Teen bullying leads to a double suicide

[Queen2PrincessG]

Has it been mentioned here yet that the family (per their interview on the news this morning) thinks that there may possibly have been a romantic relationship between the girls and that their confusion over their feelings may have played a role.

NO, but that was actually the first thing DH said. He said it sounded very Juliet and Juliet". I don't understand the idea of " I'll kill myself with you" unless there was something more there. Why not try convincing her by saying no you shouldn't do this we have eachother. Or better yet, speaking to an adult about those feelings.

You can call it blaming the victim but it is true that kids today seem to lack the ability to let things roll off their back. They take everything to heart. Now if that is because they are constantly connected or because of lack of attention at home because their parents are themselves overly connected who knows.

It's just sad that this is going on. Like I said I would love to hear what the bullies have to say now.

 

[bombygriz]

This was a public display of immaturity. I don't say that as an attack on the girls, but on our anti-bullying efforts. We aren't teaching our kids what to do when things like this happen. The girls apparently never went to an administrator, but decided to get into a fight. I'm glad I knew what to do when things like that happened to me, but others aren't so lucky. It needs to be a communal effort to teach our kids that it is NOT okay to deal with things like this on the inside, to say "I'm tough, I can take this". When things get to a head, you HAVE to see someone in charge to take care of the problem. The two girls did exactly the wrong thing in attempting to deal with their problems themselves, which eventually led to their deaths, but did they have support from an adult? Did they communicate with their parents? As was said before, the parents had no idea what was going on. This is why it's important to set up communication between parents and children.

 

[Goofyluver]

You can call it blaming the victim but it is true that kids today seem to lack the ability to let things roll off their back. They take everything to heart.

Change your perspective. Rather than blaming the victims, you could say the following:

Some children today lack the ability to be kind. They take every opportunity to bully (for a variety of reasons) and they systematically target, harass and bully others (or maybe just one individual) to the point that the individual/s are left feeling beaten down, attacked, insecure and unsure.

The consequences of these feelings and bullying in general can never be explained away by saying, "Kids just need to let stuff roll off of their back". Every single instance of bullying needs to be and should be explained by resting blame solely on the shoulders of the bully. You cannot place blame on those being victimized.

 

[Tiger926]

Change your perspective. Rather than blaming the victims, you could say the following:

Some children today lack the ability to be kind. They take every opportunity to bully (for a variety of reasons) and they systematically target, harass and bully others (or maybe just one individual) to the point that the individual/s are left feeling beaten down, attacked, insecure and unsure.

The consequences of these feelings and bullying in general can never be explained away by saying, "Kids just need to let stuff roll off of their back". Every single instance of bullying needs to be and should be explained by resting blame solely on the shoulders of the bully. You cannot place blame on those being victimized.

Tiger

 

[golfgal]

Change your perspective. Rather than blaming the victims, you could say the following:

Some children today lack the ability to be kind. They take every opportunity to bully (for a variety of reasons) and they systematically target, harass and bully others (or maybe just one individual) to the point that the individual/s are left feeling beaten down, attacked, insecure and unsure.

The consequences of these feelings and bullying in general can never be explained away by saying, "Kids just need to let stuff roll off of their back". Every single instance of bullying needs to be and should be explained by resting blame solely on the shoulders of the bully. You cannot place blame on those being victimized.

Bullying in schools is hardly new. This has been going on since the dawn of time. It "seems" to be getting out of hand because stories like these now make front page news where as 30 years ago you only heard about these things from your gossiping neighbor. I agree, however, that kids TODAY are less emotionally equipped to handle these things because too many parents try to make their lives perfect and never let them face adversity.

 

[golfgal]

Unfortunately, as proven with this case, 14 is still not old enough.

There are 50 year old that aren't "old" enough to be on facebook.

 

[Goofyluver]

Bullying in schools is hardly new. This has been going on since the dawn of time. It "seems" to be getting out of hand because stories like these now make front page news where as 30 years ago you only heard about these things from your gossiping neighbor. I agree, however, that kids TODAY are less emotionally equipped to handle these things because too many parents try to make their lives perfect and never let them face adversity.

Is being the victim of bullying some sort of character building exercise in your house?

I wasn't aware being victimized was overcoming some sort of adversity.

 

[Tiger926]

Bullying in schools is hardly new. This has been going on since the dawn of time. It "seems" to be getting out of hand because stories like these now make front page news where as 30 years ago you only heard about these things from your gossiping neighbor. I agree, however, that kids TODAY are less emotionally equipped to handle these things because too many parents try to make their lives perfect and never let them face adversity.

You really think that this is the case? I know many people who were not raised to be perfect - honestly, I don't even know what that means? - and they struggle emotionally.

It can't just be explained away by ignoring bullying or because kids are being raised to be perfect.

Once again, that gives the bully power. People have the right to feel however they feel about anything. It is not fair for someone else to take that away. If you have been repeatedly made fun of because of your sexual orientation or colour of your skin, you should not have to accept that behaviour! I can assure you that I wasn't raised to be perfect, and was teased a lot as a child. Some of it I could handle, and some I could not. It depends upon so many other factors...

Honestly, I keep reading this whole 'snowflake' crap on the DIS, and it's the only place you'll see this idea. For those of us who live it, day in and day out, it's so much more than that...Your attitude is rather insulting and simplistic to the problem, but perhaps I've misunderstood your thoughts?

Tiger

 

[Rora]

So so so tragic.

Prayers and thoughts are with the families and friends.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Change your perspective. Rather than blaming the victims, you could say the following:

Some children today lack the ability to be kind. They take every opportunity to bully (for a variety of reasons) and they systematically target, harass and bully others (or maybe just one individual) to the point that the individual/s are left feeling beaten down, attacked, insecure and unsure.

The consequences of these feelings and bullying in general can never be explained away by saying, "Kids just need to let stuff roll off of their back". Every single instance of bullying needs to be and should be explained by resting blame solely on the shoulders of the bully. You cannot place blame on those being victimized.

I'm not blaming the victim. They can't help how they are raised. "change you prospective". My perspective is rather clear. what you are saying translates to me as enabling the weak vs empowering them to be stronger.

Yes, some children lack the ability to be kind but guess what, those children grow up and become adults. If you can't learn to process and deal with it as a child how are you ever going to function as an adult. Many people here on the dis do not like me for whatever reason they have. They are entitled to that opinion though and I'm not about to hang myself because I'm not liked or because someone is talking smack to me or about me.
It's a hard rough world out there sad thing is that many kids will not be able to handle it.

 

[castleview]

I'm going to be the bad guy here and wish the media would stop reporting these cases. We don't know if bullying was the sole cause. With teenagers it's all about drama and garnering attention and the "I'll kill/hurt myself and show them" attitude is not that uncommon among that age group. The parents said there were signs and frankly, that is a scary way to kill yourself which makes me think at least one of those girls had deeper problems. I'm sorry, but blaming schools for EVERYTHING has not helped our society. I have some horror stories about being bullied - why I'm a survivor I don't know, but I did survive. Were these girls communicating with their parents? Why didn't these girls know or believe that things better?

 

[castleview]

Is being the victim of bullying some sort of character building exercise in your house?

I wasn't aware being victimized was overcoming some sort of adversity.

I don't believe that's what Golfgal is saying. She's saying you do have to deal with difficult people and learn how to avoid or work through conflict. While you should never be the victim of horrible things, we've all been the victim of some bad behavior - if we're lucky that's only people being snotty to us. But yes, you don't overcome adversity unless you deal with it.

 

[golfgal]

You really think that this is the case? I know many people who were not raised to be perfect - honestly, I don't even know what that means? - and they struggle emotionally.

It can't just be explained away by ignoring bullying or because kids are being raised to be perfect.

Once again, that gives the bully power. People have the right to feel however they feel about anything. It is not fair for someone else to take that away. If you have been repeatedly made fun of because of your sexual orientation or colour of your skin, you should not have to accept that behaviour! I can assure you that I wasn't raised to be perfect, and was teased a lot as a child. Some of it I could handle, and some I could not. It depends upon so many other factors...

Honestly, I keep reading this whole 'snowflake' crap on the DIS, and it's the only place you'll see this idea. For those of us who live it, day in and day out, it's so much more than that...Your attitude is rather insulting and simplistic to the problem, and that is exactly why it is such a prevalent problem in our society.

Tiger

The snowflake mentality is hardly exclusive to DIS. Go spend some time in a school and you will see exactly what people are talking about. When we were growing up and had a problem in school, WE were expected to talk to the teacher about the problem. If we had come home and said "Johnny is bothering me in school" our parents would have said "talk to the teacher". Today if a child comes home and says that the parent is immediately on the phone with the school board demanding that Johnny be expelled-and encouraged to do so as evident on this and other boards on the internet.

I never said we should ignore it, I simply stated that it is not a new problem as you seem to think. The problem is prevalent because it is human nature to try to establish a pecking order in society. How you DEAL with establishing that pecking order is what needs to be addressed. You will NEVER be able to change the need for order in society. Parents NEED to allow their children to fight their own battles, make age appropriate decisions and only after all avenues are exhausted by the child THEN step in to assist. People are taking away valuable coping skills from their child every time they call a child's teacher about a missing assignment or something that happened at school. By giving your child the opportunity to develop these skills you also give your child confidence to handle situations like this.

Also, I never said that children are raised to BE perfect, I said that that parents are trying to make their children's lives perfect--what that mean is parents are trying to shelter their children from anything bad or adverse by not allowing their child to fail--it goes back to the "everyone wins" mentality. Everyone does NOT win and learning that as a 3 year old is a whole lot easier than learning it as a 25 year old and not getting a job and having to have Mommy call to find out why.

 

[AtlantaSue]

I fail to see how educating our children that suicide is not the answer is blaming the victim.

 

[castleview]

I fail to see how educating our children that suicide is not the answer is blaming the victim.

We had a suicide my senior year. The policy was to not talk about it because they didn't want kids thinking this was a way to grab attention. I agree with that to a point. A few teachers did talk about it and I specifically remember one saying "I'm angry. I was at a wake watching all these people in pain over this kids death."

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Bullying in schools is hardly new. This has been going on since the dawn of time. It "seems" to be getting out of hand because stories like these now make front page news where as 30 years ago you only heard about these things from your gossiping neighbor. I agree, however, that kids TODAY are less emotionally equipped to handle these things because too many parents try to make their lives perfect and never let them face adversity.

They need to tell their parents and they need to learn to let things roll off their back and realize that there are jerks in this world and the best thing to do is ignore them. Bullies will always exist, heck right now we are all being bullied in one way or another. It's learning how to deal with it and learning to not empower the bully and instead empower yourself.

One of these girls was clearly depressed and someone missed the flag on that.

 

[Tiger926]

The snowflake mentality is hardly exclusive to DIS. Go spend some time in a school and you will see exactly what people are talking about. When we were growing up and had a problem in school, WE were expected to talk to the teacher about the problem. If we had come home and said "Johnny is bothering me in school" our parents would have said "talk to the teacher". Today if a child comes home and says that the parent is immediately on the phone with the school board demanding that Johnny be expelled-and encouraged to do so as evident on this and other boards on the internet.

I never said we should ignore it, I simply stated that it is not a new problem as you seem to think. The problem is prevalent because it is human nature to try to establish a pecking order in society. How you DEAL with establishing that pecking order is what needs to be addressed. You will NEVER be able to change the need for order in society. Parents NEED to allow their children to fight their own battles, make age appropriate decisions and only after all avenues are exhausted by the child THEN step in to assist. People are taking away valuable coping skills from their child every time they call a child's teacher about a missing assignment or something that happened at school. By giving your child the opportunity to develop these skills you also give your child confidence to handle situations like this.

Also, I never said that children are raised to BE perfect, I said that that parents are trying to make their children's lives perfect--what that mean is parents are trying to shelter their children from anything bad or adverse by not allowing their child to fail--it goes back to the "everyone wins" mentality. Everyone does NOT win and learning that as a 3 year old is a whole lot easier than learning it as a 25 year old and not getting a job and having to have Mommy call to find out why.

I guess you haven't read any of my posts. I am a teacher - I live at school!

I don't agree with much of what you say, so we'll have to agree to disagree...You clearly don't have any understanding of just how serious bullying is these days...Telling kids to go and fight their own battles (pardon the pun) is not an acceptable answer when Sally is being called a ***** all day long at school, or Johnny is being pushed into the toilet.

Tiger

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I fail to see how educating our children that suicide is not the answer is blaming the victim.

Yes, I don't understand it either.
I feel like "blaming the victim" is now just one of the things you say when you don't really have a rebuttal.

 

[Goofyluver]

Yes, I don't understand it either.
I feel like "blaming the victim" is now just one of the things you say when you don't really have a rebuttal.

No. It's what we say when someone says those that have been victims of bullying should "learn how to let things roll off their back" or "just need to ignore the bullying".

 

[castleview]

No. It's what we say when someone says those that have been victims of bullying should "learn how to let things roll off their back" or "just need to ignore the bullying".

How about sticking up for yourself? I've been bullied…while my parents were divorcing. I know what it's like to have nowhere to turn. But eventually everyone has to learn to rise up one way or another. Yeah it's hard and some kids take FOREVER. But the forever defeatist attitude only teaches kids to be victims.