Sorry I can't attend your Friday afternoon wedding, but WHY ARE YOU MAD ABOUT IT?

[LoraJ]

I've read that it is bad etiquette to have any mention of gifts on invite. Even if requesting to not to bring gifts. Because then you are assuming that they would have brought you gifts.

 

[Camicar]

I used to work in the bridal industry and honestly, we had less problems with bridezillas than we did with guestzillas. The sense of entitlement that brides/grooms may evince is NOTHING compared to the group guest insanity that prevails when it comes to weddings. Here are a few of the demands guests have made -- seriously made, expecting their demands to be met immediately -- on a REGULAR basis:
1. Change the date because Billy has his weekly soccer game and I can't miss that.
2. Change the reception venue because I don't like that place.
3. Change the time because I don't like getting up early/staying up late.
4. Change the church bec I don't like your religion/pastor. Change from a justice of the peace to a pastor bec otherwise it's not a real wedding and you're just living in sin like a ho and I'll be happy to proclaim that at the wedding.
5. Change the menu because I'm a lactose intolerant, gluten-free vegetarian.
6. Invite this person not on your list so I won't be bored.
7. Provide me with on-site free babysitting.
8. Pay my way to your wedding because you should be honored by my presence.
9. Provide transportation to your wedding so I can drink and not drive.
10. Serve alcohol or I won't come. Don't serve alcohol or I won't come.
11. Even though you didn't invite so and so, I took the liberty of inviting her and she's bringing along 5 additional guests.
12. Pick a different gown/tux/flowers.

Over time this pattern of behavior has become so common that I came to believe that destination weddings (or as I say 'by-invitation-elopements') are the way to go precisely bec it does decrease the numbers of guests and therefore decreases the possibility that all of the joy and fun will be sucked out of your wedding by leeches aka guests.

Now I am not saying there are not bridezillas bec there certainly are (but they've usually been problem people their entire lives and the wedding just makes that apparent). But from my perspective, having done hundreds of weddings per year, the rate of guestzillas far outweighs the rate of bridezillas.

 

[flipflop]

I just don't know anyone where nearly the entire family of both sides live in one location. I just don't think that is realistic these days.

Hi, nice to meet you. Now you know someone who has their entire family (both sides) living with in a 10 mile radius of each other.

 

[RVGal]

See, now maybe we are getting into the causes behind the emotion that is swirling around on this thread.

* There are different expectations from different regions of the country... cultural influences and whatnot about how a wedding should be conducted.

* There are expectations from SOME brides & grooms about who should attend and/or what they should bring or send.

* There are expectations from SOME attendees of weddings about what should be provided to them as guests.

* SOME people put expectations where there aren't any intended.

* SOME people don't get that there are expectations and are, therefore, clueless as to what what they are supposed to do.

* Gift-giving is a sticky mess. Once upon a time, gifts were bestowed on the couple because they were just starting out on their own and it would be a financial burden on them to set up house from scratch. That usually isn't the case anymore. Does that make the gift an obligation if they don't technically *need* it? Or is it just a fine tradition? Should there be a dollar amount expected on eiter side? Ugh.

* We have some people that have had destination weddings... or travel weddings... or whatever... and have been rubbed the wrong way at the suggestion that they were thoughtless or careless or rude.

* We have some people that have been invited to destination weddings and have been rubbed the wrong way because of it. I think it is safe to say that many of us have been invited to a destination wedding where we thought the couple was way out of line. It doesn't mean that applies to ALL.

I think there are a lot of individual situations and stories that are getting generalized as if they apply to everyone.

Anyway, that's what I've gotten out of the last 10 pages.

 

[flipflop]

^^^^ nice summary

 

[Nana Annie]

Not rude, acceptable behaviour imo (unless the guest is not able to afford it). My DHs family are all very successful and their children have enjoyed our gifts over the years; however - they are notoriously cheap when it comes to gifting OTHER PEOPLE and are prone to re-gift items. Only 1st class for them though! SIL even went so far as to indicate during Xmas gift exchange that DS "doesn't get anything, we just gave him a wedding present"...yep, a whopping $50. . His feelings would've been hurt, since he was on honeymoon, I was spared that scene.

IMO, it's not crass @ all, it's whatever is the custom in your area/family/social crowd. It's not a case of accusing the happy couple of being money-grabbing; morseso of affluent guests being stingy/cheap; when they well know what the acceptable norm is.

FYI, these days many couples are older & have established housekeeping. They take the time to set up bridal registries, including gifts in all price ranges; even gift cards. Trust me, if it's not on the list; they don't want it/need it.

Not only do I think it is appropriate to cover the guests' dinner (think of it as you're going out to eat ); but an additional gift is generous. Of course, it is a personal decision. While it is subject to debate, I would take into account both your financial situation and your relationship to the couple. Of course, if you have incurred travel expenses, especially for a destination wedding; I would take that into account. I'm sure your presence in that case would mean more to the couple...although the WP said many brides fully expect a gift and set up bridal registries when planning a dest. wedding.

Lastly, if you are purchasing a gift; PLEASE think ahead & have it delivered to the couple ahead of time. I cannot believe the number of boxes I had to drag home that night.

Perhaps you should pick up an etiquette book and look up the words, "invite", "hostess" and "gift".

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I've got to agree with you on that one. I've noticed that the concept of a guest giving a gift that is equal to or more than the cost of the meal seems to have originated in the northeast. When you send out a wedding invitation, you are requested their presence, not a gift. While it's traditional that a guest bring a gift, it's certainly not required. Etiquette does not dictate a specific amount, and I can tell you that a gift that large (let's assume around $150 per couple) is not the norm in the South. Since we did have a destination wedding, I obviously did not expect people to bring expensive gifts in addition to the cost of coming. Some folks brought gifts, others did not, and that was fine either way.

I do guess the northeast does it different- not better or worse- just different. Most people give at least $300 a couple as most catering halls charge over $100 a plate here on Long Island. When we got married we did not care if nobody gave us anything. We wanted to celebrate how happy we were and have all the people we loved witness our vows. People were however very generous and we were very thankful. We would have felt the same way though if no gifts were given. Also- nobody gives gifts for weddings here. They do that at the bridal shower. Weddings IME are a cash/check gift event. Again- a regional difference- not right or wrong or better- just different. We also have tons and tons of food, liquor, dancing etc. That is the norm here. Was everyone thrilled to come to our wedding? Who knows? Did it look like everyone had an awesome time? Sure did! We also had almost 100% attendance. The only people who didn't show were 2 people who got sick at the last minute.

 

[roseprincess]

I haven't read all the responses, but I thought this was a little strange, from my cousin's wedding 2 yrs ago. Actually, this was for a bridal shower for my 20 yr old cousin, over 2 yrs ago. My cousin had a bridal shower at the groom's parents' house and had family and friends mail in gift cards to her, to where the bridal shower was held. That wasn't the strange thing. Because my cousin moved evey 3 yrs when she was younger( her dad is in the military, thus moved every 3 or so yrs). Anyways, my cousin and the person from the groom's side of family that had hosted the bridal shower, had asked for gift cards form Target, Walmart, Bed Bath and Beyond, and other stores.
I didn't see a problem with that, as the shower was in another state than where I live. A couple of days later, my aunt(bride's mother) emails family and friends to add on the list for gift cards and money, maybe to help pay for the bridal gown, for the wedding. I was like What the heck?????? Why in the world would my aunt put in an email,as an option to help pay for the wedding dress?!!! I thought that was real tacky, for guests to help pay for her daughter's wedding dress?! I didn't say anything to my aunt or my cousin about it, as I'm not real close to them anyways. I went ahead and sent cousin a Target gift card in the mail, for her shower and that was it.
I thought that was real bizzare and tacky, asking if family or friends can help pay for the wedding dress, even if it's an option for a bridal shower gift. I was thinking, if bride(my cousin) can't pay for her dress or her own parents can't help pay for it, then postpone the wedding a few months until you have enough money to pay for it!!! DH and I paid for our own wedding, as my parents and his parents really didn't pitch in for my wedding and dress. So I'm not paying for anyone else's wedding, unless it's my own kids' weddings.

I just couldn't believe my aunt's email about the wedding dress. What was she thinking????

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I get it. You can have your wedding anywhere and any time you want. It's your day; do what you want and enjoy it!

But, you do not get to be upset that I cannot attend your 2 pm-on-a-Friday-afternoon ceremony because I was scheduled to work and I was unsuccessful in finding coverage.

Or that I've declined to attend your 9 pm-Sunday-wedding-reception-in-Florida when I have to be at work in NJ by 6:30 the next morning.

Or that I don't really want to go to Hawaii again for yet another destination wedding because I live in NJ, and I've been there, done that, and don't I really want to do it again.

If your wedding isn't on a Saturday or if your wedding is out-of-town and requires significant expense to attend before even giving the gift, or if your wedding requires your guests to take time off of work to attend, you increase the chances that many people will decline your invitation ... no matter how beautiful and extravagant your wedding will be! Those are the chances you take. It's really that simple.

Sending a "save the date" may increase your chances that someone might be able to come; it does not guarantee it.

How can a bride be angry at invitees who can't (or don't want to) come when she hasn't made it easy for them to attend? Not everyone a bride knows, especially those who are not immediate family, can stop their worlds for her wedding. I'm just saying. If it's so important for a bride and/or her family that lots and lots of people attend, maybe it's a good idea to rethink that oddball time or place for a wedding, no?

Does this not seem obvious or do I only know Bridezillas and their mothers?

Thank you. Rant over as I just got off the phone with a bride-to-be who was angry I could not attend her 2 pm ceremony on a Friday afternoon. (And, not for nothing, but if you have a 2 pm ceremony, what would you like to me to do until 7 pm, when the reception starts, and I live 3.5 hours away?). This would be the second, non-Saturday, out-of-town wedding, we've declined in 3 months.

Is it just me?

I agree with you 100%. Once, I was invited to attend a friend's wedding three hours away with just a week's notice, and I had JUST started a new job so I didn't have any time off yet. Plus I had just attended the bride's first (lavish) wedding two years before and had traveled 3000 miles to do so, only a week after my own wedding! (First husband cheated on her and got another woman pregnant...lasted four months...she was right to leave him after he didn't take counseling seriously, though.) Fortunately, the bride had some sense and accepted that I couldn't make it. We are still friends today. Side note: she had only known the (second) groom for two months when they got married, and I figured it wouldn't last. They have been married seven years now and have four kids!!! So ya never know.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Sorry, but when I go out to dinner, I pick the venue and the menu, and it is generally one heck of a lot better than one gets at a wedding. If you are going to invite guests to your wedding, you don't expect the guests to pay for the privilege.

Normally I do give a very generous gift, but it's a gift. It's not payment for an overpriced mediocre meal.

You can't see me, but I'm standing up on my chair cheering this post.

I think it is incredibly obnoxious to expect the guests to cover the costs of the obnoxious, "I'm a princess, damn it," wedding you picked out.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I've read that it is bad etiquette to have any mention of gifts on invite. Even if requesting to not to bring gifts. Because then you are assuming that they would have brought you gifts.

You are correct. It's TACKY, TACKY, TACKY to list a registry on an invitation or even to state, "No gifts.". When guests RSVP, they may inquire (if they are interested) about registries or what a couple might need/want...and that is the time to suggest a charity donation or let the guests know it is a no-gift wedding (and most of them will still bring gifts, lol).
I am hosting a baby shower for a close friend next month. She asked me if I listed her two registries on the invitations!!! Um, no, I did not, but when people call to RSVP, I will certainly inform them if they ask!!! It was a bit awkward having that conversation with her, but I'm not gonna participate in a greedy gift grab, even for a close friend. Sadly, I am starting to think that's exactly what she's doing, as a lot of people are phoning in their regrets and explaining reasons why they cannot make it...reasons my friend already knew, but she asked me to invite them anyway (just to get a gift). Very embarrassing!

 

[LoraJ]

Actually, baby showers are greedy gift grabs, and registry info is pretty much expected in them.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Actually, baby showers are greedy gift grabs, and registry info is pretty much expected in them.

I guess we're gonna have to disagree here. Not all of the baby showers I've been to have been about gifts at all. In fact, many of them are just the opposite, with no gifts expected. My crowd tends to do Blessingways instead of the traditional shower.

 

[aprilgail2]

I do guess the northeast does it different- not better or worse- just different. Most people give at least $300 a couple as most catering halls charge over $100 a plate here on Long Island. Also- nobody gives gifts for weddings here. They do that at the bridal shower. Weddings IME are a cash/check gift event. Again- a regional difference- not right or wrong or better- just different. We also have tons and tons of food, liquor, dancing etc. That is the norm here. .

Thats how it is for all wedding around here. No gifts for the weddings, cash or checks, gifts are for showers! And a "normal" gift is 300 a couple and more. And its always an open bar and much more food that you could think to eat! This is from the last wedding I attended:


Bridgeview's Wedding Package
Elaborate Cocktail Hour
Butler Service Passed Hors D'oeuvres
(Please Choose Six)
Marinated Beef Satay with Thai Chili Peanut Sauce
Portobello Mushroom "Steak Frites” with Roasted Garlic Aioli
Sesame Chicken Brochettes with Oriental Duck Sauce
Coconut Fried Shrimp with Honey Mustard Sauce
Grilled Flatbread Triangles with Eggplant Caviar & Roasted Pepper
Steamed Savory Dumplings with Peking Sauce
Stuffed Mushrooms with Gorgonzola Cheese
Franks in Puff Pastry with Dijon Mustard
Maryland Crabcakes with Remoulade Sauce
Proscuitto-Wrapped Asparagus Tips
Baked Clams Oreganata with Lemon Sauce
Roasted Chicken Empanada with Red Pepper Jam
Spicy Tuna Tartare in a Crispy Corn Cup
Fried Mozzarella with Fra Diavlo Sauce
Assorted Gourmet Pizza Triangles
Crispy Red Bliss Potatoes with Smoked Salmon Mousse
Bruschetta with Tomato & Basil Topping
Roasted Beet & Goat Cheese Star in Phyllo Dough
Potato Latke with Homemade Apple Sauce
Seared Shrimp with Sundried Tomato Marscarpon
Grilled Portobello Mushroom Wraps with Roasted Peppers and Arugula
Coconut Chicken Brochettes with Honey Mustard Sauce
Bacon-Wrapped Herb Marinated Scallops
Artichoke Hearts and Goat Cheese Tartlet
Charred Filet Mignon Crostini with Vegetables & Horseradish Sour Creme
Spanakopita Sautéed Spinach & Feta Cheese in Phyllo Dough

Cold Display Table
All Displays and Arrangements Are Artistically Designed with Hand-Carved Garnishes by Our Professional Garde Manager

International Cheese Board
Consisting of Imported and Domestic Cheese Including Jarlsburg, Cheddar, Goat, Pepper Jack, Parmesan and Smoked Gouda

Hand-Carved Melons and Fresh Fruit Display
Artistically Hand-Carved Melon Centerpiece Surrounded with Seasonal Berries & Fresh Sliced Watermelon, Honeydew, Cantaloupe,
Pineapple & Seedless Grapes

Italian Antipasto
Cured Salami, Pepperoni, Provolone, Roasted Peppers,
Marinated Mushrooms and Pepperoncini

Fresh Vegetable Crudite
Bountiful Wicker Basket of Crisp Julienne Carrots, Celery, Tri-color Bell Peppers, Cucumbers and Cherry Tomatoes with Fresh Ranch Dip

Grilled Tuscan Vegetable Platter
A Lavish Display of Marinated and Grilled Seasonal Vegetables with Balsamic Vinegar, Goat Cheese and Pine Nuts

Olives of the World
Outstanding Mix of Black and Green Mediterranean Olives Seasoned with Olive Oil, Herbs and Lemon Zest

Assorted Crackers, Flat Breads & Homemade Crostini

Pasta Station
(Please Choose Three Pastas & Three Sauces)
Pasta is Prepared to Order by Our Uniformed Chefs and is served with Hot Garlic Bread
Pastas
Linguine, Penne Rigati, Mezza Rigatoni, Farfalle, Fusilli
Sauces
Ala Vodka, Marinara, Primavera, White Clam, Carbonara

Butcher Block Carving Station
(Please Choose Two)
Lean Corned Beef
Thinly Sliced with Country Style Mustard and Cocktail Rye Bread

Roast Pork Tenderloin
with Fresh Fennel Crust and a Natural Pan Gravy

Roast Beef with Rosemary Garlic Marinade and Red Wine Au Jus

Fresh Young Turkey Breast
Roasted with Herbs and Natural Pan Gravy

Horseradish Crusted Salmon Whole Sides of Norwegian Salmon Roasted with a Horseradish Crust and Served with Fresh Dill Sauce

Grilled London Broil
with Garlic-Rosemary Marinate with Caramelized Onions & Mushroom Duxelles

Glazed Virginia Ham
Slow Roasted Smoked Virginia Ham Basted with a Dijon-Pineapple Glaze

Roasted Rack of Baby Lamb Chops*
Imported from New Zealand and Served with Green Chili Jelly

Herb Crusted Filet Mignon*
Served with Caramelized Onions & Mushrooms

Hot Gourmet Stations
(Choice of Two from the Following Stations)

Italian Station
Balsamic Glazed Roasted Chicken Scarpariello, Eggplant Rollatini
and Sautéed Veal Marsala Scallopine
South of the Border Station
Lime Marinated Beef and Chicken Fajitas Cooked to Order with Assorted Toppings, Sante Fe Quesadillas, Fiesta Rice, Warm Corn Chips & Salsa
Carribean Station
Jerk Chicken, Slow Roasted Pulled BBQ Pork, Fried Plantains,
Grilled Pineapple and Coconut Rice
Seafood Station
Fried Calamari Fra Diavolo, Steamed Prince Edward Island Mussels Posillipo, Gulf Shrimp and Fresh Asparagus Risotto
Mardi Gras Station
Authentic Seafood Gumbo, Cajun Blackened Chicken PoBoy and Shrimp Creole Served with White Rice
Asian Wok Station
Beef, Chicken & Vegetable Stir-Fry Cooked To Order Served with White Rice, Crispy Noodles & Fortune Cookies
Gourmet Mashed Potato Station
Traditional Whipped, Roasted Garlic & Sweet Mashed Potatoes with Gravy, Sour Cream, Caramelized Onion, Sautéed Mushroom, Bacon,
Cheddar Cheese, Chives and Broccoli
Shish Kebob Station
Marinated Chicken and Beef Kebobs Grilled to Order & Served with Yogurt Sauce, Couscous, Grape Leaves, Hummus & Grilled Pitas
Coney Island Station
Hot Dog Cart, Soft Pretzels, French Fries and Cheddar Cheese Sauce
with all the Fixings


Dinner Reception
Champagne Toast
First Course
(Please Choose One)
Grilled Portobello Mushroom and Goat Cheese Terrine
with Roasted Pepper and Ovendried Tomatoes
Fresh Mozzarella & Cherry Tomato Brushetta
with Basil Oil & Balsamic Reduction
Shrimp and Goat Cheese Risotto Cake
with Tomato Basil Coulis & Creme Fraiche
Mezza Rigatoni Ala Vodka
Finished with Plum Tomatoes and Fresh Basil
Seafood Vol-au-vent
Fresh Shrimp, Bay Scallops and Crabmeat with Seasonal Vegetables,
Lobster Sauce in a Puff Pastry Shell
Fresh Fruit "Shish Kebobs"
Seasonal Ripe Fruit, Rasberry Sauce, Mango Coulis and Fresh Mint

Second Course
(Please Choose One)
House Salad with Tomato, Red Onion, Ricotta Salata & Aged Red Wine Vinaigrette
Classic Caesar Salad Garnished with Parmesan Croutons
Farmers Market Salad Chefs Choice of Seasonal Ingredients

Combination Course
(Please Choose One in Lieu of First & Second Course)
Baked Brie Tartlet
with Micro Greens, Fresh Seasonal Fruit, Candied Walnuts & Port Wine Reduction
Grilled Asparagus Plate
with Baby California Lettuce, Endive, Spicy Pecans, Grilled Vidalia Onions, Dried Figs and
Applewood Smoked Bacon Vinagrette
Baby Spinach, Roasted Pepper and Feta Cheese Roulades
with Mesculin Greens, Julienne Red Onions, Cherry Tomato and Red Wine Vinaigrette

Entrée Selections
(Please Choose Three)
Grilled New York Shell Steak
Red Bliss Potatoes, Vegetable Medley and Veal Demi-glace

Chateaubriand
Dutchess Potatoes, Chateau vegetables & Port Wine Sauce

Prime Ribs of Beef
Roasted Herb Potatoes, Vegetable Medley and Au Jus

Grilled Filet Mignon*
Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Steamed Broccoli Florettes &
Red Wine Demi-glace

Seared Red Snapper
Herb Couscous Timble and Moroccan Tomato Fennel Sauce

Pistachio Crusted Chilean Sea Bass
Saffron Rice, French Green Beans and
Citrus Beurre Blanc

Seared Saint Peters Fish
Sundried Tomato Rice, French Green Beans & Champagne Dill Sauce

Porcini Dusted Chicken Breast
Whipped Potatoes, Sugar Snap Peas with Wild Mushroom Sauce

French Cut Sage Roasted Chicken Breast
Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes,
Steamed Broccoli Florettes and Natural Pan Sauce

Dessert Course
Your Own Custom Designed Deluxe Wedding Cake with Your Choice of Luscious Fillings
Tiers of Cookies, Mini Pastries & Chocolate Covered Strawberries on Each Table
Fresh Brewed Columbian Coffee & Assorted Herbal Teas

Liquor Service
A Five Hour Open Bar with a Premium Selection of Top Shelf Liquor, Domestic & Imported Bottled Beer, Red and White Wines, Frozen Tropical Drinks, Assorted Juices & Soda Will Be Served Throughout Your Celebration


Bridgeview's Raw Bar
Fresh Littleneck and Cherrystone Clams, Blue Point Oysters, Jumbo Shrimp Cocktail & Maine Lobsters Served on Crushed Ice and Displayed in a Personalized Hand Carved Ice Sculpture Alongside Cocktail Sauce, Horseradish, and Mignonette

Sushi Bar
Hosted by Nagahama

Caviar Station
Imported Black, Golden Whitefish & Salmon Caviar, Elegantly Displayed on an Ice Carving with Toast Points, Chopped Hard Boiled Eggs, Capers, Chives and Red Onions alongside Frozen Russian Vodkas

Vodka Bar
Imported Vodka Infused with Succulent Fresh Fruit Flavors Displayed Elegantly in a Hand Carved Ice Sculpture

Martini Bar
Imported Ultra Premium Vodkas Combined with Innovative Martini Creations

Old Fashioned Ice Cream Sundae Bar
Vanilla & Chocolate Ice Cream, Chocolate Syrup, Strawberry Syrup, Butterscotch Syrup, Caramel Sauce, Rainbow Sprinkles, Reeses Pieces, Oreo Pieces, Wet Walnuts, M+M's, Maraschino Cherries, Coconut, Whipped Cream
Root Beer Floats and Ice Cream Sodas

International Coffee & Cordial Bar
Espresso, Cappuccino, Chocolate Cordial Cups, Fresh Whipped Cream with Assorted Liquors & After Dinner Drinks

Deluxe Viennese
Assorted Selection of Cakes, Pies and Homemade Desserts Chef's Selection of Gourmet Cakes, Pies, Tortes, Pastries, Biscotti, Cupcakes, Petit Four, Puddings and Mousse

Jumbo Cannoli Station Miniature Shells Filled to Order from a Jumbo Cannoli

Chocolate Dipping Station Jumbo Strawberries, Golden Pineapple, Marshmallows, Oreo Cookies, and Pretzels Gently Dipped in Gourmet Belgium Semi-Sweet Chocolate

Old Fashion Ice Cream Sundae Bar Vanilla & Chocolate Ice Cream, Chocolate Syrup, Strawberry Syrup, Butterscotch Syrup, Caramel Sauce, Rainbow Sprinkles, Reeses Pieces, Oreo Pieces, Wet Walnuts, M&M's, Maraschino Cherries, Coconut, Whipped Cream and All the Ingredients to Make Root Beer Floats, Ice Cream Sodas and Assorted Italian Ices

Milk and Cookie Bar Homemade Freshly Baked Assorted Cookies Served With Ice Cold Flavored Milk

International Coffee & Cordial Bar Espresso, Cappuccino, Chocolate Cordial Cups, Fresh Whipped Cream with Assorted Liquors & After Dinner Drinks

Services & Amenities
For Your Special Occasion We Offer a Five Hour Party with an Expert Maitre'D to Orchestrate Every Aspect of Your Affair along with a Team of Talented Chefs for an Individually Tailored Menu. Our Professional Service Also Includes a Bridal Attendant, Parlor Maids, Coat Check & Valet Parking, Linens, Direction and Place Cards are also provided by Bridgeview Yacht Club

 

[Mouse House Mama]

AprilGail2 -
That was just like our wedding at the FoxHollow!

 

[Principessa Alba]

You are correct. It's TACKY, TACKY, TACKY to list a registry on an invitation or even to state, "No gifts.". When guests RSVP, they may inquire (if they are interested) about registries or what a couple might need/want...and that is the time to suggest a charity donation or let the guests know it is a no-gift wedding (and most of them will still bring gifts, lol).

I agree that it's tacky but I was wondering if I had missed the memo about the rule change or something, because in the last 3 or 4 years I have not been invited to a wedding, a wedding shower, or a baby shower for which there has not been included registry information with the invitations. Is it beginning to be considered acceptable? I really hope not because it just seems so greedy.

For the most part I really tried not to dwell on it, but I think it really changed the way I think about one of the girls. Her wedding shower and then her baby shower were 4 hours of present openings. There was nothing under $50 on the registries. She married a pretty successful guy and could buy what she wants, but her friends and relatives are not so well off. I thought it was a disgrace, to tell you the truth. I don't think I'll go to any more of her showers if she has more children.

 

[eliza61]

My husbands cousin is getting married in Mexico. My MIL is upset because we are not going. Of course no one has volunteered to help with the expense of getting us and our kids there, room and board and food.

 

[Nana Annie]

Thats how it is for all wedding around here. No gifts for the weddings, cash or checks, gifts are for showers! And a "normal" gift is 300 a couple and more. And its always an open bar and much more food that you could think to eat! This is from the last wedding I attended:


Bridgeview's Wedding Package
Elaborate Cocktail Hour
Butler Service Passed Hors D'oeuvres
(Please Choose Six)
Marinated Beef Satay with Thai Chili Peanut Sauce
Portobello Mushroom "Steak Frites” with Roasted Garlic Aioli
Sesame Chicken Brochettes with Oriental Duck Sauce
Coconut Fried Shrimp with Honey Mustard Sauce
Grilled Flatbread Triangles with Eggplant Caviar & Roasted Pepper
Steamed Savory Dumplings with Peking Sauce
Stuffed Mushrooms with Gorgonzola Cheese
Franks in Puff Pastry with Dijon Mustard
Maryland Crabcakes with Remoulade Sauce
Proscuitto-Wrapped Asparagus Tips
Baked Clams Oreganata with Lemon Sauce
Roasted Chicken Empanada with Red Pepper Jam
Spicy Tuna Tartare in a Crispy Corn Cup
Fried Mozzarella with Fra Diavlo Sauce
Assorted Gourmet Pizza Triangles
Crispy Red Bliss Potatoes with Smoked Salmon Mousse
Bruschetta with Tomato & Basil Topping
Roasted Beet & Goat Cheese Star in Phyllo Dough
Potato Latke with Homemade Apple Sauce
Seared Shrimp with Sundried Tomato Marscarpon
Grilled Portobello Mushroom Wraps with Roasted Peppers and Arugula
Coconut Chicken Brochettes with Honey Mustard Sauce
Bacon-Wrapped Herb Marinated Scallops
Artichoke Hearts and Goat Cheese Tartlet
Charred Filet Mignon Crostini with Vegetables & Horseradish Sour Creme
Spanakopita Sautéed Spinach & Feta Cheese in Phyllo Dough

Cold Display Table
All Displays and Arrangements Are Artistically Designed with Hand-Carved Garnishes by Our Professional Garde Manager

International Cheese Board
Consisting of Imported and Domestic Cheese Including Jarlsburg, Cheddar, Goat, Pepper Jack, Parmesan and Smoked Gouda

Hand-Carved Melons and Fresh Fruit Display
Artistically Hand-Carved Melon Centerpiece Surrounded with Seasonal Berries & Fresh Sliced Watermelon, Honeydew, Cantaloupe,
Pineapple & Seedless Grapes

Italian Antipasto
Cured Salami, Pepperoni, Provolone, Roasted Peppers,
Marinated Mushrooms and Pepperoncini

Fresh Vegetable Crudite
Bountiful Wicker Basket of Crisp Julienne Carrots, Celery, Tri-color Bell Peppers, Cucumbers and Cherry Tomatoes with Fresh Ranch Dip

Grilled Tuscan Vegetable Platter
A Lavish Display of Marinated and Grilled Seasonal Vegetables with Balsamic Vinegar, Goat Cheese and Pine Nuts

Olives of the World
Outstanding Mix of Black and Green Mediterranean Olives Seasoned with Olive Oil, Herbs and Lemon Zest

Assorted Crackers, Flat Breads & Homemade Crostini

Pasta Station
(Please Choose Three Pastas & Three Sauces)
Pasta is Prepared to Order by Our Uniformed Chefs and is served with Hot Garlic Bread
Pastas
Linguine, Penne Rigati, Mezza Rigatoni, Farfalle, Fusilli
Sauces
Ala Vodka, Marinara, Primavera, White Clam, Carbonara

Butcher Block Carving Station
(Please Choose Two)
Lean Corned Beef
Thinly Sliced with Country Style Mustard and Cocktail Rye Bread

Roast Pork Tenderloin
with Fresh Fennel Crust and a Natural Pan Gravy

Roast Beef with Rosemary Garlic Marinade and Red Wine Au Jus

Fresh Young Turkey Breast
Roasted with Herbs and Natural Pan Gravy

Horseradish Crusted Salmon Whole Sides of Norwegian Salmon Roasted with a Horseradish Crust and Served with Fresh Dill Sauce

Grilled London Broil
with Garlic-Rosemary Marinate with Caramelized Onions & Mushroom Duxelles

Glazed Virginia Ham
Slow Roasted Smoked Virginia Ham Basted with a Dijon-Pineapple Glaze

Roasted Rack of Baby Lamb Chops*
Imported from New Zealand and Served with Green Chili Jelly

Herb Crusted Filet Mignon*
Served with Caramelized Onions & Mushrooms

Hot Gourmet Stations
(Choice of Two from the Following Stations)

Italian Station
Balsamic Glazed Roasted Chicken Scarpariello, Eggplant Rollatini
and Sautéed Veal Marsala Scallopine
South of the Border Station
Lime Marinated Beef and Chicken Fajitas Cooked to Order with Assorted Toppings, Sante Fe Quesadillas, Fiesta Rice, Warm Corn Chips & Salsa
Carribean Station
Jerk Chicken, Slow Roasted Pulled BBQ Pork, Fried Plantains,
Grilled Pineapple and Coconut Rice
Seafood Station
Fried Calamari Fra Diavolo, Steamed Prince Edward Island Mussels Posillipo, Gulf Shrimp and Fresh Asparagus Risotto
Mardi Gras Station
Authentic Seafood Gumbo, Cajun Blackened Chicken PoBoy and Shrimp Creole Served with White Rice
Asian Wok Station
Beef, Chicken & Vegetable Stir-Fry Cooked To Order Served with White Rice, Crispy Noodles & Fortune Cookies
Gourmet Mashed Potato Station
Traditional Whipped, Roasted Garlic & Sweet Mashed Potatoes with Gravy, Sour Cream, Caramelized Onion, Sautéed Mushroom, Bacon,
Cheddar Cheese, Chives and Broccoli
Shish Kebob Station
Marinated Chicken and Beef Kebobs Grilled to Order & Served with Yogurt Sauce, Couscous, Grape Leaves, Hummus & Grilled Pitas
Coney Island Station
Hot Dog Cart, Soft Pretzels, French Fries and Cheddar Cheese Sauce
with all the Fixings


Dinner Reception
Champagne Toast
First Course
(Please Choose One)
Grilled Portobello Mushroom and Goat Cheese Terrine
with Roasted Pepper and Ovendried Tomatoes
Fresh Mozzarella & Cherry Tomato Brushetta
with Basil Oil & Balsamic Reduction
Shrimp and Goat Cheese Risotto Cake
with Tomato Basil Coulis & Creme Fraiche
Mezza Rigatoni Ala Vodka
Finished with Plum Tomatoes and Fresh Basil
Seafood Vol-au-vent
Fresh Shrimp, Bay Scallops and Crabmeat with Seasonal Vegetables,
Lobster Sauce in a Puff Pastry Shell
Fresh Fruit "Shish Kebobs"
Seasonal Ripe Fruit, Rasberry Sauce, Mango Coulis and Fresh Mint

Second Course
(Please Choose One)
House Salad with Tomato, Red Onion, Ricotta Salata & Aged Red Wine Vinaigrette
Classic Caesar Salad Garnished with Parmesan Croutons
Farmers Market Salad Chefs Choice of Seasonal Ingredients

Combination Course
(Please Choose One in Lieu of First & Second Course)
Baked Brie Tartlet
with Micro Greens, Fresh Seasonal Fruit, Candied Walnuts & Port Wine Reduction
Grilled Asparagus Plate
with Baby California Lettuce, Endive, Spicy Pecans, Grilled Vidalia Onions, Dried Figs and
Applewood Smoked Bacon Vinagrette
Baby Spinach, Roasted Pepper and Feta Cheese Roulades
with Mesculin Greens, Julienne Red Onions, Cherry Tomato and Red Wine Vinaigrette

Entrée Selections
(Please Choose Three)
Grilled New York Shell Steak
Red Bliss Potatoes, Vegetable Medley and Veal Demi-glace

Chateaubriand
Dutchess Potatoes, Chateau vegetables & Port Wine Sauce

Prime Ribs of Beef
Roasted Herb Potatoes, Vegetable Medley and Au Jus

Grilled Filet Mignon*
Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Steamed Broccoli Florettes &
Red Wine Demi-glace

Seared Red Snapper
Herb Couscous Timble and Moroccan Tomato Fennel Sauce

Pistachio Crusted Chilean Sea Bass
Saffron Rice, French Green Beans and
Citrus Beurre Blanc

Seared Saint Peters Fish
Sundried Tomato Rice, French Green Beans & Champagne Dill Sauce

Porcini Dusted Chicken Breast
Whipped Potatoes, Sugar Snap Peas with Wild Mushroom Sauce

French Cut Sage Roasted Chicken Breast
Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes,
Steamed Broccoli Florettes and Natural Pan Sauce

Dessert Course
Your Own Custom Designed Deluxe Wedding Cake with Your Choice of Luscious Fillings
Tiers of Cookies, Mini Pastries & Chocolate Covered Strawberries on Each Table
Fresh Brewed Columbian Coffee & Assorted Herbal Teas

Liquor Service
A Five Hour Open Bar with a Premium Selection of Top Shelf Liquor, Domestic & Imported Bottled Beer, Red and White Wines, Frozen Tropical Drinks, Assorted Juices & Soda Will Be Served Throughout Your Celebration


Bridgeview's Raw Bar
Fresh Littleneck and Cherrystone Clams, Blue Point Oysters, Jumbo Shrimp Cocktail & Maine Lobsters Served on Crushed Ice and Displayed in a Personalized Hand Carved Ice Sculpture Alongside Cocktail Sauce, Horseradish, and Mignonette

Sushi Bar
Hosted by Nagahama

Caviar Station
Imported Black, Golden Whitefish & Salmon Caviar, Elegantly Displayed on an Ice Carving with Toast Points, Chopped Hard Boiled Eggs, Capers, Chives and Red Onions alongside Frozen Russian Vodkas

Vodka Bar
Imported Vodka Infused with Succulent Fresh Fruit Flavors Displayed Elegantly in a Hand Carved Ice Sculpture

Martini Bar
Imported Ultra Premium Vodkas Combined with Innovative Martini Creations

Old Fashioned Ice Cream Sundae Bar
Vanilla & Chocolate Ice Cream, Chocolate Syrup, Strawberry Syrup, Butterscotch Syrup, Caramel Sauce, Rainbow Sprinkles, Reeses Pieces, Oreo Pieces, Wet Walnuts, M+M's, Maraschino Cherries, Coconut, Whipped Cream
Root Beer Floats and Ice Cream Sodas

International Coffee & Cordial Bar
Espresso, Cappuccino, Chocolate Cordial Cups, Fresh Whipped Cream with Assorted Liquors & After Dinner Drinks

Deluxe Viennese
Assorted Selection of Cakes, Pies and Homemade Desserts Chef's Selection of Gourmet Cakes, Pies, Tortes, Pastries, Biscotti, Cupcakes, Petit Four, Puddings and Mousse

Jumbo Cannoli Station Miniature Shells Filled to Order from a Jumbo Cannoli

Chocolate Dipping Station Jumbo Strawberries, Golden Pineapple, Marshmallows, Oreo Cookies, and Pretzels Gently Dipped in Gourmet Belgium Semi-Sweet Chocolate

Old Fashion Ice Cream Sundae Bar Vanilla & Chocolate Ice Cream, Chocolate Syrup, Strawberry Syrup, Butterscotch Syrup, Caramel Sauce, Rainbow Sprinkles, Reeses Pieces, Oreo Pieces, Wet Walnuts, M&M's, Maraschino Cherries, Coconut, Whipped Cream and All the Ingredients to Make Root Beer Floats, Ice Cream Sodas and Assorted Italian Ices

Milk and Cookie Bar Homemade Freshly Baked Assorted Cookies Served With Ice Cold Flavored Milk

International Coffee & Cordial Bar Espresso, Cappuccino, Chocolate Cordial Cups, Fresh Whipped Cream with Assorted Liquors & After Dinner Drinks

Services & Amenities
For Your Special Occasion We Offer a Five Hour Party with an Expert Maitre'D to Orchestrate Every Aspect of Your Affair along with a Team of Talented Chefs for an Individually Tailored Menu. Our Professional Service Also Includes a Bridal Attendant, Parlor Maids, Coat Check & Valet Parking, Linens, Direction and Place Cards are also provided by Bridgeview Yacht Club

While this sounds like a wonderful menu - one should not choose it if you cannot afford it without having to plan on collecting the plate fee at the door.

If you cannot afford to throw this party on your own, don't throw it. You should NEVER expect your guests to have to fund your over-the-top extravagance. And yes, I live in the NY/NJ area, so do know what the "trend" is.

Just because it is the trend does not make it in good taste or even close to good manners. It is more of a reflection of the me/me/me generation of mothers and the brides and grooms. I want it big, I want it lavish, I don't care if I can't afford it, so I will whine when people don't help me pay for it by demanding that they give me a donation (notice it is no longer a gift) to help pay for it.

I do have to give the previous poster some chops though. Not many people would come on a busy, international discussion board and admit their blatant greed. That the wedding was solely for greed and that they actually expected and kept track of how much each person ponied up for their son's wedding. And then had the audacity to complain when they had to carry gifts home.

For those that expect guests to gift the price of their extravagant greed - I have a question. When you host a dinner party at your home, do you demand your guest pay for their portion of the meal?

If the bride and groom are that desperate that they can't finance their wedding without the donations of their guests, at least set up a 501c3 charitable organization just for the reception so that I can at least deduct my donation from my taxes.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

While this sounds like a wonderful menu - one should not choose it if you cannot afford it without having to plan on collecting the plate fee at the door.

If you cannot afford to throw this party on your own, don't throw it. You should NEVER expect your guests to have to fund your over-the-top extravagance. And yes, I live in the NY/NJ area, so do know what the "trend" is.

Just because it is the trend does not make it in good taste or even close to good manners. It is more of a reflection of the me/me/me generation of mothers and the brides and grooms. I want it big, I want it lavish, I don't care if I can't afford it, so I will whine when people don't help me pay for it by demanding that they give me a donation (notice it is no longer a gift) to help pay for it.

I do have to give the previous poster some chops though. Not many people would come on a busy, international discussion board and admit their blatant greed. That the wedding was solely for greed and that they actually expected and kept track of how much each person ponied up for their son's wedding. And then had the audacity to complain when they had to carry gifts home.

For those that expect guests to gift the price of their extravagant greed - I have a question. When you host a dinner party at your home, do you demand your guest pay for their portion of the meal?

If the bride and groom are that desperate that they can't finance their wedding without the donations of their guests, at least set up a 501c3 charitable organization just for the reception so that I can at least deduct my donation from my taxes.

I completely agree with you. Our wedding cost a fortune and we paid for it because it was what we wanted. We never expected a dime and were very surprised and appreciative of how generous people were. Of course we didn't care if you came with a gift or not. We wanted you there to celebrate with us!!!!

 

[horseshowmom]

I think a couple should be able to have their wedding whenever and wherever they wish. I don't blame them at all if they choose to have it in some exotic location and at an unusual time.

I'm not going to be offended that they planned a wedding that I'm not going to, and they shouldn't be offended that I'm not there. If we play by those rules, everybody will be happy.

I agree with others, I'm not going to spend my vacation money on somebody else's wedding. I know someone who had to cancel their Disney trip, because their SIL was having a destination wedding and wanted the neice and nephew in the wedding. By the time my friend paid travel expenses for her family of 5 and wedding outfits for the kids, she'd spent $1500.

Also, if you want a huge wedding, that's your choice, but the thought that guests have any obligations in it is ridiculous. It sounds like some people think that "I've thrown this magnificent party, and any guest who doesn't contribute "their part" to it is ungrateful! " That's a shame.


ETA: I may be in the minority here, but as far as I'm concerned, the wedding shower gift IS the wedding gift. Until I read it on these boards, I had never heard of anyone giving a shower gift and then a separate wedding gift. I even read one thread that talked about an engagement gift, a shower gift, and then a wedding gift. Not me, sister!