teens WITHOUT cell phones, email

[Colleen27]

I don't know about "freak of nature", but he's definitely in the minority. Here the kids seem to get phones in middle school. DS was one of the only kids to have one when he was in 4th & 5th grade and I didn't let him carry it everywhere, but now that he's in 6th several of his friends have gotten phones and they do text each other. By high school, it seems like just about all the kids have a phone.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

seriously? 10 year olds? I don't think I'm that far out of the loop (DD is 10, I'm a girl scout leader and Sunday school director, know just a few kids there). I don't think I know any 10 year olds with a cell phone? Yikes!

For what it's worth, I don't have texting or internet on my cell phone either. Really only have it for emergencies.

I agree, I don't know any 10 or 11 year olds that have cell phones. My kids are 8, 9, 10 and 14 and they don't have cell phones or email. It's not really an issue for us at all. We live in a somewhat rural area so I drive them to and from school and to all their after-school activities. They are, of course, allowed to talk to friends on our house phone, but none of them really do that either. Also, I just have a basic cell phone, I don't text or have internet access on my cell phone.

OP, your son is not a freak of nature. If it works for your family, don't worry about what others think.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

Thanks all, esp those chiming in their teens don't have it.

Just for clarification, he does have a gmail account. He does know how to use email/attachments/group emails all that. He does use my cell phone times he's out/about somewhere and may need to be reached. (Though it does not have texting on it.) Like many adults though, he doesn't want to be bombarded with "stuff" every minute of the day.

His troop is very much boy led. He has been a patrol leader several times. Currently he's a den chief and as said not the norm for 10 year olds to even have cells here (and I surely wouldn't expect them to be texting their den chief, anyway!) When needed, he certainly made use of the email list and all. I guess we're just a little old fashioned thinking (as this scout leader did) that he should instantaneously be able to get a message the afternoon of the scout meeting.

(Ironically, the reason I didn't get the email to tell DS, is that I was at the council office wearing my advancement chair hat verifying this leader's son's merit badges so he could turn in his Eagle application, two hours before the deadline... the son was on the phone twice with me while dad was driving him over. Not sure why the dad didn't just mention for him to pass along message to DS... guess that is another vent. )

 

[pyrxtc]

My DD13 has an e-mail but no phone.

My kids have to have an e-mail account, even my 1st grader. My 1st and 4th grader use my e-mail account currently but I will be signing them up for one of their own soon enough. They all have to turn in their homework through e-mail on occasion. It is weekly for my DD13 and she has a blog that she has to post to as part of her homework also.

A lot of my kids homework is done online and even with PowerPoint for the 4th and 8th grader.

As for a phone, we have a landline and cell phones are hard to get reception where I live anyways. Way not worth it !

 

[Sparx]

I think it would actually be a good idea to have you child set up an email account and get in the habit of checking it and actually teach him how to use it.

I've personally seen freshmen in college who couldn't figure out how to use the school email/couldn't remember to check it. My professors weren't amused.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

My kids would miss far too much without it. Too many groups use either email, facebook groups or texting to get info out. It is far easier than calling everyone. Not utilizing the common modes of communication is silly.

My kids don't have cell phones or email and they aren't missing anything. They are active in a number of different church and civic groups and after-school activities and I, personally, haven't found email or cell phones to have any bearing on their being able to participate or excel in those groups or activities.

 

[disykat]

My 15 year old doesn't have a cell and we ALL prefer his emails to come to our account. He rarely opens his. I check mine twice a day so I can easily let him know he has mail.

He'll get a phone for his 16th birthday. Meanwhile he uses facebook and the home phone. He takes his dad's cell when we need to get a hold of him.

 

[DVCLiz]

My take on this issue is that some parents want to make this a parenting issue and some want to make it a communication issue.

If you are a parent who starts out by saying "I just don't see any need..." then you want to make it a parenting issue. You want to bring issues like age, cost, etc into the picture and you want to justify your opinion and you think less of people who don't share your view.

Otherwise you will watch your child's peer group, see that most parents are allowing cell phone/texting to begin, and follow suit. You'll make your own family rules about usage, but otherwise you won't make a judgement about the phone. You'll see it as a communcation tool.

Obviously I'm a communication tool kind of parent - when I saw that more than half of the kids in my child's grade had cell phones I went to the store and bought one for my daughter. She was a part of the large group who were adapting the technology to their own use. I had no moral judgement about it - as long as she followed my rules and my budget it was fine.

Everyone gets to make their own choice about this and all the other decisions along the parenting road but I don't understand why some parents feel the "need" (I hate that word!) to be so critical of other choices.

OP, your son is not a freak of nature but he is going to be out of the loop on a lot of things in the next year or two if you don't allow him this technology. I know he is not doing it now but once the large group starts with cell phones and texting you'll have to be prepared for him to miss out on social activities that were planned by text. No one is going to baby your son into the 21st century by remembering to call on the landline - he'll just be left out. Many other parents have posted about this on the DIS but it happens and the easy fix is to get your older teen a cell and be done with it.

 

[suzannen]

My DD's school sets up an email account for each student and a separate one for the parents. The students and teachers communicate class assignments, grades, a place to ask questions while parents are notified of school closings due to weather, details for upcoming trips and events (school photos). And, now due to a new "Green Initiative" the students are no longer supposed to print out term papers to be handed in, but are supposed to email them to their teachers instead. I agree it's time for your child to start getting used to this new mode of communication.

And, as far as the cell phone, in this area, it has nothing to do with status and everything to do with safety and communication after 911. Almost every child in my DD's school has one. And, once your student is in so many after-school clubs, sports or school trips, being able to communicate and know exactly where your child is and what their schedule (we're at exit 59, be home in 15 minutes) is a comforting thing to know as a parent.

 

[kristilew]

My kids don't have cell phones or email and they aren't missing anything. They are active in a number of different church and civic groups and after-school activities and I, personally, haven't found email or cell phones to have any bearing on their being able to participate or excel in those groups or activities.

I think you are lucky, then. DD's large youth group relies mainly on texting and email blasts to keep in touch. So does her glee club and several other volunteer organizations in which she participates. Why should I expect the leaders of these groups to have one mode of communication for everyone else, then have to make a special phone call for my daughter?

She would definitely miss out on both information and participation opportunities without being in the loop with texting. This is how teens schedule get-togethers, car pools, study sessions, etc. They can receive texts at times when they wouldn't get phone calls, and respond immediately. They also can touch base with an entire group with one quick text, instead of relying on phone-trees or time-consuming individual calls.

My friend's DD does not have texting. I know her mom thinks she's not missing a thing. But I also know of a lot of things she has been left out of b/c her friends (including my DD) know it's not worth it to call her house with a time-sensitive invite or question, as she does after school activiites and wouldn't get a message til too late. And they can't text her, so they just leave her out. They don't want to hurt her feelings, so they often don't even tell her about what she missed. At school, kids try to avoid having her part of their group projects, because it's hard to get in touch with her to work outside of school. But her mom has no idea.

This is just my experience, ymmv.

 

[JVL1018]

seriously? 10 year olds? I don't think I'm that far out of the loop (DD is 10, I'm a girl scout leader and Sunday school director, know just a few kids there). I don't think I know any 10 year olds with a cell phone? Yikes!

For what it's worth, I don't have texting or internet on my cell phone either. Really only have it for emergencies.

My almost 11 year old has a cell phone(we gave it to her for her 10th birthday), and while she uses it infrequently to text her friends, she uses it to contact me pretty often.

This week: Sunday she cheered, we went to the game of course, but she takes the bus back and forth with the rest of the squad. On the way there she called to tell us that the location had been changed from what we thought.
When the bus came back she called to let us know she was ready to be picked up.
Yesterday she went for a bike ride with her friends, I feel better knowing she can contact me( I don't think I'd let her go without a phone) and I texted her to let her know her brother wanted to ride too and to swing past the house to get him.
She texts me every time cheering practice is over(twice a week) as well.

I got it for her as a gift, but had no idea how handy *I* would find it, to have her have one. It's less about her having one for her convenience and more about her having it for mine.

 

[Michelle and crew]

My kids don't have cell phones or email and they aren't missing anything. They are active in a number of different church and civic groups and after-school activities and I, personally, haven't found email or cell phones to have any bearing on their being able to participate or excel in those groups or activities.

if it works for you. Mine are in church, Co op and a homeschool teen group, and are 16, 13 and 10. They have one phone they share currently, but the 16 year old is starting college courses and may soon need his own. It isn't a sign of anything special balking change. No more than it is to be bratty about being on top of it all.

 

[mjkacmom]

IMy friend's DD does not have texting. I know her mom thinks she's not missing a thing. But I also know of a lot of things she has been left out of b/c her friends (including my DD) know it's not worth it to call her house with a time-sensitive invite or question, as she does after school activiites and wouldn't get a message til too late. And they can't text her, so they just leave her out. They don't want to hurt her feelings, so they often don't even tell her about what she missed. At school, kids try to avoid having her part of their group projects, because it's hard to get in touch with her to work outside of school. But her mom has no idea.

This is just my experience, ymmv.

Mine as well. Dd14's bff didn't keep her phone by her side last year, and she missed a bunch of gatherings (I know, because I'm friends with her mom). She learned to keep it nearby. It's how all social events get planned. It also helps with carpooling. I'll ask my dd "does so and so need a ride," and if she says "I don't know, she didn't text me back," I'm not driving her.

 

[Planogirl]

DS didn't get a cell phone until we got rid of our landline. He was almost 16 at the time and I didn't see any other option. He's not exactly a social butterfly though so he didn't care too much.

 

[MiniGirl]

My take on this issue is that some parents want to make this a parenting issue and some want to make it a communication issue.

If you are a parent who starts out by saying "I just don't see any need..." then you want to make it a parenting issue. You want to bring issues like age, cost, etc into the picture and you want to justify your opinion and you think less of people who don't share your view.

I disagree. My dd just turned 11, and she truly does not NEED a cell phone. I also don't need to justify the whys of it either. However, I understand that there are other 11 yos out there who need/want/use a cell phone, and that is fine. I certainly don't think any less of them because they don't share my opinion. Our families are different. Our children's wants and needs are different. Just because my dd doesn't NEED (or even want) a cell phone doesn't mean that I feel all 11 yos are the same.

 

[indimom]

No big deal. I'm 37 and only got an e-mail account and cell phone about two years ago. Still rarely use them and I'm employed, have friends, have commitments and activities, children to keep track of, etc. I don't think I was missing out on anything before, and this hasn't changed a thing for me.

Sure, there are people who need cell phones and e-mail, but they are not a must-have for everyone. Friends and family know what number to call to get ahold of you, and probably know where and how to leave a message if need be. If it aint broke, no need to fix it...

 

[Scurvy]

By the time my son was 10 or 11 he needed an email account for school. I personally think it's a good idea for kids that age to get accounts so they can be getting used to them, because if they don't need them yet they almost certainly will within the next few years. More and more classes and extracurricular activities rely on email as their main form of communication.

Cell phones are different. Some people don't need them, others do. If your child truly doesn't need one then there's no reason you have to get one. I do find this subject funny, though, because I had a conversation about this just the other day with some other band parents. One kept saying she didn't see the need for her kids to have cell phones because they are just unnecessary. She acted like she's a better parent than the rest of us because she doesn't let her child have a phone. But her kid is one who is always using my son's phone to call her parents when band practice gets out. Of course her child doesn't need a phone - because my son has one! I've about hit the point where I'm going to tell my son he can't let her child use his phone any more. My son might not need a phone, but it's made my life better that he does have it. He's called friends once or twice to ask about homework assignments, and otherwise he only uses it to communicate with family members and his band section leader. I love not having to sit in the parking lot for 45 minutes when band runs late, and he loves not having to wait as long when practice gets out early. For us, it's a win/win situation.

 

[shortbun]

My son is a freshman too and I can not imagine managing his emails and other communications. I think by the time they get to high school part of life is managing their own social life. Also, my son's teachers actively use email and websites as well as posting their grades online. They all have cell phones that they will answer for homework help and have asked the students to provide their numbers. Around here a kid without a cell phone is a fish out of water. My son's best friend asked for money to keep his cell activated for school when I asked him what he wanted for his birthday. I bought him a $25 T-mobile phone card. Why keep your children in the dark ages? I can understand setting limits as to use and where it's appropriate to have your phone but a freshman not having an email account is weird. Our schools depend on email and cell phones for teacher-student communication.

 

[indimom]

My take on this issue is that some parents want to make this a parenting issue and some want to make it a communication issue.

If you are a parent who starts out by saying "I just don't see any need..." then you want to make it a parenting issue. You want to bring issues like age, cost, etc into the picture and you want to justify your opinion and you think less of people who don't share your view.
Wow, my kids do not have cell phones, and I probably have used the words "I just don't see any need..." But that doesn't mean I judge anyone who does. And cost is a factor for us. We aren't rich and budget every dime to make sure our kids will get to college, can have vacations, clothing, a roof over their heads, braces. Why does that mean I'm judgemental of think less of others? I thought that was just using good financial management of the money I have??
Maybe you worded this poorly, but it seems a little judgemental in itself.
Otherwise you will watch your child's peer group, see that most parents are allowing cell phone/texting to begin, and follow suit. You'll make your own family rules about usage, but otherwise you won't make a judgement about the phone. You'll see it as a communcation tool.

Obviously I'm a communication tool kind of parent - when I saw that more than half of the kids in my child's grade had cell phones I went to the store and bought one for my daughter. She was a part of the large group who were adapting the technology to their own use. I had no moral judgement about it - as long as she followed my rules and my budget it was fine.

Everyone gets to make their own choice about this and all the other decisions along the parenting road but I don't understand why some parents feel the "need" (I hate that word!) to be so critical of other choices.
Me, either, maybe you should reread your post?? Sounds pretty critical of others to me...
OP, your son is not a freak of nature but he is going to be out of the loop on a lot of things in the next year or two if you don't allow him this technology. I know he is not doing it now but once the large group starts with cell phones and texting you'll have to be prepared for him to miss out on social activities that were planned by text. No one is going to baby your son into the 21st century by remembering to call on the landline - he'll just be left out. Many other parents have posted about this on the DIS but it happens and the easy fix is to get your older teen a cell and be done with it.

Maybe I'm missing something, but sure looks like a case of pot calling the kettle black to me.

 

[allison443]

Cell phones are different. Some people don't need them, others do. If your child truly doesn't need one then there's no reason you have to get one. I do find this subject funny, though, because I had a conversation about this just the other day with some other band parents. One kept saying she didn't see the need for her kids to have cell phones because they are just unnecessary. She acted like she's a better parent than the rest of us because she doesn't let her child have a phone. But her kid is one who is always using my son's phone to call her parents when band practice gets out. Of course her child doesn't need a phone - because my son has one! I've about hit the point where I'm going to tell my son he can't let her child use his phone any more. My son might not need a phone, but it's made my life better that he does have it. He's called friends once or twice to ask about homework assignments, and otherwise he only uses it to communicate with family members and his band section leader. I love not having to sit in the parking lot for 45 minutes when band runs late, and he loves not having to wait as long when practice gets out early. For us, it's a win/win situation.

I agree with you, I have seen this same situation posted a number of times on the dis...a poster will say, my kid doesn't need a cell phone, if they have to get in touch with me they can borrow a phone. So in other words, their kid does need a cell phone, but just one that the parent doesn't have to pay for.