So, you recommend a friend for a job and he embezzles...

[RickinNYC]

Was curious to hear your feedback on this one. I had recommended a good friend for an entry level position at a major local non-profit I used to work for. He was unhappy almost from the first day because he didn't feel he was being paid enough. Always grousing and complaining to me until I had enough and reminded him that I was the one that got him the position to begin with. I also encouraged him to quit quite honestly.

But here's the best part. I had since left the job a year ago and have moved on. He stayed and continued to complain. Turns out that he stoll $5,000 in donated funds from the organization. They have proof, I've seen it. I met with the higher ups of that organization recently to assure them I was as surprised as they were and to offer my apologies for having recommended him in the first place.

I learned of all this in the past few weeks and my "friend" and I haven't spoken in the interim. He's tried but I've avoided him. I honestly don't know what to say to him. For the first time ever, I'm at a loss for words. I want to tell him that I'm shocked at his actions, that I'm pissed that he put my reputation on the line (the non-profit community in NY is pretty small), that he lied and basically that he stole money that would have been used to put food on the table of the less fortunate. He is such a selfish, self-serving person in my mind now that I do know he's pretty much erased any friendship I've had with him. He truly does disgust me for what he did. Stealing money from the poor. How low can a loser get?

Can you tell I'm enraged at this idiot?

Anyway, I usually don't have any problem stating my opinions but given our mutual friendships, I don't want to blast him too much although he deserves it. Part of me says, screw it and lay it on him. The other says give him a break, you don't know what drove him to do it (it was greed, plain and simple). So what would you guys do? I'm honestly curious to hear your feedback.

I want to stick him in a potato sack, tie the top shut, and pound on him with a bat.

 

[oogieboogie]

So what would you guys do? I'm honestly curious to hear your feedback.

I want to stick him in a potato sack, tie the top shut, and pound on him with a bat.

Exactly what you want to do! How low! I hope he rots in hell!

 

[Tiggeroo]

I can't think of much worst then stealing from a non-profit. Unless you know of a serious personel difficulty that drove him to it I wouldn't have much to say.
But if you're like me you won't be able to rest without some closure. So maybe you need to go to him. Ask him what went wrong. See if he needs help. If there's a valid reason perhaps you could help him to come up with a plan to pay back the company and avoid prosecution.

 

[L107ANGEL]

You are completly justified on the rage you feel. IMHO, no he doesn't have any excuse and you owe him not one shred of forgiveness (or second chances).
I am just curious, will they prosecute him? If so, you need to really distance yourself from him.
I am sorry a "friend" did this to!!

 

[DoeWDW]

Do you have a mutual friend who knows the situation and can talk to him to see if he really DID have a reason (not that it would make things that much better but...)?

If not, then I suggest you write him a polite note telling him tactfully that he is complete scum and how disappointed/disgusted you are about it, especially since you recommended him for the job.

 

[RickinNYC]

I can't think of much worst then stealing from a non-profit. Unless you know of a serious personel difficulty that drove him to it I wouldn't have much to say.
But if you're like me you won't be able to rest without some closure. So maybe you need to go to him. Ask him what went wrong. See if he needs help. If there's a valid reason perhaps you could help him to come up with a plan to pay back the company and avoid prosecution.

Interesting that you should bring up prosecutioin. When I met with the CFO and a couple of their program directors, I had ased if they intend to follow through and press charges. They said they wouldn't because they didn't want the bad publicity. I was pretty surprpised, said so and suggested they reconsider because he needs to be held accountable for his actions.

FYI, as for his personal situation, he chose to quit a well paying job in March of '04 without any savings. Because he quit, he was inelligible for unemployment as well. Any pittance he did have was spent bar hopping and going out to dinner. He has incredibly expensive tastes on a hot dog budget.

I got him the job because I knew he really needed an income of any kind. His "party boy" lifestyle only escalated since he was now bringing in an income. Hence, his complaints about not making enough money from that job.

 

[snoopy]

I'd do exactly what you are doing -- rant about it on the Internet, but cut off all ties with this person. He can't be trusted, and he put your good name on the line when he embezzelled money from the company.

 

[RickinNYC]

Do you have a mutual friend who knows the situation and can talk to him to see if he really DID have a reason (not that it would make things that much better but...)?

If not, then I suggest you write him a polite note telling him tactfully that he is complete scum and how disappointed/disgusted you are about it, especially since you recommended him for the job.

I do have a mutual friend that brought it up with him and he denied everything. He said he had been told money was missing and he as fired because he was their scapegoat.

I saw his stupid signature on some of the checks! And he's SUCH a moron, he included his bank account number as well when he deposited them!

As for your suggestion re: the note, I think that's the option I'm likely going to take. If I were to tell him what I thought in person, I know he'd offer every excuse and then block it out. But in written form, he'd be compelled to read the entire thing.

I would love nothing more than to must move on and forget about it, let him figure out that I know everything and ignore him completely. Unfortunately, we have mutual friends, quite a large number of them. So moving on isn't an option. I don't want him to think he can continue on in our friendship thinking all is well. When in reality, I want him to step in front of a moving bus.

You know, if he had stolen this money from a Fortune 500 company, I would be shocked at his actions but I could forgive him. Actually, forgiveness wouldn't be an option because his behavior wouldn't have effected me at all. What the absolutely deal breaker is the fact that he stole from a charity that is committed to providing food to the poor and homeless! He's disgusting.

 

[jellymanoffspring]

. I want to tell him that I'm shocked at his actions, that I'm pissed that he put my reputation on the line (the non-profit community in NY is pretty small), that he lied and basically that he stole money that would have been used to put food on the table of the less fortunate. He is such a selfish, self-serving person in my mind now that I do know he's pretty much erased any friendship I've had with him. He truly does disgust me for what he did. Stealing money from the poor. How low can a loser get?
.

He is a loser!! Use all of your wonderful communicaton skills and let him have it!!

He is the lowest of the low.....betraying your friendship as well as stealing from the poor.......

I would not really worry about any mutual friends....I would be more concerned if my other firends did not see this as clearly disgusting as it is!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

I would put an end to your friendship and do whatever it takes to distance yourself from him in the future. Scum like that is not worth your friendship, and if he was any kind of friend at all, he would have realized how his actions could put your reputation at risk.

If he continues to try to contact you, I would answer him with exactly how you told us you feel about the situation.

The ONLY way I could ever see you having any kind of relationship with this "friend," is if he owned up to his crime and agreed to make complete restitution. Even then, I am not sure you should ever again associate you with someone of such low moral character.

Denae

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I he is going down the river "de-nile" then you would be wasting your breath on him. Pen him a note. Hopefully he will take the time to read it since he won't be trying to defend himself at the time.

Sorry you stuck your neck out for someone like this.

 

[gina2000]

Well, he ain't too bright.

Personally I'd ream his butt in front of 20 of his best friends. He tarnished your reputation and your name after you recommended him for a job.

It's bad enough to know a thief. It really stinks to know a STUPID thief.

 

[RickinNYC]

The ONLY way I could ever see you having any kind of relationship with this "friend," is if he owned up to his crime and agreed to make complete restitution. Even then, I am not sure you should ever again associate you with someone of such low moral character.

Denae

Ding ding! I said the exact same thing to Joe the other night when I was venting and crabbing about it at home. If he could just see how his actions have effected the non-profit, the morale of those employess, and the clients they serve and he realized his mistake, I could forgive him with a huge hug if just owned up to it and paid it all back with an apology.

 

[barbeml]

A friend stabbed me in the back years ago (nothing criminal, but very malicious). When the pathetic b tried to worm her way back (because she had no one else to sponge off), I told her I could not possibly be friends with someone I don't trust. Never heard from her again.

Once someone has breached trust, it is totally on them that the relationship is broken.

 

[RickinNYC]

Wow, small world. I just got an email from the CFO of the organization in question. He told me he was so glad that I came to their office the other day. He assured me that he and everyone else never suspected I knew anything about it. They were apparently concerned that I would avoid THEM out of shame or embarrassment. That did occur to me for a little bit but I could never do that. I big part of my heart is still with that charity. They do amazing work and helped me grow so much into the non-profit dude I am today. I guess that's yet another reason why I'm so angry at this situation.

I think I'll take a shuttle to Jersey City and open up a can of butt whoopin' today.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I have to agree, confrontation will get you no where. He'll deny it anyway. Closure is the key. Speak your mind in a note and then refuse his phone calls, IF he calls again. None of this was your fault. If you'd had any idea he would have done this you'd have never recommended him for the job.

 

[Serena]

Wow, small world. I just got an email from the CFO of the organization in question. He told me he was so glad that I came to their office the other day. He assured me that he and everyone else never suspected I knew anything about it. They were apparently concerned that I would avoid THEM out of shame or embarrassment. That did occur to me for a little bit but I could never do that. I big part of my heart is still with that charity. They do amazing work and helped me grow so much into the non-profit dude I am today. I guess that's yet another reason why I'm so angry at this situation.

I think I'll take a shuttle to Jersey City and open up a can of butt whoopin' today.

Rick, don't. You should stay far away from him. I wouldn't even write him a note. I don't trust anyone like that and what if he's involved in something else too.
He could be more dangerous to your reputation if he gets a chance or gets angry.
And he's not worth going to jail over.

 

[SillyMe]

He had to have known what his salary was going to be before he accepted the position. If he wasn't happy with it, he shouldn't have accepted the job.

That is just wrong. It's wrong to steal from anyone, any company...but to steal from a non-profit organization is really low.

If I were in your position I would cut ties with him. He took advantage of your kindness.

 

[RickinNYC]

Serena, no worries. I won't be doing anything to him... today. LOL! I'm just frustrated is all. Besides, I have a fund raiser to staff this afternoon/evening!

Sillyme, you are indeed correct. I told him exactly what the salary was and admitted it was very, very low. I even suggested he take the job so he could get at least some income AND benefits and he could look for something else that was more suiting to him. He could then leave, no harm no foul.

 

[goofy4tink]

Oh Rick, I'm so sorry your trust has been so badly betrayed. I think some 'butt whoopin' is totally in order. I was likeing the tied in a blanket, and beat him with a bat thing too though.

Are you sure a letter in your own particular style isn't in order here? You have such wonderful communication skills (and style I might add) that I would think that would be more effective. Of course, I do tend to be non-confrontational. I'm glad to hear that the CEO got in touch with you and put your mind at ease about any guilt or embarrassement you might have. This is the one reason I hesitate to get involved in other's 'professional' lives. I'm so afraid they will mess up and it will come back to haunt me.

Hopefully, this won't discourage you from remaining the caring person you are. I'm surprised that Joe didn't already go out and buy the blanket and bat!!! Hang in there. Here's hoping you get the closure you need.....and the scumbag gets to know the kind of friend he has lost!!!