SO - Distrusting Your Parents

[tyniknate]

You know that animated Leprechaun is just an actor, don't you?

There goes my day. Off to call my therapist.

 

[ICF]

If you grew up not trusting your parents, I'd guess there is a lot more at play than a "lie" regarding Santa & the Easter bunny.

My 11 year old found out the truth a couple of years ago and has had 2 Christmas mornings knowing the "truth". He doesnt seem any worse for finding out. He has also helped keep the awful lies alive for his little sister....

 

[Magic Mom]

When I found out the truth about Santa, it made me appreciate all of the lengths my parents went to in order to make our Christmases fun and a bit magical. Now that our kids know the truth, they said the same thing--that Santa was fun. No mistrust involved here.

That's how I always felt, and when I met DH I was amazed at how far his family went with the whole Santa story. My family did the cookies and milk and stockings and presents, but his family left Santa footprints, letters from Santa, reindeer food. They go all out. I adopted their traditions when we had kids, because it was so much fun.

 

[ReneeA]

Wow. It makes me sad that so many people are judgemental. Some people have real feelings of being lied to and so many of you equate it to Lucky Charms and your face staying that way? How sad you are so bored this morning you have nothing better to do than belittle people who believe or feel differently than you do.

You are the one that asked for the opinions. My parents did the Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy thing. I believed, and was not traumatized or question everything they ever told me.

I've done the same with my kids, and since I believe myself & DH to be good parents, it will not traumatize my kids to find out it's a long standing myth meant to spread cheer and joy. Will they question other things I've told them? Maybe, but probably not. I didn't. DH didn't of his parents.

I will say that while you feel judged by many here by their posts, your posts seem to scream judgement against those that do the Santa thing. Maybe prior posters are reacting to that.

ETA: Nevermind about you asking for opinions...for some reason I thought you were the OP. Either way, there's judgment from both sides being slung around on this thread.

 

[Family Fun Mom]

People need to lighten up. Anyone who is emotionally scarred by the myth of Santa obviously had/has bigger issues to begin with. Santa is certainly not the source of the mistrust.

Personally, I'd feel cheated if my parents had denied the magic of Santa to us as children. I think being the only kid who doesn't believe would be pretty isolating. I feel bad for the kids whose childhood lacks that magic.

 

[SaraJayne]

People need to lighten up. Anyone who is emotionally scarred by the myth of Santa obviously had/has bigger issues to begin with. Santa is certainly not the source of the mistrust.

Personally, I'd feel cheated if my parents had denied the magic of Santa to us as children. I think being the only kid who doesn't believe would be pretty isolating. I feel bad for the kids whose childhood lacks that magic.

I totally agree with you.

When I stop believing in the spirit of Santa, it's time to do some soul searching.

 

[OceanAnnie]

When I found out the truth about Santa, it made me appreciate all of the lengths my parents went to in order to make our Christmases fun and a bit magical. Now that our kids know the truth, they said the same thing--that Santa was fun. No mistrust involved here.

Exactly. It made me appreciate my parents more.

 

[Chelley00]

I'm amazed at the number of "I never lie to my children" people who are frequenting a Disney board. The whole essence of Disney is suspending belief especially for young children.

If that's what you chose to make Disney out to be. We don't tell our kids "That's really Mickey" when we go to Disney. They watch Disney movies and they know these people are pretending to be characters, much like it's not the real Santa Claus at the mall.

I don't see it that way, nor do I do I presume to tell you how to raise your child OR pass judgements on how you raise your child.

I don't pass judgement. If that's how you chose to raise your children, have at it. My nephew believes in Santa, and we go along with it because that's how my brother chooses to raise his child. Do I think they are bad parents? Absolutely not. But we chose not to do this with our children.

Why visit with Santa if you think it is a ridiculous lie? I truly don't see the point. If you don't believe and don't allow your children to believe....what is the point of visiting Santa? Or seeing a Santa movie? Sorry, I just don't get it.

Seems the judgment was started when the question was asked who of us are bad parents by perpetuating a lie with our children.

I've never called anyone a bad parent for letting their child believe in Santa! And I don't judge those that do. But we get called cruel and terrible parents for not letting our kids have the magic?

We take our kids to see Santa as part of Christmas, but we don't allow them to believe he is a real person who slips through our chimney at night. We tell our kids he is part of the celebration of Christmas, because he is, but they don't believe in his magical existence.




In my first post, I did say I grew up with a father who was a liar. He still is. And I also said that may have swayed my judgement. I've also said in my post that "our family" does things this way. Never did I say that anyone else's way is wrong. There was no screaming of judgement. Yet, our way of raising our children has now been called ridiculous, cruel and others.

I'm going to bow out of this thread now. I knew better than to post because it's such a heated thing. I was just trying to explain that some people did equate Santa with being lied to.

 

[AlwaysMoving]

So....a little birdie didn't really tell anyone anything? Should I speak to my mother or bypass her and take it up with a counselor?

 

[joviroxx]

I can't imagine where the simple magic of Santa Claus can be so damaging. Great parents, but Geesh, they ruined me psychologically because they made me believe Santa left me presents on Christmas?

I actually asked my kids this question once, about Santa, they both told me that they would have been UPSET if they weren't allowed to believe in Santa.. I have to believe that there are many underlying issues to distrusting the parents and it's not Santa.

I also can't imagine going through Disney with a 3-4 yr old and telling the kids , See that Cinderella, she's not real, just a costume... See Captain Jack Sparrow? He's not real either, great makeup though!

 

[violetrose]

Absolutely not. Honestly I would think anyone that felt that way had deeper issues going on with their parents that do not involve Santa, Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

 

[janey99]

Absolutely not. Honestly I would think anyone that felt that way had deeper issues going on with their parents that do not involve Santa, Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

This exactly. My 13 yo, who is way beyond all those fictional characters, understands that we "perpetuate those lies" to inject some magic and whimsy into childhood, not start a lifelong pattern of deceit between parent and child! He appreciates that we did it for him, and is on board doing it for his 3 yo brother.

Jane

 

[JamesMom]

I haven't read all the posts yet, so forgive me if this has been brought up.

For those of you who don't 'do' Santa and the like, how do you handle the characters at Disney? Are they simply people in costumes or are they really Mickey, etc? How do you convey this attitude to your children? And, are there any parrallels (sp) between the characters and the Holiday ones? Just curious.

My only fear, if you can call it that, in perpetuating the Santa/tooth fairy, etc myths is that my kids may one day question their faith because of it. For example, if Santa and the Easter Bunny aren't real - then is Jesus?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Believe me, DH and I both have seen plenty of issues with parents on both sides. Santa Claus was NOT one of them.

Seriously...
I don't know whether to
or to go at parents like this.

My problem is with any parent who would saddle the joy and innocence of a little five year old with their own personal issues.

 

[violetrose]

I haven't read all the posts yet, so forgive me if this has been brought up.

For those of you who don't 'do' Santa and the like, how do you handle the characters at Disney? Are they simply people in costumes or are they really Mickey, etc? How do you convey this attitude to your children? And, are there any parrallels (sp) between the characters and the Holiday ones? Just curious.

I wondered about this too. Someone already responded that she doesn't tell her kids that Mickey isn't real.

I would think it would get confusing deciding which myth you wanted to perpetuate and which was damaging.

But the main reason I quoted you is I have to say your little boys are so cute! I love that set of Harry Potter pictures! My big kids grew up on Harry Potter so seeing that picture put a smile on my face.

 

[onelilspark]

It didn't make me distrust them at all. That idea is pretty out there to me.

Maybe it was because I was older and found out before my brother, so it became that we were all in on the secret and I could help them make Christmas special for my brother.

Or maybe it was because even to this day my Mom will still mark that some presents are from "Santa." So Santa never really went away.

Or maybe it's because I knew that my parents always had my back and when it came down to it, if it was something really important, my parents wouldn't lie to me.

 

[Minnesota!]

No way! If anything, I respected them more for "putting on a show" for us just for the enjoyment of watching us enjoy it. I think anyone who had troubling "trusting" afterwards...there had to be deeper reasons than just Santa.

ETA: My kids HAVE known since their first WDW trip, though, that it's just "mommies and daddies" in costume. Otherwise they would have never ever gone up to see them. Makes it no less magical for any of us. They still run and hug and get excited about seeing them (as do I!)...as much as if they thought they were actually living breathing gigantic mice

 

[Nette]

I haven't read all the posts yet, so forgive me if this has been brought up.

For those of you who don't 'do' Santa and the like, how do you handle the characters at Disney? Are they simply people in costumes or are they really Mickey, etc? How do you convey this attitude to your children? And, are there any parrallels (sp) between the characters and the Holiday ones? Just curious.

My only fear, if you can call it that, in perpetuating the Santa/tooth fairy, etc myths is that my kids may one day question their faith because of it. For example, if Santa and the Easter Bunny aren't real - then is Jesus?

I was raised Catholic and allowed to believe in Santa. I am now a non-believer. FTR, Being allowed to believe in Santa and then finding out he isn't real was never even a consideration in the deliberations I went through deciding if there is a god or not. So if that's your worry, I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[Swissdog2010]

It strikes me that what is 'real' is at the heart of the matter here. If 'real' only involves that which has a physical presence or identity, then a persons scope is severaly limited. Are ideas real only after they take some sort of concrete form or do they exist for their own sake? All those characters that make up fiction, are they just so much ether, or do they exist in the entertainment and joy they give as we read about them or watch them on the screen, large or small, or simply think about them at random times during our day. The idea that a parent guides a child through their development by allowin or helping them believe in those fictional characters is lying is a dreadful concept for me. It is a way of helping them come to understand that ideas are more important then just a stepping stone to some concrete item. Mickey Mouse not real? I think not. Not being able to trust your parents is rooted in issues far greater than just a belief in that which you can't touch or see in three dimensions in front of you. I think a parent that denies a child the opportunity to explore the wonders of these characters because of some misquided idea that they need to be 'grounded' or not 'lied' to has robbed them of a big part of what being a child is all about and doomed them to a life bereft of wonder.

 

[The_Alice]

It wasn't my Mom eventually telling me there was no Santa that made me distrust her and my Dad. That is a long and complicated, and unfortunately ever evolving story.