The Never Ending Ring Debate

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

OK so as a recap...BF wants a T&CO ring...at first I was against this (we really dont need to spend the $$$) However, he won't have it any other way. I try them on while out of town-per his request and fell in love with the classic T&CO ring. BUT not to the tune of ....well...a lot more than we could ever afford. The gentleman at T&CO explained how we can play with the price by size, color and clarity...So, we might be able to make it work. FINE.
Now, up until yesterday, I figured he was just not into details. I tell him about weddings here and stuff and he usually replies, "Hmm" So, I've kind of stopped mentioning stuff, but continue planning...
Well, last night as I was walking on the door to go to class (figures) he mentions that T&CO has new rings out. Oh...Um ok...before I know it he is pulling up the website to show me. I don't like the new ring-he was happy about that b/c neither did he. So, he shows me that T&CO has a matching mens band that matches with the womens classic T&CO band...plain band very blah...not a big fan He wants those rings b/c they match.
I don't like the womens band. I really want a channel set band. He wants them to match. GRR. He's goes as far as to even bring it up this morning.
So I tell him that I really don't like the band. He doesn't want something that doesn't match...His argument is that the rings are supposed to be a couple-get it. My response is that I don't like the plain band. I've always wanted a channel set. His reply is that a channel set for him from T&CO is $8,000 My reply is that he can have what ever he wants, but I want a channel set. Then I throw in for good measure that his sister and BIL don't have a matching set and that BIL has what he wants and his sister has what she wants. He's not budging.
Girls. I don't like the plain band. I tried them both on and the channel set is exquisite. I'm in love with it...AND I don't want to "upgrade" my set. I want what I am going to have from the get go...He wants to match and isn't going to budge....
What do I do? I told him we would go look at rings and then he would see. I got the same debate-he wants them to match.
I feel ungrateful. After all, a T&CO ring and a Disney wedding...Any insight.
TIA

 

[hiwaygal]

LOL - unfortunately, I felt the same way your DF feels. I wanted our wedding bands to match!

My suggestion would be to start looking around at other options...look at other wedding bands out there that you might like and that will fit in your budget but can also match.

I didn't like plain bands either so we ended up finding something that has a "cut" to it so it doesn't look plain but they do match.

If you really can't find something that you can both agree on, see if he will compromise with engraving the inside of the rings with something that kinda makes them match...(do a google search for wedding ring inscriptions for ideas and inspiration).

It's not ungrateful of you to want to pick out the jewelry you are going to wear for the rest of your life...but (IMO) it is also a symbol of your unity with your spouse and may need a little compromise here (on his part too!).

I think you are kinda lucky...my DH didn't care one iota so getting him to give me an opinion on the ring he's going to wear for the rest of his life was like pulling teeth!!! At least your DF is involved and interested!

Good luck!

 

[PhilHarMaestro]

I have no advise b/c I'm having a very similar problem! Men just don't get it! What's with this upgrade idea, anyways! Mine said the same thing to me last night!! He wants me to get a plain band from Wal-Mart! Nothing against anyone who got thiers at Wal-Mart, but DF is well off and I'm pissed! I'm paying everything for our part of the wedding, why can't I have a nice ring? What's more is I have a tiffany engagement ring, like I want a Wal-Mart band next to it!! Sorry to pirate, but men are so dense sometimes!!

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

LOL - unfortunately, I felt the same way your DF feels. I wanted our wedding bands to match!

My suggestion would be to start looking around at other options...look at other wedding bands out there that you might like and that will fit in your budget but can also match.

I didn't like plain bands either so we ended up finding something that has a "cut" to it so it doesn't look plain but they do match.

If you really can't find something that you can both agree on, see if he will compromise with engraving the inside of the rings with something that kinda makes them match...(do a google search for wedding ring inscriptions for ideas and inspiration).

It's not ungrateful of you to want to pick out the jewelry you are going to wear for the rest of your life...but (IMO) it is also a symbol of your unity with your spouse and may need a little compromise here (on his part too!).

I think you are kinda lucky...my DH didn't care one iota so getting him to give me an opinion on the ring he's going to wear for the rest of his life was like pulling teeth!!! At least your DF is involved and interested!

Good luck!

Hiwaygal,
I love the engraving idea...very cool. I'm trying to find the compromise...that isn't easy. And that isn't because it isn't easy for us to compromise-we're actually very good at it...it's finding a set that would work for both of us. Off on my search...but not in love with anything that I would want to wear the rest of my life.
It would be easier if he was just not into details.-Sometimes he's not and sometimes he is...This time he is front and center. Which I am happy about, but it's going to be interesting to see how this turns out.
Thanks for your reply...love the ideas!

 

[sungela]

Our rings (both from T&CO, but not the classic setting) don't match. I got the e-ring that I loved and made sense for me, then found a wedding band to match it; Angela got the e-ring that she loved and made sense for her, then got the band to match it. Our inscriptions are the same, and the material is the same, which was important to us (so when they get worn out after 70 years of marriage, they'll still match). But I vote that you get the ring you like, and not worry about matching his.

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

I have no advise b/c I'm having a very similar problem! Men just don't get it! What's with this upgrade idea, anyways! Mine said the same thing to me last night!! He wants me to get a plain band from Wal-Mart! Nothing against anyone who got thiers at Wal-Mart, but DF is well off and I'm pissed! I'm paying everything for our part of the wedding, why can't I have a nice ring? What's more is I have a tiffany engagement ring, like I want a Wal-Mart band next to it!! Sorry to pirate, but men are so dense sometimes!!

AUGH! I'd be even more upset if he told me I could have a T&CO ring and a Walmart band too. Glad you could vent. Thank you for confirming for me that men don't get it. It obviously must be in the air for them both to say something like this.

Our rings (both from T&CO, but not the classic setting) don't match. I got the e-ring that I loved and made sense for me, then found a wedding band to match it; Angela got the e-ring that she loved and made sense for her, then got the band to match it. Our inscriptions are the same, and the material is the same, which was important to us (so when they get worn out after 70 years of marriage, they'll still match). But I vote that you get the ring you like, and not worry about matching his.

Sunny,
I agree with you...I should have what I like. He doesn;t see it that way. As my mom says, you have to make it seem like their idea...Wonder if she might have any insight.
I love your idea of having the same metals and inscriptions...I'll try that too.
Hope you're planning to put out the next installment of your TR...Loving every minute of your story...need to send you a PM...RE:Jewish Traditions...I'm Jewish...BF not but ok with threading through some Jewish customs in the wedding. Will be in touch.

Thanks girls! I'm glad I'm not the only one out there with this issue...

 

[*Valdez*]

Luckily when I got married my DH wasn't too choosy. I guess I wasn't either. I picked out his ring and he picked out mine. I didn't see what mine looked like until it was put on my finger. He did a great job. Concidering he didn't know anything about jewelry before me. I have a white gold and he has a titanium ring(he is always getting into messes and didn't want him to ruin his ring- he is a Kindergartern teacher).

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

Luckily when I got married my DH wasn't too choosy. I guess I wasn't either. I picked out his ring and he picked out mine. I didn't see what mine looked like until it was put on my finger. He did a great job. Concidering he didn't know anything about jewelry before me. I have a white gold and he has a titanium ring(he is always getting into messes and didn't want him to ruin his ring- he is a Kindergartern teacher).

I started to giggle when you said he is always getting into messes...and then when you followed it up with he is a kindergarten teacher I said "Aw."
I love the idea of the ring surprise...but I guess I'm too picky

 

[ChloroFiend]

My fiancee really liked the T&CO lucida solitaire engagement ring...thicker rounded band, princess cut diamond. A family friend of my best friend is a jeweler, so I went to him to get her ring, told him what I want....and it wasn't an isse. Same exact style of the band and diamond at a fraction of the cost...like a third.

As far as matching, meh. She'll be getting a very thin channel set band as her wedding ring, I'll be getting something more modern made out of either titanium or tungsten. My take is that you two match, the rings are secondary.

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

My fiancee really liked the T&CO lucida solitaire engagement ring...thicker rounded band, princess cut diamond. A family friend of my best friend is a jeweler, so I went to him to get her ring, told him what I want....and it wasn't an isse. Same exact style of the band and diamond at a fraction of the cost...like a third.

As far as matching, meh. She'll be getting a very thin channel set band as her wedding ring, I'll be getting something more modern made out of either titanium or tungsten. My take is that you two match, the rings are secondary.

BF's take on the whole T&CO thing is that he got all of my jewelry from there, so this should be no different. I tried to fight this...I even told him that we could find a T&CO jeweler (someone that use to work for T&CO) and get the e-ring for a fraction of the cost. No go. He is dead set on T&CO. That was the first battle I lost.
The second battle I lost was the setting. I really liked the Lucida e-ring too. However, when I went to try it on...it wasn't right on my hand. BUT the classic setting was perfect. (For the record...I hate when he is right and I have my heart set on something else...there are a string of "I told you so's with this story...)
Anyway. All I wanted was a channel set band...Which until yesterday he was cool with and all of a sudden we have to match.

I will be definately pulling out that we already match the rings are secondary line...Good one! Hopefully, he'll see it that way...but I never really thought he would be that into rings...

 

[disprincessatheart]

For some reason a lot of guys are stuck on the matching set thing. My ering came with a matching band, so mine was set from the start. When it was time for his, he asked if his was supposed to match mine - which had diamonds across the top and along both sides, a bit much for a guy!! I let him know (maybe I had more credibility working in a jewelry store for a while) that they didn't have to match at all, in fact most people's don't match based on the couples I've sold rings to and repaired rings for. He was fine with that and picked out one that he liked. We did both get white gold, so they sort of coordinate, but that's just what we both liked, not a real plan.

Ok, so here's my suggestion. Take him to Tiffany and ask them if the rings need to match - since he's dead set on Tiffany (good for him btw) he should take it on their authority that they do not need to match, both the same metal is as much matching as most couples do. If you don't live near a tiffany, try a few other nice jewelry stores and ask them, most don't even sell match sets much anymore. This way it's not just your opinion.

 

[Ember]

Get something that makes you happy. For the rest of your life you can look at your rings and thing, "they're pretty, but not what I wanted." Or you can have your heart flutter a little because they're perfect.

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

For some reason a lot of guys are stuck on the matching set thing. My ering came with a matching band, so mine was set from the start. When it was time for his, he asked if his was supposed to match mine - which had diamonds across the top and along both sides, a bit much for a guy!! I let him know (maybe I had more credibility working in a jewelry store for a while) that they didn't have to match at all, in fact most people's don't match based on the couples I've sold rings to and repaired rings for. He was fine with that and picked out one that he liked. We did both get white gold, so they sort of coordinate, but that's just what we both liked, not a real plan.

Ok, so here's my suggestion. Take him to Tiffany and ask them if the rings need to match - since he's dead set on Tiffany (good for him btw) he should take it on their authority that they do not need to match, both the same metal is as much matching as most couples do. If you don't live near a tiffany, try a few other nice jewelry stores and ask them, most don't even sell match sets much anymore. This way it's not just your opinion.

OK love that idea...asking T&CO...they'll set him straight...I hope...Good stealth plan.

Get something that makes you happy. For the rest of your life you can look at your rings and thing, "they're pretty, but not what I wanted." Or you can have your heart flutter a little because they're perfect.

Exactly...I want my heart to flutter...good choice of words...

 

[IndyBride]

I think asking T&CO is a great idea. Just make sure they say it doesn't need to match!!!!! My DF and I are not getting matching rings, not even matching metals. Is that weird?? He likes the way tungsten looks and I want mine to match my ering. I say another way to comprimise is say okay, you want matching rings but we can't afford matching rings at T&CO. Why don't we look elsewhere. That might work. Maybe. Anyway- good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[cryssi]

Our rings don't match at all. My e-ring and wedding band are not a set and are completely different (although they are both platinum). DH's ring was titanium. I say *was* because he has already lost it. He never wore it anyway. We knew that would happen, so we got him the cheap ring and spent the big bucks on mine. Not complaining about that. LOL He's kind of anti-t&co b/c they are so pricey for what they are. You are buying the name. We'd rather spend the money to get better quality, size, etc. But that's JMO, of course. I know several people who must have t&co and only t&co.

That said, if your DF is dead set on t&co, I say go, look, and pick out the one YOU want. If he absolutely must have one that matches, then I suppose he will have to get it? I wouldn't compromise, since you have to wear it every day for the rest of your life. I guess he does, too, but weddings are all about the bride, anyway, so you should get what you want.

 

[WithDisneySpirit]

Our rings match but that is because it was not either of our first marriage and we did not get an e-ring for me before the wedding. We just went out and found matching rings that made both of us happy. Had I received an e-ring in the beginning, I would have no hesitation in holding my own to have something that I loved to match my e-ring first.

Funny enough, I looked for an e-ring that I would like with my wedding band

Good luck!!

 

[iggbees]

the engagement ring that i'll be getting some day (hopefully soon ) is an antique tiffany & co that once belonged to my grandma. i want one of those 5 stone diamond wedding bands. i don't think my boyfriend would want the same one as me in that case.

my band and ring won't even be from the same company, since tiffany is way too expensive for my blood (and a waste of money for me).

i say, do what you like. if he's getting ticked about them not matching, that's kind of a silly thing to get annoyed over. i don't think that most people match more than the type of metal.

 

[disprincessatheart]

I think asking T&CO is a great idea. Just make sure they say it doesn't need to match!!!!!

No worries there, they're in bigtime sales. You ask the question as - "I want a channel set diamond band, and DF wants us to have matching plain bands. Do you think they have to match?" They'll instantly say that yours should have diamonds!! $$

 

[Bouncy bounce]

Well I must say my ring is from walmart. It was the exact one I was looking for. I couldnt find anything within the budget my DF had. We live on our own so thats why money is tight. But I got a 1 caret ring and i only wanted 1/2 carat. I got the ring on clearence it was 50% off so it was $999. My wedding band is from JCPenneys and my DFs ring is from Whitehall since he wanted a celtic tungsten ring.

So we dont match. We both got what we wanted since we have to live with it the rest of our lives. Be happy having what you want on your finger if your DF wants a ring from not an upadee up store. So be it. But if you want one from a high end store... go get it. especially if you are paying for it.

 

[Ember]

Well I must say my ring is from walmart. It was the exact one I was looking for. I couldnt find anything within the budget my DF had. We live on our own so thats why money is tight. But I got a 1 caret ring and i only wanted 1/2 carat. I got the ring on clearence it was 50% off so it was $999. My wedding band is from JCPenneys and my DFs ring is from Whitehall since he wanted a celtic tungsten ring.

So we dont match. We both got what we wanted since we have to live with it the rest of our lives. Be happy having what you want on your finger if your DF wants a ring from not an upadee up store. So be it. But if you want one from a high end store... go get it. especially if you are paying for it.

I can see how this thread would make you feel bad, with the mentions of people only wanting T&Co. But I honestly don't believe anyone one meant to imply a ring from any other store wasn't as good. People on this board just aren't like that.

People hold up T&Co. as though the jewelry is obviously better because it comes from there. But that isn't the case. A large part of what is being paid for is the brand name. Which I have nothing against. But you do notice people enjoy mentioning that their rings is from Tiffany. I actually made the choice not to buy from T&Co. for my diamond because I wanted more diamond for my dollar. Anyone who would look down on someone because they're ring isn't huge, or expensive, or from Tiffany's is someone you don't want to talk to anyway. But as I said, I think in this case the ladies were just excited and didn't realize their words might be hurtful. This really is one of the nicest boards out there.