Spanking

[LSUmiss]

I have no problem with a little bit of spanking. That being said, in line for HM is not the place to do it. If your kid is acting up that much at Disney World, the obvious first punishment is to take them out of the park. Alternatively, if you really don't want to mess up your park enjoyment time, the second obvious punishment option is to take them out of line. This is what I did at California Adventure last year when my daughter started having a meltdown. We were almost at the front of the line, but I left (with her screaming apologies) and took her to the nearest bathroom where we could both calm down.

No reason you should make other guests uncomfortable, either with your misbehaving child or your spanking of them.

Edited: You know, the more I think of it, the more I realize that my way of handling a child-rearing situation is grounded very strongly in my understanding of operant conditioning. Taking away the chance for something desireable (a ride) is just as strong a deterrent (if not stronger) than a physical punishment. I know this from years of training animals (dogs, cats, horses, ferrets, guinea pigs, etc.), but not everyone was a psych/biology major like me. So, its probable that its not tht obvious to other people.

I agree with you 100% especially on the animals thing. I found it easier to discipline my DS b/c of years of having dogs before him & b/c of my training. It’s not that I care if ppl choose spanking(as long as it’s not abusive), it’s that it’s just not necessary. I used to do parent/child therapy & most of what I saw was parents with young children who were out of control. And pretty much every time they were already spanking & it wasn’t working. And after teaching the parent effective behavior modification techniques, things alway improved. Parents they were often shocked b/c they were skeptical when it wa first presented. I don’t agree that some kids “need” it. We were always able to find some reward that the parent could use that was an incentive for the child to comply with rules without having to spank. The only times it didn’t work was when parents were not consistent or weren’t giving a reward. Also, I agree with you on it being easier if you are formally trained in the subject. Reading books is not the same. Just like any field, if it were, they wouldn’t license & pay ppl like me to do it. I think discipline would be so much easier for most parents if they took a parenting class that taught effective techniques. We have to take a test or class to do most other important things in life, but anyone physically capable can have children.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I’m a SW & have seen those things with parents being unable to control their kids at a young age. But, in the cases I’ve seen, those parents were spanking. Control has nothing to do with spanking. Setting boundaries & consistory enforcing them is more effective.

I’ve seen both. We have a single mom friend who used spanking a LOT on her kids. Not in an abusive way, but for pretty much every instance. The kids quickly became immune to it. So, it was completely ineffective. Also know 2 sets of parents who refused spanking & their kids were pretty much complete terrors. WAY worse than the ones who were spanked daily.

All of the kids turned out pretty well in the end though. So, who knows?

 

[luvsJack]

Sorry, when my three year old decides to dart away and toward traffic or into a crowd, I don't have time to think of appropriate rewards. I get a firm hand on the child and swat the bottom to reinforce.

I have had animals my whole life. Our dogs are trained. Dh has trained horses most of his life. It's not the same thing.

Time outs can be more abusive than a few bottom swats if not used appropriately. Rewarding only goes so far. As does "leaving the situation". When I need groceries, we either stay at the grocery store or we go hungry.

12 years in child care and plenty of early childhood development training. I know all the techniques.

Some parents that spank are frustrated and have let the situation and the child get out of control. But that is not the case all the time. And all my training and experience does not make me know more than the parent what technique works best for their child.

 

[amberpi]

You know, I opened this thread wondering which form of spanking this was going to be...

Oh, for the record, on OPs question, I'm like others...I'm OK with it as long as it wasn't clearly over the top.

I'd much prefer to see the kind you were thinking of...even out in the open at WDW.

 

[sam_gordon]

I agree with you 100% especially on the animals thing. I found it easier to discipline my DS b/c of years of having dogs before him & b/c of my training. It’s not that I care if ppl choose spanking(as long as it’s not abusive), it’s that it’s just not necessary. I used to do parent/child therapy & most of what I saw was parents with young children who were out of control. And pretty much every time they were already spanking & it wasn’t working. And after teaching the parent effective behavior modification techniques, things alway improved. Parents they were often shocked b/c they were skeptical when it wa first presented. I don’t agree that some kids “need” it. We were always able to find some reward that the parent could use that was an incentive for the child to comply with rules without having to spank. The only times it didn’t work was when parents were not consistent or weren’t giving a reward. Also, I agree with you on it being easier if you are formally trained in the subject. Reading books is not the same. Just like any field, if it were, they wouldn’t license & pay ppl like me to do it. I think discipline would be so much easier for most parents if they took a parenting class that taught effective techniques. We have to take a test or class to do most other important things in life, but anyone physically capable can have children.

 

[DisneylandDarling]

I think it really depends on the kid. I don't think people can say for sure that spanking isn't effective or necessary unless they know the child.

And, just because someone has a degree doesn't mean they know what works 100% for 100% of children Many parents need more in their toolkit than just rewards/taking away rewards. If a kid is throwing rocks at passing cars I don't think saying to him, "Now little Johnny, you lost your 30 minutes of T.V. privileges!" is very effective...

 

[amberpi]

It's not my business (until it's an issue where it seems abusive) but I personally hate seeing this out in public. I also hate families yelling at each other, or people yelling in general. Largely, that's my own baggage and something I have personal 0 policy about now but it does bother me. I don't usually see a kid wailing after being put in time out (or they're out of the public eye while in time out), but I see tons of things I don't like in public - loud talkers, stroller rammers, line cutters, etc. For the most part, I take a strong not my circus, not my monkeys position on life, but I can still hate to see and be close to such situations. I'm not going around telling anyone how to raise their kids either. I would never even say a word to my brother, I simply ask questions about what I should do when I bbsit my darling, angel nephew...who is obviously perfect, even when I cut up a banana and he loses it because he wanted a whole banana (toddlers are like the drunkest drunk person, aren't they?)

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'd much prefer to see the kind you were thinking of...even out in the open at WDW.

Well, that would certainly alter the definition of the “happiest place on earth”.

 

[LSUmiss]

I’ve seen both. We have a single mom friend who used spanking a LOT on her kids. Not in an abusive way, but for pretty much every instance. The kids quickly became immune to it. So, it was completely ineffective. Also know 2 sets of parents who refused spanking & their kids were pretty much complete terrors. WAY worse than the ones who were spanked daily.

All of the kids turned out pretty well in the end though. So, who knows?

True. I know I can’t know everyone. But, in my experience, when the kids (especially more than 1) are terrors there are so many factors contributing to that & it’s not just a lack of spanking.

 

[RedAngie]

I like spankings.

I was wondering how long it would take for a man to post such a response. 11 posts in, you guys are slipping.

 

[LSUmiss]

Sorry, when my three year old decides to dart away and toward traffic or into a crowd, I don't have time to think of appropriate rewards. I get a firm hand on the child and swat the bottom to reinforce.

I have had animals my whole life. Our dogs are trained. Dh has trained horses most of his life. It's not the same thing.

Time outs can be more abusive than a few bottom swats if not used appropriately. Rewarding only goes so far. As does "leaving the situation". When I need groceries, we either stay at the grocery store or we go hungry.

12 years in child care and plenty of early childhood development training. I know all the techniques.

Some parents that spank are frustrated and have let the situation and the child get out of control. But that is not the case all the time. And all my training and experience does not make me know more than the parent what technique works best for their child.

I don’t have a problem with a swat on the butt. And I’m referring to a much more pervasive level of discipline problems ppl would come in for not a 3 yr old darting off. But, imo, a stern grab of the hand & fussing about the darting off is just as effective. And it’s not the same as training as animals. But, the understanding of how behavior modification works is very similar.

 

[tvguy]

No issue with spanking.
I'd probably get out of line......and not be happy about it...............to get away from a public scene before the spanking.

 

[LSUmiss]

I think it really depends on the kid. I don't think people can say for sure that spanking isn't effective or necessary unless they know the child.

And, just because someone has a degree doesn't mean they know what works 100% for 100% of children Many parents need more in their toolkit than just rewards/taking away rewards. If a kid is throwing rocks at passing cars I don't think saying to him, "Now little Johnny, you lost your 30 minutes of T.V. privileges!" is very effective...

I would never pretend to know what’s best for everyone’s children. But, for the many frustrated parents who came to me at whit’s end, they were thankful that there were ppl who were formally trained in the subject. I’m speaking from experience of the ppl I helped. If you never needed to seek help then it really doesn’t apply to you.

 

[kimmar067]

.....I personally don't give my kids spankings but I don't judge a parent that does it either....

....neither do I....of course, MY kids are 31, 29, and 23.... [ ]

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I don't understand the reasoning behind hitting kids when you are disappointed in their behavior. Kids learn from adults and all you are teaching them is that viilence is ok when you are mad at someone.

I have no trouble controlling DD. If she's acting up in a line for a ride, we remove her from line, make her take a break and collect herself, and then continue with our day.

I have a friend that spanks, her kids are the most ill behaved kids I've ever seen. They know that they aren't going to miss out on fun or treats, they just have to brace for a little pain and then they get to continue with their fun. She's in for a world of trouble when they start school. People already avoid spending time with her because the kids are so mean.

 

[Kuchi Kopi]

Parents are going to do what they want, but no, I'm not cool with seeing public displays of spanking.

 

[loves to dive]

As far as the original post, as long as they were spanking not beating the living daylights out of the kid, I wouldn't have a problem. I spanked my son when necessary and used other means of punishment when those were necessary. There is no one set solution, I'm one of 6 kids and I can tell you my mom was one of the most creative parents out there, each kid and each situation was different. Now would I have done it in line? Probably not but I would have bent down and done the mommy arm squeeze and the mommy tone of voice and if that didn't work, it would really depend on what he was doing or had done. I did take many trips to the bathroom with him when the mommy voice didn't work and it wasn't to go pee. Usually all I had to say was o.k. let's go to the bathroom and he would all of the sudden turn into the most loving little creature you ever met. Then again, I was the because I said so and because I'm the mommy sort of parent and not the one that said now let's discuss why you are laying in the middle of a line and kicking and screaming kind of parent (and by the way, my son would never have done that because he knew if he even thought about it, and yes I'd know he was thinking about it, it wouldn't have been worth the tantrum).

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

The worst is " I wish I never had you"- I was near a woman that said that to a boy in my daughters grade school- every time I saw that child from then on I would feel horrible for him.
If my daughter was on line with me at Disney and someone was hitting their child she would have been horrified.

I know someone personally that this was said to when he was 8. He did not grow up well.

 

[luvsJack]

I don’t have a problem with a swat on the butt. And I’m referring to a much more pervasive level of discipline problems ppl would come in for not a 3 yr old darting off. But, imo, a stern grab of the hand & fussing about the darting off is just as effective. And it’s not the same as training as animals. But, the understanding of how behavior modification works is very similar.

Hmmm. Sometimes. Fussing can and does get tuned out. When a child tends to do something that puts themselves in danger, some need something that get their attention right now. If a child is excited, they don't always hear "fussing".

One of my dgds was one that would get excited and not think before she acted. She would dart off quickly and was tiny so could easily get lost in a crowd. (She has grown out of it now). When we arrived at a store or an event where there were a lot of people and/or a lot of traffic, I told her and her sister my expectations before leaving the car. The first time she darted, I took her by the hand, knelt to her level and explained again my expectations and why. The second time, she got a swat and a quick reminder. Never had a third time. I wasn't willing to punish her sister by leaving and I wasn't willing to lose her while working on earning a reward. It worked for her just like it worked for her dad before her.

 

[DISNEYSQUIRRELS]

On a past trip to Disney, I watched what I assume was the mother totally lose it on her very young daughter, maybe 3 years old & smack her hard in the face. I was shocked & it still bothers me all these years later.
I try to not judge people, but this was hard & impacted many people around us at the time.