So, who HAS or IS an Only Child?

[Mom of Sleepy Bashful and BabyDoc]

I'm an only child. The worst I've ever heard is from my DH...every now and then I'll do or say something and he'll say "That's the only child in you coming out." Whatever that means.

Right now we only have one child, our 2.5 year old DS. We do plan on having at least one more child. I DO NOT want DS to be an only. I was fine as a child, but now I wish I had siblings. I started feeling that way in 2000, right before I got married. I still feel that way.

I think all families should do what the Hubby and Wife decide........no children, 1 child or 10. Whatever they want.

But........I must admit, I do feel a little twinge in my heart when I see an only child. But you have to understand where I'm coming from.....I'm a twin(sister) with another sister 6 years older.

Growing up, I felt sorry for everyone who didn't have a TWIN! Including my older sister! I always had a playmate, didn't have to go to school alone........she was there. Didn't have to go to H.S. or college alone.....she was there......camp, Vacation Bible School, wherever!(We also had a DOUBLE WEDDING planned until she changed her mind......we ended up getting married two months apart)

Always had someone there who knew me and understood me. She was there to stand up for me to a nasty girl in the cafeteria in high school, she was there to talk to before we went to sleep (much to my parents dismay ).
She was there when my first child was born and was rushed to NICU to spend the next 10 days. I think everyone should have a twin! (Now, she lives in Atlanta but we vacation together and probably talk on the phone 2-4 times a week.)

But that doesn't mean that I think it's wrong to only have one child. And heaven's sake, what are people thinking when they say those horrible things.........that's just nasty and none of their business!

 

[Mom of Sleepy Bashful and BabyDoc]

DS, now 13, is also an only by chance. His being 24 weeker and us almost loosing him , and the DR not being able to tell us why he was so early made having another scary. When we had an oops, we discovered that we really wanted another one. After loosing this child, we decided to try for a second child but it was a really hard time and it just did not happen. We really wanted another child but were scared to death of being pregnant! WE decided another bio child was not in the picture. We tried adoption but after a failed attempt, we just pretty much have stoped any active persuit of another child. I have no trouble sharing my story of why DS is an only but really take issue with people's assumption that all only children are spoiled brats. In our case it could not be futher from the truth. DS is an amazing caring child that always goes out of his way to do for others. He donates his time and money to others. He is well disciplined, polite and makes straight A's.
Is he perfect... No way but he is really good kid because I refused to raise a bratty kid.

Now he does , like some only children, prefer adults to other children, is very close to his parents and is wise beyond his years.

He really likes being an only child!!!!! He asked for a sister when he was about 5 so we got him a dog!!!Best investment we ever made.

Only children are so very special, I sure adore mine!!!!!!

Jordan's mom

God Bless you , Mom to Jordan...........that must have been rough to go through.

I've lost three in miscarriages. I have three children but I never had full term babies consecutively. Every time I was pregnant, I thought, will I make it to 9 months or will I lose this one. It was terrible. I think most women are like me, they get attached to that little baby as soon as they find out they are pregnant, so I couldn't stop being excited. Even though I knew what "could" happen.

I know this might sound crazy, but I have always wanted four children. Since I was a child.......four children. But I've had to come face to face with the fact that it's not going to happen. It might sound silly, but that was/is tough for me. When you have a certain idea of what your family is going to be like, whether it's one child or several, it's hard to leave that behind.

I'm so glad that you were blessed with your son. He sounds wonderful. You sound like and must be a wonderful mom, also. I think it's a shame though, that you have to even justify this to people like that. I have a few friends that haven't been able to have any children......I think they would be grateful to have an "only" child.

 

[Floridafriend]

DS is an only child and it's through choice, but I respect those who want more. Enjoy however many you've got, they are all precious gifts

 

[barkley]

dh and i might as well have been "only's" my closest sib is 6 years older (the others were 12-16 years older) and dh's were no less than 12 years older (and a couple in their 20's). neither of us were close enuf in age to realy interact or bond with our sibs, and even as adults we are worlds apart (we have young kids-all of theirs are adults some with kids of their own). we both found it very lonely growing up and envied other kids who had sibs they were close to (still envy the closeness). that's why we decided to have 2 and space them reasonably close (2 1/2 years). fortunatly it worked out fertility and timing wise, and our kids (though they fight like brothers and sisters do) are amazingly devoted to one another.

i have a dear friend is an only child, but grew up in a large extended family with tons of cousins in and out of the house. she loved being an only, but now that her parents are aging and she is facing making decisions about them she wishes she had a sib to get another viewpoint, advise, share the concerns with.

 

[Tiger926]

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[labdogs42]

Wow -- thanks for all the replies. My condolences to those of you who have endured losses.

I agree with the posters that mentioned stopping at perfection. My DS is a doll, I had a wonderful pregnancy, and he is a happy easy-going baby. I like that he's my only baby and I can't compare him to anyone else. I've always been an advocate of quitting while you're ahead (a la Seinfeld -- go out on top!) and that's what I'm leaning toward with my only child.

Being the only child and only grandchild does make me worry about my parents and grandparetns as they age, but like some other posters said, having siblings doesn't guarantee that they will help out. Also, having them to bounce ideas off could backfire terribly if they want to do one thing and you something else. I think being an only made me very independent and confident and I will address any issues as they come up and will be OK doing it on my own.

I'm glad to know there are so many onlys and moms of onlies here!

 

[lauritagoddess]

I'd love to have another child, but being a single mom now, the chances aren't looking good. I'd like my DS to have a sibling so he'll have family when I'm gone, although I have a brother that I'm not particularly close to so I know it's a crapshoot. But I also feel like I have the "perfect" child, so if it's just DS and I, that's great too.

 

[keagansmom]

I have 1 son who is 8 and we are not going to have another. I don't feel like I should have to explain my choice any more than those who have more children should have to explain their choice. I have learned to politely say "It took us 9 years to get this one" and that seems to keep them quiet.

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

I'm an only who hated it. My mother was the 5th of ten, and all her siblings had at least 3 children each. I felt like the odd one out at family reunions and remember getting really upset watching some of the kids fight with each other, thinking how much I'd value my siblings if I had them (I know, the grass is greener...). I was far from spoiled, as well: my mom worked hard - and was rarely home - to give me just the essentials, so I also resent the comments that I must have been spoiled.

I always said I'd have more than one. My marriage fell apart while I was pregnant with DS (DD was 3), and people actually told me then that it was a shame that I was going to be "saddled" with another child. Yikes! Sure, it would be cheaper to have only one child (fewer bedrooms, smaller food bill, whatever), but the joy my family has with a loving brother and sister is immeasurable. They certainly can bicker and fight, which drives me nuts because I just don't "get" it, but we're a tight family unit who enjoys each other's company - we've been blessed to have this.

Now if I can just get people to stop asking me when I'm going to find another man...

 

[welovedis]

I mentioned this thread to DH & he said he thought it was interesting when you look at his family, his dad is one of 5. His dad had 5 kids, (DH & his sisters) who each have either one child (us, 2 of the sisters) or none (2 other sisters). However, I am one of three and have one child, my sis has 2 and my brother has 5. Just interesting about the way the numbers work out.

I've also heard the info about the siblings and how they would "be there" for each other. It is just not the case in so many families. In my DH's case, his siblings couldn't care less about anyone else and have said so in as many words. There is just no guarantee in any case.

DVC Sadie, I'm so very sorry for your loss, what an insensitive thing to say to someone, esp at that time.

Kristen-ITA about adoption being an option for those who wanted another but couldn't have one. We tried it once with a private adoption & it didn't work out for us, but it obviously is another for choice for many parents.

 

[Mom of Sleepy Bashful and BabyDoc]

I've also heard the info about the siblings and how they would "be there" for each other. It is just not the case in so many families. In my DH's case, his siblings couldn't care less about anyone else and have said so in as many words. There is just no guarantee in any case.

ITA! My DH is an estate planning attorney and hears it all of the time. It's so sad. Some of them are kinder to strangers than their own siblings.

I tell my children the same thing I heard over and over as a child from my Dad. "Friends will come and go, but this is the only sister/brother you'll ever have." Ofcourse, he was right. No one could ever replace my two sisters.

My Dad is gone now, it's just my MOm. My sister's and I are always saying to one another, take whatever you want when Mom is gone........we're not going to fight about it. My Father had it happen in his family and he would haunt us from the grave if we let it happen to ours. It would dishonor him, and I refuse to do that.

 

[Merriwind]

DD8 is an only and we all love it that way! She is wonderful and only a little spoiled. I've gotten all the questions about having another, but oh well. It's our family.

 

[robinb]

My 6 year old DD is an only child. I hate sibling rivalry, so I never thought of a second (or third ... etc) child. People would ask when I was going to have another child and I would say "When you have perfection, why have more?" when she was a baby. Now I roll my eyes and say "One is enough!".

 

[new_mouser]

I absolutely love being an only child. I grew up in a neighborhood filled with kids, and there was always someone to play with. My best friend growing up had a sister two years older, and they absolutely hated each other - and I do mean "hate." They never played together.

I didn't set out to have an only child, but now I'm 40 and divorced and I'm not going to get pregnant just so DD can have a live-in playmate. She's a very social child and is involved in several extracurricular activities. She's definitely not a spoiled brat. In fact, she is so well-mannered that she gets 2 or 3 invitations a week for playdates.

I think you have to do what is best for your family. The only time I ever wanted a sibling was in high school. I wanted a cute older brother who had lots of cute older friends I could date.

 

[Rapunsel]

I am an only and it was great till I got older. I wanted and needed somone to talk to besided mom.. I then chose to have 2. One of each and I am so thrilled that my kids will have each other for life...

One nice thing about being an only..

I get the beach house and don't have to share it!

 

[Pinkprincessmom]

I have an only dd who will be 6 in April. I had a miscarriage on Jan. 22. On Jan 26 we were at the park and ran into one of her school mates. That mom asked me if I ever planned to have another. I politely told her that I had just had a miscarriage.

Part of me wants to try again and another part is very content with an only child. I know that I couldn't endure another miscarriage.

I do know that I plan to never ask anyone about having more children, working or staying home after kids, breastfeeding, etc. It really is none of my business and I never know what kind of struggle they went through to come to their decision.

 

[Stacerita]

The sweetpea is an only and its great I think. She is happy and loves having me all to herself. Im her only parent so we have a very special relationship. She is very active and I am extremely supportive of her activites. I can't imagaine trying to do that for more than one.

We have talked about if she would like a brother or sister and how she would feel about it. She has said sometimes she thinks she would like one. But she also has stated how she knows that I wouldn't be able to do all the same things I do now with her. Trips would be different, time would be tighter and it would just be us anymore. Either way I know she is ok with it.

And if one more person asks me when Im gonna have my next (not if, but when) im gonna scream. Im very content with it just being me and the sweetpea.

 

[Hincher]

I have not read all the posts on this thread, but this may add a new perspective for you. I have a brother and we are about 4 years apart. We are very close. We see each other usually once a week. My DH does not have any siblings. I think there are things he missed out on growing up and I think he realizes it too when he sees the way our children interact. He really feels like he missed out.

And then there is being an adult as an only child. When my parents are gone one day, I still have family. Sure, you get to inherit all the stuff, but you have to deal with the headaches along the way. Hoping that you live a long time, of course, there may come a time when your child wishes he had a sibling to help make decisions about your care, etc. I know that is sort of a downer to think about, but we are going through it right now. I sure wish DH had some siblings to help out every now and then.

 

[JMCDisneyBound]

Subscribing to this thread because we too are a HAPPY family of 3!!! My DH and I are both very content with one child and I believe my DD3 will handle life as an only just fine. Our lives feel complete with it being just the 3 of us.

I agree with previous posters who have said that having another sibling will not always guarantee a close, stable bond in the later years. I have seen numerous examples of this (My own father's family being one). I have also read that this is NOT the reason to have another child. You may find yourself resenting the second child in a subconscience(sp?) way if this is really what you don't want.


Just my thoughts, I'm very interested to read others replies and thoughts on this topic. Thanks!

 

[Livi'sMom]

Our beautiful 5 year old Olivia is an only. She was, and is, a 25 week, 5 day miracle. Our 2 full term baby boys were stillborn.

People ask all the time when we are going to have a sister or brother for her. I can't have more children, but, I don't generally share that since it's none of their business anyway. We are quietly pursuing adoption, not because we believe she NEEDS a sibling, but we believe we have a lot to offer a child in the "system". If, for some reason, adoption doesn't become a reality for us, I'm happy with my little family. We have a large network of family and friends and she does not lack for interaction or love. I've learned that it's far easier to pick up and travel with one child than with multiples.

Hey! It makes Disney a much more affordable vacation too!