Thankgiving Drama started today... Am I wrong here? Update in post #113.

[AshleyW]

I feel really bad for your mom, OP. Put yourself in her position. Her 2 kids don't want to be bothered with her. I get that she changed her mind, you've made plans, etc. She hung the phone up on you. She must be very hurt.

That doesn't sound like the situation at all. OP has invited her several times to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. It's not like her only option is to be alone on Thanksgiving. It's the other brother that doesn't want to be bothered with her, and that's his fault, not the OP's.

ETA: Looks like Folklore barely beat me to it.

 

[lovethecastle]

hi-I'm new to this part of the boards.
Are you wrong: No, not at all. Can your mother drive herself?

 

[Papa Deuce]

hey-I'm new to this part of the boards.
Are you wrong: No, not at all. Can your mother drive herself?

MY mom will only drive about a mile at most due to her health.

BTW, this is the same ( only ) brother who once bought my mom a gift certificate for a place 15 minutes east of him for Christmas. That means about an hour away for me. He calls me up and said " I bought mom a GC to "x", but you will have to take her so I don't have to make 2 trips over your way".


I told him that he either had to drive her for both trips or he had to get his money back on the GC, because I wasn't doing that.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I guess it comes down to the relationship that you have with your mother.

If it was my mom, I wouldn't hesitate to pick her up, drive her, whatever. She has been one heck of a mom and I couldn't do something like that to her. Parents put up with a lot of crap when they're raising us. It's only right and fair to put up with their indecisiveness. JMO.

Me too. Even if it doesn't seem like a good position for you, it's your mom. I'd do it for my mom.

ETA- I don't think you are "wrong". It's just one of those situations where you might not be happy either way.

 

[princess momma]

How so? I invited her TWICE to join me and she turned me down.

She doesn't want to go to your IL's, you can't really blame her for that. And your brother isn't willing to pick her up. I imagine she's feeling a bit unwanted. It doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong. She's your mother.

 

[Papa Deuce]

She doesn't want to go to your IL's, you can't really blame her for that. And your brother isn't willing to pick her up. I imagine she's feeling a bit unwanted. It doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong. She's your mother.

Except that she has a great relationship with these particular in laws. In fact, in previous times she has asked me to bring her when we go to visit these in laws. Plus, my SIL from NC will be there, and my mom absolutely love her... and rarely sees her.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Me too. Even if it doesn't seem like a good position for you, it's your mom. I'd do it for my mom.

ETA- I don't think you are "wrong". It's just one of those situations where you might not be happy either way.

Could be... but the bad part is that it is the other 2 parties that might make it so. I'm the one who shouldn't be caught in the middle, IMO.

 

[disykat]

I feel really bad for your mom, OP. Put yourself in her position. Her 2 kids don't want to be bothered with her. I get that she changed her mind, you've made plans, etc. She hung the phone up on you. She must be very hurt.

HUH? She's been invited two places. The problem is that Papa's brother's invitation doesn't include transportation. She was invited to go with Papa, but declined. Now she wants to go elsewhere, but she and her other son have decided it's papa's job to transport her, despite knowing that he has plans in the other direction.

 

[Papa Deuce]

HUH? She's been invited two places. The problem is that Papa's brother's invitation doesn't include transportation. She was invited to go with Papa, but declined. Now she wants to go elsewhere, but she and her other son have decided it's papa's job to transport her, despite knowing that he has plans in the other direction.

Thanks for putting it as succinctly as I should have.

 

[princess momma]

HUH? She's been invited two places. The problem is that Papa's brother's invitation doesn't include transportation. She was invited to go with Papa, but declined. Now she wants to go elsewhere, but she and her other son have decided it's papa's job to transport her, despite knowing that he has plans in the other direction.

Call me crazy, but I do things for my mom even when it inconveniences me. It's just how I was raised. If my mom hung up on me I'd feel horrible. PD's mom didn't hang the phone up on him because she's feeling so loved and cherished.

He shouldn't have to drive his mom, his brother should get off his butt and pick her up.

We'll be on the road this Thanksgiving for over 3 hours so we can see both sides of the family. It's not at all what I want to do, but it's what we're doing.

 

[happygirl]

Thanks for putting it as succinctly as I should have.

OP did your mom understand that you couldn't take her?

 

[HeatherC]

PrincessMomma - Are you a mom? I hope you're not laying guilt like that on your kids! Part of a mom's job is to not make your kids feel guilty about things...serves no purpose. OP was not trying to hurt her feelings or leave her out.

OP: stand by your guns. Once your brother knows you'll do this this time, he'll be trying it again at Christmas time and then Easter and then....

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!

 

[EthansMom]

HUH? She's been invited two places. The problem is that Papa's brother's invitation doesn't include transportation. She was invited to go with Papa, but declined. Now she wants to go elsewhere, but she and her other son have decided it's papa's job to transport her, despite knowing that he has plans in the other direction.

I think some of the dissenters must not have understood the whole of the situation.

Papa D, I don't think you've done anything wrong. You've invited your Mom twice to go with you and your family (transportation included, I'm sure). Instead, your Mom wants to travel to visit another relative and, either she or your brother, wants you to take her there, regardless of your other commitments for the day.

I think your brother is out of line to automatically assume that his plans should take priority over any plans you may have had for your time on Thanksgiving. In your shoes, I'd just say, "Sorry, I'm going to be busy traveling in the other direction that day. Mom is more than welcome to come with us."

 

[C.Ann]

For those who are attempting to throw a guilt trip on the OP, did you read his entire post? He has to cook, has a wife who is recovering from a health issue, has to drive a lengthy distance in the opposite direction to their destination, has invited his mom to join him several times (which she declined), and is now being told he needs to make an additional lengthy round trip in an entirely "different" direction - just because his brother doesn't want to get off his lazy butt and mom couldn't make up her mind until the last minute where she wanted to spend Thanksgiving..

Look at the travel times.. How many hours do you think there are on Thanksgiving Day??

 

[Nolcrest]

You absolutely did nothing wrong. You invited her twice to join you at your in-laws. She declined.

Brother wants her at his house. He should figure out the transportation since you have other plans. I'm sure you'd accommodate her if you were able.

This invitation is between your brother and mother. They should leave you out of it.

 

[momof1princess]

you've done nothing wrong, PD. your brother needs to get off his behind and go get your mom on Thanksgiving Day. my brother has done this soooooo many times. sure, he wants my mom to visit but won't come get her and won't give her gas money when he and SIL make almost $100,00 per year and my mom lives on SSD. don't give in! if you do it once, it's expected FOR-E-VER. i know from experience.

 

[Erin1700]

Nope, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Tell your brother to figure it out. Yes, she is your mother, but you did the proper son thing and invited her to go with you already.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I don't think you are in the wrong, but here's your choices, as I see them

1) Offer to take her the night before if your brother can make accommodations to put her up for the night. If he cannot/won't do that, then ...

2) Tell mom that you won't be able to drive her to brothers, but that she's welcome to join you in going to BIL's house


I only offer up #1 for your mom's behalf, not your brothers.

 

[lovethecastle]

MY mom will only drive about a mile at most due to her health.

BTW, this is the same ( only ) brother who once bought my mom a gift certificate for a place 15 minutes east of him for Christmas. That means about an hour away for me. He calls me up and said " I bought mom a GC to "x", but you will have to take her so I don't have to make 2 trips over your way".


I told him that he either had to drive her for both trips or he had to get his money back on the GC, because I wasn't doing that.

So this is not the first time your brother has tried this stunt. He sounds like a real charmer.
Some people have said that she is your mother so you should just do this for her. But she is also your brother's mother right so he should do this for her too. I hope this makes sense.
Good luck! and have a wonderful holiday.

ps. Maryjo-the op said that there wasn't any room at the brother's house for her to stay because there is a disabled family member already living there & it's a small house.

 

[TwinsinCA]

She's your mother too and I really don't see 90 minutes RT as that big of an imposition. I know you said you have to cook. Bring her over first thing in the morning and you'll still have enough time. Or you could offer to get her at the end of the evening when your cooking is finished.