The budget in me is screaming...

[smiths02]

I'll be a bit of a dissenter.

I totally understand the people who would drain their bank account for one more day with a loved one, but this isn't about one more day with a loved one. This is about one more day at Disney or on a cruise.

My mom has training as a nurse assistant. Even so, I could not imagine if we tried to take my grandmother on a cruise when she was dying of cancer. If bones are broken, etc., there are problems like showering, toileting, mobility. Not to mention if something really bad happens (we dealt with a near diabetic coma and a stroke) or even if something kind of bad happens (a new broken bone).

While a family trip sounds nice, the stress of a trip that some can't afford with a person who is probably not going to be medically able to go (or enjoy) doesn't sound like a good trip. Perhaps something more local can be planned?

 

[NewRVLady]

Hi you guys I'm reading through the replies and I appreciate all of your advice. Yesterday me and my brother went through all of the options ...amtrak...bus...rental car etc. He doesn't want to drive. He says its too long. I don't know I still have some time left to convince him. He may just bite the bullet and pay for the Amtrak which will be around $1800 for all of us.

My mom went to the er last night. She's in so much pain. They took new xrays and the cancer is now all over her lower body. Her arm is already broken and so is her collarbone so this is even more upsetting. She's in so much pain she's talking about suicide .

I'm so upset because I took a disney cruise with her last year when she was healthy but I was so mad at her that I treated her like crap and made the whole trip miserable now I can't get a repeat . She deserved my disdain at the time but now I just wish I could start all over. I was so mean to her on that trip. I wouldn't eat breakfast with her and I abandoned her in Nassau. I didn't tell her the dining times in hopes she wouldn't show up. I just really hated her at the time.

Financially I can't afford such a high priced last minute vacation. My brother can...but I can't. I told him ill pay as much as I can towards the trip like $700 towards transportation and a motel stay.

Sent from my SPH-M930BST using DISBoards

Well-there is no way you can do Disney or a cruise with her in this condition
so sorry

 

[Pigeon]

It sounds like your mom is in pretty rough shape already. Chances are good that she's going to be in worse shape going forward.

This trip sounds like a terrible idea to me. She's in a lot of pain, and she's pretty fragile with the broken bones. Going to overcrowded theme parks sounds like a nightmare to me if she's in that condition. And she shouldn't be on a cruise, either. That's not fair to the medical staff on the cruise ship, and it may well violate the cruise line's policies anyway. Hopefully, your brother will recognize this after her recent trip to the ER.

I'm sorry you are going through this. My mom died from cancer and I know how rough it is. Try not to beat yourself up about your last cruise with her. Focus on spending good time with her while you can and maybe doing something low key and local if she's up for that.

 

[crisi]

Now that others have said it, to me it doesn't sound like your mother will be able to travel either. I lost my brother in law two years ago to cancer two year ago.

Even if you consult, you probably won't get much of a straight answer from the doctors - oncologists are sort of lousy at this part.

At the constant pain stage we tried to do home nursing with him - he ended up hospitalized - it would take him 45 minutes to use the toilet - and someone needed to be right there because he might fall.

Its three months until Christmas and it isn't going to get better for your mother.

I'm very sorry you are going through this. Enjoy the time you do have - even if that isn't doing the things you'd like to get a redo on.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Ok, whatever I said before forget it. I have a new perspective on this. We just lost my MIL on Friday. Even if we had been able to squeeze in a vacation with her 2 or 3 months ago, that's not where the memories are. You already have precious memories.
We were asked if we wanted to send some copies of pictures to be cremated with my MIL so I looked on my computer and didn't find nearly as much as I expected. So I dug deeper. I dragged out our wedding album & box of spare pictures. (Our 19th anniversary is on Wed.)
Dh dancing with his mom.
My MIL & FIL all dressed up and looking so young and vibrant; happy for us.
Today I plan to go through our kids early childhood photo albums which are all pre-digital. I spent hours scanning old pics onto my computer yesterday and will do more today. My SIL who was FT caretaker to my MIL loved the pics I gave her. It's only been 3 days and I'm finding so many memories I had forgotten all about.
We also still have a message she left on our answering machine from around 2 weeks ago. I'm trying to save it but I'm afraid it may be accidentally deleted.


Just be with your mom now and do what you can to make her happy & comfortable. Unless she is pain-free and really going to be enjoying herself, I wouldn't plan a trip for her to take. I'm sorry you're going through all of this.

 

[crisi]

Ok, whatever I said before forget it. I have a new perspective on this. We just lost my MIL on Friday.

I'm sorry about your mother in law.

My husband insisted that my brother in law would be healthy enough to travel with us in August. He passed in early June - three months before the trip - and was in the hospital all of May. We didn't get in that trip - but those weren't the memories we needed of him. We needed other memories - and what we really needed was other people's memories. We wanted them to say "oh, I did this with Mike and this happened and it was really funny."

May you revisit wonderful memories, and learn new stories as you go through this incredibly difficult time.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I'm sorry about your mother in law.

My husband insisted that my brother in law would be healthy enough to travel with us in August. He passed in early June - three months before the trip - and was in the hospital all of May. We didn't get in that trip - but those weren't the memories we needed of him. We needed other memories - and what we really needed was other people's memories. We wanted them to say "oh, I did this with Mike and this happened and it was really funny."

May you revisit wonderful memories, and learn new stories as you go through this incredibly difficult time.

Thanks. This is so true.

 

[MomToOne]

Ok, whatever I said before forget it. I have a new perspective on this. We just lost my MIL on Friday. Even if we had been able to squeeze in a vacation with her 2 or 3 months ago, that's not where the memories are. You already have precious memories.
We were asked if we wanted to send some copies of pictures to be cremated with my MIL so I looked on my computer and didn't find nearly as much as I expected. So I dug deeper. I dragged out our wedding album & box of spare pictures. (Our 19th anniversary is on Wed.)
Dh dancing with his mom.
My MIL & FIL all dressed up and looking so young and vibrant; happy for us.
Today I plan to go through our kids early childhood photo albums which are all pre-digital. I spent hours scanning old pics onto my computer yesterday and will do more today. My SIL who was FT caretaker to my MIL loved the pics I gave her. It's only been 3 days and I'm finding so many memories I had forgotten all about.
We also still have a message she left on our answering machine from around 2 weeks ago. I'm trying to save it but I'm afraid it may be accidentally deleted.


Just be with your mom now and do what you can to make her happy & comfortable. Unless she is pain-free and really going to be enjoying herself, I wouldn't plan a trip for her to take. I'm sorry you're going through all of this.

When my father died, I made a slide show set to music of pictures of him throughout his life. Everything from his first communion picture, to pictures of him in the Navy, to pictures of my parents when they were dating, to pictures with all of us as young kids, then at our weddings and finally with the grand kids. Finding all of those pictures took digging through cabinets at my parent's house, asking relatives what they had, and getting all of my siblings to dig through their photos. Getting all of those pictures together, scanning them, editing the slideshow, picking the music - all of it was my way of grieving. When the slideshow was shown at the memorial service, there were tears, but also lots of laughter. And it sparked a lot of "remember this..." type conversations. It was what my father wanted most - not sadness that he passed, but a rememberance of all that he had accomplished in his 80+ years.

In a side story, I struggled at one point with what the final pictures should be. I just couldn't find one from near the end that was dignified, but still him at that stage. Then I looked at the pictures I had on my camera, from Christmas 5 months earlier. I thought I had offloaded them to the computer, but I guess I hadn't. On there, as the last picture I took that Christmas, was one of my father, sitting straight and quiet in a chair in a bright yellow room next to some flowers at my brother's house, looking content. It was perfect. To this day, I think he put that picture there

I go back and watch that slideshow whenever I miss him. I love seeing his life over again. I can't explain it, but I feel connected to him whenever I do

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

When my father died, I made a slide show set to music of pictures of him throughout his life. Everything from his first communion picture, to pictures of him in the Navy, to pictures of my parents when they were dating, to pictures with all of us as young kids, then at our weddings and finally with the grand kids. Finding all of those pictures took digging through cabinets at my parent's house, asking relatives what they had, and getting all of my siblings to dig through their photos. Getting all of those pictures together, scanning them, editing the slideshow, picking the music - all of it was my way of grieving. When the slideshow was shown at the memorial service, there were tears, but also lots of laughter. And it sparked a lot of "remember this..." type conversations. It was what my father wanted most - not sadness that he passed, but a rememberance of all that he had accomplished in his 80+ years.

In a side story, I struggled at one point with what the final pictures should be. I just couldn't find one from near the end that was dignified, but still him at that stage. Then I looked at the pictures I had on my camera, from Christmas 5 months earlier. I thought I had offloaded them to the computer, but I guess I hadn't. On there, as the last picture I took that Christmas, was one of my father, sitting straight and quiet in a chair in a bright yellow room next to some flowers at my brother's house, looking content. It was perfect. To this day, I think he put that picture there

I go back and watch that slideshow whenever I miss him. I love seeing his life over again. I can't explain it, but I feel connected to him whenever I do

This is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Jaya]

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to be blunt here. Taking a person with terminal cancer (who is already in so much pain in October that she talks about suicide) on a cruise and Disney trip in December (when the cancer and pain will only be worse) borders on elder abuse.

I'm going to put aside your whining about how much it is going to cost YOU and how YOU'RE not going to have fun because it will be so crowded and how YOU might not be able to swim and, instead, ask your brother WHAT THE HECK WAS HE THINKING? If the whole idea was to have last good memories of being with your mother, what are those memories going to be? A sick woman being subjected to long lines, crowds, unfamiliar circumstances, or questionable medical care (What if the medical care on the boat isn't sufficient for her needs and has to be taken off the ship in the Bahamas? What if she has to be airlifted? What arrangements will you have to make to get her home if her condition worsens to the extent she can't be moved except by air ambulance? What if she CAN'T be brought home?) will not be the memories you want.

Make some "last memories" closer to home. Go to a great Christmas show. Gather the family around. Take pictures. Drive around to look at the Christmas lights. Check into a nice hotel for pampering. The possibilities are endless.

 

[kymom99]

I have to agree with the last post. My mom died from cancer. She lasted 5 months from the time of diagnosis with chemo treatments. The last couple of months she fell several times and she became irritable and uncomfortable. She was not herself. I cannot imagine taking her on a trip. My mom was barely able to go for lunch a few times during her illness. You also need to consider the fact that people on chemo are at high risk for infection. Think long and hard about this.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Hi you guys I'm reading through the replies and I appreciate all of your advice. Yesterday me and my brother went through all of the options ...amtrak...bus...rental car etc. He doesn't want to drive. He says its too long. I don't know I still have some time left to convince him. He may just bite the bullet and pay for the Amtrak which will be around $1800 for all of us.

My mom went to the er last night. She's in so much pain. They took new xrays and the cancer is now all over her lower body. Her arm is already broken and so is her collarbone so this is even more upsetting. She's in so much pain she's talking about suicide . I'm so upset because I took a disney cruise with her last year when she was healthy but I was so mad at her that I treated her like crap and made the whole trip miserable now I can't get a repeat . She deserved my disdain at the time but now I just wish I could start all over. I was so mean to her on that trip. I wouldn't eat breakfast with her and I abandoned her in Nassau. I didn't tell her the dining times in hopes she wouldn't show up. I just really hated her at the time.

Financially I can't afford such a high priced last minute vacation. My brother can...but I can't. I told him ill pay as much as I can towards the trip like $700 towards transportation and a motel stay.

Sent from my SPH-M930BST using DISBoards

Somehow I missed this before. I am utterly speechless. I can't imagine how she "deserved" this. Are you a teenager? Even with the state of health your mom is in you still talk like this is all about you. You regret treating her so mean and so you want to do it over. But now you can't afford to and she can't travel. You will have to resolve this with your own conscience and some lessons in life are learned the hard way.

Even the title of this thread shows that the part of all of this that's making you scream is YOUR budget. Really, that's what's making you scream???


Whether I was sick or not, I wouldn't want to cruise with my kids if they treated me like that on the last cruise.

I think it's time for me to unsubscribe.

 

[North of Mouse]

OP, did not read this whole thread, but for the life of me cannot understand what last minute trips with loved ones is all about. I'd much rather have some quiet family time at home instead of dragging a sick person on a trip. Memories made at home are the most precious to me, not those around thousands of other people.

I certainly would not go into big dept for it - just don't get the point. Seems like in your position, I would just be wanting to reconcile some differences with my Mom. Can't imagine the situation you described happening, as I was so close to my Mom and had so much respect that treating her badly (and vice versa) would have never entered the picture. Our very large family (7 grown siblings) just wanted family time - no way, no how, a trip. JMO

 

[crisi]

Somehow I missed this before. I am utterly speechless. I can't imagine how she "deserved" this. Are you a teenager? Even with the state of health your mom is in you still talk like this is all about you. You regret treating her so mean and so you want to do it over. But now you can't afford to and she can't travel. You will have to resolve this with your own conscience and some lessons in life are learned the hard way.

Even the title of this thread shows that the part of all of this that's making you scream is YOUR budget. Really, that's what's making you scream???


Whether I was sick or not, I wouldn't want to cruise with my kids if they treated me like that on the last cruise.

I think it's time for me to unsubscribe.

People who are watching loved ones die aren't always capable of rational thought or expression. Even when - and perhaps especially - when they didn't always treat their loved one the way they should have. I suggest we cut her some slack - because what she is going through is going to bring up tons of emotions - some of them that sound downright selfish when voiced.

I know my own thoughts were not always saintly when my brother in law passed.

 

[Pigeon]

Somehow I missed this before. I am utterly speechless. I can't imagine how she "deserved" this. Are you a teenager? Even with the state of health your mom is in you still talk like this is all about you. You regret treating her so mean and so you want to do it over. But now you can't afford to and she can't travel. You will have to resolve this with your own conscience and some lessons in life are learned the hard way.

Even the title of this thread shows that the part of all of this that's making you scream is YOUR budget. Really, that's what's making you scream???


Whether I was sick or not, I wouldn't want to cruise with my kids if they treated me like that on the last cruise.

I think it's time for me to unsubscribe.

I don't know anything about the OPs situation, but not all parents are good parents and not all people are good people.

Parents are capable of being horrible to their kids. It shouldn't come as a surprise that sometimes they might get treated in kind.

 

[angwill]

I don't know anything about the OPs situation, but not all parents are good parents and not all people are good people.

Parents are capable of being horrible to their kids. It shouldn't come as a surprise that sometimes they might get treated in kind.

Good point. We don't know the people posting enough to judge that.