The Bloat and Float 06 Cruise Report: Now The Truth Comes Out!

[wendygirl]

your TR is worth the wait! and the ulcer ... keep up the good work!

 

[FatherForce]

Chapter 4

The Cast
Me Dad/Husband/Raconteur
Cheryll Mom/Wife
Samantha 7 yr old Center of the Known Universe

(Warning, in order to finish out the rest of day 1, this is really long. I took out whole sections too. You’d think I have nothing better to do)
Christian our Cruise Director began speaking. He was explaining the mandatory Muster Drill. I looked around and found that Cheryll and Samantha heard him too.
Good.
I thought I was hallucinating.

Samantha was now in a full on panic about the Drill. She was crying and very worried.
She was trying to be brave, but alarms and drills really scare her.
Those of you who don’t live in the landlocked locked middle of our great country may not know much about tornadoes, or I as like to call them, God’s Vacuum Cleaner.
Each spring most Midwestern communities will go through 3 or 4 tornado warnings or watches. A Tornado Watch is when there is a really bad storm, and hey, maybe a tornado might drop by too just for kicks. A Tornado Warning means a tornado has been spotted and it’s coming to kill you. There isn’t any “middle warning”, and it is immediate. You can’t predict tornados and sometimes you don’t even get a warning. They’re pretty freakin’ scary.
If a Tornado Warning is issued, sirens (hopefully) go off, all TV and Radio are interrupted, and everyone is told to take shelter immediately. School kids are rounded up and taken to safety, usually while a nasty thunderstorm rages outside and winds are whipping around.
This happens pretty frequently, and eventually we all adjust our lives accordingly, but some kids can get really disturbed by all this.
Samantha is one of those kids.

So, just as we are trying to calm her down and get our life jackets on, we hear a thump outside.
It’s our luggage.

Chaos officially ensues.

I drag in the bags while Cheryll tries to calm Sam and get her Life jacket on (which is also making her nervous)

All of this is happening in the oh-so-spacious foyer of our Cat 6 stateroom.

We make our way to our Muster Station, (K, which I like to think is the best Muster Station) and we dutifully pack ourselves up against the other passengers. I try and calm Samantha with some lame-even-for-me “Mustard Drill” jokes. She’s not crying, but she is shaking and holding our arms for dear life.
It broke my heart.

(Here’s another pointless aside)
As Samantha gets older, I am more and more aware that I can not keep her safe from all her fears and threats. This Drill was nothing but an annoyance, but it was terrifying for her 7 year old mind. Nothing I said could stop the horn from blowing or allow her to take off the lifejacket. She had to make the connection between a real and perceived threat. Now, she says the Drill was no big deal, and she understands. She is growing up so fast, and as I watched he shake and try and be brave, I teared up a bit myself. My little girl was growing up in front of me. I resisted the urge to reach out and pick her up and hold her close….


It was over very quickly, and we let Sam know how proud we were of her.

We left the bags unpacked (with my medication) because we wanted to get up to the Goofy Pool and PARTY!

Up on deck 9, EVERYONE had the same idea.
Once again, we were late, and the Embarrass the White Guy dance contest was in full swing.
Samantha and Cheryll danced and sang along.
I sang along as loud as I could which was now a whisper.
I sounded like I was auditioning for “Tom Waits Sings the Greatest Dance Party Hits”.
(I laughed out loud when I wrote this. Not at my wit, but at the thought of Tom Waits singing “Hey Ya”. If don’t know Tom Waits, then that won’t be amusing at all. Trust me. That would be funny)

The troupe of performers in the Sail Away Party (and every other performance on the ship) is exceptional.
I stood in awe of their stamina if nothing else. They worked the crowd non stop, and I do mean NON STOP. They were constantly moving, dancing, forming a conga line, etc. The characters came out and these crewmembers worked just as hard ONLY IN HUGE COSTUMES. All of the young folks were drenched in sweat and they couldn’t even enjoy a nice glass of tropical fruit juice with too much rum in it like their audience.

By now, the on board servers knew EXACTLY who my wife and were and brought us doubles without asking. I would have been embarrassed if I cared.
Which I didn’t.

Soon we counted down and heard that HORN.
Steamers flew and hands and voices (well everyone but me) raised in exaltation as we began to move out of harbor and into the sea!

And those plucky kids kept dancing and urging us to dance too.

I get chills just thinking about that moment.
Everyone on deck, laughing and dancing and anticipating the time of their lives.

I had no sensation of being ill at all. Watching my beloved daughter on my wife’s shoulders dance with Pluto while the sea air blew through their hair brought me to a place I can only call Blubber Town.

Did I mention the double Bahama Mama?

After a bit we went up to deck 10 to watch the ship slip out of the dock.
Samantha and Cheryll had bubbles to blow over the side because I had read here on the DIS Boards that blowing bubbles as the ship leaves was a popular and fun thing to do.

They were the only ones with bubbles let alone blowing them.
Samantha soon found it more fun to blow bubbles down onto the people below her instead of over the side.

Some of our fellow cruisers found it fun to see bubbles and some found it rather annoying when a stray bubble would float into their beverage. The amusing thing to me was that since Sam isn’t that tall she had to blow over top of the railing and if you weren’t paying too close attention, you might not be able to tell where the heck those bubble were coming from down on Deck 9. I imagined some confused cruiser think that Disney must have a malfunctioning bubble machine that only spit out a few stray suds. I hoped that some comment card would mention fixing the outdoor bubble machine.

Well we could only party for so long because it was time to get ready for our 5:30 Dinner at Triton’s.

We found or dinner clothes from our still unpacked luggage, I grabbed some allergy medicine and decongestants, and quickly hustled down to the Lobby.

We were ushered promptly to Table 29 against the wall.
Triton’s is beautiful, by the way.
Samantha’s favorite Disney Character is Ariel, so she felt this place was VERY special.
It was Ariel’s Dad, THE KING’S restaurant.
I chuckled quietly to the thought of THE KING’s restaurant because to me, THE KING is Elvis.
Can you imagine an Elvis restaurant on the DCL rotation?
“Would you like Percodan or Dilaudid with your Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich, sir?”
"Ah Thankh Ya, Thankh Ya Verru Much"

We met our tablemates. They were a very nice family who had cruised before. A man and woman with their son, daughter-in-law, and young granddaughter out on their 3rd cruise. The girl was a couple of years younger than Samantha and they both were pretty shy.
They were a perfect family to share a table with. They had a lot of insight into cruising on DCL and how to get the most out of our trip. Of course, I knew most of this stuff thanks to the DIS Boards. I’m sure we might have scared them a bit, but since I couldn’t talk, we probably didn’t make too bad of a first impression.

Here is where my Ugly American genes rear their ugly heads.
I can not for the life of me remember the names of our Head Server or Head Restaurant Sever. Our assistant was Donovan which I remember his name because Donovan is a name I recognize and can pronounce. The Head Server was from India and our Head Restaurant Server was from the Philippines, and I could not pronounce either name and therefore, I forgot them. Remember I could barely speak above a whisper, so I could not really engage them in conversation (for which I am sure they were grateful).
I hang my head in Obliviously American shame.

Anyway, all 3 were fabulous. They were gracious, informative, attentive, and a joy to have around us. They made us feel very special, especially Samantha, and we could not have asked for a better serving team.
Cheryll works part time at a very nice local winery so she was keen on the wine package. We went with the Classic Package instead of the Premium, and she picked our wines each night. Although I like a nice wine, I am not passionate about the vino. I would have drunk whatever was put in front of me without questioning it.
Cheryll is trying to learn her Hoosier Hubby up on some fancy wine drankin’ as best she can.
I can be taught, btw.
After 13 years of marriage, I now always leave the seat down, I never use the decorative towels or soaps in the bathroom, and I can recognize when a tub is too small for my body.
(It seems like all my knowledge gained is bathroom-related. I think the less said about that fact the better)

Donovan explained that if we didn’t drink all of a selected bottle, then he could cork it, and we could take it with us or he would save it for the next night for us.

I guess the on deck servers don’t talk with the restaurant staff.

She chose the Rosemont Shiraz from Australia; it was nice and peppery which what I like in a Shiraz.
Like I know any better.

I had the Baked Camembert, the Chilled Vichyssoise soup, The Dijon Encrusted Tenderloin, and Crème Brulee.

YUM.

Cheryll had the Lamb and didn’t like it. Apparently it tasted too “lamby”.
Luckily for me I had the talking problem because that comment world have elicited a deliciously snappy and sarcastic retort form me that would have resulted in me re-entering the proverbial dog house.

So, as we are finishing dessert the Heard Server, who I called “The Big Guy” came by the table to see how we enjoyed our meal and give us a rundown of tonight’s activities, a preview of that night’s show, and out line late night and morning dining options. He was basically a Talking Navigator.
The Big Guy then went behind one of our tablemates across from me and announced that he knew there was a special celebration happening at our table tonight. He put his hands on the bewildered young man’s shoulders. I smiled at the thought of this poor guy getting surprised by his family when from behind ME, Donovan leaned over and put this luscious raspberry mousse cake with a white chocolate Happy Birthday cruise ship on top if it in front of ME.

Devious smiles all around as our crew and the neighboring tables sang Happy Birthday to me. Everyone clapped and congratulated me. Just one problem, of course.
My birthday was two weeks away on October 15th.
I looked over to see my wife laughing hysterically.
It appears she never gets to surprise my on my birthday due to my superior intellect, so she thought I’d never suspect it on the cruise.
Plus, since I was vocally incapacitated, I couldn’t protest too loudly.

Touché.

The cake was unbelievably good, but way too much to eat. I shared some with everyone at the table and still had half left over to put in our mini-mini fridge in the stateroom. Donovan then asked if I wanted another steak to take back to the room.
????

Ok. I get it.
I’m a big guy.
I need to diet.
But Holy Crap, how could anyone have eaten another steak after all that food Donovan saw me eat?

I didn’t take it.
Promise.

Now that we all officially BLOATED, we took the cake back up to the room.
I spent just a bit of time on the verandah looking out to open sea.
It really is amazing to be out in the middle of nowhere. No land in sight for as far as the can see, and we were MOVING! Yet, it didn’t seem choppy or even unstable. I only got a sensation of movement form the moving horizon and the sound of the waves made by our huge ship cutting into the calm ocean.
It is truly breath-taking.

OK, on to see check out the ship and see Hercules-the Muse-a-Cal.
One problem.
Samantha wanted to go to the OC.
Now.
She had been patient with all the Muster Drills and sumptuous dining, but now she wanted to play and did not want to be with Mom and Dad!
(Cue the sad, touching music)

Fair enough.
This was her vacation too, so we took down to the OC, and she just assimilated into the throngs of other kids. It reminded me of Shoeless Joe Jackson fading into the cornfield.
Only the corn was squealing, delighted children who all looked eerily alike.
Yikes, was the Field of Dreams or Children of the Corn?

Had I taken too much decongestant?

Walking out of the OC, Cheryll took my hand.
She was smiling.
Oh, wait!
We were alone!
No child to look after. We didn’t have to entertain her. We didn’t have to go to Hercules if we didn’t want to do so.

So we just took a leisurely stroll around the ship. We had an hour before Herc started anyway. We walked around the outside of deck 4. We laid in the deck chairs for a bit. The outside of Deck 4 is the place where we felt like we on a Cruise ship. It has Wooden Slat flooring, and you can see the lifeboats hanging above you. Strolling around you can see the shuffleboard markings and look out into the dark sea with that calming breeze blowing in your face.

Ahh.

It was incredibly romantic, and then I realized once again why I fell in love with and married my beautiful wife.

We looked at each other, smiled, and almost in unison said, “Let’s get a drink.”

She’s a keeper.


We went over to the Cadillac Lounge, which seemed more, our style.
It’s a very swanky piano bar and Bobby Hamilton was playing all the songs you would expect him to play in that setting and sang with a voice that sounded as if it had been distilled in Kentucky Oak for 20 years.
I say the place was swanky, but that is just a guess really, since it was so remarkably dark.
How dark was it?
Thanks for asking.
It was so dark that my wife said I looked good.
It was so dark that the waiter had to literally bring over a flashlight so we could see the menu.
Cheryll had a martini and I, in honor of Bobby Hamilton, had a Makers on ice.
There was hardly anyone there, and we were in the back, hidden in the plush seats and the comfort of darkness.
We sipped our drinks, listened to the music, and just relaxed.
Then, we saw 2 familiar figures enter and sit up front in the light.
Yep, it was Doc and SleepyDog.

I began to think they were following us, and if you read his TR, you’ll find no mention of this visit they made to the CL.
Curious.

So, after finishing our drinks, we left to wander a bit more. We ended up in front of the Walt Disney Theatre. An usher said that Hercules had only been showing for 15 minutes or so and there were still plenty of seats.
Why not?

So we were whisked to seats and we watched the rest of the show.
It was surprisingly funny and very well presented.
The theatre is state-of-the-art, and the performers top notch.
In fact I recognized many of them from the Sail Away Party.
Do these kids ever get to sleep?

Speaking of which, as the show ended, I was becoming aware of how bad I felt.
My head was now pounding from congestion. We had been up since 6 and it had been a day crammed full of activity. I needed to sleep. Cheryll concurred.
We went over and drug Samantha out of the OC (who apparently didn’t miss Mom and Dad at all), and walked up the stairs and into our stateroom.

Before retiring, I walked out on the verandah and stared into the inky blackness of night at sea.
Even though physically I felt lousy, I had never been more calm.

Sleep came quickly and deeply.


Here’s a pic of the sunset as a reward for getting through this ridiculously overlong installment:

Next up: Chapter 5 Rasul! (Rated R for uh, Rasul)

 

[curlybop]

Wow, it made me feel relaxed just reading this episode. Still a great report. Though the preview for the next one sounds....ummm....interesting!

 

[Jillpie]

Fantastic, just fantastic. It was neither ridiculous or overlong. Don't give it another thought, but just give us more. We're hopelessly addicted to this report . You have a way of putting all of our unspoken feelings into words. So well done . I'm holding on to see if you get full blown sick though, sure hope not. Can't wait for tomorrow.

 

[FatherForce]

Well, I don't want to give too much away, but I did survive!

 

[cntkg1]

Just subscribing....

 

[discruiselovers97]

Just Loving your report! I have jumped along this report to hear the rest! KEEP IT COMING!

 

[Jennifer48]

I was referred over here from SleepyDog. I figured if a writer this good was making me check out someone else's TR, it must be good as well!

You have a wonderful way of mixing your emotions with the descriptions of the ship. You put me in the exact spot you were in and brought me back to my first cruise (which was only this past April!). Thanks for sharing your experience and I can't wait for more!

 

[lvstitch]

The characters came out and these crewmembers worked just as hard ONLY IN HUGE COSTUMES

What do you mean by Costumes? Oh you must be referring to their sailor outfits. Mickey did look cute in it

Great report, I am really enjoying it.

 

[pppiglet]

Beautiful sunset!

 

[FatherForce]

I have about 20 pics of that sunset.
I also have about 6 hours of video of just cloud formations-sunrise, sunset, mid day, late morning, early evening, etc.
I was obsessed....

 

[JDBlair]

You and my DD share a birthday - October 15th. Happy Belated Birthday to you. We're going on our first DCL next year, about 2 weeks before her 4th b-day! Seemed kind of fair since we went to Disneyland this year 2 days after my son's 12th birthday. I'm secretly scheming to do some sort of Disney vacation on the kids alternating birthdays!! (Don't tell my husband - he's already thinking I'm up to something but he hasn't completely put it together!! ) But don't worry! There will be NO matching Disney outfits for the family. Maybe matching T-shirts, that could be kind of fun!!

 

[sleepydog25]

As Samantha gets older, I am more and more aware that I can not keep her safe from all her fears and threats. This Drill was nothing but an annoyance, but it was terrifying for her 7 year old mind. Nothing I said could stop the horn from blowing or allow her to take off the lifejacket. She had to make the connection between a real and perceived threat. Now, she says the Drill was no big deal, and she understands. She is growing up so fast, and as I watched he shake and try and be brave, I teared up a bit myself. My little girl was growing up in front of me. I resisted the urge to reach out and pick her up and hold her close….

All fathers of all little girls feel this way. . .I know I do. Just beautiful.

I sounded like I was auditioning for “Tom Waits Sings the Greatest Dance Party Hits”.
(I laughed out loud when I wrote this. Not at my wit, but at the thought of Tom Waits singing “Hey Ya”. If don’t know Tom Waits, then that won’t be amusing at all. Trust me. That would be funny)

I found this very funny. . .I'm not sure what that says about me. . .


you might not be able to tell where the heck those bubble were coming from down on Deck 9. I imagined some confused cruiser think that Disney must have a malfunctioning bubble machine that only spit out a few stray suds. I hoped that some comment card would mention fixing the outdoor bubble machine.

No wonder Disney's response to my card was, "Sir, we have no bubble machine."


Can you imagine an Elvis restaurant on the DCL rotation?
“Would you like Percodan or Dilaudid with your Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich, sir?”
"Ah Thankh Ya, Thankh Ya Verru Much"
Now that's just freakin' funny!

I can not for the life of me remember the names of our Head Server or Head Restaurant Sever.
They're called nametags. . .everyone has them. . .

I can be taught, btw.
After 13 years of marriage, I now always leave the seat down, I never use the decorative towels or soaps in the bathroom, and I can recognize when a tub is too small for my body.
Touche'

This was her vacation too, so we took down to the OC, and she just assimilated into the throngs of other kids. It reminded me of Shoeless Joe Jackson fading into the cornfield.
She's a lot cuter than Ray Liotta. . .


Ahh.

It was incredibly romantic, and then I realized once again why I fell in love with and married my beautiful wife.

We looked at each other, smiled, and almost in unison said, “Let’s get a drink.”
As true a definition of marriage as one could find!

We went over to the Cadillac Lounge, which seemed more, our style.
I say the place was swanky, but that is just a guess really, since it was so remarkably dark.
How dark was it?
It was so dark that my wife said I looked good.
It was so dark that the waiter had to literally bring over a flashlight so we could see the menu.
We sipped our drinks, listened to the music, and just relaxed.
Then, we saw 2 familiar figures enter and sit up front in the light.
Yep, it was Doc and SleepyDog.
I began to think they were following us, and if you read his TR, you’ll find no mention of this visit they made to the CL.
Curious.
We were following you, but couldn't see you in the dark. And I know we couldn't have heard you. Funny, but I had totally forgotten that we stopped by the Cadillac Lounge before heading to dinner at AP. Great, now FF is writing my report better than me. . .

Looking forward to Rasul story. . .and you do remember we saw you afterwards, right?

 

[zweihund]

Looking forward to Rasul story. . .and you do remember we saw you afterwards, right?

Ah, the rasul.
Something I never added in my trip report was how well we tipped the people who are in charge of cleaning it between guests. I think there was even mud on the ceiling after we were done.

Love the sunset pic. Keep it coming!

 

[RoyalVizier]

So I've just spent the last hour reading your TR from the beginning! Awesome!

You and SleepyDog are the TR tag team for sure!

And you pointed out that the verandah door slides. Good man.

 

[suzij13]

Wow this is a really great TR

 

[FatherForce]

Chapter 5 Rasul! (Rated R for uh, Rasul)
(Chock full of pics and no NOT of the Rasul)

The Cast
Me Dad/Husband/Raconteur
Cheryll Mom/Wife
Samantha 7 yr old Center of the Known Universe


Well before I begin the next installment, let me say that my daughter was not happy with me after the last update. I showed it to her and her professional opinion is that there were too many words and not enough pictures. I had even neglected to post the towel animal left for us on our first night. I am now smart enough to know that the 2 women in my life are smarter than me so let me correct mistake #1.

Now, I took almost 500 digital pictures on our WDW/DCL vacation. (I also shot about 6 hours of video, but that’s another story). Although I won’t be showing them all, I will make an attempt to show more. I’ll let the events of the 2nd day unfold following some photos for a while.
Is that OK Sam?


I woke before everyone and made my way out on the verandah.
Here’s what 6:30 or so looks like:

I felt better, but still was very congested.
I’d left a room service breakfast request for coffee, bagels, English muffins, and a doughnut for Sam. Oh and a couple of Bloody Marys too. In my pre-planning, I absolutely adored the idea of “free” 24 hour room service. I was going to wake up at 4 and order a hot fudge sundae and a bottle of tequila just because I could (That’s obviously a joke and another Simpson’s reference. I WAS going to order a steak sandwich at 4 though. Just because I could). I made the order for 7, so I thought I’d take a stroll up on deck 10.
Now I began this journey without my morning coffee, so for some reason now unknown to me, I took a picture of the elevator doors.

And the elevator floor.

Don’t ask me.
I have absolutely no idea why.
I don’t even remember taking that pic.


It was overcast but still quite warm. It was pretty quiet as well so you could hear the waves breaking against the ships hull. I felt like I was intruding.

Then over the port bow I saw one of the infamous Carnival Cruise Lines privateers steaming into Nassau ahead of us. (I was going to use the term “rum runner” but someone has already used that term in a recent TR. I’m not naming names though)

As I looked over at the Dirty-Bathroom-Floor White hue (It’s an actual color. I think Benjamin Moore sells that shade. Maybe it’s Dinty Moore. I forget.) of that small floating tub of watered down drinks and re-heated cafeteria food I couldn’t help but feel superior. Sure they paid less for their cruise, but how much have they lost in the casino? I felt contempt for their hapless plight.
HA!

I checked out the front of the ship and crew pool which was surprisingly empty at 7am on an overcast morning.

Now, as I walked back, I noticed that we already had almost passed the feckless Carnival tug.
I shook my fist defiantly in their direction safe in the knowledge that no one there aboard would see me. They were all still passed out or hopelessly hung-over.

Uh oh….tangent coming up….
I wrote the above stuff about the rival cruise line in jest, but there were some of those feelings in me that morning. A lot of the TRs I’ve read feature some kind of dig at other cruises too. It is an unfortunately fascinating trait we humans have to pit ourselves against each other. It is especially noticeable how we like to square off against those in which we have the most in common. India vs. Pakistan, Shias vs. Sunnis, Harvard vs. Yale, Republican Senators vs. Democratic Senators all of which are much more similar than dissimilar. It just takes one or 2 points to violently separate us. Like how much smarter we are to book a Disney Cruise than those jerks on Carnival.

And I’m back!

I returned to the room that I easily found even without my morning coffee because my wife and daughter had clearly marked it for me:

I was surprised how few decorated doors that we saw.


Back in the room, Cheryll was up; Sam was stirring, but still no coffee or breakfast from room service! Huh? I called and they said it had been delivered.
No, it had not!
They promised a speedy resolution.
This was not enough for my wife who decided to trudge up to the drink station I had just passed to get coffee.

She wasn’t out the door 2 minutes before our food arrived.

The poor guy was very apologetic. He gave us the Bloody Mary’s for free and tried to refuse a tip. (He didn’t try THAT hard but he did pretend to not want it which actually made me tip him more.)

Sam and I went out on the verandah to watch the ship pull into Nassau, and I poured myself a delicious cup of coffee wondering where the heck my wife was.
Samantha did not want her doughnut, she wanted my bagel.
She offered a trade, but I didn’t want a doughnut. I wanted the warm, fresh bagel that I had just lovingly slathered with cream cheese.
Guess who ate the bagel AND later the doughnut?

While sitting outside I heard a splash and quickly looked up to 3 dolphins jump up to our right.

I raised my camera, but just missed them.

Sam hadn’t seen them, but was excited to know they were there. We watched and waited.
Nothing.

Here’s Sam on Dolphin watch:

Cheryll knocked on the door. I opened it to find her carrying a huge tray of coffees, juice, bagels, and doughnuts. She spied the room service tray that had obviously been in use for awhile and let out a colorful expression more apropos for a Carnival Cruiser.

Just so you know, the room service coffee is much better than the drink station java.
Cheryll did get me not only a bagel, but lox and capers too, so everything turned out all right in the end.

Samantha excitedly explained that we were looking for the dolphins I saw.
We never saw them again, and of course, this led to some skepticism on my wife’s part as to if the dolphins were even spotted at all.
“Woman, I would NEVER lie to my daughter about Dolphins!”
(Said in my Samuel L Jackson as Frozone voice which delights Sam but annoys the heck out of Cheryll)

We spent the early morning watching the docking process while Cheryll unpacked. We did see some visible Stingrays, but no Dolphins.

We decided not to go to Nassau. Sam desperately wanted to get back to the OC, and Cheryll and I had an 11am Rasul appointment at the Spa.
Now we had decided to book the Rasul after reading the review of it on the Castaway Club site. Of course our having this treatment was dependent on Samantha being comfortable in the Club. IF all went well, this day would be OUR day. The Rasul, would be followed by a nice lunch and then the wine tasting that my wife was REALLY looking forward to doing. I went down to Guest Services and dropped off the pillowcase to sign as a surprise for Sam that I had forgotten yesterday and buy the tasting tickets. All of which I accomplished without any problems. I still felt like crap, but things were looking perfect!

Once everyone was ready, we dropped Sam off at the OC and we made our way to the Vista Spa.

Now in the time between us booking the Exotic Rasul and our trip, I read Zweihund’s TR. I copied it and gave to Cheryll who then immediately began calling me “Rasul Man”
Zweihund’s Rasul experience was now intertwined with ours as we would be gauging our treatment with hers. (I know that sounds creepy and it kinda is, but hey, I’m nothing if not honest. Especially about dolphins)

Before we crossed the Rasul threshold, we had to wait in the lobby of the spa and fill out the requisite forms. The striking woman who greeted us did not seem to judge us. Zweihund mentioned her slight embarrassment about the Rasul, since everyone KNEW what would be going on in there. I was quite the opposite.
I was defiant!
Yes, my wife of 13 years and I will be entering this private steam bath and shower for an hour.
Yes, we are all adults here. There is no need to snicker or blush, and Yes we will need extra towels.
Thank you.

Guess who was also in the lobby?

Yep, Dog and Doc!

Dog began talking about jogging through Nassau and the ship early in the morning and people thinking he was nuts.
I don’t know what else was said, because I had made another disturbing observation:
The woman who checked us in and the other employees of the spa that were milling about were very attractive.
Remarkably attractive.
Unnaturally attractive.

They all had such extreme cheekbones. I was afraid one would turn too quickly near me and slice me open like soup can in a Ginzu commercial.

Anyway, soon it was time to go to our separate but equal changing rooms and disrobe.
After trying on the robe given to me, I decided that I would be keeping my trunks on thank you very much.
We met in the Rasul and it is MUCH smaller than I anticipated.
The “main room” is basically a large closet with a tile bench. There is a shower and then a door to a mysterious room with a macabre-looking device in the center with knobs and pipes. It was exotic and more than a little intimidating. I tried not to stare.

The nice, yet dangerous woman explained what all the lotions and exfoliates and unguents and potions were used for and why. She showed how to work the shower.
She showed us THE ROOM.

She left pretty quickly (and with the knowledge of what was about to transpire in here with the congested large guy with swim trunks under his robe, I am sure she ran down the hall slicing any and all in her path with her cheeks until she got to a safe place where she could sit and shudder quietly to herself) and we began…THE RASUL

I got scratchy stuff rubbed on me, and I rubbed scratchy stuff on Cheryll.
We showered it off.

Then we went in THE ROOM

THE ROOM was basically just a Turkish steam room with tile benches.
Now I immediately noticed there were THREE benches in the steam room that encircled the steam pole in the middle.
THREE.
As the room filled with the thick and very hot steam, I wondered aloud about that 3rd bench.
3?
Really?
Who comes in here as a trio?
Maybe this RASUL was just brought over from a Carnival boat.
Soon I couldn’t see that 3rd bench or even the hands in front of my face,
This was a serious steam room.

Then a disgusting and wonderful thing happened.(no, not THAT. THAT is a beautiful thing that happens between Mommies and Daddies who love each other very much)
What happened was that my head cleared itself of my congestion!!!!!
Now those of you in the medical professions or medically inclined may have seen this coming, but I did not.
Without getting inexcusably gross, I’m glad we got the extra towels.

All of a sudden, I felt as physically good as I did mentally.
After I cleaned myself up, I was ready to PARTY!

I call it the RASUL MIRACLE.

Now I was a new man.
Sure, let’s have a mud fight!
Shower again?
Absolutely!
More Steam?
Bring it on!

After 3 trips back and forth from the steam room to the shower and the applying and reapplying of the unguents and oils and other adult activities, we were ready to go back to our stateroom and change (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).
Although we felt like we’d been in for the hour allotted, there was no knock. So we sheepishly left the RASUL and back to our separate but equal dressing rooms.
On the way out I saw our Halberd (look THAT arcane reference up) Hostess
(Once again, as with Showerbeer, Halberd Hostess sounds like a great band. I know this is a Dave Barry rip off, but he’s retired.). She told me she’d knocked a while ago, but since there was no one scheduled behind us and she heard us laughing, that she’d let us go a little longer.
We were in there for an hour and a half.

They gave us some aromatic goodies, and I tipped.
Well.

I was in a trance.
I felt great; I was refreshed, relaxed, and HAPPY!

After we changed, we made our way out on the boat again.
Drinks were definitely in order.
We saw Doc and Dog on the stairs again! I told them we’d see them at the wine tasting, but they said there was no wine tasting.
Huh?
I have tickets. (See Dog’s TR)
I wanted to go dancing, but no club was offering dancing at 2pm.
We got drinks and some food from the Beach Blanket Bingo.
I was VERY Hungry.

(I don’t think I can leave any more coy hints about how much we enjoyed the day up to this point without being arrested. Let’s just say we were both in a good mood and leave it at that)

We had the Wine tasting coming up as I ate crab meat on the deck of a big honking boat while drinking a double of something tropical with the woman I love.

That’s when our Oceaneer’s Club Beeper went off…



Let’s just assume that none of my remaining reports will be short.
I truly appreciate all your nice comments, but just realize that the more you encourage me, the more I write.
You have been warned.

Chapter 6 Sure You Can Go Back to the Club, and Pirates Golden Mickey in the Caribbean Night

 

[RoyalVizier]

I too have done the Rasul during our first ever cruise and it was lovely.... I neither thought of the smallness of the room or the "macabre" object of sinks and pipes in the center of the steamroom, but now... reading your description.... I can't help but think of the bathroom in the movie Saw.

I don't know that I can ever Rasul again.

Hilariously described, my friend... you're doing a swell (yes, I said it) job. Keep it up!

 

[zweihund]

THE ROOM was basically just a Turkish steam room with tile benches.
Now I immediately noticed there were THREE benches in the steam room that encircled the steam pole in the middle.
THREE.
As the room filled with the thick and very hot steam, I wondered aloud about that 3rd bench.
3?
Really?
Who comes in here as a trio?
Maybe this RASUL was just brought over from a Carnival boat.

I wondered that myself.......
Great writing, keep it coming!

 

[Ski-and-Sea]

To directly quote the latest Passporter's Guide to DCL....

Under "Exotic Rasul"...it says....on page 147

"Cost is $83 for 1-3 people for 60 minutes". And it does mention to bring extra towels.

Hmmmmm....what is DCL trying to tell us with that???????