The budget in me is screaming...

[kiramay]

Hi you guys I'm reading through the replies and I appreciate all of your advice. Yesterday me and my brother went through all of the options ...amtrak...bus...rental car etc. He doesn't want to drive. He says its too long. I don't know I still have some time left to convince him. He may just bite the bullet and pay for the Amtrak which will be around $1800 for all of us.

My mom went to the er last night. She's in so much pain. They took new xrays and the cancer is now all over her lower body. Her arm is already broken and so is her collarbone so this is even more upsetting. She's in so much pain she's talking about suicide . I'm so upset because I took a disney cruise with her last year when she was healthy but I was so mad at her that I treated her like crap and made the whole trip miserable now I can't get a repeat . She deserved my disdain at the time but now I just wish I could start all over. I was so mean to her on that trip. I wouldn't eat breakfast with her and I abandoned her in Nassau. I didn't tell her the dining times in hopes she wouldn't show up. I just really hated her at the time.

Financially I can't afford such a high priced last minute vacation. My brother can...but I can't. I told him ill pay as much as I can towards the trip like $700 towards transportation and a motel stay.

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Honestly, I'd find a way, any way, to take the vacation. Use a credit card, get a loan. Borrow the money from your brother. I'd pay $5,000 in a heartbeat for just one day with my dad. You will regret not spending this time with her.

 

[tina.tina]

Maybe this isn't really a budget issue. Maybe subconsciously you realize this elaborate/exhausting trip isn't feasible for your mom right now and you're having trouble telling your mom you feel this way.

 

[eliza61]

Hi you guys I'm reading through the replies and I appreciate all of your advice. Yesterday me and my brother went through all of the options ...amtrak...bus...rental car etc. He doesn't want to drive. He says its too long. I don't know I still have some time left to convince him. He may just bite the bullet and pay for the Amtrak which will be around $1800 for all of us.

My mom went to the er last night. She's in so much pain. They took new xrays and the cancer is now all over her lower body. Her arm is already broken and so is her collarbone so this is even more upsetting. She's in so much pain she's talking about suicide . I'm so upset because I took a disney cruise with her last year when she was healthy but I was so mad at her that I treated her like crap and made the whole trip miserable now I can't get a repeat . She deserved my disdain at the time but now I just wish I could start all over. I was so mean to her on that trip. I wouldn't eat breakfast with her and I abandoned her in Nassau. I didn't tell her the dining times in hopes she wouldn't show up. I just really hated her at the time.

Financially I can't afford such a high priced last minute vacation. My brother can...but I can't. I told him ill pay as much as I can towards the trip like $700 towards transportation and a motel stay.

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Aaah Blue,

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I agree that maybe this is bigger than a budget thing.
A couple of thoughts, first I am in no way a professional therapist or anything so feel totally free to blow this off.

1) Seems like you have a lot of guilt hanging around (believe me I totally understand that) from the last trip. simply know that adult parent and child relationships can get strained from time to time. My dad could push buttons on me like nobody's business. whew!! I find that parents have an amazing capacity to love and forgive.

2) It is sooo hard seeing some one we love in pain, that's a stress that is unbelievable. talk to your brother

3) lastly have you guys talked about end of life care. My dh had hospice and it is wonderful, that maybe a better option than trying to pull off a trip. also if mom is talking about suicide she may need help that you guys cant provided especially on vacation.

I'll keep you and your family in prayer.

 

[APiratesLifeForMe2]

Hi you guys I'm reading through the replies and I appreciate all of your advice. Yesterday me and my brother went through all of the options ...amtrak...bus...rental car etc. He doesn't want to drive. He says its too long. I don't know I still have some time left to convince him. He may just bite the bullet and pay for the Amtrak which will be around $1800 for all of us.

My mom went to the er last night. She's in so much pain. They took new xrays and the cancer is now all over her lower body. Her arm is already broken and so is her collarbone so this is even more upsetting. She's in so much pain she's talking about suicide . I'm so upset because I took a disney cruise with her last year when she was healthy but I was so mad at her that I treated her like crap and made the whole trip miserable now I can't get a repeat . She deserved my disdain at the time but now I just wish I could start all over. I was so mean to her on that trip. I wouldn't eat breakfast with her and I abandoned her in Nassau. I didn't tell her the dining times in hopes she wouldn't show up. I just really hated her at the time.

Financially I can't afford such a high priced last minute vacation. My brother can...but I can't. I told him ill pay as much as I can towards the trip like $700 towards transportation and a motel stay.

Sent from my SPH-M930BST using DISBoards

Have you spoken with her doctor about the trip? It may not be advisable for her to be away from her regular care (especially on a cruise in the middle of the ocean). My aunt has cancer and she has to schedule her trips around chemo treatments (she has one week off a month).

Perhaps given her pain and condition, a trip closer to home might be in everyone's best interest.

 

[xlxo]

To clarify.... what type of cancer is this?

18plus hour drive is tough... especially if has chemo side effects. 3 months is too far to plan. You might be planning 3 weeks or 3 days ahead in her condition.

You might want to try something local in a day. Otherwise she might not be able to spend more than 10 minutes before asking to go back to the hotel or go back home.

 

[wallawallakids]

I'm sorry about your mother. Cancer sucks. We're dealing with it in my family, too.

My advice: Let it go!
This trip isn't about you or your kids. It's about your mother. Go and have the best time possible. Skip next year's September vacation if the cost has you stressed out so much. But do Christmas with your mother while you can.

This. Exactly.

 

[Kellydelly]

Hi you guys I'm reading through the replies and I appreciate all of your advice. Yesterday me and my brother went through all of the options ...amtrak...bus...rental car etc. He doesn't want to drive. He says its too long. I don't know I still have some time left to convince him. He may just bite the bullet and pay for the Amtrak which will be around $1800 for all of us.

My mom went to the er last night. She's in so much pain. They took new xrays and the cancer is now all over her lower body. Her arm is already broken and so is her collarbone so this is even more upsetting. She's in so much pain she's talking about suicide . I'm so upset because I took a disney cruise with her last year when she was healthy but I was so mad at her that I treated her like crap and made the whole trip miserable now I can't get a repeat . She deserved my disdain at the time but now I just wish I could start all over. I was so mean to her on that trip. I wouldn't eat breakfast with her and I abandoned her in Nassau. I didn't tell her the dining times in hopes she wouldn't show up. I just really hated her at the time.

Financially I can't afford such a high priced last minute vacation. My brother can...but I can't. I told him ill pay as much as I can towards the trip like $700 towards transportation and a motel stay.

Sent from my SPH-M930BST using DISBoards

I think your mom is not in good enough health to do an out of state trip like Disney and or the cruise. I would not let anyone guilt you into feeling that you have to pay money you can't afford to contribute to a trip that may not be a good idea anyway. You and your brother can plan something more local and still have a nice time with your mom. It doesn't have to break your bank. Nobody should tell you that you should just not worry about finances because your mom is terminal. Nobody pays your bills but you.

I am sorry that you feel lousy about your last trip with her. I have my own issues with my mom and would never even think of going on a trip with her. Don't beat yourself up, just be a different daughter now if you can. You have time to make amends with her .

 

[powellrj]

I don't think at this point your mom is going to enjoy any kind of travel. When my DFIL had cancer, he didn't want to leave home let alone go on vacation. I would just plan to be there for her and help her out and forget about a vacation.

 

[tzeitel]

Have you (or your brother) contacted Carnival about your mom's condition? I have read of people not being able to cruise because of health issues - even of people being denied embarking or taken off the ship.
The cruise line will not take the chance of an emergency at sea or on a foreign country.

If your mom is in that much pain I would simplify the trip - Disney or the cruise.

 

[MomToOne]

Honestly, if you mother is in so much pain she is talking about suicide, then you and your brother need to focus your energies on getting her adequate pain management, not a trip. The drugs necessary for this will probably make any trip a waste of time, if not completely impractical - she will probably be sleeping a lot of the time due to them, and they may cause confusion, etc.

While I am sympathetic to your mother's desire for a family trip, it just doesn't seem to be something that is realistic at this point. Especially if she is breaking bones.

 

[TagsMissy]

Wow. I am sorry but I need to be 100% truthful and honest here but this trip isn't about you, don't make it about you. This is a trip, a once in a lifetime thing for your mother who is dying... the trip is all being covered except for air and you are taking issue?

Wow.

I'd fully drain all my bank accounts, max out my credit cards and use up my line of credit for one more day spent with my father who passed away last year.

Nothing will ever replace your parent or the memories you and your children will have. If you really don't want to go stay home but don't punish your children by not having this opportunity; send them and save the cash on your ticket to do as you will.

My brother recently came into some money and he wants us to do a family vacation. Our mom is really sick with terminal cancer and she is also wanting a family vacation . She has even dreamed of it...I also had a dream of being on vacation and having fun. Its weird we both had that dream.

My mom is on chemo now and is in so much pain but she has good days sometimes so were hoping she will have some good days when its time to leave.

My brother only vacation days is during Christmas! I want to scream everytime I look at the prices . He has booked a 5 night Carnival cruise for all of us . I always vacation in September...so seeing that were paying four times more for the same thing we can experience much cheaper is driving me bonkers. He wants to do the parks as well...and its going to be so crowded. Were just doing Hollywood Studios because my mom loves Fantasmic and wants to see it one last time and were doing Seaworld because she wants to visit there as well.

I just can't get over the prices. He's not paying for our airfare. I just checked the prices leaving jfk to mco for our dates and it was OVER $600 each. I usually fly me and my two kids out for $600 roundtrip total for all 3 of us.

This is stressing me out. Its so expensive...everything is going to be crazy crowded .

I've never done a carnival cruise but I'm guessing its nothing special .

This just has disaster written all over it.

I'm not trying to be a debbie downer. I'm just not used to vacationing this way. I always vacation in September. I plan for a year in advance ...I get the best prices...low crowds etc.. this trip is very short noticed,expensive and I'm positive it will be crazy crowded.

Oh and the weather is sure to suck....its december we won't be able to swim.

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[Marsheliz]

Take it from me. My mother did die of cancer last April... We took her to Disney with is September of 2012 bc I knew that one day, she wouldnt be here and I knew we had to make as many memories as we could....

I'll never regret that trip. The pictures I have of her with my children are priceless. ( you can look at my TR in my sig)

Yea, it was a lot of money but spending those days away from reality, with no chemo, no doctors.. Couldn't put a price on it. When she's gone, she's gone.

Go.

 

[princessfionasmom]

If your mom can go, DO IT. My husband had a bone marrow transplant 3 years ago and has been going downhill since. He has been on steroids so long it's tearing his body apart to the point the doctors told us to cancel our november trip we had planned. They're not even sure how long he's going to last. If we could go to Disney one more time I would sell everything I own. We have so many memories there and it's always been our happy place. My mother died about a month after my husbands transplant and I'd give anything to have one more day with her. Life is a one way road, there is no going back and no do-overs. You don't want to regret not going. Good luck and I will keep your mom in my prayers.

 

[usd2bmd]

So airfare will cost you $1800 and for that $1800 you are getting a cruise and time in Disney with your mother who isn't going to be here forever. You will also have memories that you will have with you forever and cannot be priced.

As many have said before me you need to regain the perspective for this trip. It isn't about you.

 

[gracie1]

After your last update on your mom, I would hold off on booking anything until you see how she is at that time. If she is in all this pain, it may not be enjoyable for her at all. And if she is feeling up to it as December approaches, then book everything last minute.
Maybe there is something closer you could do that she would really enjoy?

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I'm sorry about your mother. Cancer sucks. We're dealing with it in my family, too.

My advice: Let it go!
This trip isn't about you or your kids. It's about your mother. Go and have the best time possible. Skip next year's September vacation if the cost has you stressed out so much. But do Christmas with your mother while you can.

I totally agree. Right now time together is a precious gift. If your brother is paying for the trip and you are only paying for flights you are still getting off easy. Quit lamenting your lack of 'great deals & low crowds,' thank your brother and enjoy this time together. It's less than ideal for your mom too.

Have you looked into other airports that may be cheaper? Sometimes sacrificing convenience can save a lot of money. My brother lives in central NJ so Newark is their closest airport but it's always way more expensive than flying out of Philly. So for him it's so worth an hour drive to PHL. For us sometimes Baltimore is much cheaper than PHL. Sometimes it's not enough savings to justify the drive time and gas. It varies but it's worth looking into.

 

[Nztara]

Are your mother's bone breaks due to cancer? If so, I would definitely consult

 

[Soarin4us]

IF the extra money you're spending isn't causing hardship...
When your mother is gone that $1000 or so you're spending for ANY family vacation won't seem like a big problem.

 

[Nztara]

Sorry, didn't get to finish my reply. Consult a doctor. My friend had trouble traveling over an hour by car when she was in the later stages of cancer. I couldn't imagine driving that far with poor health.

If your mom's condition has progressed that far, it may be worth focusing more time and energy on your relationship. Being at peace, discussing the past and finding forgiveness (within yourself as well as with your mom) may need to move higher up the priority list.

The trip may need to move down the priority list. Please, please communicate with your mom on how she feels, if she still thinks she can travel and if she wants to trace before you book anything.

Wishing your family peace and comfort during such a difficult, emotional journey.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Aside from your mother's health, is it that you truly cannot afford the cost of flights or that you're bummed out that you normally get a better deal?
There's a difference.