Stay at Home Wifes

[SandrainNC]

I would have been a stay at home wife if I could have! And I would not have cared what other people thought. I would also like to be a stay at home mom, but here I am, still at work. Oh well.

And our youngest is from Korea.


Sandra

 

[pinkerbell]

I can't beleive it took me so long to do it and encourage it! Don't wait until you have kids like I did. CONGRATS! on adopting, the process is long and I know others who have quit to stay on top of it. I quit after our second child was 9 months old, part of me was afraid of what others thought. But at the end of the day, I realized many were jealous that they could not stay at home, not in a negative way, and envious way. Having two kids in full time daycare, it would have been for 4 yrs, was crazy! I barely made enough to cover my expenses, some people just didn't get that. I guess they thought daycare was free??? NOT!!! Also, if it takes you a while to get used to justifying being a stay at home wife/mom to be, think about this, you will more than likely be traveling, maybe frequently if adopting from another country and will need to be taking time off of work, especially after the adoption is complete. For those who are so "work concious" ask how they would feel if the new kid on their block just started and took adoption and maternity leave, and then maybe didn't return?? This will be your time to prepare youself, your family and your home.

You can always go back to work, you can never make up the time you loose with your children.
besides, my job does not define me or who I am, the person that I am, especially to my husband, children and extended family does.

Good luck!!! my thoughts are with you.

 

[VeroBeachGirl]

I've been a stay at home wife since I got married almost two years ago. Before I got married, I was a practicing attorney. My husband has a very stressful and time consuming career. If we both worked, our home life would be in shambles! I love having the time to cook, plan vacations, entertain, and decorate my home. Both of our lives run much more smoothly since I am able to do most everything related to the running of the household while my husband can focus on his career. My husband says the best part of his day is when I greet him at the door when he gets home from work.
Tell your wife to do what makes sense for your family.

 

[pinkerbell]

I've been a stay at home wife since I got married almost two years ago. Before I got married, I was a practicing attorney. My husband has a very stressful and time consuming career. If we both worked, our home life would be in shambles! I love having the time to cook, plan vacations, entertain, and decorate my home. Both of our lives run much more smoothly since I am able to do most everything related to the running of the household while my husband can focus on his career. My husband says the best part of his day is when I greet him at the door when he gets home from work.
Tell your wife to do what makes sense for your family.

I love it!!
Congrats on your expecting!!
Isn't it geat planning family vacations. I know I have saved money in many ways, especially in this area, and created memories that will last a lifetime.

 

[VeroBeachGirl]

I love it!!
Congrats on your expecting!!
Isn't it geat planning family vacations. I know I have saved money in many ways, especially in this area, and created memories that will last a lifetime.

Thanks! You are super sweet!

 

[disykat]

I'm loving this thread. I'm a SAHM with old kids who has usually worked part time during the school year since they entered school. This year, there were no permanent part time jobs available and I'm tired of subbing - so I'm not working ouside of the home at all at the moment.

It has been a bit of an adjustment because I feel guilty, I guess. However, in the last few weeks I keep feeling like I'm being TOLD (as in "signs from above" told) to stay home. My dad got very ill and I was the sibling free to travel to be with my folks for a week. (My dh is home and my kids are junior high - old enough to manage without me) Then a close friend's marriage suddenly ended and I've been spending lots of time with her helping her through the shock and helping her manage her kids. Other friends are at work and it took her family several days to clear their schedule and arrive - I was available immediately. The junior high got a new band teacher who found the music library in shambles. I've been organizing it and putting everything on the computer. My dh had a crisis at work and is working 12 hour days - it really helps that I'm doing everything at home and he knows he has no worries about the kids.

I've always done volunteer work and still have those commitments as well, but right now I'm suddenly being NEEDED in a way I've never been before. I'm wondering how I would handle a job right now and feeling so blessed to have the gift of time on my hands.

Staying home can be an adjustment, but there's so much out there to do. Homemaking, home improvement, preparing for a baby, etc. I've found it's best to sort of treat it like a career and plan your days accordingly.

 

[crisi]

It doesn't seem fair to a future employer for her to work for a year or so while you go through the adoption process (depending on how long it takes, we had a fairly quick adoption). But since she sounds like she is sensative to what other people think, I'll second the "professional volunteer." Or perhaps she can do a little freelancing or consulting.

I will say the waiting for an adoption is tough, and I'm not sure I would have been able to handle the waiting sitting home alone in an empty house. There is only so much planning, decorating and cooking a person can do (or, at least, only so much I could do). So volunteering would not only give her something to say she was doing - it would more importantly give her something to do while you wait - and provide a nice plus on your homestudy. And she'd be able to do as much or as little as she wanted - leaving her lots of time for all that planning and nesting. I might discourage her from volunteering in adoption however - other people's babies while you are waiting is another tough thing.

 

[tlbwriter]

No matter what she does, somebody is going to think less of her for it. So ignore what anybody else thinks, and do what works best for you. Good luck on the adoption!

 

[TheRatPack]

LOL, we just had a bible verse that addressed this very thing I'm a stay at home mom, homeschooler of 5. I was a stay at home wife for a while when the kids were in public school, but I always did something part time during the day or volunteered to make myself feel better. Now that I homeschool and have 5 (3 are adopted) I don't care what everyone else thinks. I have a very large local support group for homeschooling, and I've met quite a few wonderful ladies through our adoption journey so I know there are so many others just like me....and it is work!!! Good luck

 

[calliemom]

No matter what she does, somebody is going to think less of her for it. So ignore what anybody else thinks, and do what works best for you. Good luck on the adoption!

Amen to that!

 

[Ellielovesdisney]

I don't think there is any answer that is best for everyone...and no one should judge. It upsets me when people think I am a less involved mother because I work, just as it would upset me if people thought I was lazy because I was a stay at home wife. Do what makes sense for you and your family.

 

[StephMK]

Hi, nice to see another Omaha poster!

That would be my dream job!! I wish I could have been home before we started having kids. To keep house, decorate & not have rugrats come home messing it up every day!

(please don't stone me, I mean that in the most loving way, appreciate my kids & realize fertility struggles are not to make light)

Seriously, there are plenty of household things I do that I'd have to do whether or not we have kids. Bills, household repairs, projects like painting rooms, upkeep, getting quotes for work, shopping, dr appts, etc. All those things can jam pack a weekend or nights when working. Your weekends will be so much more relaxed when she can take her time getting things done during the week.

I agree w/the pp, you'll always find someone that has a comment against whatever choice you've happened to make so she should just enjoy her choice & not worry about it. Congrats & best wishes on the adoption!

 

[jennifer293]

My mom and dad have been married for 36 years and she has never really had a job...I mean she would maybe do a little PT thing around the holidays for christmas or so, but nothing more than a few months. The youngest child out of us all is getting ready to turn 21 and she has been out of the house since 18, and mom is still at home...I don't see anything wrong with your wife being at home if it works for you both. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or has to say..Those who are "talking" are just jealous because they want to be in your wife's position!!!

 

[bellelab]

Who cares what other people think? I say if that is what works for the two of you, go for it! I will say that the waiting part of the adoption process is tough so just make sure she stays plenty busy!

Congrats on starting an adoption! We have a daughter from Guatemala and we are now in the process of adopting her baby brother! It's definately an emotional roller coaster but one so well worth it!

 

[Miz Diz]

Are they any stay at home wifes out there without children? This week my wife was lost her job, company wide lay offs and I make a good living. We have decided that she would stay at home, but she is worried that some people think less of her because we do not have any kids. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to help my loving wife not worry so much.

Good for you and her! If you can do it, why not? I'm sure she'll be working at home - cleaning house, cooking, fetching everything for you. Now if you also pay for a housekeeper and/or chef to come in and cook, that's a different story and all I would have to say then is will you dump her and marry me?

 

[Aliceacc]

I don't think there is any answer that is best for everyone...and no one should judge. It upsets me when people think I am a less involved mother because I work, just as it would upset me if people thought I was lazy because I was a stay at home wife. Do what makes sense for you and your family.

Excellent point. When I was a SAHM, the "judgers" out there asked: "So... you don't work????"

Now that I'm back at work, they want to know: "Even though your youngest still isn't in school???" (She's 4, and we just ran out of money last year, so I went back to teaching.)

Ignore them. Each of us makes the choices that work best for the situation we're in. When that situation changes, we re-evaluate and choose the right path for that time. Dont make excuses or explain...just smile and ignore those who question your choices.

 

[pinkerbell]

I don't think there is any answer that is best for everyone...and no one should judge. It upsets me when people think I am a less involved mother because I work, just as it would upset me if people thought I was lazy because I was a stay at home wife. Do what makes sense for you and your family.

I applaud you!!
I have freinds who work full time and still run circle around what I do with my kids!!! I should have mentioned in my earlier post working is a good choice too, for those who can do it. One friend has 4 boys travel about 30 min each way to work and is still totally active with her kids....
I think she's a robot
Enjoy your family and you career!!!


OP, I also want to mention that when I quit my job I had no idea opportunities for part time work would come up, and old friend from a previous employer called me within a week of my telling him I left my job to offer me a part time flexible work schedule. When one door closes another one opens.

 

[bellebud]

i think it's great you guys can afford for her to stay home, whether you have kids for her to tend or not. she'll have a house to take care of, appts and errands, garadening if she wants, etc. Then you'll have pretty much nothing you *have* to do on the weekends and you guys can really enjoy each other and do things you *want* to do together.

if she feels more comfortable, tell her to tell people "OH, i'm so lucky, I retired early!" with a big smile on her face. Believe me, anyone who is out to make her feel bad, is simply jealous. For the lucky few who absolutely love their jobs and would do them after retirement age or even if they won the lottery, good for them. for the majority of people, early retirement would be a blessing and they would welcome it with open arms (even though they say they wouldn't).

tell her to enjoy herself and ignore the jealous comments.

 

[GoingtoWDWagain]

I bacame a stay at home Mom, when we had our first DD. It is now 14 years later and two more little ones added to the family. I was talked about and flamed by my in-law side for years, they felt poor DH has to provide and she just sits at home (wish that was the case). Anyway, we have three wonderful children and I'm so glad we didn't allow other relatives opinions to affect our decision for me to stay at home. My point is we decided it was best for our family and still others found the need to stick their two cents in. The most important thing is that you BOTH aggree on her staying home. I can't wait till the youngest goes to Pre-K so I can sign up for different classes, visit the libary and just enjoy some alone time and some lunches with DH while the kids are in school. Take advantage and enjoy each other, especially since you have no children and ignore what others have to say, people will always talk. Good luck!!!!!!!

 

[Safari Queen]

I'm just jealous. There are so many things I'd love to do in my home and the community if I could stay at home, but we just can't afford it.