The Bloat and Float 06 Cruise Report: Now The Truth Comes Out!

[grumpydude]

They've renamed the Wonder to The Happy Place. . .

At least there was not any mud

 

[pppiglet]

Hey...I think you look cool in the pirate bandana!

 

[miztigg]

ok you got me hooked just booked the rasul room for our dec cruise excellent tr

 

[JDBlair]

At least there was not any mud

I see Grumpy (literally, the character) in just the pose you have on your sigy and saying those words above with a little grunt in his voice. I busted out laughing right here!!!

 

[wendygirl]

dad's who openly love their kids melt their wives hearts can't wait for more TR!

 

[NJMermaid]

Excellent, I'm leaving tomorrow, so sorry that I can't continue reading this TR.

 

[tyedye]

That was too funny the way you described the other ship that was docked next to you and from the looks of the picture you took of it, you are right I do think they were hiding another ship, 18 hole golf course, and an olympic sized swimming pool on it.

On our first cruise we checked our youngest son (then 7 yrs) into the club and picked him up about an hour later. The next day he cried and cried and asked why did I make him go and do something he didn't want to. I thought the stuff they did in the clubs looked fun etc but we've been on 3 cruises now and you can count on one hand the number of times and hours our sons have been to the clubs.

Great report, thanks for writing.

 

[FatherForce]

Chapter 7 Castaway Cay has a Medical Center too.


Good Day Faithful Readers.
Today’s installment will be a little different.
I’m going to confess something.
I wasn’t too pleased with my last installment. In fact, I was bored by it, and I needed to come up with a way to do the next chapter differently.
So, I have decided that our Castaway Cay experience would be done as a “Slide Show”.

In order for this to work, I’m going to have to ask you to play along.
Imagine you’ve come over to our house to return the pet carrier you borrowed to take you cat to the vet.
Now, since you’re somewhat in my debt, I’ve asked if you want to see some slides from our cruise.
You can’t think of an excuse quickly enough, so I rush to grab the projector and about 40 slide carrousels. As I set up the screen, you notice that there are probably 500 slides or more that you are going to have to sit through.
You wonder if you could realistically fake a seizure.
I ask if you’d like a drink, and since you haven’t acted since The Music Man in high school, you eagerly agree and demand a strong one.
After I deliver you drink, I dim the lights, and off we go…


(Click)

“This is the sunrise off our verandah.
I got up early as usual, and went out to watch the clouds and sea until our breakfast arrived from room service.”

(Click)

“Yeah, room service is FREE! I wanted to get a steak sandwich at 4 in the morning, but Cheryll wouldn’t let me.
What?
Oh yeah, whatever you want basically. You have to pay for booze, though”

(Click)

“Here are more clouds.
Huh?
Oh sure, I’ll get you another drink. Jeez, you finished that one quick. Here are some more clouds while I get you another one.”

(Click)

“Here ya go. Hey, look more clouds. They were really beautiful.”

(Click)

(40 more cloud pics are shown)

(Click)

“Here’s Sam at 8am as we were pulling into Castaway Cay. She was zonked.”

(Click)

“Now this is so cool. As we were docking, I noticed this rainbow.
We were all so excited to be spending the day on the beach at Castaway Cay. Samantha had never been in the ocean before. Cheryll was going to go Parasailing. I got her a Parasailing Trip for her birthday. Yeah, I am a great husband. Cheryll’s a lucky gal.”

(Click)

“Now, look here. That’s the actual Flying Dutchman from the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie.
No, it’s not Johnny Depp’s ship, that’s the Black Pearl. It’s in Long Beach. This was the supernatural ship captained by Davey Jones.
Jeez, don’t you know anything? What a Maroon!
What do you mean you don’t follow entertainment news that much? What other kind of news are you reading?
Well, I guess if you’d rather know what’s going on in the world with all the politics and stuff, that’s your prerogative. Guess you’re just like Bobby Brown, only without all the crack and spousal abuse.
Don’t get mad. It was a joke.
‘My Prerogative’? Bobby Brown? Bobby and Whitney?
Oh never mind”

(Click)

“So we left the ship early. We wanted to get a good spot on the family beach. I had my heart set on a hammock.
Huh?
It would have to be a big hammock?
Funny.”

 

[FatherForce]

(Click)

“Here’s the Flying Dutchman again”

(Click)

Here’s Sam standing next to a big plastic fish with a hat on its head. Isn’t she adorable?”

(Click)

“Here’s the back of the ship. Don’t know why I took that one, but there it is.”

(Click)

“Here’s another one of the Flying Dutchman. Pretty cool, huh?”

(Click)

Now’s here’s yet another shot of the FD. I was trying to replicate a picture a saw online taken by this drunken geek named Zweihund.
No, I don’t really know her. I’m sure you don’t. I think her name’s Erica or something.
Well, I’m just kidding about her being a drunken geek.
No, I guess calling someone names to someone else who doesn’t know them isn’t funny or even appropriate.
Jeez, lighten up.”

(Click)

“Now, here’s the FD in relation to the Wonder.
What?
Oh. I have about 60 pictures of the FD. I’ll skip ahead, I guess.
You want ANOTHER drink?”

(Click)

“Here’s more of Samantha.
I know. She is very beautiful.
No, it wouldn’t be cute if she ended up dating your son. He’s 14!
Oh, your 7 year old son. I forgot about him.
No, it still wouldn’t be cute. She will never be allowed to date. After I’m dead and she’s 45 or so, she can talk to boys on the phone.”

(Click)

“We got a great spot on the family beach with a hammock. Even though it was cloudy and even rained some in the morning, Cheryll thought we’d better get some sunscreen on.
Yes, she is lucky to have me.
Oh, you meant it the other way around?”

(Click)

“Here I am lying in the hammock.
Huh?
Oh, well, yeah, I did take this picture myself.
I guess it is technically cheating.
What are you, the vacation picture police?”

 

[FatherForce]

(Click)

“Samantha was upset that I wouldn’t buy her any new sand toys. She already had a lot. We saw MomSully and her family out early too. She was fighting the same battle with her kids.
Oh, MomSully is one of the great folks I met online who were on the cruise with us.
No, she wasn’t the one married to that Maroon with painted toe nails who got stuck in the tub, that’s Doc.
Yeah, that IS funny.
Anyway, MomSully was going snorkeling with her brood before the water got all cloudy. I wanted to go too. I even brought our own snorkeling gear.
We do too snorkel.
What do you mean snorkeling in our backyard pool doesn’t count?
Anyway, Cheryll and Sam didn’t want to snorkel yet.
Here’s Cheryll showing Samantha how to make a sandcastle with a discarded drink cup.”

(Click)

“Isn’t that an awesome picture? Yeah, the rain stopped and the sun came out. Boy, did it ever come out! It got HOT!
Yes, I realize it gets hot in the Bahamas.
Anyway, it was here that Cheryll was finally realizing that she would soon be lifted up in the air by a parachute on a string and she was getting nervous. Also, Sam cut her heel on the hammock stand, so I had to take her to the med center. She was crying, even though it wasn’t more than a scrape. Inside the med center, the nice Dr cleaned it up and put a band aid on it. One thing to note though is that med center is right across from the gift shop.
Guess who got some sand toys after all?”

(Click)

“So Cheryll went off to her parasailing adventure and Sam and I played in the sand.
Cheryll took our cheap water proof camera and got her pic with Captain Jack Sparrow.
No, he really doesn’t look much like him at all.
Hey, he was trying. That same guy also had to be Prince Charming and a bad dancing pirate, and one of Cruella’s thugs, and more.”

(Click)

“Look. Cheryll took some pics of the FD too!”

(Click)

“While we played in the sand, a very nice young man came by and asked if I wanted a drink. I said sure, bring me a banana daiquiri.
Hey, I was on vacation in the Bahamas. A banana daiquiri is a perfectly acceptable drink.
I am NOT a sissy.”

(Click)

“Here I am enjoying my beverage without shame. I want this picture on my tombstone, by the way.”

(Click)

“I’m pretty sure this is Cheryll up there. At least that’s what we’re telling everyone.”

(Click)

“Cheryll loved the parasailing experience. Here’s the only pic she took while in the air.
She was nervous, like I said.”

(Click)

“Samantha”

(Click)

“Another one of Samantha.
What?
I am not crying, quite smiling at me.”

(Click)

“Here’s the sandcastle Cheryll and Samantha made.
We ate lunch at the great BBQ place there. If you are ever there, I suggest the Mahi Mahi sandwich. It was delicious.
I don’t know who this boy is, but I think he peed in the sand right there.”

(Click)

“Now, I had a Wave Runner Eco Tour scheduled for 1:45, but I still wanted to snorkel. No one else did, so I went. I used my mask and snorkel, but I forgot my fins. I didn’t see the point in spending $20 just to rent fins, so I went out in just my water shoes. It seems that the water shoes weren’t the best choice for kicking behind you. They fill with water making it harder to kick, whereas fins make it easier.
What are you laughing at?
So after what I thought was a half hour of swimming I still had not seen any fish or even anything interesting. Plus the water was pretty cloudy.
Yes, that MomSully did have the right idea.
I was just about to give up when all of a sudden I was SURROUNDED by barracudas!

(Click)

Ok, maybe they weren’t barracudas, but they still scared the crap out of me.

(Click)

Here’s a Mickey that had been abandoned. It’s pretty weird that Disney would buy an island that had a Mickey statue buried just off shore, huh? Pretty strange coincidence, if you ask me.
No, I’m not dunk. Why do you ask?

(Click)

“I was very far out now, and I had to hurry back so I wouldn’t miss my Wave Runner tour. I started hustling back as fast as I could, but those water shoes were really slowing me down. Plus I’m not the most fit guy around.
Quit Laughing.
Anyway, it took forever to get back to shore, and by the time I did, my arms felt like limp noodles and my legs quivering.
Good thing Cheryll had bought 6 Heinekens in a decorative DCL collapsible cooler.
We really needed that. It’s out in the garage somewhere if you want to see it.
Anyway, Cheryll and Sam were heading back to the ship, as I went to the Eco Tour. They wanted to clean up before Sam went to her graduation ceremony. We parted ways and I went to the tour I had been so looking forward to doing.
Remember that Zweihind person I was talking about? She wrote a hysterical review of this excursion on her trip report. Here I printed it out so you could read it.
No, I’m not kidding.
ANYWAY, the tour was incredible.
However, I had a problem getting on the personal watercraft.
They were moored just out side the FD in about 5 feet of water.
Wanna see another pic of it?
No? Oh ok.
See you had to pull yourself up onto the craft in chest deep water and I had just completely burnt myself out snorkeling. I was exhausted and my arms and legs were limp.
I had to have one of the large Bahamian men help me up onto the Wave Runner while the rest of my group, including women and children who easily ascended their crafts, watched in horror.
STOP LAUGHING!
Well, as you well know from seeing me mow my lawn without a shirt, I am not easily embarrassed, but I was then. I vowed that I had to get serious about losing weight.
Thanks, I have lost 12 pounds since we got back.
Once out in the ocean though, I quickly forgot about needing help and enjoyed the speed and the freedom of the journey.
I didn’t find it nearly as bumpy as Zweihund did, and I was full throttle the whole way.
Our guide told us some stuff and then took us to a sand bar 2 miles out.”

(Click)

“We got off our WRs and stood ankle deep in sand with nothing but ocean all around us.
It was pretty freakin’ cool.
Plus now my water shoes were filled with 4 inches of sand.

The trip back was AWESOME. Full speed and flying through the water I went. We buzzed by the Wonder and went right up next to the FD.

I made my way back to the ship convinced that this was one of the best days of my life.

Heading back to the stateroom, I was energized and pumped up. Here’s what I found when I got back to the room.”

(Click)

They deserved the nap.
Here are some more pictures of the Flying Dutchman...
Bathroom?
Right down the hall there. Gotta go bad huh? Wow, you must if you’re running like that!
No, not that way. That’s the front door!
Hey! Where are you going?



Next up Chapter 8, Disney Dreams

 

[zweihund]

Now’s here’s yet another shot of the FD. I was trying to replicate a picture a saw online taken by this drunken geek named Zweihund.
No, I don’t really know her. I’m sure you don’t. I think her name’s Erica or something.
Well, I’m just kidding about her being a drunken geek.
No, I guess calling someone names to someone else who doesn’t know them isn’t funny or even appropriate.
Jeez, lighten up.”

rofl

I love it.

I have to look at this again when I get home so I can see the pics - what am I supposed to do at this hospital, WORK or something? Sheehs.

 

[FatherForce]

According to my Tv ( which is all-knowing), Hospital workers just spend their time sleeping with each other.
That is unles they are in the ER and then they spend their time sleeping with each other in bewteen helicopters crashing into the building.

 

[grumpydude]

Love the installment. Great idea. CLICK

 

[grumpydude]

I vowed that I had to get serious about losing weight.

Get in shape? I tell my wife I am in shape. Hey, round is a shape. Congrats on the 12. Keep at it.

 

[JDBlair]

dad's who openly love their kids melt their wives hearts can't wait for more TR!

I agree. Nothing makes my heart fill with so much happiness and tears come to my eyes faster than watching my husband with my daughter. Especially when he scoops her up and she places her head on his shoulder and squeezes him. There is nothing sexier than a man who loves his children!

 

[kaceyisme]

Brilliant!! Loving this!!

 

[curlybop]

Still loving it! The photos are excellent.

 

[pppiglet]

Loved your slide show!

 

[Jennifer48]

Great slide show!

Can I have another ???

 

[RoyalVizier]

(Click)

Ok, maybe they weren’t barracudas, but they still scared the crap out of me.

(Click)

I think that's the yellow fish that tried to eat my daughter!

You were right to be afraid... very afraid!