What is that exactly? The fact that I am adopting and have been researching attachment issues for the past year and half and maybe have some insight that others here don't? The fact that this child has gone through an extremely tramatic experience and people think she will "get over it". Please tell me my "agenda".

You think I'm looking to start trouble

 

[icebrat001]

I'm sorry... I don't mean to be rude but this is one the most ridiculous things I have ever heard and something that should NOT be said. She won't "forget" about her past life and she won't "get over it quickly" and telling Icebrat that will only allow her to continue to bury her head in the sand that this child has issues... nobody's fault except her biological mothers. I'm very surprised that you took a child's psychology class and that's what you came up with. I'm sorry, I guess that does sound rude and I don't want to be but seriously??? If there is no assessment of this child now it can lead to huge problems down the line. Hopefully all will be fine but based on what I'm reading Icebrat and her partner will have a bigger problem on their hand if they don't intervene now and get Tess and themselves the counseling, training, education they so obviously need.

I was trying not to be this blunt but if people are going to continue to placate her without any information to back them up then I guess I have to be. My concern right now if for this child, Icebrat and her partner. They have had her for only a few weeks and I can see that she is at her breaking point. Couple that with the tramatic experience that Tess has experienced and their inexperience in dealing with it and you have a recipe for disaster. Honestly, from the posts I'm seeing I would not be surprised if Tess was shipped back because they can't handle her anymore. That is what I'm trying to avoid. Pretending there aren't serious issues is hurtful to everyone involved.

Right now, I'm more concerned about this child then how I am being perceived so I apologize if this rude... I really do... but that's not my concern right now.

Love is not always enough... not even close... although I wish it were

http://www.olderchildadoption.com/rad/RADdescripNG.htm

http://older-child.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/adjustment-issues-and-the-adopted-child

http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/does-older-child-adoption-equal-special-needs.html

I think it was rude of you to post that. Different people have their own parenting styles, different things work for different people. Different people do a lot of different things but can lead to the same end result, without negative impact.

Again, we are not going to ship Tess back. I do not agree with the life she had back home, nor do I agree with abandoning children, therapy is a good thing and someone like her will benefit from it greatly.

And for the record, many people aren't always ready to have children, but people learn to become great parents.

If you have something to say to me, I much rather you do it in PM. The other moms enjoy their board I wish to keep their thread a happy place.

Thank you.