So Angry Right Now - Need to Vent

[Halloweenqueen]

I would have watched a couple of YouTube videos and fixed it myself. Just because your husband is a guy doesn't mean he is a mechanic or plumber.

I would call a plumber if I couldn't fix it. Problem solved.

Yes, your husband was acting like a jerk, but maybe he was over his head and didn't want to admit it. Looks like many people besides the OP expected him to know how to fix it just because he was a man.

 

[Zandy595]

I would have watched a couple of YouTube videos and fixed it myself. Just because your husband is a guy doesn't mean he is a mechanic or plumber.

I would call a plumber if I couldn't fix it. Problem solved.

Yes, your husband was acting like a jerk, but maybe he was over his head and didn't want to admit it. Looks like many people besides the OP expected him to know how to fix it just because he was a man.

Did you read all my posts? We had a plumber come in to fix it. He couldn't and gave up. He said we'd have to wait until Monday and he would come back and try something else. DH didn't want to wait. So, he tried to fix it and ended up making it a lot worse.

 

[luvsJack]

I would have taken dd and gone to my mom's where there was water. I would have then sent dh a text or a phone call and simply said "let me know when you get water in the house again, and we will be back". That usually lets dh know I am pretty fumed and it would be in his best interest to get the water fixed.

 

[Lynne M]

It was the cartridge that needed to be replaced, right? My dad, who singlehandedly replaced every bit of plumbing in my parents home, had immense trouble with the one in my shower. They can really be a bear to replace, and even looking at You Tube videos, I don't think I would have been able to do it myself. Some things, ya just need a pro for. That's what I ended up doing, calling a plumber. My dad NEVER gives up, but that one got him.

OP, your husband sounds like a friend of mine. Great, kind guy, super-smart, but doesn't think through to consequences. He would have done the same thing as your husband - gone off to the movies with the water not working, because it never would have occurred to him that other people in the house might want to use the toilet or wash their hands while he was gone, or that the plumbing supply store might be closed by the time the movie was done. Drives his wife insane. If it's not happening in this moment, right in front of him, it's not in his mind.

 

[DizBelle]

I would have watched a couple of YouTube videos and fixed it myself. Just because your husband is a guy doesn't mean he is a mechanic or plumber.

I would call a plumber if I couldn't fix it. Problem solved.

Yes, your husband was acting like a jerk, but maybe he was over his head and didn't want to admit it. Looks like many people besides the OP expected him to know how to fix it just because he was a man.

No - people expected him to attempt to fix it because he said he would fix it. He didn't even try and then left to go to the movies. THAT is the problem.

He should have never said he was going to fix it if he wasn't going to as a priority.

 

[Zandy595]

It was the cartridge that needed to be replaced, right? My dad, who singlehandedly replaced every bit of plumbing in my parents home, had immense trouble with the one in my shower. They can really be a bear to replace, and even looking at You Tube videos, I don't think I would have been able to do it myself. Some things, ya just need a pro for. That's what I ended up doing, calling a plumber. My dad NEVER gives up, but that one got him.

OP, your husband sounds like a friend of mine. Great, kind guy, super-smart, but doesn't think through to consequences. He would have done the same thing as your husband - gone off to the movies with the water not working, because it never would have occurred to him that other people in the house might want to use the toilet or wash their hands while he was gone, or that the plumbing supply store might be closed by the time the movie was done. Drives his wife insane. If it's not happening in this moment, right in front of him, it's not in his mind.

Yes, it was the cartridge. The plumber couldn't get it out and broke a puller trying. DH said the plumber was using the puller wrong. So he went out and bought a puller to try it himself. Guess what happened, he broke the puller. Then he decided to pound on it with a hammer and screwdriver to chip it out. I'm guessing that's when he broke whatever it was that made the water shoot out of the handle and into the wall. It's been a fun few days.

 

[sam_gordon]

No - people expected him to attempt to fix it because he said he would fix it. He didn't even try and then left to go to the movies. THAT is the problem.

He should have never said he was going to fix it if he wasn't going as a priority.

I say I can fix things and then guess what... turns out I can't. Sometimes "stuff" happens. Also, backing away from the problem after it's frustrated the heck out of you isn't always a bad idea.

And let's be honest... we're not even talking about 12 hours here. Going to the movie, decompressing, then taking a fresh stab at the problem isn't a bad thing. The question is did DH get the water taken care of when he got back, or did OP have to wait for the plumber to return Monday?

 

[mhsjax]

I think they are exactly the same.
We're not talking about 1800 pioneer woman, schlepping water from the stream here. You can most definitely survive 24 hours without running water in your house, not only would you probably survive, I doubt very little would change except a few things didn't get accomplished.

We're talking about AT most a minor inconvenience of having to run to the store and buying a few gallons of water to flush the toilet for 1 day.

At 16 my sons have gone to bed without showering, they've thrown on a dirty shirt and sweats and they are not strangers to having to lug water up a flight of stairs.

Definitely agree with the priorities got a little screwed up. No questions there. I totally agree I would have been P.O'ed.

But I'm sticking to my assessment, if the worst thing in my marriage is that my dh makes a dumb mistakes like leaving a home repair half done for 1 day, LOL with college tuition, teen driving, teen drinking, daily finanical issues, retirement decisions, (heck even vacation decisions rank way higher) oh and battling luekema. I'll take it. Personally I'm glad dh doesn't hold me to perfectionist standards either. whoa baby would I be in trouble.

But like I said, I generally don't go around looking for underlying problems to a simply screw up. I really don't sweat the small stuff. On a Saturday or sunday with an impromptu plumbing issue? Yep, I would have been totally inconsiderate, blew off the housework, grabbed the kid, hit the malls and had dinner at my favorite local italian eatery.

I see your point.

ETA I am very sorry to hear about your DH.

 

[dominiondad]

As I reread this thread, I'm changing my mind. DH had no business even attempting this project and is not a jerk for leaving, but rather a jerk for even starting. If water was spraying out when he broke the piece, that means the water was on. You can NOT remove a cartridge with the water on or you will end up with a flood. The fact that he was even attempting such a repair without first turning the water off indicates he was in way over his head. In short, this project was headed for disaster as soon as DH picked up the wrench. OP should probably be thankful that DH was unsuccessfull in removing the cartridge because otherwise the damage would have been greater.

As an aside, the pullers almost never work. If you clamp vice grips on the cartridge near the cylinder and place a screwdriver between the two, twisting the screwdriver will ease the cartridge out 99% of the time.

 

[eliza61]

I see your point.

ETA I am very sorry to hear about your DH.

thanks MhsJax, I'm gobbling up all the well wishes like chocolate candy.

I think that losing my best friend for the last 28 years definitely colors all my answers especially about "stupid husband gripes". I'm a pretty blessed gal in that me and my husband agreed on the really big issues and got mad over the little things. We rarely disagreed over child raising and finances. Unfortuantely he too was a guy who thought that owning a complete set of wrenches made him a plumber, electrician, hvac and car mechanic.
Remind me to tell you the story of coming home and finding him and my babies sitting in the car because he decided to use bleach in the air conditioning unit to clean the filters. ***sighs*** we couldn't go into the house for 2 days. this was a man with a degree in Engineering. be afraid!!

thanks for the well wishes.

 

[mickeysgal]

I just couldn't justify the cost of a hotel room on top of what it's costing to fix the plumbing problem.

Part of me understands what you're saying but part of me says too flippin' bad.

I'd call a plumber and charge it if I didn't have the cash. Wouldn't blink an eye. Wouldn't regret it. I wouldn't go to a hotel - that's a hassle for me. I want the comfort of my home. All you'd have to do is do this once...maybe next time he would take you seriously and treat you with more dignity.

I demand more respect for myself and my children. I rate higher than a movie. He's being lazy and disrespectful. A movie can be rescheduled. If it were something more significant like being called into work, well, then I'd cope with the no water.

You do have me thinking where my shuts offs are in my house. Consider that a silver lining in this mess.

 

[disykat]

I can see lots of reasons my dh might do something similar. All of them would irritate me, but that's just who he is.

1) trying to fix it himself rather than wait for the plummer.... my dh LIKES to tinker and would want to have a stab at it.

2) leaving for the movie anyway.... with my dh this could have two explanations. a) needed time to regroup before trying again and was unable to verbalize that to me. b) had been planning on this movie with his parents and was unable to think beyond what had been planned (this would be the most likely for my dh. He's a Sheldon Cooper in that he doesn't deviate from a plan easily. If he's upset/stressed he's even less able to deviate.)

3) not noticing his family is very upset about the water situation and dealing with that...... see #2 - Sheldon Cooper.

I'm guessing OP's dh might be like mine. In his head he had a plan. He didn't stop to think how it affected others. His inner Sheldon was ruling.

The character Sheldon (Big Bang Theory) has actually given us some good talking points over the years. DH can see some of Sheldon's extreme behavior in himself when it's pointed out.

OP if your husband is like mine, it might be a few days before he's able to process this and see your side of it. I'd revisit it later in the week so you can "kiss and make up" and agree on expectations for the future if something similar happens.

 

[mickeysgal]

I can see lots of reasons my dh might do something similar. All of them would irritate me, but that's just who he is.

1) trying to fix it himself rather than wait for the plummer.... my dh LIKES to tinker and would want to have a stab at it.

2) leaving for the movie anyway.... with my dh this could have two explanations. a) needed time to regroup before trying again and was unable to verbalize that to me. b) had been planning on this movie with his parents and was unable to think beyond what had been planned (this would be the most likely for my dh. He's a Sheldon Cooper in that he doesn't deviate from a plan easily. If he's upset/stressed he's even less able to deviate.)

3) not noticing his family is very upset about the water situation and dealing with that...... see #2 - Sheldon Cooper.

I'm guessing OP's dh might be like mine. In his head he had a plan. He didn't stop to think how it affected others. His inner Sheldon was ruling.

The character Sheldon (Big Bang Theory) has actually given us some good talking points over the years. DH can see some of Sheldon's extreme behavior in himself when it's pointed out.

OP if your husband is like mine, it might be a few days before he's able to process this and see your side of it. I'd revisit it later in the week so you can "kiss and make up" and agree on expectations for the future if something similar happens.

The bolded brings up a good point. OP, did you tell your DH that you wanted him to skip the movie and repair it pronto? Or did you keep that to yourself?

I have a girlfriend who would have not verbalized her feelings to her DH but would have complained to me about it. He wouldn't know that this was an issue because that is how they've always operated...with him pushing things to the back burner and nothing ever being urgent. Yes, he "should" know better, but if you give the impression that the repair can hold for just a few hours because you always enable by not opening your mouth and speaking up, what else is the guy to think - especially if this is the status quo in your house?

And yes, some guys need it specifically pointed out to them that this is one of those cases where sooner rather than later is necessary.

 

[shortbun]

I'm not a shrink but your husband sounds like he has a pretty major case of ADD or ADHD. Lack of being able to focus on what's important, inability to prioritize, suprise about other people thinking he's made mistakes...
ADD/ADHD takes it's toll on marriages, big time! He's not an idiot nor is he thoughtless(well, he IS but it's prolly because of ADD/ADHD), he just is unable to focus or process how his actions or lack of good decision making affects others. Good luck. Get him to a doctor for ADD meds. Lots of doctors specialize and would test him prior to prescribing. Just my opinion but I've seen it a lot.

 

[disykat]

The bolded brings up a good point. OP, did you tell your DH that you wanted him to skip the movie and repair it pronto? Or did you keep that to yourself?

I have a girlfriend who would have not verbalized her feelings to her DH but would have complained to me about it. He wouldn't know that this was an issue because that is how they've always operated...with him pushing things to the back burner and nothing ever being urgent. Yes, he "should" know better, but if you give the impression that the repair can hold for just a few hours because you always enable by not opening your mouth and speaking up, what else is the guy to think - especially if this is the status quo in your house?

And yes, some guys need it specifically pointed out to them that this is one of those cases where sooner rather than later is necessary.

To further my Sheldon Cooper analagy - she could very well have told him and he didn't "get" it. "But this movie was already planned" is what my dh would have said as he whistled and walked out the door. He would have understood that I wanted the water on, but his need to stick to the plan would probably have been more important to him. Me getting upset would just cause him to be more "right" in sticking with his plan because sticking to his plan keeps his universe in order in times of stress.