Some leftover drama from yesterday.....should I be mad?

[Allison]

No, I would not be mad. I would not have told DH where he is allowed to walk with his own child either.

Exactly.

 

[MushyMushy]

I might be irritated inside, but I'd never show it to my husband. I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to raising the kids (my way or the highway), but in a case like this, I'd definitely hide my feelings. I think he really was fine taking her.

 

[horseshowmom]

No, I would not be mad. I would not have told DH where he is allowed to walk with his own child either.

I can understand your not wanting/allowing her to go to that busy street by herself, but if she is with her dad, I don't see it as a problem. She's his daughter too. I don't think he would do anything to put her in danger.

No, I would not be mad. I trust my husband's judgement when taking our children out. He is an adult and I wouldn't dream of telling him where to walk with the kids.

It sounds like you may be too protective of your daughter. She was with an adult - her own father.

Honestly, my husband would have been extremely insulted that I gave him "orders" on where he could and could not walk with our daughter. Basically, it sounded like you don't think he has enough common sense to take care of his own child. I doubt that you meant for it to come across that way, but I suspect that's how he took it. Truthfully, I probably would have (and I know DH would have). Honestly, how would you feel if he had given you "orders" to follow?

I know it's a scary world out there, but I don't think you're doing your child any favors by acting like you're the only one who can take care of her.

 

[PaulaSue]

Sorry, men! I would be very mad. Especially with all who text and talk on cells.

 

[Imzadi]

you are right. he would not put her in danger, and I am sure he looked out for her. but..........I worry about things like a driver not paying attention, texting, talking, drunk, etc.
I see people walking and jogging on the road all the time though, and my SIL who lives up the road walks out there with her dog all the time.

What you are/were doing is questioning your husband's judgement. You were in essence saying he wasn't capable on his own to ascertain whether the road & situation was dangerous for himself as well DD.

Is that the real issue? I can understand that you set a "rule" and anre disappointed he didn't honor it. But, have you previously discussed who gets to make the rules for your family? Are you the only one who makes up rules in the household and even your DH has to obey them? If so, he is not an equal adult/partner in the household or in the marriage. You DO need to sit down and discuss this, if this is the case.

Apparently, your DH is not aware you are the only one who makes rules in your house. And that YOU are the Alpha in the house and need to be the one in control. This also means every time your DH takes your DD somewhere and exhibits his own judgment, he is undermining your ultimate authority. Again you both need to have a serious discussion about what your marriage is about and come to some mutual agreement.

Is DH mentally impaired, disabled, or drinks/does drugs so you do not think he necessarily exhibits the best judgment all the time, especially if it puts your DD at risk? If so, you need to discuss this. You don't trust your DH's abilities and judgment, and with good reason.

Otherwise, you need to examine your own rules, how balanced, how flexible they are, how accurate they are, when they only pertain to your DD, which pertain to both, and which ones you really need to have DH honor as your bottom line, and which ones he agrees to.

There is a difference is making a suggestion, a request, or stating a preference, "I'd prefer if you please do not go to the roadway. I feel it is dangerous, and I don't think DD will later on remember not to go by herself," versus an unbending RULE that does not factor in your DH, especially one not arrived at by mutual agreement.

 

[AlaskaMOM]

I think I get where you're coming from.
I would trust my DH to keep our children safe, but I would hope that DH understands I worry A LOT about traffic. To me it pertains to our newly licensed 16 year old DS and driving a car (in winter no less). I worry, and worry some more. I know what it's like to get the call, and I couldn't imagine living through another one. DH doesn't alway "get it". I want my child to learn to be independent, but I also want to see my child grow up.
DH doesn't worry like that. I don't think most men do.

Sometimes when I start to rant about stuff like this, and he starts to get upset, I have to remind him where I'm coming from. I worry, I'm afraid of something happening.

Hopefully OP can explain to her Dh more thoroughly that it's not a matter of trusting him, it's a matter of worrying about safety, and maybe keep that in mind when selecting a walking route.

But to answer the question posted I would not be mad, I would be hurt that he didn't understand my fears.

 

[tonilea]

It sounds like you may be too protective of your daughter. She was with an adult - her own father.

Honestly, my husband would have been extremely insulted that I gave him "orders" on where he could and could not walk with our daughter. Basically, it sounded like you don't think he has enough common sense to take care of his own child. I doubt that you meant for it to come across that way, but I suspect that's how he took it. Truthfully, I probably would have (and I know DH would have). Honestly, how would you feel if he had given you "orders" to follow?

I know it's a scary world out there, but I don't think you're doing your child any favors by acting like you're the only one who can take care of her.

This.

 

[RitaZ.]

But that could also happen when you take her out in your own car.

Absolutely. Bad things can happen anywhere and to anyone.

 

[Kit'smommy]

Actually, right or wrong, I understand where the OP is coming from.

I often joke that DH has no self preservation instinct. I, on the other hand tend to be extremely careful, and have often had arguments with DH about not watching DS carefully enough around water, in parking lots, in front of the house (we have had several weird incidents with children being approached by strangers in our neighborhood), etc.

DH tends to be pretty oblivious about safety issues and thinks I overreact. But then again, we have ended up in the ER multiple times with DH's cycling, home improvement incidents, etc.

DS fell down our stairs as a toddler because DH wasn't watching him and we have had several other similar incidents. Honestly, I wish I could trust DH to use better judgment with both his and DS's safety, but I don't.

I don't lecture him even when I do feel he puts his personal safety at risk, but when it comes to our son, I have often had to say something whether he agreed or not.

 

[npmommie]

Yes, it is not that I don't trust that he will look out for her, I just worry. I worry about everything, I admit that.
I worry about safety all the time.

and no he was not drinking , doing drugs, and is not mentally or physically disabled. and I am sure I did insult him in a way.
but he knows me, he knows how I am ...........LOL, we have been married for 23 years!

 

[npmommie]

DH tends to be pretty oblivious about safety issues and thinks I overreact.

must be a man thing, I don't know, but mine thinks I always over react too.

 

[dislaney]

I would not be mad. He is her father and is just as entitled to make parenting decisions for his own child.

He obviously thought it was a safe decision.

DH is much more daring than I am. It is good for the kids to experience some stuff that may make me bite my nails. We balance each other out in a good way.

My DH is the same way and I think we balance each other out.

 

[crashbb]

LOL....I thought this was about turkey and potatoes - you know "leftovers"

Now to your question, although I wouldn't tell DH he couldn't take dd on a certain road I would have let him know I wasn't as comfortable with it and then if he did I would be angry that he didn't respect my feelings. I am completely confident in my DH's abilities, but I can understand that you cannot control the cars driving down the road and they go fast enough to warrant discomfort with them taking that road.

And if I was your DH I would be angry that you did not respect my feelings. You are telling me that I have no judgment and that I do not know how to take care of my daughter.

 

[LuvLDM]

Yes, it is not that I don't trust that he will look out for her, I just worry. I worry about everything, I admit that.
I worry about safety all the time.

and no he was not drinking , doing drugs, and is not mentally or physically disabled. and I am sure I did insult him in a way.
but he knows me, he knows how I am ...........LOL, we have been married for 23 years!

I certainly understand worrying, I am far more safety conscious than Dh, so I get it.
What I find difficult to understand is that you "specifically told him not to go there...." It just sounds as if you are addressing a child not your Dh.

 

[Imzadi]

Yes, it is not that I don't trust that he will look out for her, I just worry. I worry about everything, I admit that.
I worry about safety all the time.

and no he was not drinking , doing drugs, and is not mentally or physically disabled. and I am sure I did insult him in a way.
but he knows me, he knows how I am ...........LOL, we have been married for 23 years!

Ah, well it seems you already have a system working out quite well, already. Forget having a sit down talk. He obviously knows you already.

If anything, you can probably say, "You know me by now, I worry about safety all the time. Can't you just pretend once in a while, that you will do what I ask - like not going down to the roadway?"

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

If I trusted the man enough to marry him and have a child with him then I think I would trust him enough to make safe decisions when he is with said child.

You are his wife, not his mommy.

 

[horseshowmom]

Yes, it is not that I don't trust that he will look out for her, I just worry. I worry about everything, I admit that.I worry about safety all the time.

and no he was not drinking , doing drugs, and is not mentally or physically disabled. and I am sure I did insult him in a way.
but he knows me, he knows how I am ...........LOL, we have been married for 23 years!

must be a man thing, I don't know, but mine thinks I always over react too.

I am one who is very cautious and am well aware of the world's dangers. I have had some very bad things happen to me personally (that I won't go into here). BUT, I don't think this is a case of "a man thing". It really does sound like you worry too much, and just because your husband "knows you" doesn't make it okay. Without meaning to, in a way you are emasculating him when you turn a simple walk into such a big issue. Hopefully, he's not mad anymore, and I hope you'll feel better soon too.

 

[aprilgail2]

If I trusted the man enough to marry him and have a child with him then I think I would trust him enough to make safe decisions when he is with said child.

You are his wife, not his mommy.

 

[NMAmy]

Yes, it is not that I don't trust that he will look out for her, I just worry. I worry about everything, I admit that.
I worry about safety all the time.

and no he was not drinking , doing drugs, and is not mentally or physically disabled. and I am sure I did insult him in a way.
but he knows me, he knows how I am ...........LOL, we have been married for 23 years!

If your worry is that excessive, you might want to try to reign it back in before it starts adversely effecting your family. He's a grown man. Forbidding him to walk on a certain street with your dd is silly. You've been married for 23 years, surely you can trust him to keep his own child safe. It sounds like this is your issue and I don't see that your husband did anything wrong. If my spouse treated me like an imbecile, of course I'd be offended.

 

[Hannathy]

And if I was your DH I would be angry that you did not respect my feelings. You are telling me that I have no judgment and that I do not know how to take care of my daughter.

I so agree, I would be spitting mad!!! How dare you tell me what I can and can't do with my Daughter.

I can't even imagine telling my husband where he could walk. What makes you think you have that right?

If I was your husband she and I would be walking on that road every day!