SO - Distrusting Your Parents

[phamton]

I voted "yes" although it didn't cause long lasting mistrust. When we were all at my grandparent's for Christmas at age 5 years old, Santa came. I recognized Santa as my uncle. I told my parents that it was Uncle Jack. I also told my grandparents and even Santa himself. Everyone kept insisting that it was Santa even though I knew it was my uncle. It did upset me enough that I finally bit Santa on his gloved hand and ran into the bedroom crying. It was like seeing that the sky is blue and everyone else telling me the sky was red. At the time, I felt like maybe everything was a lie even the baby Jesus. Once my parents came in and told me the truth, then all was fine and I didn't have trust issues but it was traumatic at the time.

I did do Santa, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy with all my 5 kids. But once they reached an age of disbelief and asked me, I was truthful and certainly didn't try to convince them to believe or threaten them that they wouldn't get presents. They also continued to pretend for the younger kids in the family. My oldest figured out that Santa was her grandpa when she was only 4 years old. I guess I could have just told her that grandpa was Santa's helper and Santa himself was real but I told her the truth when she came to me because of my experience as a child. My other kids were around 7 or 8 before they stopped believing.

We still did stockings and also gifts from Santa clear until their adult years and managed to have many magical Christmases.

 

[Feckless]

Well, I will lie to my kids forever because I will never admit there is no Santa. Even when they are 30.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

This came up for my kids too, when they asked me directly I told them the truth. I didn't want teasing in school, and I didn't want my kids confused. My son every so often reminds me of the day I told him the truth about Santa. I'm a very matter of fact person so he had quite the shock that day. Jury is still out, but I'm thinking he isn't scarred for life.

This is what I did with my DD. She was ticked off but has taken it in stride. To be honest, I thought she was a little old to be questioning it but she does go to a small private school so that may have delayed things.

This is her second Christmas knowing the truth and this year she saw an advertisement for "Letters from Santa". She turned and glared at me and said "I thought Santa really wrote those. You bought them for me." I did remind her that Santa wasn't real but the after-Christmas postcards from sunny locations were a nice touch. She laughed and agreed. I think it took a minute for her to piece it together that since Santa wasn't real, he couldn't actually send the letters. She's normally a very bright child who had a bit of a "brain fart" as we like to call them.

She likes knowing the secret now and this year she volunteered to be one of Santa's elves to call the little kids and discuss their wish lists with them. She really enjoyed herself to hear how happy the little ones were. So I guess I have her perpetuating the lie now.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I haven't read all the posts yet, so forgive me if this has been brought up.

For those of you who don't 'do' Santa and the like, how do you handle the characters at Disney? Are they simply people in costumes or are they really Mickey, etc? How do you convey this attitude to your children? And, are there any parrallels (sp) between the characters and the Holiday ones? Just curious.

My only fear, if you can call it that, in perpetuating the Santa/tooth fairy, etc myths is that my kids may one day question their faith because of it. For example, if Santa and the Easter Bunny aren't real - then is Jesus?

We do Santa, but characters walking around the parks have always been people in costumes. We had to tell our oldest they were people in costumes when she was about 2 or 3 just to keep her from running away from them screaming. My youngest seems to have always realized it. She still loves to take pictures with characters, but is very happy knowing it's just a person playing a role. Like on TV or in the theater.

I had no idea that there were people who pretended that Mickey & friends were real and that their kids really "believed in" them, until I read about it on the DIS boards.

As far as our faith, the myth of Santa never caused me, my husband, or our kids to question God or Jesus. Maybe it's because they are always treated more seriously, and you never see someone dressing up and pretending to be Him?

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Seriously...
I don't know whether to
or to go at parents like this.

My problem is with any parent who would saddle the joy and innocence of a little five year old with their own personal issues.

 

[ford family]

Well, I will lie to my kids forever because I will never admit there is no Santa. Even when they are 30.

This was the first year we didn't put out a glass of sherry and a mince pie for Father Christmas or a drink of water and a carrot for Rudolf.

Mind you, our youngest child is 23 and none of them live at home!

ford family

 

[LargoLori]

We knew Santa had come because the stockings would be full. He always did that last so we looked for it as a sign he had come and we could come downstairs and open presents.

One year, being the youngest, I was the first to get my siblings up and tell them the stockings were full. I was so eager to go downstairs and open presents. By this time Santa was wrapping everything just like Mom. (Before that Santa just set up our toys under the Christmas Tree. One year we came downstairs to find new bikes for my brothers and beautiful dollhouse for me. It was awesome!)

Well this year of the stockings we were halfway down the stairs when my Dad came walking by with a drink in his hand. He wanted to sit and enjoy the tree for a while since all the work had been done. It was an ungodly early hour of 5am. Not even dawn yet.

So he let us come downstairs provided we just joined him listening to Christmas music on the stereo and waiting for sunrise. I remember sitting on the sofa, tucked securely by his side far away from the presents, forced to listen to the Nutcracker ballet. My brothers had stationed themselves on the floor where they could scan the tags on the presents and knew who got what. They couldn't touch it, just survey it all.

Dawn rose and my dad then made us wait for my mom to wake up. Of course we half dragged her of bed. We drew the line a waiting for my grandmother to wake up. I think we were forced to wait for 3 hours before we could open presents.

It was the best memory of my childhood. I tell that story every year.

Eventually I realized who Santa was in my house. I also learned that the fun of being Santa's Helper meant I could stay up Christmas Eve with my dad, just me and him, wrapping presents, listening to Christmas music and reminiscing over good times.

My favorite Christmas move is Polar Express because it captures everything I love best about the holiday and the magic of believing. And believing is not just about a jolly old elf, but stretches into my faith that a divine little baby was born millenia ago who saved the world. The world can be a cruel, cold place. Believing in miracles and magic helps us survive that bad stuff and inspires us to make it a better place for someone.

I still stay up late with my dad on Christmas Eve. I still stuff stockings for my nieces and nephews. I'll always be Santa's Helper in some way whether it is doing something unexpected for a loved one or a random stranger (one year I just picked up the tab for a lady who was stressed about affording her presents at the register).

Santa is a symbol of the spirit of Christmas. I find it cruel to deny a child that.

Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful memory..

 

[Jessica14]

It never occurred to me that Santa was a lie I was telling my kids. I found out when I was in 4th grade (the year prior I knew about the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy but wouldn't let go of Santa). I cried a lot but got over it and never distrusted my parents. I also believe in God.

This year my almost 9 year old asked me if he was real. After a lot of trying to figure out what to say, it came out with me saying, "But wasn't it fun?" She's fine and said it was the best Christmas ever and actually helped me with some of her younger brother's presents. I'm sure she especially liked it because "Santa" is sending us to WDW in 6 days!

I'm not quite sure my 7 year old will be so happy with the news though!
Jessica

 

[Princess_Meghan <3]

I was upset that Santa wasn't real, but wasn't upset that they lied to me. I still love Santa, and am glad my parents had me believe in him as a child.

 

[It'sOffToDisneyWeGo]

Absolutely not. Honestly I would think anyone that felt that way had deeper issues going on with their parents that do not involve Santa, Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

This.

 

[Family Fun Mom]

I just asked my kids if they thought the Santa myth was equal to lying in their eyes, and if they regret that we did it. They all looked at me like I was nuts. Even the 9 year old, who just learned the truth this year, couldn't understand why I'd even ask such a question. All three said they love their Santa memories and will definitely carry on the tradition with their own kids.

So, I guess I dont have to worry about saving for their therapy.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

We knew Santa had come because the stockings would be full. He always did that last so we looked for it as a sign he had come and we could come downstairs and open presents.

One year, being the youngest, I was the first to get my siblings up and tell them the stockings were full. I was so eager to go downstairs and open presents. By this time Santa was wrapping everything just like Mom. (Before that Santa just set up our toys under the Christmas Tree. One year we came downstairs to find new bikes for my brothers and beautiful dollhouse for me. It was awesome!)

Well this year of the stockings we were halfway down the stairs when my Dad came walking by with a drink in his hand. He wanted to sit and enjoy the tree for a while since all the work had been done. It was an ungodly early hour of 5am. Not even dawn yet.

So he let us come downstairs provided we just joined him listening to Christmas music on the stereo and waiting for sunrise. I remember sitting on the sofa, tucked securely by his side far away from the presents, forced to listen to the Nutcracker ballet. My brothers had stationed themselves on the floor where they could scan the tags on the presents and knew who got what. They couldn't touch it, just survey it all.

Dawn rose and my dad then made us wait for my mom to wake up. Of course we half dragged her of bed. We drew the line a waiting for my grandmother to wake up. I think we were forced to wait for 3 hours before we could open presents.

It was the best memory of my childhood. I tell that story every year.

Eventually I realized who Santa was in my house. I also learned that the fun of being Santa's Helper meant I could stay up Christmas Eve with my dad, just me and him, wrapping presents, listening to Christmas music and reminiscing over good times.

My favorite Christmas move is Polar Express because it captures everything I love best about the holiday and the magic of believing. And believing is not just about a jolly old elf, but stretches into my faith that a divine little baby was born millenia ago who saved the world. The world can be a cruel, cold place. Believing in miracles and magic helps us survive that bad stuff and inspires us to make it a better place for someone.

I still stay up late with my dad on Christmas Eve. I still stuff stockings for my nieces and nephews. I'll always be Santa's Helper in some way whether it is doing something unexpected for a loved one or a random stranger (one year I just picked up the tab for a lady who was stressed about affording her presents at the register).

Santa is a symbol of the spirit of Christmas. I find it cruel to deny a child that.

Thank you for sharing.

 

[leebee]

Hmmm... I never thought of it as lying, either as a kid or now. However, I have three friends who, when each told their son that Santa wasn't real, the kid turned around and accused the parent of having lied to the kid all their lives. All three boys (remember they are in different families) are on the autism spectrum, and the moms and I wondered if this "it's not true, you have lied to me" attitude was a reflection of autism and not having any middle ground, everything is always black and white, no shades of grey. Just something to ponder.

We still leave out carrots and cookies on Christmas Eve. After all, DD is only 18!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

By the time I was old enough to figure out Santa, I was also old enough to not look at it as lie but a gift of magic my parents had given me.

If I was so convinced I couldn't trust my parents, I doubt Santa would be the root of that.

 

[Wadekind]

It's how you raise them all year long. Older kids can rationalize and see the fun in pretending.
I think the majority of parents who don't want to "lie" to their kids about Santa fall into to 2 categories.

1. Those that don't want to make the effort
2. Those that want the credit for the gifts Santa leaves.

It never harmed my psyche and my high schooler, who has known since age 10, still wants Santa to come on Christmas morning