SO - Distrusting Your Parents

[YodaGirl]

I have heard more than one person say that they don't "do" Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc. because it is a lie.

Often times their concern is that if they lie to their children about these fictional characters, their children may see it as a reason to distrust them later.

So, my question is:

If your parents "did" Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc., when you found out the truth, did you feel lied to? Did it cause you to ever distrust anything else that they told you?

 

[Chelley00]

I anwered in the other thread that we don't "do" Santa or the others.

I grew up with Santa, Tooth Fairy etc. And I grew up with a father who lied about other things too. Maybe it swayed my view, but one lie became another became another, and it did make me feel like I couldn't trust them. I had a rough time as a teen wondering what else they had lied to me about.

I vowed a long time ago to never give my kids a reason not to trust me if I could possibly help it.

 

[cari12]

Absolutely not!

 

[Coconut36]

Absolutely not. Honestly I would think anyone that felt that way had deeper issues going on with their parents that do not involve Santa, Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

 

[Nancy]

Good lord no. I don't consider talking about Santa etc as lying to kids..no more than reading story books to them or taking them to cartoon movies for that matter.

I mean we all know that cats wear hats, frogs can sing, mice have big white gloves on their hands..etc.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have heard more than one person say that they don't "do" Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc. because it is a lie.

Often times their concern is that if they lie to their children about these fictional characters, their children may see it as a reason to distrust them later.

So, my question is:

If your parents "did" Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc., when you found out the truth, did you feel lied to? Did it cause you to ever distrust anything else that they told you?

Other....

My parents did the "magical stuff" but it has nothing to do with why I don't trust them.

 

[Jackplus1girl]

Yes we do Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny.
Kids need to be able to have imagination at a young age. Obviously as they get older they figure things out. We just make it very fun.
I NEVER use Santa as a ploy to get my kids to behave at Christmas time ect. It is only all fun.
Same as Disney characters.
Are you going to tell your 4 year old who is excited to meet Mickey Mouse that he is really a person dressed in a costume, or are you going to let them have the fun and imagination.

 

[Zandy595]

I loved the idea of Santa Claus when I was little. It was all so wonderful and magical. I remember one Christmas Eve I got out of bed after everyone else was asleep and I stared out the livingroom window waiting for him. I was so excited, but eventually I got too tired and went back to bed. It's still one of my favorite memories though. I think I'd be upset now if my parents hadn't let me believe in Santa.

 

[diznygirl]

Other....

My parents did the "magical stuff" but it has nothing to do with why I don't trust them.

Same here. I'm glad they at least did the good stuff for my childhood, otherwise I'd really be messed up!

Santa - good lie

Giving away all your toys and pets while you are at school and not telling you - bad lie

 

[YodaGirl]

I anwered in the other thread that we don't "do" Santa or the others.

I grew up with Santa, Tooth Fairy etc. And I grew up with a father who lied about other things too. Maybe it swayed my view, but one lie became another became another, and it did make me feel like I couldn't trust them. I had a rough time as a teen wondering what else they had lied to me about.

I vowed a long time ago to never give my kids a reason not to trust me if I could possibly help it.

It never caused any distrust issues with me, but since I've heard others say something similar to what you just posted, I wondered how prevalent it was.

I do think that it's a very sad thing when your (general your) parents behave in such a way that you can't trust them.

Same here. I'm glad they at least did the good stuff for my childhood, otherwise I'd really be messed up!

Santa - good lie

Giving away all your toys and pets while you are at school and not telling you - bad lie

Tell me that didn't happen!

 

[diznygirl]

It never caused any distrust issues with me, but since I've heard others say something similar to what you just posted, I wondered how prevalent it was.

I do think that it's a very sad thing when your (general your) parents behave in such a way that you can't trust them.



Tell me that didn't happen!

Sorry - it did. At night when I was wondering where the cats were Mom said, "I was wondering if anyone would notice."




Just raise your kids right and you won't have to worry if pretending to be Santa takes you down a peg or two in their eyes. I bet it doesn't.

 

[furb & dez]

Santa - good lie

Giving away all your toys and pets while you are at school and not telling you - bad lie

Just because it's wrapped in pink fur and sparkles and rainbows doesn't mean it isn't a lie just like the ugly, painful lie.

A lie is a lie is a lie.

 

[Eeyore98]

My parents lied constantly, but yes - Santa was another ding in the armor.

 

[Peanut Giggleface]

I have a friend who chose not to do Santa, Tooth Fairy, etc. because of the lie issue. At the time she told me about their views, I kinda thinking she was going a little overboard and being a little holier than thou. But to each their own. My family chose to do Santa, Tooth Fairy, etc. and when my daughter figured out the truth concerning Santa, she was easy going with it. She thought about the logistics of everything and came to the conclusion, it's just not possible. When she brought the subject up, we discussed it and she agreed to keep the magic going for her little brother.

Well a few years later (this past Christmas) my son figures out the truth concerning Santa and he hit the ceiling. I was so shocked as he is the easiest going person in the whole family, much easier going than my daughter. He told me he couldn't believe I would lie to him. Then he asked me how many other things I have lied to him about. He was so distraught over the issue, it really had me wondering if I shouldn't have just been up front with the kids about it. He was so upset, he told me he will never do anything so mean to his own kids. So who knows if he will change his mind over time, but it certainly gave me a new perspective over this issue.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Teaching your children about Santa, et al, isn't lying. The spirit of Santa Claus can be alive in anyone.

So no, I am not scarred by my parents allowing Santa into our lives. As an adult, I enjoy passing on the spirit of Santa to others, both to grown ups and little ones.

 

[BroganMc]

We knew Santa had come because the stockings would be full. He always did that last so we looked for it as a sign he had come and we could come downstairs and open presents.

One year, being the youngest, I was the first to get my siblings up and tell them the stockings were full. I was so eager to go downstairs and open presents. By this time Santa was wrapping everything just like Mom. (Before that Santa just set up our toys under the Christmas Tree. One year we came downstairs to find new bikes for my brothers and beautiful dollhouse for me. It was awesome!)

Well this year of the stockings we were halfway down the stairs when my Dad came walking by with a drink in his hand. He wanted to sit and enjoy the tree for a while since all the work had been done. It was an ungodly early hour of 5am. Not even dawn yet.

So he let us come downstairs provided we just joined him listening to Christmas music on the stereo and waiting for sunrise. I remember sitting on the sofa, tucked securely by his side far away from the presents, forced to listen to the Nutcracker ballet. My brothers had stationed themselves on the floor where they could scan the tags on the presents and knew who got what. They couldn't touch it, just survey it all.

Dawn rose and my dad then made us wait for my mom to wake up. Of course we half dragged her of bed. We drew the line a waiting for my grandmother to wake up. I think we were forced to wait for 3 hours before we could open presents.

It was the best memory of my childhood. I tell that story every year.

Eventually I realized who Santa was in my house. I also learned that the fun of being Santa's Helper meant I could stay up Christmas Eve with my dad, just me and him, wrapping presents, listening to Christmas music and reminiscing over good times.

My favorite Christmas move is Polar Express because it captures everything I love best about the holiday and the magic of believing. And believing is not just about a jolly old elf, but stretches into my faith that a divine little baby was born millenia ago who saved the world. The world can be a cruel, cold place. Believing in miracles and magic helps us survive that bad stuff and inspires us to make it a better place for someone.

I still stay up late with my dad on Christmas Eve. I still stuff stockings for my nieces and nephews. I'll always be Santa's Helper in some way whether it is doing something unexpected for a loved one or a random stranger (one year I just picked up the tab for a lady who was stressed about affording her presents at the register).

Santa is a symbol of the spirit of Christmas. I find it cruel to deny a child that.

 

[Aisling]

I was told there was a Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny AND the Sand Man to bring me good dreams. It NEVER caused me to distrust my parents. When I was old enough to realize none of them were real (about 7 or 8), I was smart enough to understand why they followed this tradition and I was grateful that they did this. I've done with the same with my kids, and they loved it and trust me to this day. No issues here.

 

[mamacatnv]

It's not a lie when you believe it. I believe in the magic of Santa and I have shared that magic with my children

 

[indimom]

I have a friend who chose not to do Santa, Tooth Fairy, etc. because of the lie issue. At the time she told me about their views, I kinda thinking she was going a little overboard and being a little holier than thou. But to each their own. My family chose to do Santa, Tooth Fairy, etc. and when my daughter figured out the truth concerning Santa, she was easy going with it. She thought about the logistics of everything and came to the conclusion, it's just not possible. When she brought the subject up, we discussed it and she agreed to keep the magic going for her little brother.

Well a few years later (this past Christmas) my son figures out the truth concerning Santa and he hit the ceiling. I was so shocked as he is the easiest going person in the whole family, much easier going than my daughter. He told me he couldn't believe I would lie to him. Then he asked me how many other things I have lied to him about. He was so distraught over the issue, it really had me wondering if I shouldn't have just been up front with the kids about it. He was so upset, he told me he will never do anything so mean to his own kids. So who knows if he will change his mind over time, but it certainly gave me a new perspective over this issue.

I had this experience, except in reverse. Our oldest (daughter) was absolutely devastated when she found out. She cried! I really never believed the stories of children who were upset over these things until it happened to me. I waited one more year before I told my son (so he found out a year and a half younger than his sis) because I just wanted to get the pain over with at that point... I was stressing out about what his reaction would be. He was totally cool with it.

For the record, I don't think my daughter has any "trust" issues over this. It was just rough at the time.

 

[JLiz]

I had a problem (and still do) with the "forced" lying of children by their parents. I knew the truth for years before I let on because of, as my mom put it, "if you don't believe in Santa, you don't get presents". I didn't have the maturity to stand up for my ideals then. Now, of course, I would say "then don't get me anything" but I think it is unfair to put children in that position at such a young age.

However, you poll is inherently flawed and biased. The vast majority of people that celebrate Christmas do Santa, so the vast majority of respondants will answer "no". That, does not, however invalidate the experiences of the few that vote "yes", nor does it invalidate it as a reason to not participate in a common child-rearing practice.