Stay at Home Mom vs. Daycare?

[Christine]

My DD was put in an "at home" daycare when she was 12 weeks old. She stayed there until she was 3.5 (we moved) and LOVED her provider. I never worried a moment and felt that she was extremely loved and cared for.

By the time I had my son, we were living in a different town, didn't know anyone, and I had to work. I found a daycare center that had a very low turnover of workers in the infant room. I visited it several times (along with other centers). It wasn't the "newest" or "slickest" facility but the care givers made me feel very comfortable. My son started there at 9 weeks old. Overall, I felt it all went well. I would have preferred that he be in a "home" situation like my DD was but I could not find one in our new town that really impressed me. My son stayed at his daycare center until he went into first grade.

I never felt that they received "horrible" care. But, sometimes it is what you set out to believe. My co-worker had her baby about 6 months after my son was born. Before she even had the baby (this was her 2nd child but came along 12 years after her first) she was pretty much crying everyday about the the thought of daycare. When the baby was born and she went back to work, she decided to use my daycare center since she trusted my opinion. This woman cried everyday that she left her child. In turn, her child sensed this discomfort and started causing a scene. Finally when the child was 9 months old, she quit work and couldn't take it anymore. She had no bad experiences at the daycare, the child had fun there most of the day. This woman had just made up her mind from the outset that "daycare was awful."

 

[pkasbohm]

My opinion would be do whatever works best for your family. Either one is good. Although I don't know about your area but in our area it is hard to place a baby right now due to the high demand of daycare and the lack of daycares. So as soon as you know i would start looking so you can get what you want if that is the route you choose. Good luck!!

 

[noodleknitter]

Your DH is totally against it and you agreed to stay home.
The daycare issue of it being horrible is really not a factor here.

That's right...how dare you even consider changing your mind...!

You are kidding, right? The child is only the twinkle in their eyes. That is a good time to think about options. Not necessarily make decisions, but consider options.

OP, good luck. I love being a parent, but there are few cut and dried, black and white issues! And every parent tends to believe that they have made the only good and right choice!

 

[goodeats]

What's your teaching contract like? I know most of my friends can only take off one year before they have to reapply. So taking off two consecutive years might force you to have to reapply and reinterview and various schools. Also, with teaching the retirement is so good that it should definitely play a factor in your decision.

But if you have the option of taking a year off, and can afford it, I don't understand why anyone wouldn't! Before anyone flames me - I hate working, always have. I don't get any satisfaction from it even though I have a 'career' where I get praise a lot and do interesting things. I just don't see the point of view of "I"ll miss working"!

 

[claudia]

When my youngest was born I was a part-owner in a large manufacturing company. For me, staying home was not an option, but like your DH, daycare concerned me. I needed to be back to work when he was 4 weeks old. So I opted to hire an "empty-nester" mom.....one of my employee's mom, who I had worked with for many years. It worked out beautifully as he was the only child she cared for.... he was with her until he turned 3.

 

[NMAmy]

DD went to daycare from 8 weeks old until she started kindergarten. It was great for her--I really believe it helped her learn to get along with others and helped prepare her for school. She's an only child so this was where she learned about sharing and taking turns and getting along with kids her own age. The owner knew dd since the beginning--when dd started kindergarten, she was so concerned about her being comfortable going there that she took her to the school before school started. She walked up and down a steep set of stairs with dd about 10 times--and this woman was pregnant with twins at the time! When I told her she didn't have to do that, she told me that she felt like dd was her own child going off to kindergarten and it was important to her.

It's a very personal decision and you may change your mind several times. That's okay--it's hard to predict your feelings in the future. I hope that you can bring your dh around to your way of thinking. Perhaps he could consider staying home with the baby himself?

 

[SDFgirl]

Your DH is totally against it and you agreed to stay home.
The daycare issue of it being horrible is really not a factor here.
You are experiencing a marriage issue.

I knew it would come up sooner or later.

My staying home was not a "signed in blood" kinda thing. We just both agreed that's what we wanted in the future. It's very easy to discuss this issue when it's an abstract concept. Now that the baby-making is about to begin ( ), it's just feeling more real to me. I just want to explore all the options.

 

[ChibiJones]

DH & I are in the same boat. We're thinking of starting a family in a couple of years. I know the child will be going into daycare; we're both on the same page about that. We were just discussing the issue last night. If I gave up my career, not only would I be losing my salary, I'd be losing out on 401k contributions with employer matching, promotions and career advancement. Plus, if, God forbid, something happened to DH or vice versa, we want to know that the other will be able to take care of the family financially.

BTW, as a teacher, you could try to time it so that your maternity leave ends right as school does. Then you would have the whole summer home with the baby and he/she would be about 4 months old when going into daycare rather than 6 weeks.

 

[BuckNaked]

I just want to explore all the options.

And you're very smart to do so.

There are going to be studies, both formal and informal, that say it's better to stay home, and there will be the same types of studies that say daycare is better. You will have anecdotal "evidence" from friends and family that offer diametrically opposed opinions.

The bottom line is that only you know what is best for both you and the baby. And you may not know until the baby is here. So, do your research, talk about it with your DH, and get opinions from all sides, but in the end, you have to do what is best for your family, regardless of what anyone else thinks about your choice.

 

[Christine]

BTW, as a teacher, you could try to time it so that your maternity leave ends right as school does. Then you would have the whole summer home with the baby and he/she would be about 4 months old when going into daycare rather than 6 weeks.

I see lots of my kids' teachers do this. Actually most of them seem to "time" the birth around April. They then take a maternity leave through the end of the school year (June here) and then they have the summer. So the baby is quite "old" when school starts in September.

 

[SDFgirl]

BTW, as a teacher, you could try to time it so that your maternity leave ends right as school does. Then you would have the whole summer home with the baby and he/she would be about 4 months old when going into daycare rather than 6 weeks.

That will certainly be nice if it works out. However, we'd have to wait for another 10 months or so to get pregnant - too long for us. We're going to start trying next month. Assuming everything goes as planned (yeah, right), that will put us at a late July due date, which is pretty much the worst due date for a teacher! We don't care though, we are ready.

 

[SDFgirl]

I see lots of my kids' teachers do this. Actually most of them seem to "time" the birth around April. They then take a maternity leave through the end of the school year (June here) and then they have the summer. So the baby is quite "old" when school starts in September.

I thought about that - but my principal already said she'd kill me if I left before the CATS Tests in late April/early May!

She was joking of course...I think.

 

[hpygrll]

My two boys have been in daycare since 6 weeks of age. It's a Goddard School and i love the owners and the teachers. It also costs us an arm and a leg but in my opinion that is a small price to pay for very social children. Heck - both boys speak Spanish and know so much at their age it amazes me!!!

Now that being said there are benefits both ways - you will just have to research and see what is best for you! No wrong answer here!!

Jenny

 

[Bob Slydell]

My two boys have been in daycare since 6 weeks of age. It's a Goddard School and i love the owners and the teachers.

My boys both go (well, went, in my oldest son's case) to a Goddard School too.

 

[damo]

Different situations feel right for different people. I couldn't put my kids in daycare, it would have driven me insane. Some people need to work or else it drives them insane. Do what feels right for you. The child will most likely be fine either way.

 

[hpygrll]

I really can't say enough good things about Goddard!!!! Wouldn't change it for the world. I just wish ours would offer Private Kindergarten - they keep thinking about it but don't have enough interest!

Jenny

 

[Minnesota!]

Well, I put my son in a home daycare at 3 months old. WORST decision. He was only there 6 weeks. My DH happened to get laid off at the same time, so he stayed home with my son until he was about 6 months. We found a GREAT center. It's in my building. My son is still there to this day (almost 2 years later). I love the place. The babies are separated by age (starting at 6 weeks until they can sit up in one room, sitting up to about 1 year in the next, etc). It is SUCH a loving environment. I have never felt like a "bad mom" for leaving him there. He looks forward to it each day, telling me about his friends each night (most of the kids have been together since they started the center as infants). It was the best decision for us. I think he has gained more from being in the center...the structure, the discipline, the overall learning experience, than he ever would have had he been at home with one of us, or in a home daycare.

It is expensive, sure, but it is my top priority bill, next to mortgage.

 

[nannerbadnanner]

If you find a good daycare, it will be fine. If you choose to stay home, it will be fine.

So true. I just left my job to be a SAHM to my 6 month old. I had a friend with an in home daycare who kept her, and she really thrived. Staying home was more for me than for her. I wanted to be there and spend time with her during the day, and I am happy that I have that option. No one was more surprised than me at my choice to stay at home , but I also know she would have been fine staying in the daycare. She was loved and taken care of. The most important thing is to find a good quality caregiver. Please remember that that can also be an expensive proposition.

 

[SC Minnie]

As others have said there is no right or wrong. It is a very personal family decision.

That being said, DD was in daycare. A friend kept her until she was 13 months then she went to a regular daycare. I really didn't have a choice at the time. We knew DH was going to be laid off (i was 4months preg when he was told but he worked for another 7months), DD was born with a birth defect that would need surgery so we needed to keep my insurance so there would be no pre-existing condition.

I got many lectures about daycare but really it was no one's business except mine and Dh's. DD was always well taken care of and she has grown into a nice, well adjusted (so far) pre teen.

 

[DMickey28]

SDF ~ I just wanted to put my thoughts in here for you, as I am in the same situation as you are except that I am pregnant!!

We always thought I would stay home, it was almost a no brainer and we have worked hard to allow that to happen. Now things are changing. We are not sure that we are going to be able to see that happen. Right now I have adopted the "wait and see" attitude. My issue is not at all leaving my job and not work, it's the security of having both our salaries. I have no doubt it can work on DH's alone, but the security of mine is hard to give up. When we work the numbers, based on rough estimate of daycare costs here, I would be working for about $700 a month. That's hard to swallow...

In my situation, I do not care for my specific position right now, thought I love the company. IF we move to a location where there is an office I can go back to my old department, I would want to work because I loved that job and I love the security and advancement my salary would allow us these next few years. Eventually I WILL stay home, even if not until the second child.

I am going to take my maternity leave and deal with it then. We are working hard to save and get to a position where I might be able to stay home but we will have to make that decision when it's time for me to go back.

It's a completely personal choice and I do not believe it's right or wrong either way. One way or another, I will put my child in a daycare situation at least a few mornings a week once they get a bit older for the socialzation skills they develop with peers. Maybe I'll work part time at that point... I just don't know and I have come to terms with the fact that I will not know if it will work until I try!