Teenage pregnancies; need help in my response

[disykat]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
I really do not know any adults who 'happily accept'' the pregnancy of teens in their life or otherwise.

Exactly my point. I think it needs to be verbalized - before a pregnancy occurs. I think parents need to talk about these things more and let their kids roll their eyes and think they are "fuddy duddies". At least they will understand that there will be some consequence.

Of course, a parent should love and support their child even when mistakes happen. However I think political correctness has gotten in the way of teaching morals.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I really do not know any adults who 'happily accept'' the pregnancy of teens in their life or otherwise.

It seems as though they do now. In our efforts to help the girls out we have, it seems, gone to the opposite extreme now. I have a sister who is 6 yrs younger then me. My other sisters, mother and I watched while every one of her girlfriends got pregnant.(at least 10 girls) My sister was one of the older ones at almost 17yo. My mother really truly believed they had formed some kind of get pregnant club. I think that it appeared so easy when the first girls did, and the babies looked so cute. From the outside the girls who had the babies had the easier life. They got parties, their boyfriends (in the beginning) seemed more committed, they didn't go to school and no longer had the big pressure about what they were going to do with their lives.
There is one girl who is pregnant in the highschool I work in. She is 16yo. All of the girls fuss around her. They ask her how it feels, they carry her books, etc. She talks all of the time about her shower that is coming up. She knows the date and has already told everybody what she wants and her mother is making sure she gets these things.
In the end, the grandmothers end up raising these babies. I think you should be blunt with these girls. Tell them about the advantages you are able to give your dd. Let them know that the bad circumstances surrounding conception have to do with the support you offer. Ask them if they have people in their lives who will be able to do the same for them if the allow themselves to get pregnant. Ask them if that person will still be doing this in 5 yrs. Try explaining how the cost of babies gets greater as they get older.

 

[ChibiJones]

I agree with bringing shame back into the picture. Why reward a girl for doing something she shouldn't have done until she was at the very least an adult

I agree with bringing shame back into the picture, but let's share a little of that shame with the boy. He's just as responsible for not wearing a condom as the girl is for "forgetting" her pill.

I don't know whether to be upset or depressed that these girls are most likely destined for poverty while the boys get to just go on with their lives.

 

[gravymom]

This is a hard topic for me. I have two little girls and I would be devastated if they intentionally got pregnant (Claudia, nothing in this post is directed at you and your situation - from what I gather, it was not an intentional act on your DD's part nor under her control.)

Anyway, here is what I feel. I feel that teenagers should have to "volunteer" (or whatever you want to call it) at hospitals and daycare centers. Let them see sick little babies that did not receive pre-natal care. Let them see babies beaten half to death by "boyfriends." Let them change diapers (preferably cloth diapers that require more care), let them deal with toddlers and tantrums and snotty noses and vomit, etc. Let them see that it is not all rosy like on TV.

Let them see the true cost of daycare. Let them see what a delivery costs or a hospitalization for a sick child. Let them see what groceries cost.

If teens were not rewarded with free healthcare (medicaid - which is in some instances better than private insurance), free food (no more foodstamps, WIC, etc.), free childcare, then they might think twice about taking the leap. Or if that is not practical, then certainly don't up the benefits if they decide to have a second one. Cut out the handouts (REWARDS) and the behavior might stop.

The other issue is forcing the fathers to pay. I don't care if they flip burgers at MCD's, by god, they ought to have to pay a large chunk of their earnings to the mothers (or the state who is providing all the freebies for their offspring.)

It has to stop. I understand that mistakes do happen, but if the consequences are harsh for the actions, then these kids might think about it a little more.

Think about it. If you knew the penalty for speeding was losing your license, you would think twice about speeding. If you knew that you would have to pay the tab for the doctor, hospital, daycare, housing, food, etc for a baby, it might make you think before you made a baby. But these kids know they will be helped (by parents, government, etc) so there is no worry. If not shame, then how about worry??

Sorry to be on a soapbox, but I am tired of paying state and federal tax to fund medicaid and wic and daycare & housing subsidies so these teens can go dress their babies in Tommy Hilfiger and polo, etc.

Sorry if I have stepped on toes...