So, who HAS or IS an Only Child?

[we3disneygo]

I am an only, and have an only dd12.....I have had nasty comments when she was younger by other mothers telling me the I really wasn't a mother till I had more kids!! sometimes dh will say something like you never learned how to______ because you never had a brother or sister, but not in a mean way. we were just happy with dd and wanted certain things for her and never thought of having another child.

 

[cindermomma]

I am an only, and right now, have an only. I always wished that I had siblings. I was the only person in my class to not have siblings. Going off to high school, my friends were already "known" because of their siblings. But, my parents tried to have more kids, and had 4 miscarriages. So I completely understand why. I have had 2 miscarriages (before my DS5 and one after). I am hoping to get pg this year, but if we have another miscarriage, then that will be it because I cannot emotionally go through that again. Everything said, I think it's great if people only have one. My parents were not wealthy, but I did get some extras since I was an only. I have heard MANY terrible comments about only having one child - "You should have another so if something happens you'll still have one" "He needs a sibling to not be so self-centered and spoiled" "Oh, you have it so easy only having one - you have no idea how much mothering it takes to have more" My faves are the weekly questions from Wal-Mart "When are you having another?" "You better hurry and have another soon so that they aren't strangers to each other". But my favorite was from my father's mother who told me after our last miscarriage "Thank goodness. That was for the best. You couldn't ask for something better " (I have a genetic disorder that could be passed down - DS is fine and DH and I know all the risks and we will face it together if needed) I have heard it all. I wish people would just be happy for everyone's family - none, one or 12! Sorry for the long post. Good luck to all us mom's who "have it so easy with one"!! LOL

 

[rosey1]

I have one child dd7. Sometimes she says she wishes she had a sister, sometimes she says she is glad she doesn't. I would have liked to have more - we tried for 7 years, three infertility clinics, several painful "procedures" etc. I had a miscarriage before and after her (first trimester each). Had her at age 40. Couldn't afford more treatments and couldn't afford adoption. Became foster parents, but haven't had a placement - now I don't think we will persue that - as ages 46 and 47 we are starting to plan for retirement. Having siblings doesn't mean they will be there for each other. DH's family (he is one of three) is very disfunctional and they don't talk to each other. Go figure! I do worry about her having someone to look out for her if something happens to us. I'm doing what I can to make sure she has good friends - and we won't be doing any moving till she is out of high school.

 

[PaulaSue]

Both Dh and I are only children. I hated it and he is fine with it. My parents finally divorced in my teens and his are together so that is part of it.

That is one of the reasons we had our close in age.

 

[DLBDS]

I haven't read any of the replies yet. I wanted to post mine right away. I am an only and CHOSE to only have an only. Of course, I didn't decide to have an only until after my DD was born. I have several reasons why...I can't imagine loving another child as much as I love my DD (8 yrs.), she'll always get the best of what we can provide her (private Montessori school for one, after school clubs, extracurricular programs-they ALL cost extra $$) and she'll inherit 100%. To me, there are only 2 reasons to have more than one and they are that they'll always have siblings to advise, console them and they'll have someone to share the burden of elderly care (if it comes to that) when we get too old to care for ourselves. The first reason isn't really important if they have people in their lives that provide the same thing. I was always complaining of being bored when growing up. Snow days could be really boring as a teen because there was nothing to do. There was no internet back then (80's) and I didn't have "tv games" as they were called back then either. Shoot, cable was a new thing! You get over it though. I admit holidays would have been more fun with siblings to share in the celebration but that's because I grew up with no family members living near me. My daughter has cousins and grandparents that live in the same area as she does. Heck, my parents share 10 acres with us! She's not bored. I just feel that we can offer our daughter a lot more than we could if we had 2 or more. We could not afford to send 2 to private school for instance. I HATE public school. It didn't do right by me at all and she would be in the same school system my husband and I were in. I get the occassional comments also about having another one. Usually, from mother's that have just had one (another one). I just reply that I have all I can handle. Every new experience for her creates tears in my eyes (1st Christmas, 1st birthday, 1st state fair, 1st trip to a theme park (Busch Gardens recently), 1st basketball game etc. etc. etc.) and it's all I can do to keep them at bay. I just know I'm gonna cry when we finally get to WDW and I can experience it all over again through my DD. This is their 1st trip but I went 3 times as a young child about 25 years ago.

 

[disneymom225]

Onlies unite! Actually, I am the oldest but there is 7 years between me and my closest sibling so I really was raised as an only for a long time. DH and I have 1 DD and we are DONE! In fact, DH made that permanent last May-if you get my drift (yippee!). We decided to have an only for several reasons-one of the biggest was financial. We enjoy travelling and we enjoy being able to do what we want, when we want (obviously this extends to DD). I was also NOT a great pregnant person but our decision was basically made prior to that. We do hear it a lot--mostly from people that our decision doesn't impact but they feel they need to say something. Our family is pretty good about it-DH's siblings all have only children and my siblings are still in college so there's still hope for more grandchildren. DD is almost 2 and we have never had even a twinge about having an only. She is smart, extremely verbal, with an outgoing personality-maybe she will be "spoiled" but I know lots of kids w/ siblings who's parents spoil as well but complain about it! Stand strong parents of onlies!

 

[disneyfan6301]

Amen to this thread. I am an only child; my mother and I almost died when I was born, and my dad could not take that chance again. My doctor told me I was perfectly fine and could have as many children as I wanted. My DH is one of five. He wanted three kids; I wanted one. Early on, we settled on two. Our DS is 9 now, and we have finally decided not to have anymore. Our son is the joy of our lives; we do everything with him. We really focus on him--his education, sports, everything. I have never regretted being an only, and my son absolutely loves it. Obviously he is the only grandchild on my side, and he is the boy my dad never got to have. Is my DS spoiled? Well, we go to WDW every year, so Yes, I guess so. But, he is not a spoiled brat who thinks he has to have it all his way. There is a big difference there.

I have heard all the nasty remarks that I NEED to have another (what do others know what I NEED?!? ), my DS will be spoiled; he won't know how to share; he won't have the joy of siblings, etc.....Basically, people need to mind their own business. As a mother and father, you should decided how many children you want, and how many ever you have be it one, two, or ten, be sure you can afford them--both financially and timewise!!!!

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

"How did you deal with having a roommate in college?"

I'm an only and proud. Never wanted a sib, don't think I'll ever want one. It would be nice if I weren't under the "only child" microscope from the parents, KWIM? My mother is a bit over-involved in my life. I think the empty nest really hit her hard. Now that I've had my son, I get the feeling that my mom wishes she had another.

I'm debating whether to have another. If we decide to have another, it will be in a few years, when the first has his own thing going on (e.g. school). I worry that he'd feel betrayed if we brought another home now.

Hey, it's all good.

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

I am an only, and I have a DS5 who is an only (for now anyway...) I am on the fence with this issue - I never wished for a brother or sister growing up - I loved that I had my privacy, never had to compete with a sibling, got more toys, had my parents undivided attention, went on tons of vacations,etc.. BUT- now that I am an adult, I wish I did have at least one sibling. With my parents getting older, I feel that I have no family other than them, and it is all on me to take care of them as they age. That is very nervewracking. My parents have made all the preparations they can to take the financial burden off of me in the future, but I can't help feeling that when they go, I have lost my whole family. That makes me feel very lonely and sad. This is the biggest reason I want my son to have siblings. I feel like I need to "create" my own family. Although, like a previous poster said, I don't know how I could love another child as much as I love him, I really don't know how to..... I also feel guilty for wanting to have another child, like I would be taking something away from DS. Maybe because I just don't know what it's like to be in a household with more than one child. I had a miscarriage last November, and while I was pregnant, I remember stressing about how my DS would feel once the baby came along. But on another note, my DS is from a previous relationship, and my husband now has no kids of his own, and I know he wants 1 or 2....and I want to have "our" child together too.
My mom says my DS "needs" a sibling... although I don't necessarily agree with that statement. She always wanted 2 kids but couldn't due to medical reasons. It took my parents 7 years just to have me (with fertility drugs).
To this day, I still get from people- "well, you were an only child, that's why you feel that way about __________(insert statement)" It bugs me. People automatically assume I was a spoiled brat growing up. That bugs me too. There are alot of assumptions about only's that I just don't agree with.
I agree with the OP, whatever works for you is great, whether it be 1 kid or 10 kids. No one should question your personal decision for your life.

Jen

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

My mother is a bit over-involved in my life.

I know exactly what you mean! My mom is the same way with me- if I don't talk to her for a couple days, she calls thinking something is wrong!

 

[mom2my3kids]

I have to say, everyone is different and has different needs and wants. Some people only want 1 and other want more then 1. I spaced my kids because I wanted to enjoy each one of them while they were little. I love being a mother of 3 but I can understand only wanting one child. But I have to say I was one of 7 kids, I am the only girl of 7 and the baby..

My kids are
DD-12
DS-8
DS-2

 

[labdogs42]

But I have to say I was one of 7 kids, I am the only girl of 7 and the baby..

So that means you were spoiled, right? The baby is always spoiled just like an only child -- that's what I've heard!!!

 

[suezpqt]

We have only 1 DD, 6 and that was by choice. DH & myself are each 1 of 3 and we are both very happy with our decision. Yes we have heard all of the stories and had many lectures (some by people who don't even have any children! ). What everyone who has spoken to us fails to see is that it is OUR life. We want to be able to do things for our daughter that we would not be able to do if we had more children. She has a great extended family that she sees often. She has our best friends children (10 & 8) that she sees just about every day.

We are very happy and secure in our choice to have only DD.

 

[NJtoATL]

I enjoyed growing up as an only child. I was never bored or lonely. I had plenty of friends to play with. I was raised by a single parent. If I had had brothers/sisiters I would not have been able to take the tennis lessons, the ice skating lessons, the dance lessons, etc. My mom would not have been able to send me away to be an exchange student or go off to a expensive private college in Boston. In case you were wondering I was not spoiled. I was the only one responsible for doing all of the chores from the time I turned 10. I guess that's why I rarely do them now. I don't see the negatives to being an only child. In fact, when my DH and I decide to become parents, he/she will be an only child unless God decides to bless us with twins.

Only children rock on!!!!

 

[debloco]

I was reading the thread about having a third baby and it made me realize that people make insensitive comments no matter what choices you make in life. I am an only child (32 years old) and people (including my MIL ) make comments that I must have been spoiled as a child, etc...all the time. How irritating!

The "spoiled" comment always amuses me. Every firstborn is an only child until (or unless) a sibling is born. So let's say a couple decides to wait 4 or 5 or 6 years until having a second child. By this reasoning, the firstborn was a "spoiled" child for those years and then the day the sibling is born they somehow magically become "unspoiled"?

Spoiled children are a function of parenting, not the number of children parents have.

I've seen plenty of families with multiple children; every one of whom was a spoiled brat. I've seen families with one child and that child was a spoiled brat. I've also seen plenty of families (multiples and onlys) where the opposite is true and the children are well-mannered and well-behaved.

Also, I currently have 1 DS, 1 year old. It irritates ME when people ask, "When are you going to have another?", as if he isn't all I need. Like I NEED a DD or another DS to make my life complete! I'm not sure that I want another child. If I do decide to have another one, it won't be for a few years. I want to take my time and enjoy this one and that's my choice! I think it is great that people have 3 kids, 10 kids, 1 kid, whatever works for you. It bugs me to death when other people think they know better than you what you might want.

So, sorry for the rant, but who else here is an only or has an only child? Did you like being an only (I did)? What insensitive comments have you heard being an only or having an only? Let's share!

We have an only DD (16) and I used to get comments like this often. Family weddings and other functions were prime time for the relatives "You can't just let her have no siblings!", "So when are you thinking you'll have another?", "She won't have anyone when you're gone".

The worst was when a so-called "friend" called me up one day and basically gave me what for on this terrible thing I was doing to my DD. How it was so awful that I was depriving her of siblings...having siblings was the greatest thing in the world...she couldn't imagine any of her three kids not having each other...how could you do this?!

Well, I'll tell ya...I had a younger sister and I can't say it was the greatest thing in the world

The reality is that there are pros and cons for every family size. And like many posters have said, each couple needs to decide what's right for them.

And maybe some families (and marriages) would be less stressed and better off overall if a couple had stopped having kids when they wanted to instead of succumbing to pressure from good old Aunt Marge or because they believed the message our society sends that says your firstborn "needs" a sibling. JMO

Thanks labdogs, for letting me "rant" a bit too!
I love the pic of your labs!

 

[beccawes7471]

I too am an only child, I'll be 32 in March. I def was not spoiled as a child, largely b/c we were really poor, but my mom always made sure I felt wanted and loved. I have an only child, he will be 6 in March. I do spoil him a bit, but he is not bratty. We get numerous compliments about his behavior and manners. I think parenting is so individual, it doesn't matter if you have one or ten, some kids will be jerks and others won't. I know children who have siblings that are very ADD and attention demanding, and I know only children the same way. People do ask me alot about having more, I just say, "If it is meant to be it'll happen," and leave it at that. I will say the only downfall of being an only child was when my mom got sick very quickly and passed away. I was 27 and all medical decision making was on me, as my parents were divorced years ago. After my mom died, it was very hard to be in charge of all arrangements, etc. I also felt there was noone else who felt the loss as great as I did. However, having a sibling does not guarantee that they would have been involved or taken on the responsibility. So I'm happy the way I turned out, and I'm happy the way my son has turned out Our family song is "Three is the magic number" from school house rocks. My son and husband even made me a plate at a pottery place with that on it. For us it works

 

[debloco]

I too am an only child, I'll be 32 in March. I def was not spoiled as a child, largely b/c we were really poor, but my mom always made sure I felt wanted and loved. I have an only child, he will be 6 in March. I do spoil him a bit, but he is not bratty. We get numerous compliments about his behavior and manners. I think parenting is so individual, it doesn't matter if you have one or ten, some kids will be jerks and others won't. I know children who have siblings that are very ADD and attention demanding, and I know only children the same way. People do ask me alot about having more, I just say, "If it is meant to be it'll happen," and leave it at that. I will say the only downfall of being an only child was when my mom got sick very quickly and passed away. I was 27 and all medical decision making was on me, as my parents were divorced years ago. After my mom died, it was very hard to be in charge of all arrangements, etc. I also felt there was noone else who felt the loss as great as I did. However, having a sibling does not guarantee that they would have been involved or taken on the responsibility. So I'm happy the way I turned out, and I'm happy the way my son has turned out Our family song is "Three is the magic number" from school house rocks. My son and husband even made me a plate at a pottery place with that on it. For us it works

Well said!

We like "Three is a Magic Number" too

 

[KristinU]

I was the only one responsible for doing all of the chores from the time I turned 10. I guess that's why I rarely do them now.

LOL! I forgot about chores! I have always said that I never wished for siblings, but I have to eat my words...I did wish for someone to share chores - especially mowing the lawn, for some reason that was the worst thing ever. In fact, when DH and I bought our first house I made an "arrangement" that I would never mow the lawn and I think in the 9 years of home-ownership I've only had to do it 3 or 4 times

 

[disneymom225]

.

I swear, I see some people put more thought into buying their cars than about raising their children.

QUOTE]


Speaking as a teacher, I agree! I see people all the time who should have been required to get a license before procreating!

We definately made a choice to have an only- DH is the youngest of 4 and we don't speak to 2 of his siblings. I'm the oldest of 3 and definately felt neglected by the lack of attention I was given from the moment my siblings were born. It had nothing to do with STUFF but all to do with the fact that I was really allowed to raise myself and do what I wanted. But that's another discussion for another day!

 

[kimnscott]

Proud parent of an only child.
We are able to do more things with her(disney trips and other vacations) and for her than we could if we had more children. We orginally wanted more children but God had other plans.
kim