Stay at Home Wifes

[EeyoresBuddy]

Are they any stay at home wifes out there without children? This week my wife was lost her job, company wide lay offs and I make a good living. We have decided that she would stay at home, but she is worried that some people think less of her because we do not have any kids. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to help my loving wife not worry so much.

 

[WDWorBUST]

One - I think it shows an extreme amount of courage to be able to see what will work best for your "family" and do it - now the hard part is to not worry about what people think

Maybe if she were to get involved in volunteer work not only would she feel good about it - she would feel more confident about staying home and the opportunity to have an answer for anyone who has the nerve to comment on her status? Just a thought.

 

[PrincessHeart]

I spent a year and 1/2 as a stay at home wife. I resigned my postion as an HR manager b/c they were asking me to lay -off some wonderful hard-working people while mgt was totally abusing the finances of the company. Dh and I decided that I should stay home b/c we were going to have kids. His job kept saying there were going to transfer us, so we thought there was no point of my getting a new job. I volunteered and learned to play golf. It was a great time for me. I have several friends whose children are grown, that are now stay at home wives. I say go for it. The best thing about having one person stay home is that all of the errands and housework can get done duirng the week day - leaving weekends errand free and more time together.

 

[EeyoresBuddy]

We too are hoping to start a family soon. We are starting the adoption process soon and have always planned on her staying home once we started our family.

 

[ndgqccmiller]

My MIL is a stay at home wife. She did it backwards. She worked very hard when the kids were young as her husband finished college and made a career. When the kids hit high school she started staying home. She likes it. They don't live close, but when we have really needed her she is always willing to help out. Which I really appreciate. Tell your wife that if it works for your family then don't worry about anything else. Good luck!

 

[PrincessHeart]

We too are hoping to start a family soon. We are starting the adoption process soon and have always planned on her staying home once we started our family.

I understand the adoption process can be time consuming, so that would be wonderful if your wife had extra time to commit to the process. Don't worry about what others think. I always found that people were very happy to have me volunteer and loved that I didn't work. Tell her to enjoy this time - trust me once you adopt she'll be glad she had some time to purse some things she wants to. B/C it's all about the kids now - I wouldn't trade it though.

 

[DisneyMagicMommy]

I was a stay at home wife before we started having children and I say it's nothing to be to be ashamed about. It's her business wether she wants to work or not and I always say it doesn't matter what other people think. Wether someone chooses to work...or not is no one elses decision and no one should feel bad about what they do. There are people who are stay at home wives, stay at home moms, working moms, and working wives with no children. It seems like someone is always going to comment on what other people do no matter what...so there's no reason to worry about what other people think. It's her life...she should live it how she wants to live it. We do have kids now...but before we had kids staying home gave me alot of time to do the things I wanted to do..not what I had to do for my job. I visited my family a lot...which was especially fun. But mostly it gave me time alone...and nowdays...i wish I had some alone time every now and then.

 

[dabute]

I’m a stay at home wife. I’m the only one that I know. It was weird at first. People are always asking what you do for a living. I’m used to it now. It’s been 4 years.

If you have the lifestyle you want without her working, then just forget what others think.

 

[wowsmom]

No real advice to offer, but I'm a stay at home mom who plans on being a stay at home wife in about 8 years, when my younger child goes off to college. Now I just need to figure out how to tell DH...

 

[northriver]

I met several women who considered themselves "professional volunteers". I ran a political campaign office and their help was truely invaluable. If you are considering going back into the workforce, volunteering gives you the opportunity to build professional networks and pad your resume that you will never get in any job!

And as another poster mentioned, definately, being able to errands at 10am on a Wednesday rather than on weekends is a HUGE bonus! It is so much quicker to run to the mall during the week.

 

[bumbershoot]

We too are hoping to start a family soon. We are starting the adoption process soon and have always planned on her staying home once we started our family.

I was a stay at home fiancee for about a year. Talk about hard to talk about in public! But I'd been forced to quit my job by a bullying boss, then just couldn't find anything else, and finally we gave up and I stopped trying to find work, and focused on planning our wedding. (again, talk about hard to mention in public!)

Then I got pregnant and was too exhausted to think about working, and it just went on. We plan on homeschooling, and so it just doesn't make sense for me to find a paying job, even though he's getting older now.


Anyway, even at home *parents* sometimes have a hard time explaining to people "what" they do...if anything it will give you guys some time to get your "stories" straight (even now my husband will STILL use the word "just" before "stays at home with our son", and that is absolutely maddening, even though I know he doesn't feel that it's "just" anything, LOL). It will get your walls of "I don't care what others think" up.

AND taking time now, before you even start the adoption process, will give you guys time to get used to the finances of having one person working! And that is a very big luxury that I highly recommend to people thinking of "just" (ha ha ha) staying home.

Good luck with the decision, and with the adoption process!!!

 

[Aliceacc]

I was a Stay at Home Mom for 6 years. In the beginning it was strange when someone asked "what do you do?" I went from "Math department Chair at ___ High School" to "SAHM."

Since you mentioned adoption: My oldest is adopted (my 2 younger daughters are biological.) Here's some volunteer work your wife may want to consider:

Infants who are adopted from Korea are brought to the US by escorts. The escorts fly the kids over and get them into an American airport (and,by the way, take amazing care of these little babies during the 20-something hour flight.) Once they arrive in the US, they're met at the flight by a "greeter." The greeter meets the family, checks their ID, gets security clearance to go to the gate, finds the escort, and brings the baby out to meet his or her new family. (In NY, we also clear the baby through Customs and Immigration.) During this time, the escorts are doing Customs and Immigration themselves, getting their baggage, and sometimes catching their connecting flight or meeting a ride.

It is AMAZING work; I rarely leave dry-eyed. I don't have as much time to do it now as I used to... teaching and parenting 3 doesn't allow much time off. But it's something your wife may want to look into, especially if you're considering international adoption.

As to what people will think: once you have kids you realize that everyone will always have an opinion as to what you do and what you should have done. It stops mattering after a while.

 

[let'sgo]

Our kids are all out of the house now, and if anyone asks, I just tell them that I'm a homemaker. Hey, I don't know where all of the time goes, but there is always something coming up, and I am available to help out. My favorite was when I was at home with the kids, and was asked what I did. The reply would be, "Oh, so you don't work" and I would give those people a look and tell them, "Yes, I do work--I'm a homemaker, I just don't get paid for what I do."

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Who cares what anyone thinks? Enjoy life and do what is best for your family. No matter what you do someone will have a comment. Don't sweat it. I hope your adoption goes quick for you!

 

[MiniGirl]

Our kids are all out of the house now, and if anyone asks, I just tell them that I'm a homemaker. Hey, I don't know where all of the time goes, but there is always something coming up, and I am available to help out. My favorite was when I was at home with the kids, and was asked what I did. The reply would be, "Oh, so you don't work" and I would give those people a look and tell them, "Yes, I do work--I'm a homemaker, I just don't get paid for what I do."

My mom was a teacher. She went back and got her degree after I (her youngest) was in school. She never asked her parents if they worked. She would always ask, "Do you work outside the home?" She knew good and well that SAHPs are working parents. Of course, that was before so many people started working from home offices and such, too.

 

[mumom95]

With the divorce rate being so high, I think just working on having a good marriage can be a full time job.

If it is what makes you and your wife happy, then it is by all means the best thing to do.

I am a stay at home mom with both kids in school full time. My dh loves that he can completely focus on his job, and doesn't have to worry about any of the other things people have to take care of in life.

 

[burnsoc]

I just wanted to wish you good luck with the adoption. My DW and I adopted our son from Russia in 2005. It has been the greatest experience and we could not have imagined a more perfect child. There is definitely enough paperwork involved to be considered a job. Good Luck!

 

[Us3]

Good luck with your family decision. The choice is up to you guys. Running a "home" is a lot of work even w/o kiddo's. I'm a SAHM of 3, w/ 2 at home full time and the other in elem school. It's the hardest and most rewarding job I've ever had! Like a previous post, I have also changed my wording...I never ask what someone does for a living...I ask "Do you work outside of the home?"

 

[3littleHalls]

I wanted to wish you the best with your adoption!! I think that is wonderful. Honestly, I don't think your wife should worry about what others think. If she is concerned about loosing her identity, volunteering is very rewarding! I have 2 in school and one in preschool and I have been asked if I was going back to work soon. I volunteer at both schools and for our church. I don't have free time There are many many organizations in need.

 

[EeyoresBuddy]

Thanks everyone. When I showed this thread to my wife, today is her last day at her job, she almost started to cry. This has really help show her that she is not alone.