Thankgiving Drama started today... Am I wrong here? Update in post #113.

[Papa Deuce]

3 weeks ago I invited my mom to join us at my BIL's for dinner - at his suggestion. My mom turned me down saying that she wanted to work in a soup kitchen for the day. My BIL lives 1:10 away... so this is a 2 hour and 20 minute round trip...

Last week I asked her again. And she turned me down again.

A few days ago my brother calls me and says my mom has decided not to work in the soup kitchen and her backup plans fell through. He asked me to bring my mom over to his house so he didn't have to make two round trips. He lives 40 minutes the other way. ( My mom lives just 4 blocks from me )... So he would have to drive 2 hours and 40 minutes to handle two round trips.

So that means if I did this I would have to drive 3:40 total on a day when I have plans to visit my BIL / SIL.... on a day when I'll be cooking before leaving. And my wife can't help as she is still in recovery from surgery. So, I told my brother no. If he wants to invite her, than he needs to do it all himself. His family can't come to my mom's for dinner because his FIL is an invalid, and they all live together.

Now, I don't know if my brother called my mom to get her to ask me this or not, but she called to ask me to drive her over to my brother's house so he only needs to make one round trip.

I reminded her that I did in fact invite her to go with us TWICE, and she said no, and now, I have plans and won't drive her to my brother's house.

She just hung up the phone on me.

Am I wrong, here?

 

[princess momma]

I think you're wrong for bringing your mom into the situation with you and your brother.

 

[C.Ann]

Why should you have to make all these trips and brother makes none?

Call brother and tell him he needs to call mom and tell her what time HE is going to be picking her up..

Why do people insist on ruining the holidays with all of this drama??

 

[Papa Deuce]

I think you're wrong for bringing your mom into the situation with you and your brother.

How did I do that? The only thing I did was ask my mom to join us for dinner.

 

[EMom]

No, you're not wrong. You asked and asked again. When she turned you down and indicated she had firm plans, you made alternate plans that cannot be easily changed. In fact, they would be a PITA to change. I say this is between Mom and the kid she wants to dine with. You're out of it. You have your wife to think of and that trumps a mind-changing mother.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Why should you have to make all these trips and brother makes none?

Call brother and tell him he needs to call mom and tell her what time HE is going to be picking her up..

Why do people insist on ruining the holidays with all of this drama??

No, he wants to make ONE round trip... not 2.

 

[C.Ann]

No, he wants to make ONE round trip... not 2.

Well that's too bad.. You have been trying to get this settled for weeks now - to no avail.. You have your own plans to deal with, a wife recovering, cooking to do, and traveling as well.. What does HE have to do??

Sounds to me like he's just being selfish..

 

[princess momma]

How did I do that? The only thing I did was ask my mom to join us for dinner.

Maybe I've misunderstood. I think the driving thing sounds like it's between you and your brother. And you and your brother have put her in the middle.

I don't think it's too much for your brother to do for his mom, though. I'd just tell him no.

 

[RitaZ.]

I guess it comes down to the relationship that you have with your mother.

If it was my mom, I wouldn't hesitate to pick her up, drive her, whatever. She has been one heck of a mom and I couldn't do something like that to her. Parents put up with a lot of crap when they're raising us. It's only right and fair to put up with their indecisiveness. JMO.

 

[cepmom]

I don't think you did anything wrong...you asked her twice to join you. She declined, her plans changed, now she wants to eat at your brothers. I mean driving her there would be nice if it fit in to your plans, but since it would be too difficult for you to do so, let your brother pick her up and drive her home. It's not like he can't right? He just doesn't want to.

 

[ohiomom28]

3 weeks ago I invited my mom to join us at my BIL's for dinner - at his suggestion. My mom turned me down saying that she wanted to work in a soup kitchen for the day. By BIL lives 1:10 away... so this is a 2 hour and 20 minute round trip...

Last week I asked her again. And she turned me down again.

A few days ago my brother calls me and says my mom has decided not to work in the soup kitchen and her backup plans fell through. He asked me to bring my mom over to his house so he didn't have to make two round trips. He lives 40 minutes the other way. ( My mom lives just 4 blocks from me )... So he would have to drive 2 hours and 40 minutes to handle two round trips.

So that means if I did this I would have to drive 3:40 total on a day when I have plans to visit my BIL / SIL.... on a day when I'll be cooking before leaving. And my wife can't help as she is still in recovery from surgery. So, I told my brother no. If he wants to invite her, than he needs to do it all himself. His family can't come to my mom's for dinner because his FIL is an invalid, and they all live together.

Now, I don't know if my brother called my mom to get her to ask me this or not, but she called to ask me to drive her over to my brother's house so he only needs to make one round trip.

I reminded her that I did in fact invite her to go with us TWICE, and she said no, and now, I have plans and won't drive her to my brother's house.

She just hung up the phone on me.

Am I wrong, here?

You didn't bring her into it. I would tell again that she can go with you or your brother can come and get her. Maybe she can stay the night so its not so much travel in one day?

 

[cepmom]

You didn't bring her into it. I would tell again that she can go with you or your brother can come and get her. Maybe she can stay the night so its not so much travel in one day?

I think this sounds like a great idea. Maybe OP could drive her to brothers the night before and then brother can drive her home after Thanksgiving dinner.

 

[Magic Mom]

If it were me, I would take her. Your brother is being a jerk, but that's not her fault.

 

[DMickey28]

Aren't you already driving there and back? What's the big deal with bringing your mom with you?

ETA: Nevermind ... I get it ... You asked your Mom to go with you to your BIL and she said No. Now she wants to go to her Other Sons house for Thanksgiving and it's up to your and your brother to get her there? I get it .... Unfortunately, I'd let your mom know that your invite to go with you and your family to your BIL's house still stands if she would like to join you there. Otherwise, there isn't much more you can do. I don't think it's fair, once your plans are laid, for you to drive from your house 40 EAST, drive home and then drive over an hour WEST and back to your house. I suppose, if I could squeeze it in in the early AM I would but I wouldn't change my plans.

 

[princess momma]

I feel really bad for your mom, OP. Put yourself in her position. Her 2 kids don't want to be bothered with her. I get that she changed her mind, you've made plans, etc. She hung the phone up on you. She must be very hurt.

 

[worm761]

The OP is driving an hour in the opposite direction to spend the holidays with his in laws. He invited mother twice and she refused twice. Now, brother and her want her to go to brothers house but brother doesn't want to drive her. So now he expects OP to drive 2 hours in the other direction to drive mother to brothers, then drive himself and wife to his inlaws. Brother and mother are trying to guild OP into doing ALL the driving.

OP you are not in the wrong. You offered to take your mother with you twice to where you were going. She changed her mind and your brother doesn't want to drive on the holiday. Stick to your no. You have to cook and a take care of your wife and drive to inlaws. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

 

[C.Ann]

The OP is driving an hour in the opposite direction to spend the holidays with his in laws. He invited mother twice and she refused twice. Now, brother and her want her to go to brothers house but brother doesn't want to drive her. So now he expects OP to drive 2 hours in the other direction to drive mother to brothers, then drive himself and wife to his inlaws. Brother and mother are trying to guild OP into doing ALL the driving.

OP you are not in the wrong. You offered to take your mother with you twice to where you were going. She changed her mind and your brother doesn't want to drive on the holiday. Stick to your no. You have to cook and a take care of your wife and drive to inlaws. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

That's the way I understood it too.. There are two different destinations involved.. I suppose the OP could ask his mom one more time to go with him and his family and if she says no again, then it's the brother that should be feeling guilty and do the right thing..

 

[Papa Deuce]

You didn't bring her into it. I would tell again that she can go with you or your brother can come and get her. Maybe she can stay the night so its not so much travel in one day?

Not an option.... They have a 2 BR home. The daughter is in one room, they have the other BR, and the FIL lives in a room they built off the kitchen. And the house is TINY... you can barely even walk around in the house.

 

[Papa Deuce]

I feel really bad for your mom, OP. Put yourself in her position. Her 2 kids don't want to be bothered with her. I get that she changed her mind, you've made plans, etc. She hung the phone up on you. She must be very hurt.

How so? I invited her TWICE to join me and she turned me down.

 

[Folklore]

I feel really bad for your mom, OP. Put yourself in her position. Her 2 kids don't want to be bothered with her. I get that she changed her mind, you've made plans, etc. She hung the phone up on you. She must be very hurt.

I think you need to go back and read the OP again. He asked his mother TWICE to join his family for Thanksgiving, which she declined. His brother then asked her and she accepted. It is not the OP's job to transport his mother to his brother's for Thanksgiving. His brother should have taken care of those arrangements when he asked his mother to join him.

I am sorry OP. You did nothing wrong. If your mother and brother want to have Thanksgiving together it is their responsibility to make transportation arrangements. Don't let them make you feel bad.