heres one of my favorite... and i know it by heart so here it goes...
t does say the a' word a lot so i will use @%$
I'm an @%$hole by Denis Leary
(Spoken)
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream.
About me, about you,
about the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests.
About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts,
maybe below the cockles,
maybe in the subcockle area.
Maybe in the liver.
Maybe in the kidneys.
Maybe even in the colon, we don't know.
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football and stuff and books about war.
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.
My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
My feet on my table and a cuban cigar.
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no) no way (uh-uh)
No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.
I'm an @&$hole (He's an @&$hole, what an @&$hole)
I'm an @&$hole (He's an @&$hole, such an @&$hole)
I use public toilets and piss on the seat,
I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"
I'm an @&$hole (He's an @&$hole, what an @&$hole)
I'm an @&$hole (He's the world's biggest @&$hole)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces.
I'm an @&$hole (He's an @&$hole, what an @&$hole)
I'm an @&$hole (He's a real flipping @&$hole)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong
NAAAAH!
I'm an @&$hole (he's an @&$hole, what an @&$hole)
I'm an @&$hole (he's the world's biggest @&$hole)
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado,
hot pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow interior and big
brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in
that baby doing 115 miles an hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, suckin' down
quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-
biodegradable styrofoam containers. And when I'm done suckin' down
those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth on the American flag and toss the styrofoam containers right out the
side, and there ain't a goddang thing anybody can do about it. You know why?
Because we got the bombs, that's why... yeah! Two words--nuclear flipping'
weapons, OK? Russia, Germeny, Romania, they can have all the democracy
they want...they can have a democracy cakewalk right through the middle of
Tienamen Square and it won't make a lick difference, because we got
the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead--he's frozen! And when we find a cure for
cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty T-ed off. You
know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million
times--that's how T-ed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and
John Casavetti and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of whisky and drive down to Texas
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know you really are an @&$hole?)
Why don't you shut up and sing the song, Chris. I thought I was the
*******... all the time it was him... what an @&$hole!
I'm an ******* (I'm an *******, he's an *******)
I'm an ******* (He's the world's biggest *******)
@ &-$ H-O L-E
Everybody, @ &-$ H-O L-E
Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay
A-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom
Oooooooo
I'm an @&$hole and I'm proud of it!
(Chris mouths: @&$hole)
That is me, a @&$hole
sorry if thats a bit too much cursing even though i coded it...
its a good song what can i say