Stay at Home Mom vs. Daycare?

[BuckNaked]

But it does all come down to you and your DH. If you stayed home just to please DH, but were miserable, that would not be good for anyone, especially a baby.

Your entire post was great, but I especially feel this part is important. While the ideal situation is for both parents to agree, I think that when an agreement or compromise just can't be reached, (which is rare, I'm sure), the final decision has to lie with the mom.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I am a SAHM by choice, but also because of circumstance. I was a SAHM for the first 7 months of my DS(2)'s life until a job fell into my lap. We were referred to a private datcare, very expensive, but worth it! It was very clean, lots of security, great program, and I could watch my little man all day via their web cam. I liked the job for awhile but longed to be with my son again. Then Katrina hit. Once we got settled in Fl, We put DS into a in home daycare. He loved it. I was a bit wary because he was the youngest child there...it wasn't as structured, and I had no security...no cameras, no helpers...etc. I quit my job with Disney due pregnancy complications and our plans to return home. So I was again a SAHM. Now, we really cannot afford daycare for two, if I were to return to work. It is a blessing though, because I really want to SAH until they go to school. I agree that you and your DH really need to find a common ground. Dh and I always knew I would stay home for at least the first 6 months. He had a SAHM and he wanted that for his kids, and I always thought I would SAH. My BIL and his fiance are struggling with their decision for this now. She is older and they will probably need to start trying almost as soon as they get married if they want children. He is a computer something or other and she is a doctor(not yet licensed in the US) and is finishing up her PHD. She is longing to SAH but with her education he feels it would be a waste...

Good luck with your decision.

 

[fabshelly]

I used to think SAHM was Single and Happy Mom (like me!) funny, hm?

 

[momof2inPA]

Did someone say that????

I admit it...I'm one of those people that is biased towards daycare. I think that giving your child a wider range of experiences when they are in their early development is essential to raising a bright, inquisitive, well-adjusted child. But that is a decision that everyone really has to make for themselves.

And he's said it many times before along with-- Mom's who stay at home are boring and intelligent women couldn't possibly be fulfilled staying home, etc.

I just wanted to make the point that sending kids to daycare doesn't make them more bright or inquisitive than other children and that daycare isn't essential in develping these qualities. Not trying to start a fight.

 

[FreshTressa]

Hehe, I may be boring, but my 3.9 GPA at the UW shows that I'm at least a little intelligent!

I've been a SAHM for 8 years and not sure if I'll ever work outside the house.

I will, however, still read voraciously and keep up with current events.

 

[Mysteria]

Ok I've been gone for months and oh what a surprise this subject is still here! It's all about opinion people. To each their own!! Whatever works for you. Nobody has a rght to judge what you choose for yourself! Let the subject go!

Myst

 

[momof2inPA]

Hehe, I may be boring, but my 3.9 GPA at the UW shows that I'm at least a little intelligent!

I've been a SAHM for 8 years and not sure if I'll ever work outside the house.

I will, however, still read voraciously and keep up with current events.

I probably shouldn't have brought it up, so I'll try to change the subject.

Moms and dads that work outside the home and aren't teachers, how do you run your kids around to their activities? So many of my kids' practices and such are right after school. If I worked, I don't think I would be able to make it home before six. And what do you do about travelling for work? DH travels, we have no relatives close by, and my work in my field always involved travel. I don't see any way to make it work without a nanny, and I don't really want to relinquish that much control and influence over my kids.

 

[noodleknitter]

Ok I've been gone for months and oh what a surprise this subject is still here! It's all about opinion people. To each their own!! Whatever works for you. Nobody has a rght to judge what you choose for yourself! Let the subject go!

Myst

If you don't like it...don't read it. This is one of the most civil discussions re. this subject that I've seen on this board.

Good job to all who've kept it that way!

 

[Reflection]

I probably shouldn't have brought it up, so I'll try to change the subject.

Moms and dads that work outside the home and aren't teachers, how do you run your kids around to their activities? So many of my kids' practices and such are right after school. If I worked, I don't think I would be able to make it home before six. And what do you do about travelling for work? DH travels, we have no relatives close by, and my work in my field always involved travel. I don't see any way to make it work without a nanny, and I don't really want to relinquish that much control and influence over my kids.

Working, non-teacher, single mom of one child chiming in...

After school activities: My daughter's extra curricular actitvities are not right after school. Dance classes are in the evening (weekdays) and late morning on Saturday. Volleyball (spring activity) practice is early evening. I have no problem getting her to her activities.

Travel for work: I sometimes have to travel for work, and we do not live near family. When my daughter was in elementary school--and before NCLB legislation and the resulting focus on nonexcused absences from school--I would take her with me, depending on the location--I will pull her out of school when I have overseas travel for business. She is now in middle school and time missed from school takes longer to make up. When travel is required and I opt not to take her with me, she stays with family friends.

 

[Griggle]

Moms and dads that work outside the home and aren't teachers, how do you run your kids around to their activities? So many of my kids' practices and such are right after school.

For us, in a nutshell....networking with other moms and dads that both work and SAH, on drop-off / pick-up.

This year, DS has activities on M, T and Thu, each with a friend whose mom picks my DS up w/hers from school. She drops off - I pick them up on my way home from work and bring them home, or even out/over to dinner sometimes.

It works. Well!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Moms and dads that work outside the home and aren't teachers, how do you run your kids around to their activities? So many of my kids' practices and such are right after school. If I worked, I don't think I would be able to make it home before six. And what do you do about travelling for work? DH travels, we have no relatives close by, and my work in my field always involved travel. I don't see any way to make it work without a nanny, and I don't really want to relinquish that much control and influence over my kids.

A combination of things, involving daycare, family help and other assistance.

Our schedule, on a typical week looks like this:

Monday: MIL picks our oldest up from after school care and takes him to Tae Kwon Do class. I pick up our little one from daycare and meet MIL at TKD class to bring home the boys.

Tuesday: A friend of ours (I guess he would be technically called a "manny") waits for our oldest at the bus stop, brings him home, gets him a snack and plays with him until I get home. I pick up little guy on my way home. We usually leave something that can be popped in the oven so dinner's ready when I get home.

Wednesday: MIL picks our oldest up from after school care and takes him to Tae Kwon Do class. I pick up little guy on way home from work and feed him dinner while waiting for friend to bring oldest home from class.

Thursday: Same as Tuesday

Friday: Oldest goes to after school care after kindergarden and I pick him up after I pick up little guy.

Saturday is when we have things like swimming lessons and soccer scheduled.

DW has been travelling more often for work lately, so she hasn't been around as much to help out as she normally would. One thing we did make a conscience effort to change was my job -- I did forego a promotion or two along the way in order to stay in a role that allows me to have a regular schedule where I can get out of work at an early enough hour to be able to get home for the boys.

 

[bananiem]

I probably shouldn't have brought it up, so I'll try to change the subject.

Moms and dads that work outside the home and aren't teachers, how do you run your kids around to their activities? So many of my kids' practices and such are right after school. If I worked, I don't think I would be able to make it home before six. And what do you do about travelling for work? DH travels, we have no relatives close by, and my work in my field always involved travel. I don't see any way to make it work without a nanny, and I don't really want to relinquish that much control and influence over my kids.

The majority of things for kids here are in the evenings. That's almost worse for me because that's when meetings happen for the volunteer things I do. My dd does have synchro team skating on Wednesdays from 4:15-5:15. Since I'm a sahm I pick up 2 other girls for skating. Then on Thursday nights they bring my dd home for me since I'm usually at a pta meeting or some other meeting.

 

[mrsltg]

Moms and dads that work outside the home and aren't teachers, how do you run your kids around to their activities? So many of my kids' practices and such are right after school. If I worked, I don't think I would be able to make it home before six. And what do you do about travelling for work? DH travels, we have no relatives close by, and my work in my field always involved travel. I don't see any way to make it work without a nanny, and I don't really want to relinquish that much control and influence over my kids.

I'm not a teacher and I work outside the home. My older dd is in two dance classes, Daisies, and clay class. Clay and Daisies are both immediately following school at the school so no running is necessary. I pick her up when those activities are over. I get off work at 3:30 (because I come in at 7) so I usually pick her up by 4:30. On dance days we head over to the studio in time for a 5:15 class.

When I have to travel I arrange with dh. He changes his shift to accomodate my travel schedule. I changed jobs to one that requires less travel when my first was born. Now it's maybe half-a-dozen times per year so it's not that difficult to arrange. We don't have any family around, either. Oh, when I take my big summer trip for work the girls visit Grandma and Grandpa so they have some alone time together. It works for us.

 

[Gymbomom]

Ok I've been gone for months and oh what a surprise this subject is still here! It's all about opinion people. To each their own!! Whatever works for you. Nobody has a rght to judge what you choose for yourself! Let the subject go!

Myst

I think the OP was asking for opinions.....

 

[noodleknitter]

When I am working, it is with the cooperation of many that the kids get to and from their activities. When I'm not, it is great to be able to "take" the kids, and have someone else trasport home! Especially during the witching hour!

 

[Christine]

I probably shouldn't have brought it up, so I'll try to change the subject.

Moms and dads that work outside the home and aren't teachers, how do you run your kids around to their activities? So many of my kids' practices and such are right after school. If I worked, I don't think I would be able to make it home before six. And what do you do about travelling for work? DH travels, we have no relatives close by, and my work in my field always involved travel. I don't see any way to make it work without a nanny, and I don't really want to relinquish that much control and influence over my kids.

There are instances where, depending on both parents' jobs, it really CAN'T work.

In our case, neither of us ever have to travel. I used to do a bit more traveling back in the 1990s but that has stopped. My husband NEVER has to travel. We are fortunate also that we work early hours. It really sucks in the morning, but my husband is home to pick up my son at 2:30 p.m. (school lets out at 3:00 p.m.) and I am home in time to get my DD off her bus at 3:40 p.m. All their afterschool stuff starts anywhere between 4:30 and 6:00 so it has never been an issue for us.

I realize that not everyone has that luxury but many office-type jobs are flexible with shifting your hours to very early or late.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I personally couldn't put an infant in daycare. For one thing, I can't see being away from a little baby like that. Also, they have such immature immune systems that I dislike the idea of exposing them to so many other kids' germs on a daily basis. I may put my child in preschool when she is 4, but I could never do daycare personally.

 

[BuckNaked]

I personally couldn't put an infant in daycare. For one thing, I can't see being away from a little baby like that. Also, they have such immature immune systems that I dislike the idea of exposing them to so many other kids' germs on a daily basis. I may put my child in preschool when she is 4, but I could never do daycare personally.

If you just don't like the idea of daycare for infants, that's cool, but please don't use incorrect information about immature immune systems to try to sway others. A healthy infant's immune system is more than capable of handling "other kids' germs".

 

[summerrluvv]

I probably shouldn't have brought it up, so I'll try to change the subject.

Moms and dads that work outside the home and aren't teachers, how do you run your kids around to their activities? So many of my kids' practices and such are right after school. If I worked, I don't think I would be able to make it home before six. And what do you do about travelling for work? DH travels, we have no relatives close by, and my work in my field always involved travel. I don't see any way to make it work without a nanny, and I don't really want to relinquish that much control and influence over my kids.

I get home at 5:30. We don't do activities that are right after school because I have to work. While it would be nice to be able to not work so I can drive my kids around to after school activities, it's not realistic at this point. Cub Scouts starts at 7 and that's the only activity we do.

I don't travel for my job and I know tons of other mothers that work and don't travel either.

 

[bananiem]

I personally couldn't put an infant in daycare. For one thing, I can't see being away from a little baby like that. Also, they have such immature immune systems that I dislike the idea of exposing them to so many other kids' germs on a daily basis. I may put my child in preschool when she is 4, but I could never do daycare personally.

There have been some studies that show a child that was in childcare as an infant/toddler is healthier and catches less viruses when they hit elementary school.