SDFgirl said:
I'm having some reservations about quitting my teaching job.
Many details go into the decision about whether to keep your job or stay at home -- it goes way beyond just how many dollars he brings home:
How stable is your husband's job?
Does he have good insurance/benefits?
If you need/want to go back to work, how soon could you reasonably find another job?
Is your marriage stable?
How available is good day care?
Do you have family support in the area?
What are your family's long-term financial goal (i.e., college savings, retirement)?
In the long run, you have to decide what's best, given your circumstances and your resources. I'm also a teacher, so I understand that it's something of a unique job, hard to compare to other professions. Here's what it's been like for me as a working mom/teacher:
My first daughter was expected in April, but didn't arrive until May -- perfect for a teacher. I had a sub for the end of the year, then I had the whole summer home with her. By the time August rolled around, I was physically ready to go back, and she wasn't a tiny, tiny thing anymore -- she was sitting up and eating solid food by the time I went back to school.
My second daughter was born in late June. Not quite so perfect -- she was only about 6 weeks old when school started. I'm a high school teacher, and we're on block scheduling, so I stayed home during the fall semester and went back to school in January. New classes, new students, it was like I never left.
The timing of their births was good in both cases; however, if you're not so fortunate -- if you have an August or September due date, for example, don't stress it. This is a "problem" that'll only affect you for one year.
In my area, the school system must allow you to take up to two years off following the birth of your child. They must give you your teaching job back at the end of that two years; however, they do not have to place you in the same school, and they do not have to give you the same age level. I don't know about you, but I've put in lots of years, and I am very attached to MY classroom, MY seniors, MY clubs . . . it's not like other jobs, where you can pick up your same responsibilities again. I've spent years perfecting what I do with my seniors. If I were suddenly told I'd have to teach sophomores, I'd have to familiarize myself with new novels, write new lesson plans . . . while dealing with a new baby!
Think about your teaching license. If you choose to stay home a couple years, be sure to keep it current so you can return to teaching, if and when you choose.
As my first summer wore away, I was very nervous about going back to school. My husband was supportive either way, but seeing that I was worried about it, he gave me some good advice: Go back for two months, give it a good try, and if you're not happy, if the baby's not thriving, if you're stressed, THEN put in your notice. I went back to school, and things went smoothly.
Since I work 7:00-2:30, my husband has always done the morning routine: dressed the girls, fed them breakfast, drove them to daycare. I think this is part of why he's very, very close to both girls. I see some guys who are essentially Dad in name only; not my husband. He does hair in piggy-tails, packs school lunches, and signs last-minute permission slips -- things that are usually left to moms.
Something I see SAHMs do poorly sometimes: Because they're at home, they do EVERYTHING for the child, and that does make sense on one level. However, if they decide to go back to work a few years later, it's hard to get Dad to start doing his share of the work with the kids. MANY dads just don't "get with the program" and realize that things change when mom goes back to work. I think working moms kind of have a leg-up in that regard because the dads never have a chance to "get spoiled" -- they have to help out from the very beginning.
Since I get off work mid-afternoon, I'm the afternoon parent. When they were younger, I picked them up from day care. It was always a problem when they were infants because they'd just be getting up from their after-lunch nap, and they were frequently cranky. Now that they're older, I'm home before the bus gets to our house. I have plenty of time to help with homework and start dinner before my husband gets home, so we have evenings free for family time.
I think the key to our success is that we two have worked together at parenting. When he goes out of town, life is miserable, but that's not often. If he travelled constantly, my lifestyle would not work -- that's the kind of thing I meant when I said you ahve to look at your circumstances and your resources.
One horrible thing about being a teacher and a working mom: when the girls were younger, I had to pay for their day care all summer (when I wasn't getting a paycheck) or lose their spot. Good day care's not easy to find, so I did it.
When they first started school, I had a bad situation -- bad financially, that is -- with after-school care. My high school classes finished up at 2:30, and the elementary school they attended finished at the same time. It'd be 3:00 by the time I could get out the door and drive to their school . . . so I had to pay FULL PRICE for their after-school care (and let me tell you, it's almost as bad as day care), even though all they only stayed long enough to get into the after-school care room and eat their snacks. Often they'd be upset since I'd walk in the door to pick them up just as the group was lining up to go to the playground. Since I was paying for after-school care anyway, once or twice a week I'd stop and do my quick, necessary errands (any mom'll tell you that it's soooo much quicker to do errands alone) so that we could go straight home.
Also, the girls both had some transition issues every August when they were younger. They'd become accustomed to sleeping late, being at home all day . . . then we'd have to get back into our busy routine again. They were always fussy for the first few weeks of school. A toddler can't comprehend why Mommy stayed home for three months, then suddenly went back to work; my co-workers complained of the same problem with toddlers. I expect it's easier for people who have the same work schedule year-round, but the summer months are worth it!
Another negative for teachers is that we can't just walk out the door if our children get sick. If my daughters' schools call, I have to let MY school office know, then I have to wait for a sub to come take over MY classes. My girls are very healthy, and this has only been a problem a handful of times, but it's not fun for me or them. Our solution: We've made sure that the school knows that DAD is the first-call-when-sick parent. They typically call Mom first, but in our case, he can usually drop what he's doing and pick up a sick child very quickly -- he might have to go back to work that night to make up what he's doing, but he can respond more quickly in an emergency.
Also, you already know how difficult it is for a teacher to be out of the classroom . . . writing those lesson plans out in great detail, returning the next day to see that the sub completely ignored them . . . if your child has any type of ongoing medical problem, this could be miserable. In most jobs, if you're out, the work piles up on your desk . . . for a teacher, you have to do the work whether you're actually there or not. My girls had trouble with ear infections after they stopped nursing (why'd I ever stop nursing them?), and this was a problem for us for a while, but they outgrew it.
Financially, day care really cut into my first few years of teaching. I didn't bring home a whole lot, but I was still solidly in the black. Teachers don't tend to spend a lot on their wardrobes, lunches, etc. -- it's a job that doesn't "cost a lot". However, even in those "lean years", I built up years towards my pension, I built up sick days and other benefits, I put money into my 401K, and I earned my tenure -- those things are just as important as a paycheck.
As a teacher, you know that you essentially have one "job opportunity time" each year. If you're not hired in August, you're probably not going to get a teaching job that year. You could sub, but personally, I wouldn't do this job for sub pay and no benefits. If you're hired mid-way through the year -- say, to take over a class in which the teacher has left for maternity leave, you won't get a year towards retirement for that. It's JUST a paycheck. Again, not such an attractive offer. The point: If you were to decide that you needed the money, or if your husband were to lose his job, you'd have few options until next August. You have to look at the teaching job market in your area (and your other circumstances) and decide if this is a worthwhile risk for your family.
Now that my girls are both in school, teaching is absolutely a perfect mom-job. I still have to pay before-school care for my youngest (who goes to a late-start elementary school and doesn't start class until 9:00). I have no problem attending their special events, etc. because the school system's a very family-friendly place to work. I can zip over to their schools during my planning period, and I"m allowed a couple days per year to do field trips with their classes. They go to school with me on teacher workdays.
Most importantly, my girls were always safe and happy. They thrived in day care and at home. They learned and grew. They're fantastic kids by anyone's standards. While balancing work and kids is sometimes stressful, it's possible to do it well.
