First off Grammy, sorry I didn't get to this first. I sort of fell behind here over the weekend.
Grammyof2 said:
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Some of you might remember that we had to cancel our December 2005 25th anniversary trip due to the fact that my DH had a massive stroke on Nov 21st. It was a life changing event that I really havent dealt with yet. He is basically OK but since he had a frontal lobe bleed he does have serious memory problems and tends to be emotional and say things without really thinking.
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LY/MI guys.
Oh Grammy I am so sorry. People can be so hurtful when they speak without thinking of anyone but themselves. Please feel free to vent anytime you like. I hope your friends realize what they said hurt you, you should tell them. I bet they didn't mean to. I think it is very hard for outsiders to understand the sort of loss a spouse goes through in situations like this. I am not sure if it helps or not to know others have gone through something akin to what you are dealing with. I hope it will, so I will share some of my experiances with you.
I sort of have a glimpse of what you are going through, in two ways. First of all my father had a massive stroke when I was 17. His was in his speech center, for the most part. That was 20 years ago now. He is still going strong, but he never regained much speech. He can read some, and understands everything spoken, but has very limited ability to get words out. On top of that the kind of words that get people banned around here are handled in another part of the brain, so for years those words came out a lot of the time. We were teens and thought it was funny, but it was very frustrating for him.
He also had short term memory issues, although those cleared up for the most part (and he has become very good at covering) and huge personality changes. He would blow up and get very angry very quickly, or he would be sullen and depressed for weeks. He was very emotional, too. That was the hardest on my Mom. The good news on that front is that those things went away over time. It took years, maybe 5 or 6, but he went back to his old personality about 85%. He is still a little more prone to anger which they tell us is due to some of the damage, but under it all, if I really think about it, he is the same man. That thought has always been a comfort to me.
One of the saddest things for me is he never got back his math skills. He worked in theoretical mathematics and aeronautical (sp?) engineering. He was part of the think tank that invented the math behind high speed flight simulation. He trained astronauts and helped design many of NASAs space craft. He helped design the Stealth fighter and many other military planes. But the funny thing is, even though that all seemed like so much of who he was back then, I have learned that really it wasn't at all. Because of my father I have met a lot of stroke victims, and I have seen so many times that the soul of the person still shines through and remains unchanged. I am sure you know what I am talking about here, or will after more time has passed. Other people might not see it, but some of us will.
The second way I can relate to your post is that we are dealing with short term memory issues here in the Silly household right now. I have not posted this yet because I wasn't sure how to say it, I have a trip report of our spring break in the works but it is hard to write. In short Steve (Mr. Silly) had two Grand-mal seizures over spring break. And I can tell you that I have never been so scared in my life. He has no history of this, it was the first and I hope only time.
I thought he had had a stroke, or had a tumor. Turns out neither of those things were the cause, so I feel very blessed. But the seizures messed up his short term memory and the medication they put him on has made it worse.
Sometimes it drives me crazy. In some ways it is like having another child in the house, always needing me to remind them to do things and keep track of the many appointments. Having to answer the same question over and over again, and trying not to make a big deal of it, because I know it is hard on him too. He is such an independant man. He always took care of me. It is really hard for him. We are learning to adapt. But I very much understand the little things that add up to a huge thing with the short term memory problems. So
LY/MI
For us, we hope, this is a short term problem. As of right now it does not appear to be a major health problem, and we are going to try going with out the med.s next month because he hates the way they make him feel. The doctors tell us that about 50% of the time they never find a cause for the seizures and that is good news because all the causes are pretty horrible.
They also tell us that a good 20%+ of people who have one seizure episode with no direct cause never have one again. So we are aiming to be in that group. The biggest problem we are facing right now is that he can not drive for the next 6 months, and if he has another episope then he really should not ever drive. Mrs. Silly does not like to drive. But we count our blessings, because they are many, and things could be so much worse.
My last thought about strokes, is that over the 20 years I have watched my father recover I have found that he always improves. There is no outer limit or time cut off for this. Many doctors said there was, and they are just plain wrong. The brain is an amazing thing and it does heal, slowly and maybe not perfectly, but it does. So do not let anyone get tell you that where he is now is as good as it gets.
Wow, well I didn't come on here today thinking I would talk about this.
My big news is that we (I) decided (harassed Mr. Silly until he agreed) to go back to WDW this fall! Yipee.
And in a funny way it is related to Steve's seizures because we will not go on our annual road trip to California this summer (because there is no way I can do that drive). So I will spend that budget on the WDW trip... (yeah we could have flown to California and still gone, but I would rather go to WDW
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Grammy I hope you have a good week. Give the Mr a hug from me. And please come vent here when ever you feel like it. LY/MI
hehe)
