May 2011 will be our first Disney experience.

8 days at the Poly and then 4 day cruise on the Dream. And for the first time, I will have to push DD11, whether in a special need stroller or in a wheelchair. With her cerebral palsy and her autism, she just cannot walk that much 8 days in a row in this kind of a crowd.
Well, my other dream is to lose back these 20 pounds that keep coming back.
What I find so difficult, is that "it's not that much, what do I have to complain anyway?". So since it's the third time I will do it, I feel so unmotivated, that I don't know how to take it anymore. It's kind of: "Well, I'm 48 after all, and I'm only 136 pounds (on a 5' 3" small frame), so why bother, this time?"
IT'S JUST THAT I, MYSELF, FEEL SO MUCH BETTER, 20 pounds LIGHTER! It is also a lot easier to train and to figure skate and jump, 20 pounds lighter, even more at my age! And since I train so much, I still look a lot better, 20 pounds lighter.
But mostly, it's a health reason: I live with both hypoglycemia, hypothyroid and some sort of myopathy, so I'm better keep these pounds off as long as possible. Because in times of unbalanced hormonal health crisis, I put on a pound a week. That's a lot, in a year. So, I'm better work on prevention than work my ... off to go back to a healthier weight, again. Last time my hormones went crazy, when I put 30 pounds in less than 25 weeks

, I was already on a strict organic-food-no-sugar-lots-of-veggies-and-protein-diet-to-support-the-training, but it happened at the same time that I injured myself warming up 2 minutes before a skating competition.

(Luckily, it was my first ever injury.) But it kept me from burning the pounds the hormones were putting on. And writing this, I realize I'm still angry at the fact that I took 30 pounds on organic food!
Because of my health condition, last spring, I accepted to participate in a medical 20 years study. According to them, I am overweight.



My BMI is supposed to be under 25 and I scored 25,1. Just enough to have the nurse look at me and even though I wear "Size 6", tell me I was overweight and needed to loose weight. I was in shock

, to say the least. I asked her to really take a good look at me.

I asked to revise the score. And she counted again, and said again, that my BMI was 25,1 - so the table said I was overweight. I asked if "muscle" counted in the table and she repeated...
But this time, in my head, I hear that side of me saying: "Why do you make all that fuss for only 20 pounds, at your age?"

And I'm back to square one. Never, ever, been that ambivalent about my weight.
So I hope, I wish, I visualize, I am doing my best every day. Starting today. One day at a time. This thread being my witness of both my ambivalence and my knowledge I have to do this one more time.
And I guess, this is when I have to let the pixie dust work!