The "N"word..

[TuckandStuiesMom]

Race (and all its attendant complicated, messy baggage) IS the 2 ton elephant in America's livingroom.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I am Italian and French... I have to say when someone uses the slang for Italian, we all know the words and I know they are saying it in a derogatory way, it irks me. Also, the slang for French, that one does not bother me as much, because well it just does not. Maybe I am more sensitive to my Italian heritage and love that part of my etheticity and would not want to hear anyone slam it using slang. We do not use those slang words to describe ourselves either. But I did hear what Whoopie said, sometimes she is a bit rough on her delivery. Not sure what answer is but to me the N word is a not so nice word to use to describe African Americans in a demeaning way, but I cannot stop them from using it to talk to each other..

 

[starann]

With millions of words in the dictionary I can think of many more terms of endearment than the N word for a friend to say "Hey what's up".

PP said it right, if you talk ignorantly you will be treated that way. If you want respect, respect yourself enough to speak like an intelligent educated person. Many younger people now use the "B word" as a tearm of enderment among friends.....same idea, but still makes you sound like a fool! I do feel for those older AA men and women sitting there who have fought for the rights so many others of the same (and different) race take for granted now, who have to listen to a word that was so hurtful to them now be used as a term of "Hey what's up my friend"

I could keep going, but I won't...cause it won't solve a thing

 

[cdog12]

With millions of words in the dictionary I can think of many more terms of endearment than the N word for a friend to say "Hey what's up".

PP said it right, if you talk ignorantly you will be treated that way. If you want respect, respect yourself enough to speak like an intelligent educated person. Many younger people now use the term B#tch as a term of enderment among friends.....same idea, but still makes you sound like a fool! I do feel for those older AA men and women sitting there who have fought for the rights so many others of the same (and different) race take for granted now, who have to listen to a word that was so hurtful to them now be used as a term of "Hey what's up my friend"

I could keep going, but I won't...cause it won't solve a thing

this is one of the reasons i second guess myself on posting here


how is taking it for granted ? i would like to know please

 

[mykidsintow]

I think Bill Cosby also has some thoughts on slang and using the N word. He thinks is unacceptable. He also believes the whole speak like an idiot, be treated like one. I agree with that 100%.

I will also say we now use "african american". When we were in DC metro (we lived there 6 yrs) and doing foster care, we were in foster parenting classes. It was a fairly mixed race group. About 1/2 of the blacks in the room had a problem with "African American". One said "I am not from africa. My family is not from africa. Why do people have to assume I am "african" just because I am black!" We agreed in that class we would use "black". The black speaker was talking about racial issues and wanted to bring up that point to show the broad range.

In our house we say "brown" and "light skinned". My son says he is not black and I am not white, he will show you the colors and compare them to your skin to prove you wrong, if you wish to challange him .

 

[OrlandoMike]

Beth,

Your kids crack me up!

Your doing a great job!

 

[DesigningMouse]

Corey's sister, Joelle, was once married to an African American. They had two kids that both have the pigmentation of their father. Both of these kids use the N word. I cringe everytime they drop it and they drop it all of the time. I hate to hear the word. I realize that among people of color, it has a very different meaning, but in my head, it's meaning is wrapped in hate and it makes me horribly uncomfortable. I wish that it could be wiped from our vocabulary forever.

To any intelligent rational person it is a hateful ugly word that should never be used BY ANYONE!!! It's ignorant and does nothing but illuminate the ignorance of the individual who lets it flow freely from their mouth!

This is a GREAT thread! I was really hoping an African American would find their way here and put up a post. THANK YOU cdog12!

There are so many things wrong w/that statement that I just can't even begin to go through them all so I will summarize by saying that cdog12's opinion is sadly his opinion and he's not actually an "official spokesperson" for black people. I don't use the word, no one in my family uses the word, I will not listen to music that celebrates that word and I will not have anything to do w/anyone who uses that word. It is an ugly word and it is very important that that fact is remembered otherwise the history of what so many people of all races fought for is trivialized because "it's just a word". It's more than just a word, it's hate.

Who knows -- maybe we REALLY ARE moving past the whole "we/they" thing. Wouldn't that be a totally awesome incredible thing?!?!

 

[MonorailMan]

I think African Americans tried to "take the word back" to give it new meaning, and to try and let everyone know that things can change if we work for it. The word was taken from its original negative context and (tried to be) used in a much more positive, empowering type of way. The idea seems good on paper, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Unfortunately, there are still lots of people out there who don't understand that and tend to misuse the word (in pop music, etc.) which still gives it negative intent.

If you want my opinion, I'd try to get rid of the word for a couple reasons:

--There are still tons of people who don't understand the intent of the word when it's being used, and HOW it's being used, which causes a lot of hard feelings and confusion. Drama.

--African Americans want to be considered equal in society.....but this word is acting like a brick wall which is preventing some people from seeing them as equal. A lot of people don't understand the "We can say the word....but you can't" ordeal. Much in the same way gay people use the word "F--". The words aren't helping anybody....and for some people it's just a reminder of their original intent and context, which just slows down the acceptance of equality.

I say get rid of the words and push forward. It's the only way I can see a chance for improvement.

*steps off soapbox*

 

[OrlandoMike]

Personally....

I don't think the words will ever go away.

I am leaning towards the take ownership angle.

I listened to a radio show today, it seems to be a generational thing too.

 

[wallyb]

In our house we say "brown" and "light skinned". My son says he is not black and I am not white, he will show you the colors and compare them to your skin to prove you wrong, if you wish to challange him .

Love this!
So cute ... And makes you so hopeful for the future.

 

[Viki]

I am white. My husband is white. We have three sons who are black and were all adopted as infants. My boys have never, ever, in their whole lives, heard either of us utter that word. And all three of them use it. My boys are 30, 28, and 19.

This is our situation too. As two white moms of AA kids we've never said the word and never would.

That said I certainly hear that AA folk use the word as a way of claiming it as their own, depriving it of the power to hurt them when uttered by others.

 

[Viki]

I

In our house we say "brown" and "light skinned". My son says he is not black and I am not white, he will show you the colors and compare them to your skin to prove you wrong, if you wish to challange him .

I hear you, our AA kids use to call us "pink."

 

[DVCajun]

So if ALL black people had this idea then it would be an ok word!

However, on the video Whoopie or the oher chic clearly states to Elizabeth "I DON'T want to hear that word out of YOUR mouth." Well you are her friend, why not?

Why is it ok for you to use it and not for Elizabeth to use it, if she is your friend. Its a double standard and wrong, in my not-so-humble-opinion.

Can anyone answer the question addressed by mykidsintow? This is my issue as well. As a white woman with a black child, I have to say that my exposure to the black community hasn't been particularly pleasant -- I've felt rejected because I'm *white.* I'm not naive enough to believe there are no racist white people, but I have to say, as a white person who is most definitely not racist (I have a black child and a black partner), I have felt overt racism directed at me from blacks, and not on an occasional basis. It has been an overwhelming experience. I had my black child in a primarily black preschool, and I got so much attitude from the black mothers there (and the preschool workers) it was unbelievable. I have to say that my opinion of the race issue in America has been altered.

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

To any intelligent rational person it is a hateful ugly word that should never be used BY ANYONE!!! It's ignorant and does nothing but illuminate the ignorance of the individual who lets it flow freely from their mouth!

There are so many things wrong w/that statement that I just can't even begin to go through them all so I will summarize by saying that cdog12's opinion is sadly his opinion and he's not actually an "official spokesperson" for black people. I don't use the word, no one in my family uses the word, I will not listen to music that celebrates that word and I will not have anything to do w/anyone who uses that word. It is an ugly word and it is very important that that fact is remembered otherwise the history of what so many people of all races fought for is trivialized because "it's just a word". It's more than just a word, it's hate.

Holy Smokes, Lisa! I don't think I said anywhere that cdog12 is an "official spokesman" for black people. He was expressing his views -- that's all.
Do you really mean that "you would not have anything to do w/anyone who uses that word"? If so, does that mean you are not interested in what Dick Gregory, Cornel West, Mark Twain, Muhammad Ali, or Flannery O’Connor might have to say on the subject of race?

Without a doubt, the N-word is a hot button topic -- but until our national dialog on race begins to shed light instead of heat, we're not going to get past that.

 

[DesigningMouse]

Can anyone answer the question addressed by mykidsintow? This is my issue as well. As a white woman with a black child, I have to say that my exposure to the black community hasn't been particularly pleasant -- I've felt rejected because I'm *white.* I'm not naive enough to believe there are no racist white people, but I have to say, as a white person who is most definitely not racist (I have a black child and a black partner), I have felt overt racism directed at me from blacks, and not on an occasional basis. It has been an overwhelming experience. I had my black child in a primarily black preschool, and I got so much attitude from the black mothers there (and the preschool workers) it was unbelievable. I have to say that my opinion of the race issue in America has been altered.

That's not only unfortunate but sad because all they are doing is allowing the racial gap to continue to grow. Not all people of any race are the same. I'm sorry they treated you that way but it certainly sounds unjustified. Perhaps because I grew up and still live in the suburbs we don't see alot of the ugly behavior first hand that people can exhibit.

Holy Smokes, Lisa! I don't think I said anywhere that cdog12 is an "official spokesman" for black people. He was expressing his views -- that's all.
Do you really mean that "you would not have anything to do w/anyone who uses that word"? If so, does that mean you are not interested in what Dick Gregory, Cornel West, Mark Twain, Muhammad Ali, or Flannery O’Connor might have to say on the subject of race?

Without a doubt, the N-word is a hot button topic -- but until our national dialog on race begins to shed light instead of heat, we're not going to get past that.

TuckandStuiesMom I was referring to family, friends, neighbors, strangers, etc. If I'm in the presence of someone that uses that word after I tell them how offensive it is I will remove myself from the situation.

 

[SanFranciscan]

Can anyone answer the question addressed by mykidsintow? This is my issue as well. As a white woman with a black child, I have to say that my exposure to the black community hasn't been particularly pleasant -- I've felt rejected because I'm *white.* I'm not naive enough to believe there are no racist white people, but I have to say, as a white person who is most definitely not racist (I have a black child and a black partner), I have felt overt racism directed at me from blacks, and not on an occasional basis. It has been an overwhelming experience. I had my black child in a primarily black preschool, and I got so much attitude from the black mothers there (and the preschool workers) it was unbelievable. I have to say that my opinion of the race issue in America has been altered.

Of course there are racist European Americans. I am one of them. Does this mean that I am a malicious person who lies awake at night plotting against other races? No, of course not. It means that I have the good sense to remember that different races evolved in different environments so naturally there will be racial differences. I am a complete believer in equal opportunity, but that is not the same as equal outcome.

For example, if I were to take the same test as the men on Disboards and that test contained a lot of space perception questions, the men would score much higher than me on average. Does that mean that the test is unfair to me because I am a female? No, it means that biology is unfair. Yet we are required to believe that white wickedness is the only possible explanation for black failure, even when the highest scores are going to Southeast Asians, and even if the test is given in English while the highest scores are going to people whose primary language is an Asian dialect.

I really do believe that it is liberals who do the most harm to black people because they promote the view that European Americans are magical people who could solve black people's problems if we really wanted to. Wow! If we had that kind of power we would without question be the master race! DVCajun, I guarantee you that the black preschool mothers who are hostile to you solely due to your race have bought into that mentality. Victumhood is empowerment to them so recovery is the enemy.

 

[AngelOn9]

Here's my take on it...

I am a half black/half white(you would never think I was half white to SEE me) woman with a white partner. I major in Sociology and have taken many courses that discuss Race in America-just some background info.

My entire life I've felt divided down this line of being with blacks and being with whites...in terms of socially at school or at play.

Now at 28 I have come to realize that I am who I am point blank and despite the fact that I COULD use this word...I won't nor will I raise my future children to think it's okay.

I understand and have debated with others black and white that it's taking the power of the word away and so on and so forth...I get that...I do. I've been called an "N" by whites or for that matter hispanics and I know how completely horrific the origins are and how it made me feel.

Even so...the word is devisive and I can't be for anything that divides us as people. They way I see it...what's wrong with calling one another "brotha" and "sista" like "we" did so much in the 70's and 80's?? I'd rather say "My brotha!" then "My n*$$#!" ANY day...to me that's much more inclusive, its showing love for other blacks just as much if not more then "My n*$$#" and I would never have to worry about my kids or anyone else's being confused and/or offended by it.

The "N" word belongs in the past along with all the other many variations of it and all the other hate originated words. In order to move past it...I've decided to keep it in it's rightful place...history. Its a word that doesn't belong any longer and its time for us ALL to move PAST it.

 

[mykidsintow]

Can anyone answer the question addressed by mykidsintow? This is my issue as well. As a white woman with a black child, I have to say that my exposure to the black community hasn't been particularly pleasant -- I've felt rejected because I'm *white.* I'm not naive enough to believe there are no racist white people, but I have to say, as a white person who is most definitely not racist (I have a black child and a black partner), I have felt overt racism directed at me from blacks, and not on an occasional basis. It has been an overwhelming experience. I had my black child in a primarily black preschool, and I got so much attitude from the black mothers there (and the preschool workers) it was unbelievable. I have to say that my opinion of the race issue in America has been altered.

I can honestly say that I have had very little racist experiences as a mom with a mixed family. The one time that sticks out in my mind was in Maryland in a Circuit City. I had to return light for our new video camera and Jared was just a baby. The cashier was staring and being nasty.
I said "Can I help you with something"
"It just aint right!"
"Excuse me?"
"I don't see why your people gotta go mixin with my people! Why can't you find your own white man!"
Obviously she wrongly assumed my baby was mixed and my husband/partner was black. I was ANGRY! She was working and that was completely out of line. Of course you all have learned enough about me now to know I am not one to stand by quietly... I said.
"Well if YOUR PEOPLE would have taken care of him in the first place then I don't guess MY PEOPLE would have hd the opportunity to adopt him, huh?"
She huffed off.... I got the manager and had her fired on the spot. I was MAD!

Honestly that is one of my only bad experiences. It wasn't fun experience in Suitland Maryland... where I was the only white person anywhere around. However, I was use to being in that area.... it had the potential to be ugly, but I was not going to stand by and accept her smart mouth.

We now live in KY. We have been here for 3 yrs. We are in a rural area and of course being of color (any color) is minority where we live. We are in a small community where one of the first places for black to join the war was, one of the first black schools in the us. The heritage runs deep. Our little "rural pocket" is mixed about 50/50. Our next door neighbors have lived here their entire lives, all of their family is around this area (a son behind us, their daughter down the street). They seem to be the "leaders" of the black community. They have fully embraced us. They had questions at first, but they were quickly accepting. Our kids are the age of their great grandchildren. She is often coming over for us to sample some recipe she tried (man she can cook!) and bringing my children christmas ornaments. My kids love to take peahes and apples from the trees in their yard and my husband is often helping him do some project around the house. I can say we are very blessed and fully accepted on both sides of the racial fence in our area. I am not sure many are that lucky and it is really AWSOME to have my kids accepted by everyone around us!

I am very sorry you feel that you aren't accepted where you live. I am sorry you feel tht rejection. I can't imagine that feeling for me, but even more for my children. Oh and for the record, I asked my awsome neighbors about the "n" word. I told them I was discussing it with friends. He said (think very old slow moving black man "When you talk like an idiot, don't be upset when you are treated like one. That word had better not be spoken by anyone of our childen, grandchildren or great grandchildren. We have higher standards than that!" That was his take.... and I agree!

 

[inkkognito]

This is a very interesting thread! I don't use the N word and none of my African American friends, either in FL or Chicago, use it (at least not around me). I think I dislike it because my mother was extremely racist and used it constantly, and I just can't stand people like that so it gave me a real aversion to it.

But it's interesting to compare it to words like queer or the f word because it reminds me of something I've run into when doing therapy with clients who are just coming out. As an example, one lesbian woman was so uncomfortable with the L word at first that that's how we had to start out...referring to her as an "L." I encouraged her to start using it as much as possible to get desensitized, and it was amazing to see how that did indeed happen as she was able to accept and embrace her sexuality. Now she uses it proudly and we joke about how she used to barely be able to say it once upon a time. We give power to words...they don't have it unless we give it.

 

[DVCajun]

I am very sorry you feel that you aren't accepted where you live. I am sorry you feel tht rejection.

Thank you for your comments, but you know, rejection hasn't been my overwhelming experience. I was prepared for remarks similar to what was made to you by that cashier. I actually carried the business card of the adoption agency where my baby was adopted in my pocket for quite some time ..... my plan was to whip that out with a flourish if comments were made that my son (and other black babies) should be adopted by a black family instead of a white family. The adoption agency would be *thrilled* to have them as an adoptive family, I'm sure!

My experiences in the 'burbs has been great, from both blacks and whites. But in a more "inner city" environment, the attitude is apparent. Not voiced, but definitely apparent.

I have to say that my naivety has been rudely brought into reality. I was once of the opinion that the race issue in America was purely the fault of white people. I know that at one time that was definitely the case, but no longer. I know that racist white people exist, but they're the minority now -- the biggest racists I know now are .... black.

Which makes me very sad.