Teenage girls - UGH!!

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Please, finish the statement. If you're white and act black, you're a wigger? Define acting black in that situation and tell me again it's not racist. My mom has said the same thing my whole life, and it makes me irate. She also says the N word is just slang for negro and shouldn't be taken as such an insult. Whatever.

Incidentally, I haven't heard kids say that word in forever. I figured it died around 1994. How lovely to see it pop back up.

OP, I think there are some hills to die on and confronting a bully is one of them, as far as I'm concerned. I was suspended for a similar thing when I was a bit older than her, and I've never regretted it once.

I understand that "Wi**er has a bigger effect then I thought it did when I used to use it...But for us it wasn't about ACTING anyway...it was a style thing...still wrong? YES...But we were young and didn't think too deeply about things.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

You're still calling someone a name, and there are negative connotations associated with that. That's still not nice. Why do people even have to call someone something? Why do you have to 'classify'? Does it make you feel better about yourself, that you are above those 'stoners' and 'jocks'?

My favorite quote is 'Labels are for jars'.

To the OP - check out your bullying/harrassment policy at your daughter's school. there should be some policy in place - if not, get one started!

Actually...I didn't really think too much about it. We weren't using it as an insult. And I never said I was better then anyone...So you can drop the attitude towards me.

 

[Shutterbug]

A chocolate treat?????? Really??????

How about a nice sit-down to discuss the inappropriateness of physical violence? I get that the other girl is mouthy, rude and crude--but DD needs to understand the correct way of dealing with differences and it's not with a street fight.

Unfortunately with some scum a bust in the chops is the only thing they understand or the only way to get through to them. Sometimes passiveness only makes the aggression worse.

 

[Planogirl]

I feel sorry for your daughter. I was feeling angry just reading your story so I can well imagine what an upset, maybe just a bit dramatic teen girl would think.

I would definitely work with her to make her understand that violence is not the answer no matter how upsetting someone is. I wouldn't punish her either but she should try to handle such things a little differently. She also needs to cut off contact with this nasty girl. Ugh, the teen years!

 

[Schmeck]

Actually...I didn't really think too much about it. We weren't using it as an insult. And I never said I was better then anyone...So you can drop the attitude towards me.

Well, maybe people should think a bit more about it, before it hurts someone enough to have them commit suicide, or have them get a few guns and go into a high school and kill those people who labeled them.

I work in a high school, and I see this 'I really didn't think too much about it', 'everyone says that', 'I didn't mean anything by it' attitude too much. Labels hurt. There's no need to classify anyone, unless you are trying to alienate someone, or put yourself above someone else. Maybe you were doing it because everyone else did, but that doesn't make it right.

Yes, I have an attitude about it - an attitude that says I won't accept the excuses.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Well, maybe people should think a bit more about it, before it hurts someone enough to have them commit suicide, or have them get a few guns and go into a high school and kill those people who labeled them.

I work in a high school, and I see this 'I really didn't think too much about it', 'everyone says that', 'I didn't mean anything by it' attitude too much. Labels hurt. There's no need to classify anyone, unless you are trying to alienate someone, or put yourself above someone else. Maybe you were doing it because everyone else did, but that doesn't make it right.

Yes, I have an attitude about it - an attitude that says I won't accept the excuses.

Ok...well step off your high horse for a second and realize that everyone was a teenager at one time and have done things like that. Like you said... you see it all the time.

I have grown since then and do not label people like I did before.

And yes you do have an attitude about it and I understand why...HOWEVER...they way you are coming at me feels a little aggressive...

 

[sparklynails23]

I don't know about that whole story. The girl was saying mean stuff to that level all day to the OP's daughter and her boyfriend in front of so many other people, and no one, not one person said horrid things back to the girl? That one-way communication just doesn't happen in high school unless the girl is a 6 ft tall brute.

 

[Magic Mom]

I don't know about that whole story. The girl was saying mean stuff to that level all day to the OP's daughter and her boyfriend in front of so many other people, and no one, not one person said horrid things back to the girl? That one-way communication just doesn't happen in high school unless the girl is a 6 ft tall brute.

This

 

[nmmom95]

We don't reward poor choices in this house, with chocolate or otherwise.

Here's what we've always told our son:

You can't control what others say to you. But you can contol your reaction.

Completely agree.

 

[Scornelius]

Ok...well step off your high horse for a second and realize that everyone was a teenager at one time and have done things like that. Like you said... you see it all the time.

I have grown since then and do not label people like I did before.

And yes you do have an attitude about it and I understand why...HOWEVER...they way you are coming at me feels a little aggressive...

I think the issue might be that you originally seemed to be defending the action as unintentional and therefore harmless. Sometimes the most hurtful things to hear are said without specifically-indeded cruelty.

And no one can say something dumb like a teenager can.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I think the issue might be that you originally seemed to be defending the action as unintentional and therefore harmless. Sometimes the most hurtful things to hear are said without specifically-indeded cruelty.

And no one can say something dumb like a teenager can.

No...And I'm sorry if it came across that way.

The way the girl said it in the OP was an insult...I was just saying that kids use it to classify and there is no need to vilify teens for doing it.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm sorry your DD is hurting.. I'm sorry her boyfriend is hurting.. I'm sorry for the names that were called..

I'm not touching the violence aspect of it though..

 

[Mysteria]

I don't believe that all of you would have been able to turn the other cheek in this situation if it happened exactly as the OP is describing. Especially at that age.

I also don't believe that none of them said anything back to the bully/racist/crazy chick before it almost came to blows.

OP, If this was going on all through lunch and there is a lunch "warden" why did nobody inform the warden?

 

[Magic Mom]

I don't believe that all of you would have been able to turn the other cheek in this situation if it happened exactly as the OP is describing. Especially at that age.

I also don't believe that none of them said anything back to the bully/racist/crazy chick before it almost came to blows.

OP, If this was going on all through lunch and there is a lunch "warden" why did nobody inform the warden?

I missed that part. What in the world is a lunch warden?

 

[FireDancer]

Actually...I didn't really think too much about it. We weren't using it as an insult. And I never said I was better then anyone...So you can drop the attitude towards me.

That is is exactly. The whole "labels are for jars thing" is stupid. Everything has labels or, if it makes (general) you feel better, classifications. Some of my best friends in high school were wiggers. It wasn't an insult if you didn't want it to be, just like jock. Sure, some people used either term as an insult but many others just used it to classify someone with a single word that gets the meaning across.

I would wager most people even classified themselves. I have seen threads on this very board that asked what you were in high school meaning what you would have been classified as (jock, nerd, etc).

Some of us choose not to get so hung up on words and over-analyze everything.

 

[Goofyluver]

I don't believe that all of you would have been able to turn the other cheek in this situation if it happened exactly as the OP is describing. Especially at that age.

I also don't believe that none of them said anything back to the bully/racist/crazy chick before it almost came to blows.

OP, If this was going on all through lunch and there is a lunch "warden" why did nobody inform the warden?

At 14, I most likely would have smacked the crap out of the girl.

But, my parents wouldn't have given me chocolate for doing it.

And you're right, why not inform someone at school in order to avoid the situation on the bus altogether?

 

[LuvLDM]

I don't know about that whole story. The girl was saying mean stuff to that level all day to the OP's daughter and her boyfriend in front of so many other people, and no one, not one person said horrid things back to the girl? That one-way communication just doesn't happen in high school unless the girl is a 6 ft tall brute.

MTE
I think there is more to the story.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

that is is exactly. The whole "labels are for jars thing" is stupid. Everything has labels or, if it makes (general) you feel better, classifications. Some of my best friends in high school were wiggers. It wasn't an insult if you didn't want it to be, just like jock. Sure, some people used either term as an insult but many others just used it to classify someone with a single word that gets the meaning across.

I would wager most people even classified themselves. I have seen threads on this very board that asked what you were in high school meaning what you would have been classified as (jock, nerd, etc).

Some of us choose not to get so hung up on words and over-analyze everything.

thank you!!!

 

[Goofyluver]

That is is exactly. The whole "labels are for jars thing" is stupid. Everything has labels or, if it makes (general) you feel better, classifications. Some of my best friends in high school were wiggers. It wasn't an insult if you didn't want it to be, just like jock. Sure, some people used either term as an insult but many others just used it to classify someone with a single word that gets the meaning across.

I would wager most people even classified themselves. I have seen threads on this very board that asked what you were in high school meaning what you would have been classified as (jock, nerd, etc).

Some of us choose not to get so hung up on words and over-analyze everything.

Oh my gawd.

Well, that's the first time I've ever heard that one.

 

[Mysteria]

I missed that part. What in the world is a lunch warden?

Guessing they are just using the term for an aide or teacher watching over them at lunch.