Teenage girls - UGH!!

[FireDancer]

Oh my gawd.

Well, that's the first time I've ever heard that one.

I don't know what it meant anywhere else but in our school, and even now when we talk about high school, it was just the kids who liked rap, dressed with the sagging pants and do-rags, and had the cars with systems that would shake the windows. I'm not saying they weren't a little obnoxious but weren't we all a little obnoxious in high school?

I honestly don't remember ever thinking it was a black or white thing. Kind of like when something is referred to as ghetto, trailer trash, or other terms that get people all up in arms here. It just gets a point across in a few words and everyone understands what you mean.

I have never encountered a group who gets so up in arms about the smallest thing.

 

[Tiger926]

At 14, I most likely would have smacked the crap out of the girl.

But, my parents wouldn't have given me chocolate for doing it.

And you're right, why not inform someone at school in order to avoid the situation on the bus altogether?

MTE
I think there is more to the story.

Informing is so hard, as teens feel like they are ratting each other out. Maybe OP's daughter is worried about repercussions on the part of the mean girl?

I was also wondering if the boyfriend and the mean girl have a history together - maybe they went out before or even during (maybe he cheated)?

I always teach my students that more good can come from informing. If they inform us of a potential situation, then it protects them in more ways than one. Our students are finally starting to improve on this. Just had a student inform me of a potential situation, and then we went to VP's office.

If students know about certain situations, and something does happen, but they failed to inform us, we suspend them many times too, as we are trying to teach them about what their role is as productive members of society. I am still not sure why no one said anything during the whole blow-up? Something is amiss there...

I am concerned about how the whole situation went down. OP and her friends are young, and so not sure if they feel comfortable or brave enough to go to an adult, but that is what should have happened. But still not sure about the lunch supervisor that the OP is talking about either?

Feels like there is some info missing perhaps...

Tiger

 

[Goofyluver]

Informing is so hard, as teens feel like they are ratting each other out. Maybe OP's daughter is worried about repercussions on the part of the mean girl?

I was also wondering if the boyfriend and the mean girl have a history together - maybe they went out before or even during (maybe he cheated)?

I always teach my students that more good can come from informing. If they inform us of a potential situation, then it protects them in more ways than one. Our students are finally starting to improve on this. Just had a student inform me of a potential situation, and then we went to VP's office. Part of my role besides teaching is administrative in terms of attendance, parent calls, truant officer, etc., so I am privy to a lot of private info, and it does help when we are informed as we can head off potentially dangerous situations.

If students know about certain situations, and something does happen, but they failed to inform us, we suspend them many times too, as we are trying to teach them about what their role is as productive members of society. I am still not sure why no one said anything during the whole blow-up? Something is amiss there...

I am concerned about how the whole situation went down. OP and her friends are young, and so not sure if they feel comfortable or brave enough to go to an adult, but that is what should have happened. But still not sure about the lunch supervisor that the OP is talking about either?

Feels like there is some info missing perhaps...

Tiger

Another great lesson to come from this incident. Great conversation between parent and child!

Minus a chocolate reward, of course.

 

[Magic Mom]

Guessing they are just using the term for an aide or teacher watching over them at lunch.

I would have issues with a school district that refered to the lunch monitor or aide as a "warden."

 

[luvmy3]

I would have issues with a school district that refered to the lunch monitor or aide as a "warden."

I don't know, judging by the actions of these student's I'd say a warden may be needed

 

[Lady Godiva]

Another great lesson to come from this incident. Great conversation between parent and child!

Minus a chocolate reward, of course.

Why ya hatin' on the chocolate? I do believe a big ole hunka chocolate could bring world peace

 

[Goofyluver]

Why ya hatin' on the chocolate? I do believe a big ole hunka chocolate could bring world peace

I don't like chocolate.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Why ya hatin' on the chocolate? I do believe a big ole hunka chocolate could bring world peace

I don't like chocolate.

Ya do know one of my favorite chocolates is Godiva, right?

 

[Scornelius]

That is is exactly. The whole "labels are for jars thing" is stupid. Everything has labels or, if it makes (general) you feel better, classifications. Some of my best friends in high school were wiggers. It wasn't an insult if you didn't want it to be, just like jock. Sure, some people used either term as an insult but many others just used it to classify someone with a single word that gets the meaning across.

I would wager most people even classified themselves. I have seen threads on this very board that asked what you were in high school meaning what you would have been classified as (jock, nerd, etc).

Some of us choose not to get so hung up on words and over-analyze everything.

Yeah, I was classified as the fat girl. I really didn't like hearing it, though. If it was said to identify me but not meant as an insult, it still sucked to hear. I really doubt your 'friends' enjoyed being called wiggers either.

I don't know what it meant anywhere else but in our school, and even now when we talk about high school, it was just the kids who liked rap, dressed with the sagging pants and do-rags, and had the cars with systems that would shake the windows. I'm not saying they weren't a little obnoxious but weren't we all a little obnoxious in high school?

I honestly don't remember ever thinking it was a black or white thing. Kind of like when something is referred to as ghetto, trailer trash, or other terms that get people all up in arms here. It just gets a point across in a few words and everyone understands what you mean.

I have never encountered a group who gets so up in arms about the smallest thing.

Really? How many black people were called wigger?

 

[Lady Godiva]

Ya do know one of my favorite chocolates is Godiva, right?

Godiva is a chocolate? I thought it was just a nude chick

 

[Uncle Remus]

Godiva is a chocolate? I thought it was just a nude chick

Well, all I can say is you're missin' out on some good chocolate!

 

[LisaR]

DD14 just called and she is sitting at home sobbing. She started out the conversation with Mom I might get suspended from school. My cell has been ringing with text messages from her friends, letting me know what all went on. I am ready to throttle a girl and she's not mine!!

DD has been "dating" this boy. One of her "really good" friends can't stand the kid. Has been down right mean and hurtful to him and in turn to my dd with her comments. I have seen how she is around him at school functions and on line. She's a hateful and rude girl. I have stayed outta it, mom can't fight DD battles for her. I've given suggestions to DD on how to handle her, but other than that and deleting some facebook comments the girl made, I've been hand off.

Regarding the suggestions you have given your DD on how to handle the situation:

Is there any chance you told her NOT to be Facebook friends with this girl?

Let me guess, they text each other, as well?

It sounds like your DD and this girl have had a volatile relationship for awhile now. I'm willing to bet both girls have exchanged IM's/texts that just fueled the fire and it spilled over at school.

How could this girl go on and on for 20 minutes at lunch and the "warden" didn't notice especially since you state they weren't allowed to leave their seats?

Seriously, I get so tired of reading about kids getting into it on FB. Block the offender. If you can't do that, you are part of the problem not the solution.

 

[my3sonsagn]

Well, all I can say is you're missin' out on some good chocolate!

Either that or you're missing out on some good nude chicks...

 

[Lady Godiva]

Either that or you're missing out on some good nude chicks...

lol, you beat me to it

 

[Uncle Remus]

Either that or you're missing out on some good nude chicks...

lol, you beat me to it

I'm outta here!

 

[becpee]

Bullying!
Some kids are just nasty pieces of work.

If I were your DD I would have most likely acted the same as she did (in fact I did).

Bullying is not ok, and i'm not with others who say you "shouldn't resort to violence".

She was threatened!

I would approach the school about all the issues, the lunchroom, the bus, the schoolyard, they have a duty of care, your DD should not feel threatened at school.
It's not ok!

 

[Bonniec]

Some of us choose not to get so hung up on words and over-analyze everything.

Both parties were wrong and she definately does not deserve a treat. The first girl clearly started it with her bullying, but instead of going to an adult she chose physical violence. They should both be in trouble for this.

 

[luvdzny]

I think I would have reacted the same way you did if it had happened to my daughter. I guess I am a horrible parent because DD was dating at 14, she actually dated the same guy until she was 17. If she had found out he was moving that would have upset her, adding all of the insults from the other girl may have pushed her over the edge. If your DD is aware that what she did was wrong, I see no harm in taking her out for a treat. I think we have all done things "in the heat of the moment" that we know are wrong. Sometimes emotions get in the way of clear thinking.

As far as the wigger comment; I think it depends on where you live as to it being a classification or a racist comment. We live in Wisconsin, here it would be racist. DD's husband grew up in North Carolina and at his school it would have been a classification.

I hope that things go better for your DD soon! I know it is hard when your child is unhappy.

 

[sookie]

I would say --- unless your daughter is physically threatened - STAY OUT OF IT. you will only make it worse.

 

[mariamouse]

Some of my best friends in high school were wiggers. It wasn't an insult if you didn't want it to be, just like jock. Sure, some people used either term as an insult but many others just used it to classify someone with a single word that gets the meaning across.

I would wager most people even classified themselves. I have seen threads on this very board that asked what you were in high school meaning what you would have been classified as (jock, nerd, etc).

Uhh.. don't you think there is just a slight difference between calling someone a "jock" and a "wigger"?

I am 22, so hardly unaware of or uptight about this topic. I sort of see where you are coming from, but I do not think it is okay for any white person to use ****** to describe another individual... even in the "playful" form you mentioned. The word is simply too racially loaded. It is the same way I feel about ****** being used to describe homosexuals. I never hesitated to call out my guy friends if they used that word and I am glad that I never heard "wigger" growing up. I would have called any of my friends out on that too.

I am not perfect and am definitely guilty of having labeled others, but "wigger" is crossing the line and should not be tolerated. I have been called a "nerd" and plenty of other things, but I would certainly be much more offended by "wigger" than anything else I have been called before.

I just think it is an important distinction and do not see how any form of ****** could ever be trivialized in this way.

To the OP- do not give your daughter chocolate. Explain to her how she should have gone about this differently and suggest that she eliminate this "friend" from her life ASAP.