so your feelings on a teen's baby shower?

[Hillbeans]

I agree to some extent. A 16 year old across the street just had a baby. I declined going to the shower, but did send a gift. I was not going to condone the pregnancy, but as my daughter works for this family, it's a tricky situation in a small town. KWIM? I know a shower is for the baby, but in this situation, the girl's mother insisted on her daughter having and keeping this baby, and I don't like how she thinks she is the mother herself. I know it's none of my business, but I also know that I don't have to condone it. Flame away!

I agree with you. I haven't been faced with this issue yet but i'd probably decline and send a small gift.

 

[disney junky]

I don't agree with your school's stance at all. I don't think it romanticizes anything to see the mother with the infant, see the "stuff" that goes along, see the diaper changes, see the child crying--its reality.

I agree that the hardships should not be minimized. But, she shouldn't be shunned either.

Perhaps I should have explained further. The idea isn't to shun anyone. The policy exists to keep students who have infants or just had an infant from bringing the infant to school to "show off" the baby. The school is in a fairly rural and depressed area, so teen pregnancy some years seems to be epidemic, with as many as 5 pregnant seniors out of a class of 180. And the stories are similar. Anything the school can do to discourage this is done. It's not to be punitive. It's to be preventative.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Don't see a difference between a 15 year old having a baby shower and a 25 year old having a baby shower. Having a baby is a serious decision regardless of age. At 15 it's more serious, but I don't see how that should mean you don't get to have a shower.

In a society where teen pregnancy is hard, but abortion is such a hot topic, shunning a teen deciding to go through with a pregnancy doesn't help anything. At all.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Horrible things happened to you, and I am sorry. But the vast majority are either raised, at least financially, by grandparents and the mother's receive assistance including free health care for the baby and themselves, and that is nolt okay.

Which is all the more reason to rally around the teen and give her as much support as possible. The ones society ends up supporting are those who had no other support system in place.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

No, it isn't. Because by the time that support comes into play the decision to keep the baby has long since been made - abortion, not adoption, is the more common choice of teens who don't wish to parent for many reasons. And there isn't a teen growing up in this country that doesn't know the statistics that predict failure for teen mothers.

Besides, as others have pointed out teen pregnancy and birth rates are way down. The massive increase in single mother statistics you're talking about is due to the choices of adult women, not teens.

This


Oh, and single mothers of ALL ages are more likely to end up on public support than are married mothers. Perhaps we should shun any out of wedlock birth ???

 

[EMode]

Which is all the more reason to rally around the teen and give her as much support as possible. The ones society ends up supporting are those who had no other support system in place.

Why does support have to come in the form of attending a party?
You all can argue that a shower is for the baby to give needed items but the fact still remains that it is a party to celebrate the birth of a baby. It celebrates a pregnancy.
I don't understand why everyone is so hung up on people not wanting to attend a party, most if not all of those people have said they would give something needed to the mother (isn't that support?)

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I don't agree with your school's stance at all. I don't think it romanticizes anything to see the mother with the infant, see the "stuff" that goes along, see the diaper changes, see the child crying--its reality.

I agree that the hardships should not be minimized. But, she shouldn't be shunned either.

You would not like my high school - you were kicked out if pregnant.

I am among those who would not attend, but send a generous gift.

 

[descovy]

A baby is a blessing no matter how it arrives. It should be loved and celebrated.

What's with shaming the teen mom? Do we shame all the teen boys having sex? Do we shame the teen girls having sex who are lucky enough to not get pregnant?

I had an unplanned pregnancy while using birth control. Want to shame me? Even though I was married age 28 with a stable income? Yes, I was stupid, unlucky, what ever you want to call it. But unplanned pregnancies happen. I figure she is God's little gift. I didn't plan to have her, but God put her on this earth for a reason. Maybe she will cure cancer. Maybe she will be the one love of someone's life. I don't know why she's here... But God does.

I celebrate her life. I celebrate the life of any baby no matter how they come into being.

Furthermore, my oldest is 14. We haven't encountered a pregnant friend yet, but if that day were to come, I'd be ashamed if my dd turned her back on her friend because she got pregnant. It's got to be hard enough without friends and family feeling shame when they see you. Horse is out of the barn. Time to help mom and baby succeed... Not scorn them. Time to be a good friend

 

[ReneeA]

It certainly is not too hard to imagine the things these girls have to hear while they are pregnant considering many of the posts here.

 

[Wendy31]

I think every baby should be celebrated.

And, when it comes to young teen mothers, I think the more support the mother gets, the more chance she & her baby have for a more successful future.

Once the teen is pregnant, she's pregnant, & having a shower or not having a shower isn't going to change the fact that she's a teen & she's having a baby.

However, when it comes to teen pregnancies, I think there is a fine line between celebrating the baby & celebrating or glorifying the pregnancy & making it look too "fun" or too "special" - not that the baby isn't special but that being pregnant & being the center of everyone's attention becomes what's celebrated instead of the baby, if that makes sense. Being pregnant when you're a teen & unmarried is not an ideal situation - it shouldn't make other young teen girls envious.

I'm not saying that a pregnant teen doesn't deserve a shower, but I don't think the shower guests should just include her teen friends as what was described in the OP- it becomes more of a fun "party" then. Or, more like some teen girls getting together & "playing" at being adults when, in reality, when a teen girl becomes pregnant, she can't do it by herself - she's going to have to have the help & support of the adults in her life.

I really don't even think her teen friends should have any part in planning the shower. I think the shower should be planned by an older female relative & that the shower guests should include relatives, family friends, etc. If the teen's friends are invited, then I think their mothers should be invited as well.

 

[luvsJack]

You would not like my high school - you were kicked out if pregnant.

I am among those who would not attend, but send a generous gift.

I am so glad that is not allowed anymore. I mean, how much sense does it make to throw out the student that needs an education the most?

 

[cjbcam]

Do you even know any teen Moms? If you do, you must not know them well or you'd know NO ONE is praising them for becoming pregnant as a teen. Baby showers are NOT going to change pregnancy rates one way or another. And deciding to have and keep the baby means the Mom is signing up for YEARS of hateful comments and criticism. The odds are stacked against her at every possible turn. No one praises her. NO ONE. Not her family, not her friends and certainly not anyone who attends her baby shower. What a few do, hopefully, is offer emotional support. Saying things like This will be incredibly difficult. Life will never be the same. But let me help you make a plan. Let me help you by offering up a few essentials that will be used up in no time. (Diapers) Let me help you by directing you to some resources. Let me help you by discussing your education and how you can continue that. You'll note that none of those celebrate the Mom and her pregnancy.

I had a baby at 16 and the treatment I got was appalling, at best. Despite the fact that I'd been a very good student, very good kid, never in any trouble at all and just had the misfortune to have been pressured by a boy who didn't care about me but, of course, I thought he did. I got raked over the coals and back again.

Then when he passed away as an infant, after many surgeries to try to treat a heart defect, I got raked over the coals again and again and again. That's what I got, they said. For being a teen Mom. It's for the best. Really?

Our society is so backwards. Nothing but SHAME to young girls regarding sex. Absolutely no birth control! Nope! That's not ok! That's SHAMEFUL. But then they get pregnant and everyone's up in arms. And then, God forbid, they keep and try to raise the child. (Because their feelings regarding that choice actually, you know, matter.) More shame and no one wants to help the girl. Just give her her scarlett letter and cast her and her child off as worthless human beings not deserving of any kind of help or support.

Trust me. TRUST ME. No one is praising teen Moms for getting pregnant. And most of them never meant to be pregnant in the first place. But life happens and sometimes it's nice to have a little help dealing with the hard stuff.

I haven't read past your post but I would just like to say so sorry to you. My mom and dad married at 15&18 because my mom got pregnant. She had a boy and my dads mom actually said to my mom "I wish he would die" well he did of SIDS. Not only was she a young mom grieving but also because of SIDS they investigate parents until autopsy was done confirming SIDS. They went on to have my sister then me all before my mom was 20.
This year is their 40th wedding anniversary. They are 55&58 both retired and living the good life. Yeah life for them was hard in the beginning of their marriage.
Being a child of a teen mom and seeing how well it could work with hard work and determination, still did not glamorize it to me. I remember being in high school and waking up with nightmares that I couldn't play basketball anymore because I was pregnant. That in and of itself prevented me from having sex.
I believe every baby is a reason to celebrate no matter the age of the mom. For people to act like the mom is some freak for getting pregnant is wrong. It is not the end of the world, just a tougher road to take.

 

[EMode]

A baby is a blessing no matter how it arrives. It should be loved and celebrated.

What's with shaming the teen mom? Do we shame all the teen boys having sex? Do we shame the teen girls having sex who are lucky enough to not get pregnant?

I had an unplanned pregnancy while using birth control. Want to shame me? Even though I was married age 28 with a stable income? Yes, I was stupid, unlucky, what ever you want to call it. But unplanned pregnancies happen. I figure she is God's little gift. I didn't plan to have her, but God put her on this earth for a reason. Maybe she will cure cancer. Maybe she will be the one love of someone's life. I don't know why she's here... But God does.

I celebrate her life. I celebrate the life of any baby no matter how they come into being.

Furthermore, my oldest is 14. We haven't encountered a pregnant friend yet, but if that day were to come, I'd be ashamed if my dd turned her back on her friend because she got pregnant. It's got to be hard enough without friends and family feeling shame when they see you. Horse is out of the barn. Time to help mom and baby succeed... Not scorn them. Time to be a good friend

Really you are comparing yourself pregnant at 28 with a pregnant 15 year old? When you do that, any rational argument has goes down the drain.

If some want to equate shaming a pregnant teen with not celebrating the fact that they are pregnant that is fine but it doesn't make it the truth. It makes you feel better about "shaming" us

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I am so glad that is not allowed anymore. I mean, how much sense does it make to throw out the student that needs an education the most?

I don't know where you got that idea?
It still happens today. Private school.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Why does support have to come in the form of attending a party?
You all can argue that a shower is for the baby to give needed items but the fact still remains that it is a party to celebrate the birth of a baby. It celebrates a pregnancy.
I don't understand why everyone is so hung up on people not wanting to attend a party, most if not all of those people have said they would give something needed to the mother (isn't that support?)

Nobody is hung up on attendance. The issue is that some are so disapproving of the pregnancy/birth that they don't think a shower should happen at all.

 

[JanaDee]

A baby is a blessing no matter how it arrives. It should be loved and celebrated.

What's with shaming the teen mom? Do we shame all the teen boys having sex? Do we shame the teen girls having sex who are lucky enough to not get pregnant?

I had an unplanned pregnancy while using birth control. Want to shame me? Even though I was married age 28 with a stable income? Yes, I was stupid, unlucky, what ever you want to call it. But unplanned pregnancies happen. I figure she is God's little gift. I didn't plan to have her, but God put her on this earth for a reason. Maybe she will cure cancer. Maybe she will be the one love of someone's life. I don't know why she's here... But God does.

I celebrate her life. I celebrate the life of any baby no matter how they come into being.

Furthermore, my oldest is 14. We haven't encountered a pregnant friend yet, but if that day were to come, I'd be ashamed if my dd turned her back on her friend because she got pregnant. It's got to be hard enough without friends and family feeling shame when they see you. Horse is out of the barn. Time to help mom and baby succeed... Not scorn them. Time to be a good friend

There is no comparison between a 28 year old married, financially stable woman getting pregnant and a 15 year old girl getting pregnant.

 

[aaarcher86]

I can't say there's anything great about being pregnant at 15 years old.

Once she's pregnant though and decides to keep the baby, might as well get her prepared for it. I don't think it's a bad thing for the mother to have a shower and even *gasp* get excited or look forward to having her baby. It doesn't mean she doesn't ALSO understand it's going to be an uphill battle.

I'd hope that any of the teen's friends in attendance understand that a teen pregnancy isn't fun/easy regardless of having a baby shower or not.

 

[nym4588]

Okay, I am going to be brutally honest here, and just state how I feel about the situation.
Flame suit is on!

It isn't just the fact that there was a shower for the teen mom...
But, I, like a few others, just have a VERY hard time seeing a 15 year old pregnancy, a 'baby having a baby', as being a really happy and positive thing...

No, don't get me wrong... I am not for the old days, where the girl disappeared for a long visit with a distant relative, or abortion, etc... But, I just can't see this as something to have a party about, and post those photos.

It isn't the shower... It isn't the fact that poeple are supporting a young expectant mother. It is, in fact, the facebook pictures, the 'Hey, look at this, how wonderful!!!!! We had a big party!!!!" kind of thing. IMHO, yes, there are many, many, many, immature teens at this age, and this does, in fact, 'glorify' it.

Yes, I would participate in a shower if my son were to have a girlfriend who became pregnant. But, would I be posting pictures of this like it is some kind of big, happy, party.... No... I don't think I would.

In that one aspect, I do kind of agree with the OP.

There is a difference between supporting the young teen parents, and 'glorifying'. I do feel that there are many, many, teens who are immature and do glorify, dream about, and even desire a teen pregnancy for all the WRONG reasons. I think that research probably shows this.

What research? Did you just make that up?

 

[Hannathy]

I haven't read past your post but I would just like to say so sorry to you. My mom and dad married at 15&18 because my mom got pregnant. She had a boy and my dads mom actually said to my mom "I wish he would die" well he did of SIDS. Not only was she a young mom grieving but also because of SIDS they investigate parents until autopsy was done confirming SIDS. They went on to have my sister then me all before my mom was 20.
This year is their 40th wedding anniversary. They are 55&58 both retired and living the good life. Yeah life for them was hard in the beginning of their marriage.
Being a child of a teen mom and seeing how well it could work with hard work and determination, still did not glamorize it to me. I remember being in high school and waking up with nightmares that I couldn't play basketball anymore because I was pregnant. That in and of itself prevented me from having sex.
I believe every baby is a reason to celebrate no matter the age of the mom. For people to act like the mom is some freak for getting pregnant is wrong. It is not the end of the world, just a tougher road to take.

I think the most important thing in your post and a few others like it is you say your PARENTS. Your teen mom wasn't a 15 yr old single mom, she had your dad. So so many of these 15 yr old teens are not in a relationship, the dad isn't even mentioned and that is a big deal in the equation.

 

[EMode]

Nobody is hung up on attendance. The issue is that some are so disapproving of the pregnancy/birth that they don't think a shower should happen at all.

Did any of them say that the teen shouldn't be supported because they were pregnant?