"The Locator".. Adoption question..

[honugirl]

I think that birth parents should be required to update their health history and forward it to the adoptee every 5 years or less if a significant health issue comes up. My birth parents were very young when they gave me up, so young that most major health issues wouldn't have come up yet. What good does a health history from 30 years ago do me when they were teenagers? I was 25 before my health problem really began to rear it's ugly head and almost 31 when they made the diagnosis.

 

[dolcezena]

I think the childs rights totally trump the birthparents - they lost their rights when they did what they did and all records should be open so adoptees can be able to get potentially life saving medical info and know where they came from.

I have to say, it took me a while to respond to this, because I really had to think about my reaction. First of all, I'm glad you felt positively about what I had originally posted.

BUT, what you posted afterwards ripped my heart out. As I said, we chose an open adoption (Currently, there is no contact - they have their lives, I have mine.) Your statement that "they did what they did" implies birthparents choose adoption as some form of punishment for the child, or some form of rejection of that child.

I have NEVER in my life had to make a harder decision than that placement. Through the whole process, I was constantly questioning my decision & my motives. Was I just being selfish? Was I lazy? Plenty of people "do the right thing" & get married - was I wrong to actually want a relationship that involved love & caring, more than a sense of duty & obligation? Worst of all, would the child grow to hate me, or would he someday understand?

All those anxieties & questions disappeared the first SECOND I held him in my arms & saw him. I KNEW that this child DESERVED every opportunity to live his life to the utmost & explore every possibility....& I had to face the reality that I wasn't the one that could provide that for him. So, he has parents that not only know my motives, but who cherish him as their miracle.

I'm deeply sorry you feel the way you do about birthparents, but quite frankly, you're judging their motives, rights & decisions far too harshly, & somewhat selfishly.

And while I believe medical records/family histories should be made available to adoptive parents (as they are where I live, open or closed adoption), I have to point out that there are plenty of people out there who don't have a clue about family medical history who WEREN'T adopted. Records do get lost, forgotten, & sometimes information just isn't passed on.

 

[Stitchfans]

I think that birth parents should be required to update their health history and forward it to the adoptee every 5 years or less if a significant health issue comes up. My birth parents were very young when they gave me up, so young that most major health issues wouldn't have come up yet. What good does a health history from 30 years ago do me when they were teenagers? I was 25 before my health problem really began to rear it's ugly head and almost 31 when they made the diagnosis.

Excellent point. I agree 100%.

 

[jrmasm]

A national registry that is highly publicized so that birth parents and adult adoptees over 21 are aware of it's availability. Both or either party will have the ability to obtain Non-identifying info about the other party by registering. Either party can opt out of contact.

There will be conditions- birth parents will have to choose to opt out of contact every year. The first time they do this- they will have to provide up to date medical info and a written note explaining why the adoption placement was chosen. Every year afterward they will just have to send notification that they want to continue to opt out of contact. If it expires or they chose not to opt out- then the adoptee will be able to search and contact them outside the registry without legal ramifications.

Is this registry that you are proposing optional or required (by US or state law) as part of the adoption process?

 

[jen0610]

As an adoptee, for years it has always rubbed me the wrong way that I know NOTHING about my medical history. It has become an even bigger issue with me, since having kids.

Both DH and I are adopted. Of the 4 parental medical histories, we only know the side of 1 family, and this is because of his screwed up side of the family. And it's not a good picture.

My records are sealed. Mine is one of those good old Susie went to stay with some unknown family member, while she was actually living out of state, waiting to give birth in a hospital for unwedded women, lets be ashamed adoptions. I can have my records opened, but the agency that I was adopted through, which is now called Cathalic Charities, is a joke in their requirements.

Just to get medical records, it'll cost me $300.00 for them to locate and pull the records. But prior to locating, pulling, and releasing them to me, they require a letter from me on why I want the records. As well as filling out this questioner, about my life. A letter from adoptive parents stating that I have their consent and blessings to optain this information. Ten letters from friends and other family members, to show support for my getting this info. Then, there is an additional fee to have the records copied.

To get the whole ball of wax records. $500.00, just to locate and pull. The same questioner, and letters from me, parents and friends and family, but increase that number to 20. Then they also require that I go through a physic review, at my cost, to verify that I truely am a stable person. And don't forget the coping fees.

And the biggest kicker of them all, you can request the information packet to get started on the process, but once you submit the request, you have to work through their attorney system or hire your own, incurring additional costs.

Needless to say, neither I nor my brother, have gotten our info. We are both FIRM believers that we should not have to pay to know our medial histories, no matter how much or little is in the file. That should be given to any Adoptee that comes requesting it. I can understand there being a coping fee, but anthing else is unacceptable.

 

[dolcezena]

As an adoptee, for years it has always rubbed me the wrong way that I know NOTHING about my medical history. It has become an even bigger issue with me, since having kids.

Both DH and I are adopted. Of the 4 parental medical histories, we only know the side of 1 family, and this is because of his screwed up side of the family. And it's not a good picture.

My records are sealed. Mine is one of those good old Susie went to stay with some unknown family member, while she was actually living out of state, waiting to give birth in a hospital for unwedded women, lets be ashamed adoptions. I can have my records opened, but the agency that I was adopted through, which is now called Cathalic Charities, is a joke in their requirements.

Just to get medical records, it'll cost me $300.00 for them to locate and pull the records. But prior to locating, pulling, and releasing them to me, they require a letter from me on why I want the records. As well as filling out this questioner, about my life. A letter from adoptive parents stating that I have their consent and blessings to optain this information. Ten letters from friends and other family members, to show support for my getting this info. Then, there is an additional fee to have the records copied.

To get the whole ball of wax records. $500.00, just to locate and pull. The same questioner, and letters from me, parents and friends and family, but increase that number to 20. Then they also require that I go through a physic review, at my cost, to verify that I truely am a stable person. And don't forget the coping fees.

And the biggest kicker of them all, you can request the information packet to get started on the process, but once you submit the request, you have to work through their attorney system or hire your own, incurring additional costs.

Needless to say, neither I nor my brother, have gotten our info. We are both FIRM believers that we should not have to pay to know our medial histories, no matter how much or little is in the file. That should be given to any Adoptee that comes requesting it. I can understand there being a coping fee, but anthing else is unacceptable.

That is so horrible, I'm practically speechless!

It also reinforces my belief that there should be no such thing as a "for-profit" adoption agency!! Here, it is against the law to charge anything beyond legal fees (ie-filing the notice of adoption), nor can the birthmother receive any sort of compensation - I can't even accept a birthday card from the couple who adopted the child I placed! (Legally, that is ) Of course, we have free health care, so that makes the lack of compensation acceptable...