Technology help needed for my son

[TinkOhio]

I'm posting in hope that some nice people here can give me advice/guidance about technology-related issues for my son with a very mild case of Asperger's.

Background info:

My son is 17 and was diagnosed with Asperger's at age 3. After years of intervention and tons of hard work, he now is a senior honor student participating in an advanced pre-engineering program at the high school. The only accomodations we ask for is an extra set of texts. He is earning college credits, caddies during the summer, and has finally developed a circle of about 5-6 brainy, quirky friends who are kind and empathetic.

My biggest dilemma now involves the integration of technology into his social and personal life. Like most people with Asperger's, he is socially behind. This summer has been a period of huge social growth for him, and although he has almost caught up socially with his peers, and he is painfully aware that he is behind in matters involving social technology, like texting, My Space, etc. He has a cell phone, but now he wants permission to text, and he wants to spend some of his caddying money to buy a laptop. I do think that he is ready for this leap, but I am also nervous about the dangers involving internet use. I am not the most tech-savvy person, so I really need help in understanding how texting works, how much it usually costs to add onto an existing cell phone package, what he can expect to spend on a laptop, and how I can help to keep him safe from predators and tech viruses, etc.

TIA for any advice, suggestions, help, etc!

 

[TinkOhio]

Oops!! Looks like this needs to be moved up to the disABILITIES Community Board. Can someone help, please?

 

[Tiggerish]

We have a 5 phone family plan with Verison and unlimited texting for all 5 of us costs $20 a month. It is easy to learn to text, I am older and tech challenged and have got the hang of it. We went with the unlimited texting instead of 450 text minutes for $15 and it was a good choice since our college student texts constantly with her friends.

 

[TinkOhio]

Thanks for the help. Anyone else?

 

[Forevryoung]

I guess I'll answer the laptop question- personally, I love my mac, downside is that they are more expensive.

Your son can get a great laptop for around $500. When they go on sale they seem to be hard to find. I would avoid Dell like the plague. Customer service is shotty at best and horrific at worst. Everyone has their favorite brands though, it's just personal preference. Use slickdeals.net for the best deal if you are looking at getting a Dell.

Viruses are mainly gotten through 2 ways- downloading and porn. Tell your son to avoid downloading media content through unsecure methods (software like Limewire). Get virus protection software, keep it updated, run it every so often and you should be all set. Computer protection is the best policy.

In terms of predators, that will come with education. At his age, I don't necessarily believe that "monitoring" will be the way to go. He needs to learn what is out there in order to protect himself. However, you and others may have different opinions on that one. I would suggest that you tell him to avoid chat rooms with strangers (a group of friends can create a private temporary "room" through AIM and they are fun/great). I never found random people IM'd me through AIM unless I had provided my screen name somewhere.

I would avoid myspace and help him set up a facebook page. I still have the contact with friends that I desire without strangers being able to see any information besides my name. I know you can do similar with Myspace. I would go with the information that he should only let friends he knows in real life see his page. I then made sure I was unlisted (address/phone number) in several "people-look-up" sites found through Google.

I think that this would be a great way to enhance his social life. Yes, it's a big step, but in today's teen and college society, these methods of communication are vital to social networks.

 

[mechurchlady]

As a sweepstaker and a person who hangs in a chat room I seen some big mistakes happen so here is my list.

Finances. Kids tend to yap on a phone, text, or whatever without realizing that they are spending lots of money. I gave away my cell phone because the cheapest plan charged me for pictures and a lot of stuff.

FREE LAPTOP just click on the picture of George Bush and you have won a FREE LAPTOP. There are tons of advertisements like that and they are one of three things.

1. Password mines collect passwords from people. I seen it at Pogo, Coke Music, VMK, and Howrse. All you have to do is to a site and put your sign in name, email (sometimes), and password. In a few hours you will get one million Pogo tokens for example. They then have your password which for most people is universal and can get into other sites or at least do damage to the site you belong to.

2. Data gatherers. They are trying to get as much information as possible such as real name, address, email, social security number and marketing data. 10 step contests and free-prizes require you enter your info then go through 10 to 50 steps of which everyone is getting more info or asking you to join something or sign up for a newsletter.

3. Affiliates draw in new clients to a site then the new people click away on links which the Affiliate gets paid for. DO NOT click on ads as that is how people get paid and usually you could get better stuff elsewhere.

Prizes can be won through legitimate companies like local radio stations, Disney, Dell, and small quilting shops to name a few. http://www.sweepsadvantage.com is a free site that lists over 3000 contests but I think they may have over 10000 free listings and are run by my acquaintance, Ken, whom keeps the site very friendly and safe.

Internet Online Safety is key to a fun internet life. Remain anonymous, do not tell people your street address, phone number etc. If you really know someone then you can give the city if it is a big one but I tell kids that other people only need to know the area like southern georgia and not your town. The bad guys will have many accounts and use account 1 to find out a bit of info like favourite things and country. Account 2 shows up and account 1 dissappears then starts chatting up the victim and seems to much like the victim in favourite things, dislikes and wow the same state. A third account can later come in and get even more info and be instant friends since they are in the same county and are like two peas in the pod.

It is amazing how many times I see age 9 to 18 year olds pictures of themselves, their pets, family, school, home, work, etc. Them girls even put their body measurements, height, weight, birth place, birthdate, school name, and the town they live in. One girl in chat told everyone her school which has about 200 students in it. I live near her so I know that it is a small school. Some leave clues about themselves like pictures of the at a shop that a stalker could look up and find out what town they are in.

In summary I say it is finances and cost to operate a laptop or text, information sharing, con artists and scams, and the care and maintenance of the laptop.

It is hard to turn loose your fledgling but they will never fly if you keep them in a cafe. Part of life is learning to fly and getting up and flying again after flying into a tree branch. I think he will be fine with the laptop and txting if he know the boundaries like finances and social interaction which is my weakness. I get into big trouble with my flirting and innuedoes even if I do not mean to be sexy or dirty, honest, really, lol.

 

[bookwormde]

I have yet to understand the “texting” thing but it is a big part of the social communication world. Finding a plan that does not break the bank is the major issue. You did not say if he has a desktop computer and if he emails, but the same “rules” apply. Texting, like emails can be saved as a permanent record so he needs to be briefed that they are very different from verbal communication in that respect and can have additional “fallout” because of this.

If you are just adding the portability to his current desktop computer experience it is just a matter of finding a computer with enough “power” for the engineering programs, which he will be running in the next couple of years. Also get a good warrantee for at least 3 years with physical damage coverage. For myself I like a Dell but Best Buy has some of the best warrantee plans. You should expect to spend 1200-1800 by the time you get the laptop with a big enough screen and resolution engineering work, a standard “office suite” and a good warrantee. Make sure it has a top line security program (which after a year will need to be upgraded by subscription) because attacks come from anything you download or any site you go to.

If this is his first computer and access to emails and the Internet then it requires a lot more discussion so let us know if this is the situation.

bookwormde

 

[WheeledTraveler]

Unlimted text messaging plans (within the US only, so don't cover texts he sends to anyone he knows anyone outside the country) are about $20/month on most networks. I think otherwise they're generally 10¢/text.

I agree that the laptop sounds like a good idea.

One thing is that for things like laptops, involve him in the research and research not only brands, but operating systems, etc. If he's the sort of person who likes playing with things and might use a computer to learn how to program, etc. it might be worth looking into one of the Dell Ubuntu Linux computers as Linux stuff is fairly secure (very few viruses touch it and all of the anti-virus software I know of for it is free) and it's easier to play with and customize than any other operating system. (You can also buy a laptop with pretty much any operating system and if he thinks he might be interested in Linux it's free to get and these days can be dual-booted on just about any computer with any other operating system). Also, it's probably good to find out what programs he might need if he stays with engineering. Most of the people I know who do advanced work with engineering or similar fields (physics) use either Mac or Linux, but a few do use Windows. Some of his teachers in the program he's in now would probably be good resources for that sort of question. Mac or Linux computers generally get fewer viruses. (Can you tell what I use? ) They do have their drawbacks. Mac's are more expensive than other computers and some websites (although these days very few) still require that you use Internet Explorer which is no longer available for any OS other than Windows. Linux as an OS is not always as stable and can require some playing around to make things work (this is less true for the Dell Linux laptops, but still sometimes true) and tech support for Linux is generally internet forums (every one I've looked at was public so you don't need to sign up for the forum to get the information) and documentation on the website for the program and google. (On the other hand, many Linux users are, well, geeks, and I know several who have Asperger's so they are generally friendly to those who don't socialize well in the rest of the world)

While I agree that you should caution him on how to be careful, he's really only going to learn by experience. Also know that while you can tell him everything and lay down rules, I'm sure to some extent he'll do what he wants. Most of my socialization starting when I was about 16 (before myspace, facebook, etc.) has been online due to health problems so I can certainly say that from experience, although my parents also weren't particularly restrictive because they trusted my judgment. And I've actually not had problems, even though I've done things like crossed oceans to stay with friends who I'd never met before in person (first time I did this I was 20), but had talked with online (and eventually the phone) for years.

As far as what sites to let him join, depending on how he reacts to things I'd definitely say Facebook is probably better than MySpace. MySpace pages are often very visually busy and sometimes have music or video that can give anyone sensory overload. Also, it's much easier on Facebook to restrict who can see your profile and who can find out that you're on Facebook.

Just to warn you (and possibly him) the next big thing right now seems to be "micro-blogging" on websites such as Twitter. It's essentially a way of sending very short status messages to many people all at once. It started out online, but these days you can text messages (and receive your friends' twitter messages by text) and things can be set up so that your twitter message is your "status" message on facebook. I don't remember if twitter allows people under 18 to sign up, but I suspect they do.

Good luck!

 

[TinkOhio]

Thanks so much for the help! My son does have access to our home computer, but he pretty much has only used it for school work, research and to watch You Tube with some friends. I think that he is at the stage where I need to let him make his own mistakes. The nervous mother in me just hopes that the mistakes that he will make aren't big ones! He's a really clean-cut, by-the-rules kind of guy...polite, respectful, etc., and I don't want to see him be taken advantage of.

 

[SueM in MN]

I had not had time to reply before, but wanted to add a few things.

He's a really clean-cut, by-the-rules kind of guy...polite, respectful, etc., and I don't want to see him be taken advantage of.

Many kids who are kind of naive can be taken advantage of on the internet. Someone with Aspergers has additional risks because most are by-the-rules and can be tricked into doing something because it looks like it's a rule. Also, because most people with Aspergers are very literal (xxxxxx means xxxxxx, it can't also mean xxxyyy), it makes them potentially more 'gullible' because he might assume that everything he reads is true and means what he thinks it means.

Computers:
As was already mentioned, it would be a good idea to find out what type on computer his college program will use.
Mac and Linux are pretty problem free as far as viruses. (We've never had a virus on our Macs, but the Windows laptop I have at work has had several in the past 4 years, even with up to date protection and a system administrator who keeps all that up to date). With Windows, you don't even necessarily have to do anything bad to get one. With some viruses, just going to a site of going over the link with your mouse can sometimes be enough to start things happening.
My Mac is about 4 yrs old, I have the Mac operating system on it, but I also have Windows because I need it to support my younger daughter's communication system. My Mac can boot up Windows XP about 1/3 faster than the 3 yr old Windows based laptop I have from work.
The newer Macs have a different processor and can do Windows even easier than mine does. So don't rule out a Mac just because he might need Windows.

College students can get a discount on Mac computers. Even though it is for college students, not High School, he may be able to get the discount if his college level courses are somehow thru a college. My oldest DD is an artist and was able to get discounts on her computer and some of the art programs she needed to use for doing art.
If you are near one of the Mac retail stores, you can get it there (the ones owned by Apple. I'm not sure if the Best Buys that sell Macs do the discount). You can also get the discount by going to the Apple website, go to the Store and from there to the Education Store (hopefully, this link will take you there).

Texting:
Texting is a whole new language - all full of abbreviations and strings of letters that mean a whole sentence. If he's anything like my 18 yr old nephew who has Aspergers, this might be even more confusing to him than it is to other new users. I don't know if you have any young friends or relatives who could help out, but your son may appreciate a 'dictionary' of the different things and what they mean.
I'd also suggest you sit down with him and come up with some texting 'rules'. Most people with Aspergers like rules because they give guidelines of how to behave. Some of the things were already covered in previous posts, but I would add some things like:

1. You are not required to text someone back just because they text you.
   [*]You don't have to return every text right when you receive it (i.e. if you are doing something, you don't have to drop everything to text back).

Internet Browsing:
Adding to what others wrote, clue him in that there are some not very nice people who will try to trick people into going to their websites. Many of those are the porn type sites and that's how a lot of kids happen upon them. Some of those kinds of things will pop up if you do a search and spell the word incorrectly. The search sites like google now have spell check and if you misspell a word they will suggest "are you looking for xxxxx (correct spelling)."
I would suggest setting his browser to not allow popups (another source of 'bad stuff') and tell him just because a pop-up says "click here" does not mean he has to do it ( a lot of 'problem' sites have popups that say things about a problem having been detected on your computer. If you click, it either takes you to one of the 'bad' sites or someplace that will try to sell you something to get rid of the problem that the popup said you had.
People without Aspergers fall for those things a lot, but someone with Aspergers might have more problems ignoring them (because most tend to be very literal and may follow the directions in the popup because it looks like a rule).
So, I'd suggest some rules/scripting to deal with some of those things too.

MySpace and Facebook:
I agree with everything else people wrote about the 2.
My older DD and most of her friends have MySpace pages, but are using Facebook more. My younger DD is only on Facebook.
Just like the other things, I would sit down and come up with some rules about use of Facebook. Some I can think of:

• You need access to his page - have his login and password so you can help him stay safe. Check the page at least every few weeks. You should not need to monitor this forever, but he is more vulnerable than most 17 yr olds, so I think you should monitor it for a while.
• You do NOT need to allow someone to be your friend just because they ask. If you look at Facebook, there are some people who have hundreds of friends. My DDs told me that some people just want to have as many friends on Facebook as possible. So, if one of their friends gets added as a friend, they ask all of that friend's friends to add them too. In a little while, you can get a hundred friends who you don't know at all.
• There are a few people out there who will want to be your friend even though they do not act friendly.

Email and communication
I'd suggest some rules for email too. Besides what others wrote:
[

• I]You don't have to reply to an email just because someone sent it to you.
• You don't have to open every email. People will send you emails trying to trick you into responding by telling you that you won something and all you have to do is click on the message in the email to get your prize. Those emails can be thrown out without reading them.
• You don't have to save every email.
• Be careful when you reply. If you hit the wrong place, you could send it to everyone.[/I]

Some people I know with Aspergers feel that email and forums where people type messages in are great.
Face to face communication has so many other parts that add to the meaning of the words: facial expression, other body language, inflection, tone of voice. Those thing are very helpful to most of us, but those are the very things that most people with Aspergers have difficulty with.

Most of the problems that come up in internet communication have to do with someone interpreting the words in a different way than they were written. That's why we have things like
so that we can add back some of the 'cues' that are missing without facial expression, tone of voice, etc.
Those kinds of things are helpful for everyone, especially people with Aspergers; as my nephew said - "I can tell the person who wrote it meant it to be funny even though the words they wrote are not funny."

Anyway, you may have already moved beyond all this advice, but I finally had time to write it.

 

[TinkOhio]

Sue~

Thanks so much for all of the wonderful advice!! You really understand what my DS needs help with and what we need to think about to best help him. The good news is that he wants a laptop but is now willing to wait untill graduation for it. He continues to grow socially, and is spending more time doing things with new friends and less time thinking that he needs gadgets to do most of his communicating with. I do plan on adding texting to our phone plan soon.

Thanks, too, for the detailed info about the Mac systems. My brother is in the software business and said that my DS would need Windows to run the current engineering software. I had no idea that Macs would run it too! His latest intrest is automotive engineering, but I think that we should wait untill he has chosen a field in college and then see what type of software he'll need to run. (I think. )

Thanks once more!

 

[Schmeck]

Just make sure he's not texting already, or having his friends send him messages, as the cell phone bill could be staggering without a text message plan!

 

[SueM in MN]

Just make sure he's not texting already, or having his friends send him messages, as the cell phone bill could be staggering without a text message plan!

That's for sure.
My niece was on one plan and could text her friends for free.

Her step sister was on a different plan and went way over her limit.

 

[SueM in MN]

Sue~

Thanks so much for all of the wonderful advice!! You really understand what my DS needs help with and what we need to think about to best help him. The good news is that he wants a laptop but is now willing to wait untill graduation for it. He continues to grow socially, and is spending more time doing things with new friends and less time thinking that he needs gadgets to do most of his communicating with. I do plan on adding texting to our phone plan soon.

Thanks, too, for the detailed info about the Mac systems. My brother is in the software business and said that my DS would need Windows to run the current engineering software. I had no idea that Macs would run it too! His latest intrest is automotive engineering, but I think that we should wait untill he has chosen a field in college and then see what type of software he'll need to run. (I think. )

Thanks once more!

You're welcome. It helps to have a nephew with Aspergers who is close to the same age.

Once he has decided what he wants to study, the school will probably have some basic guidelines of what kind of computer meets the needs of that program (amount of memory, etc.)