Teens and Vaping.....what to do?

[lukenick1]

Found out my 15 yr old son is vaping. At first I was told by him it was just the sugar juice without nicotine and he did it because he can do cool tricks with the smoke. Now I find out it is nicotine and he is doing it at school daily. He does not have his own jule but is using other kids jules in the bathroom at school. ( That alone freaks me out he has nut allergies and putting his mouth on something someone else used yuck) I bought urine tests and he tested positive for nicotine even after he told me he stopped. I don't know what to do? My husband says we can't be too harsh because he will lash out more but I am very very against any type of drug/alcohol/ pills etc. My sister died from drugs when I was 21 and my kids both know that as I remind them almost daily because of all the things they are coming into contact with at school. I don't know how to handle this other than continue test him and punish him. He tells me I should just accept it and at least it's not something worse. That is exactly what I am afraid of.....what will he try next? He is also on Adderall for ADHD too. I just am curious how everyone else handles this with their teens because I know I am not alone. Oh I also like to add he has asthma!!!!! Ugh!

Thanks for any advice.

 

[morgan98]

I am not a parent, so I know on the DIS that may make my advice less relevant. However, here is my take.

I 100% understand you being upset and disappointed with your son vaping, especially at only 15 years old. That is a tough one and it hard to control what he does everyday and of course, nicotine is very addictive.

But, try not to take vaping to the point of a drug overdose. There are very many people who take up smoking at very young ages and only smoke regular cigarettes. You seem very convinced the vaping is a gateway drug while it may not be.

 

[mjkacmom]

Vaping can be more dangerous than smoking. My niece was caught with a jewel and juice, she gets tested and has lost use of her iPhone, plus has to write a paper on the dangers of vaping. Ds19 has been caught with a jewel, he says he no longer does it, but there is little I can do since he’s an adult (and only lives here during college breaks). He is also medicated for ADHD. I used to smoke, my parents were smokers, they gave in an allowed me to smoke in the house, I wish they didn’t. I’ve always begged my kids to never smoke, it’s such a tough addiction.

Vaping in the school bathrooms is a huge problem here.

 

[kimblebee]

I actually don’t know what I would do, it hasn’t come up here, thankfully.

I wouldn’t go to the extreme of urine testing. I would just sit him down and explain calmly all the negatives of smoking and let him know how disappointed in him I was. I think parental disappointment is a factor in changing behaviour.

Good luck

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Your son lied to you and continues to lie - maybe you need to have a good heart to heart with him. Testing him and pushing him to not do it will only make it more enticing for him. He isn't even using his own and that right there is telling you he is going to push the limits. I don't have any advice but I have been there and done that and nothing worked for me. My middle kid is just that kid that pushes back hard and nothing I did to punish him worked. He is 21 now, almost 22 and he is learning on his own but he smoked, drank, lied, cheated, stole, and now he is finding his way. Thankfully. My other 2 kids are not like him - he is who he is, personality wise. Love him to death but he caused a lot of stress from thinking he knew better than we did. I know this doesn't help. I guess what I am saying is sometimes there isn't anything you can do and sometimes there is. You know your kid better than anyone and you know what will and won't work - trust your gut.

 

[Hikergirl]

I am not a parent, so I know on the DIS that may make my advice less relevant. However, here is my take.

I 100% understand you being upset and disappointed with your son vaping, especially at only 15 years old. That is a tough one and it hard to control what he does everyday and of course, nicotine is very addictive.

But, try not to take vaping to the point of a drug overdose. There are very many people who take up smoking at very young ages and only smoke regular cigarettes. You seem very convinced the vaping is a gateway drug while it may not be.

I do agree that smoking (or vaping) for nicotine isn't a guarantee that a kid will try something else, and end up going to harder drugs.
However here vaping is a problem mainly because the kids are vaping THC and not just nicotine, and I'm talking kids as young as 8th grade. Dh and I were just talking about this with my 14 year old who was filling us in on what really goes on with vaping.

OP, I don't really have any advice, I smoked when I was a teen, got caught but was then allowed too by my parent.
Thankfully none of my kids have the desire to do it so I haven't had to deal with it with them. Not really sure what I would do, but I kind of lean with your dh. Even your ds is telling you to accept it, which tells me that he has no plans of stopping even if you punish him. You can control what he does in your home, and when he is out with you, but unless you are grounding him and not allowing him to even go to school there is no way you will stop him from doing it when it is available to him out there.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Found out my 15 yr old son is vaping.

If he/she had her own product:
Throw away pen and juice.
Take away allowance (so no money to buy).

Ground.
And then ground again.
And then ground one more time.

 

[NotUrsula]

I'd be livid if my kid was smoking; we have a really serious family lung cancer death rate, even from second-hand smoke. Vaping (nicotine) is a bit less serious because of the lack of tar, but the jury is still out on the effects of the other byproducts in the "juice" and the concentrated nicotine; we may discover other dangers 10 years down the road. (I think that vaping is a great alternative for those addicted to cigarettes, but for non-smokers to take it up is another thing entirely; bad idea.)

Here is what I would do at this point: focus on cost. Right now he's indulging this habit for free, but it won't be long before that won't cut it anymore, nicotine is too addictive. I would calmly sit him down and discuss the financials of what this habit is going to cost him over time, and make it clear that not a penny of any funds that come from you will be in a form that can be used to support his vaping habit; if he wants the money he'll have to agree to get it as gift cards or doled out a tiny bit at a time, or earn it elsewhere. However, if he wants to shop for the juice, take him to do it, because that way you can be sure that he's buying nicotine and not THC.

Above all, don't panic and freak out. If you approach it openly and don't rain down draconian punishments, you may get him to realize that there is a real downside to this habit and motivate him to drop it.

 

[Nancyg56]

Your son is lying to you. This is what I would address first. There should be a consequence to this, and it should not be a token.

He is breaking school rules. How would you handle any other infraction regarding this?

He is endangering his health.

As a parent I find all of this troubling on a variety of levels, and would not be able to let it go.

 

[lukenick1]

I have also been testing him for marijuana and that has been negative thank God. He is only vaping at school in the bathrooms it is a huge issue here. My sister the one who died from drugs started with smoking cigarettes, then marijuana, then other drugs/alcohol/ etc. My biggest problem here is that he has asthma......

 

[lukenick1]

I have taken away his xbox and he is not allowed to go out with friends for a week. I will be testing him again on Friday to see if nicotine is still present. He wrote his next punishment on a piece of paper and signed it if I find nicotine in his urine again on Friday. Let's see if he can stop. Problem is he blames his ADHD and being impulsive on not being able to stop. This is so hard......

 

[sam_gordon]

Are you paying for his phone? Take his phone away (or set it so he can only call you).

If he stops vaping, he gets his phone back.

 

[Hikergirl]

I have taken away his xbox and he is not allowed to go out with friends for a week. I will be testing him again on Friday to see if nicotine is still present. He wrote his next punishment on a piece of paper and signed it if I find nicotine in his urine again on Friday. Let's see if he can stop. Problem is he blames his ADHD and being impulsive on not being able to stop. This is so hard......

It is hard
That is good news that nothing else shows in his urine. I'm sure that is a huge worry for you because of your sister, but just remember that not everyone who tries nicotine will end up trying anything else. I know people who never even smoked and ended up doing other drugs, nothing is a guarantee.
Hopefully this is all a passing phase, and hopefully the school cracks down harder on vaping in school. If so far he only does it there and he isn't able to anywhere else due to cost, or just not being allowed to be anywhere else it will lose its appeal.

 

[lukenick1]

Are you paying for his phone? Take his phone away (or set it so he can only call you).

If he stops vaping, he gets his phone back.

Yes that is next.........on Friday if he is positive the phone goes too.

 

[Klayfish]

If he/she had her own product:
Throw away pen and juice.
Take away allowance (so no money to buy).

Ground.
And then ground again.
And then ground one more time.

See here's the thing...that doesn't necessarily mean he'll stop, and it very may encourage him to rebel.

I was a very bad teenager, I'll just leave it at that. The more my parents tried to "punish" me with stuff like that, the more I either rebelled or completely ignored them. Grounding didn't work, I didn't listen to it. At the end of the day, I had to make my own decisions and come to my own realizations that what I was doing was wrong and had to change my ways.

I am not in any way, shape or form suggesting that OP do nothing at all, or encourage DS to smoke. However, the "iron fist" thing may or may not work.

OP, very sorry to hear about your situation. Also very sorry to hear you lost your sister. But just because you lost her does not mean he will take the same path. I think it's sort of unfair to project those worries on him. I also think the testing is far overboard, IMO. I'd have a feeling he would greatly resent it and you. At the end of the day, the reality is that if he wants to do it, he's going to...no matter what you say or do. I know that's hard to hear, but it's a fact. Again, I'm not saying tolerate it. Not in the least. Be firm with him, explain it's not only unhealthy but at his age, it's illegal. I'd even be fine with doing some punishments, such as Xbox. At the same time, I'd remember that at the end of the day, only he can choose to make the right decision or not. I'd even explain that to him...tell him you realize he makes his own choices when you're not around. Encourage him to make the right ones and by crystal clear what life/health ramifications there can be for making the wrong ones. We can't be there with our kids 24/7, and nor should we be. They have to learn to make their own decisions, and learn what can happen with those decisions.

 

[Snowflakey]

It sounds to me that our son is somewhat trying to work with you on this by writing down what his next punishment would be.

I don't have any words of wisdom. I am a rather open parent. Sure I smoked ciggs during my teen years and loved marijuana. But it ended at that, and ended before I even though of having kids. I was honest with my kids when they were teens and said if you want to try it - do it at home. They did and hated it. Most of my friends who struggled with their kids for years think I did it right. Gave them the opportunity at a safe place - home. What I always did was talk to my kids as a realist. Not as their mother preaching, or their best friend. Never had any issues with them in their teens.

 

[katie01]

Does your son see a counselor for the ADHD, a social worker or anything like that? I think I would consult with them. I'm sure you'll get good some advice here that is good, but I also think that people who haven't dealt with kids with ADHD don't really "get" it fully, how it's a whole different approach to parenting. Also as you probably already know kids with ADHD already have a much higher rate of drug use as it is, so I don't think you're being overly cautious to be concerned about the gateway thing, especially since you already have the family history. I too have a family member with ADHD who went down the addiction road and has never fully recovered. I also have a child with ADHD and I know just how tough it can be to strike that balance between not wanting to be overbearing and cause rebellion, but also knowing that the logic centers and impulse control centers don't work the same way as in NT kids. That's why I suggested seeking a professional opinion, I don't know what I would do either but I do feel for you (and with the asthma he could have some serious lung issues down the road if he doesn't stop).

 

[lukenick1]

Does your son see a counselor for the ADHD, a social worker or anything like that? I think I would consult with them. I'm sure you'll get good some advice here that is good, but I also think that people who haven't dealt with kids with ADHD don't really "get" it fully, how it's a whole different approach to parenting. Also as you probably already know kids with ADHD already have a much higher rate of drug use as it is, so I don't think you're being overly cautious to be concerned about the gateway thing, especially since you already have the family history. I too have a family member with ADHD who went down the addiction road and has never fully recovered. I also have a child with ADHD and I know just how tough it can be to strike that balance between not wanting to be overbearing and cause rebellion, but also knowing that the logic centers and impulse control centers don't work the same way as in NT kids. That's why I suggested seeking a professional opinion, I don't know what I would do either but I do feel for you (and with the asthma he could have some serious lung issues down the road if he doesn't stop).

Thank you!!!!!!!!!

 

[scrapquitler]

What is the law where you live? I believe that in CT, it's illegal for those under 18 to buy the products associated with vaping, and they are considering changing it to 21 now. And all our schools are smoke free, so even vaping on school grounds is grounds for suspension. Maybe pointing these things out can help? I think for some kids reminding them that Mom and Dad will not tolerate illegal behavior can help stop it, but probably not for all kids.

 

[lukenick1]

It is also illegal here too. He has already been caught with a juice pod and was suspended....apparently he doesn't care. That is how I originally found out. That was 6 months ago.