So Angry Right Now - Need to Vent

[DisneyNutMary]

You're handling this pretty well Zandy, I'd probably be divorced by the end of the day if my DH took such a laid back attitude on something so important.
I'm glad you have water now. Maybe a good heart to heart with your DH should be next, he obviously upset you very much, and clearly was only concerned with himself the whole time.

 

[Zandy595]

I would be livid if my husband had pulled this!!!!!! I can tell you another thing too, he would be at home fixing this alone while my son and I spent the night in a hotel! No way would I be running to get this tool or that tool for him to fix it after sitting there all day stressing about it. Not to mention if he didn't get it fixed. Tomorrow morning would be stressful.

Sorry that this is happening. I hope you get it fixed soon!!!

Oh, I wasn't running to get him anything. I was trying to prove him wrong, but it backfired. He was right, there's no shutoff to the shower.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Oh, I wasn't running to get him anything. I was trying to prove him wrong, but it backfired. He was right, there's no shutoff to the shower.

We don't have one either, well we do but it's in the wall in our closet! We found this out the hard way when we had a plumber come out to fix our shower.

 

[Zandy595]

You're handling this pretty well Zandy, I'd probably be divorced by the end of the day if my DH took such a laid back attitude on something so important.
I'm glad you have water now. Maybe a good heart to heart with your DH should be next, he obviously upset you very much, and clearly was only concerned with himself the whole time.

He knows how upset I am. He did apologize and I made sure he knew I would not tolerate this kind of situation again.

 

[cornflake]

He had a stressful day and couldn't concentrate on the movie?

He didn't think it was a big deal... that you couldn't use the toilets or the sinks at all?

There's a level of disconnect there that I'd find seriously disturbing, honestly.

I'd also have decamped to a very nice hotel the moment I heard 'going to the movies,' and left nothing but a note withOUT the hotel name or number.

 

[Zandy595]

He had a stressful day and couldn't concentrate on the movie?

He didn't think it was a big deal... that you couldn't use the toilets or the sinks at all?

There's a level of disconnect there that I'd find seriously disturbing, honestly.

I'd also have decamped to a very nice hotel the moment I heard 'going to the movies,' and left nothing but a note withOUT the hotel name or number.

I just couldn't justify the cost of a hotel room on top of what it's costing to fix the plumbing problem.

 

[Promomx2]

Perhaps you can just put this incident in your memory bank so when the shower gets fixed and your dh is in the shower, just accidently flush a couple of toilets. And treat yourself and your son out to dinner and a movie without him since the two of you had a stressful day.

 

[kate_wdw]

He doesn't think it's a big deal. DS was supposed to go to the movie with them, but decided he didn't want to go, thinking DH wouldn't go then and would stay home and fix the shower. My 16 year old son has better sense than my 42 year old husband. Unfortunately DH didn't take the hint and just left without him.

Okay, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Couldn't you and your son both have gone out with your husband and in-laws rather than staying home and being miserable?

Also, I feel like we're missing the reason why your husband decided to go to the movies with his parents. That makes a difference, IMHO.

 

[Andtototoo]

I just couldn't justify the cost of a hotel room on top of what it's costing to fix the plumbing problem.

But your dh could justify going out with his parents to see a movie and whining about his stressful day after he'd willfully left you without any running water. Interesting.

 

[PizzieDuster]

I think it's a good thing to come here and vent. You also get to see all the replies too.

My hubby is the kind of "office type". I mean, he can walk by water leaking from the washer, entry lights off, kitchen lights burnt out, even can go to sleep without making sure the garage door is shut. Drives me bananas.
Don't even get me started about what he doesn't know about cars.

We use to fight over those things. Now, I just leaves notes all over for him. We joke now that when he sees one he's wondering if it's a good note or a bad one. I put a huge sign on the door leading to the garage:

1. Please lock doors.
2. Check garage door is shut.
3. Lock the cars. One night he hit "open lift door" instead of locking and my neighbor, walking his dog, saw it at 12:30 am! Closed it for us.
4. Be sure the side gate is closed (sometimes he walks the dogs and then will pick up poop but left the iron gate open).
and then I go into the quilt:
5. You may not care if we get robbed or someone kidnaps our daughter but I do.

When he walks into the house that's where I leave notes:
1. There are 3 lights out in the kitchen.
2. A light went on in my car.
3. A headlight is out.

And no matter how many times I tell him that Open House is tonight, I always have to leave a note on his closet door.

And his response to those are....he does it but will leave the notes and signs up!!

He'll do it otherwise I will pay someone to do it and that always motivates him. One of my pet peeves is him spilling his coffee all the way down the stairs. I called a carpet cleaner. I could have spot cleaned them, but they started going all the way to the master bedroom, like he had no care. I threw in a couple of rooms and now he's careful.

However, no water is not a good situation for the kids no less.

I hope it was a good movie

 

[dominiondad]

Not trying to sound like a complete jerk, but even with Dad gone, there was still an adult and a 16 year old in the house. Perhaps Mom and son could have fixed the shower. If this was reversed - Dad upset that Mom left without doing the laundry, I suspect people would be quick to say "do it yourself". Unless dad was a licensed plumber, which I assume he isn't, he's probably figuring it out as he goes.

Please note, I'm not defending Dad. He shouldn't have even started if he wasn't prepared to finish. But I've also been there as the know-nothing homeowner and it can be very frustrating. Sometimes the smartest thing I can do is walk away from a project for a couple hours, clear my head, let my frustrations subside, and then return to finish the job.

 

[sam_gordon]

We had a plumber come out on Friday. He didn't have the part, so he had to come back yesterday. He worked on it for about 2 hours and couldn't get the cartridge out. He gave up and said he'd have to come back Monday and it would cost us $648, instead of the $185 he estimated in the beginning. We can't afford that right now and DH for some reason thought he could fix something a trained plumber couldn't do.

Long story short, DH broke the shower and had to shut the water off to the whole house. If the water is turned on it shoots out of the handle and can't be turned off. He just needed a part to fix it, but instead of going out to get the part and coming home, he decided it was a good idea to go to a movie with his parents. This was at 2:30 this afternoon and he's still not home. So we have not been able to use the water at all. No flushing toilets, no washing hands, no making dinner... I had to take DS to my parent's house so he could take a shower and use the bathroom. If DH doesn't get home and get it fixed we're going to have to go back over to my parent's house to sleep tonight. And he doesn't get why I'm angry.

I'm confused. The plumber was out on Friday, didn't have the part, came back on Saturday, had problems, and still didn't have it fixed when he left. But DH "broke the shower", went to a movie Sunday afternoon, and you're upset?

What did you do for water on Friday & Saturday?

For the record, we have a master water valve, one for each toilet, each sink, and the master tub. We do NOT have valves for the tub in the second bathroom or the master shower.

 

[aprilgail2]

Not trying to sound like a complete jerk, but even with Dad gone, there was still an adult and a 16 year old in the house. Perhaps Mom and son could have fixed the shower. If this was reversed - Dad upset that Mom left without doing the laundry, I suspect people would be quick to say "do it yourself". Unless dad was a licensed plumber, which I assume he isn't, he's probably figuring it out as he goes.

.

I agree- I was wondering why mom didn't just get in there and fix the problem too-even if she didn't know exactly how there is always google!

 

[mhsjax]

Not trying to sound like a complete jerk, but even with Dad gone, there was still an adult and a 16 year old in the house. Perhaps Mom and son could have fixed the shower. If this was reversed - Dad upset that Mom left without doing the laundry, I suspect people would be quick to say "do it yourself". Unless dad was a licensed plumber, which I assume he isn't, he's probably figuring it out as he goes.

Please note, I'm not defending Dad. He shouldn't have even started if he wasn't prepared to finish. But I've also been there as the know-nothing homeowner and it can be very frustrating. Sometimes the smartest thing I can do is walk away from a project for a couple hours, clear my head, let my frustrations subside, and then return to finish the job.

Then he should have said "look honey, I need a break, I am unsure of ow to fix this, let's get ready and go out for some fun" My DH would never leave me in a bind like this.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Not trying to sound like a complete jerk, but even with Dad gone, there was still an adult and a 16 year old in the house. Perhaps Mom and son could have fixed the shower. If this was reversed - Dad upset that Mom left without doing the laundry, I suspect people would be quick to say "do it yourself". Unless dad was a licensed plumber, which I assume he isn't, he's probably figuring it out as he goes.

Please note, I'm not defending Dad. He shouldn't have even started if he wasn't prepared to finish. But I've also been there as the know-nothing homeowner and it can be very frustrating. Sometimes the smartest thing I can do is walk away from a project for a couple hours, clear my head, let my frustrations subside, and then return to finish the job.

I was thinking somewhat along these lines too. While the OP's husband was not really in the right by leaving mid way and not being clear on the reasons-- it is not like OP is a mother home alone with toddlers and preschoolers who need constant supervision. An older teen and an adult ought to be okay without water for a day (especially knowing they could go to the parents house, or the mall, etc) AND ought to be as capable of using google and working out the issue themselves as the dad was.

I get some of the being annoyed on this thread--but the level of anger many PPs have towards the husband and attitude that he somehow abandoned a helpless wife and child seems awfully misplaced.

 

[eliza61]

Wow, such deep psychological drama for a simple bone headed thing.

Yep, dh made a stupid mistake. Wish I had a dollar for every time my dh, sons or any one else did some thing stupid.

Op,
dh didn't think a 4 hour delay in getting the toilet fix was that big of a deal. It happens, that's why they say "men are from mars", "women are from venus".

Yes, I'd be annoyed. No I would not think it was the end of the world and that dh is a lazy bum.

Vent away and then call it a day. If this is the worst mess up your dh ever does, count yourself lucky.

I think you guys are way over thinking this one. and what's with the "parents are more important than you" thing. Really? you guys got all of that because he went out to play instead of doing a chore?

 

[eliza61]

II get some of the being annoyed on this thread--but the level of anger many PPs have towards the husband and attitude that he somehow abandoned a helpless wife and child seems awfully misplaced.

I know, for a minute I was expecting a line from Gone with the wind. Scarlett O'hara hissy fit.

I remember one time when our automatic ice maker in the refrigerator broke and of course my dh "El cheapo" decided "why call a plumber" when I can fix it myself. Can anyone figure out the end of this tale.

Yep, broke the water line to the refrigerator, flooded the kitchen, had to call the plumber to fix his mess up and the original problem. had to throw out all food in the fridge because he turned if off for some reason. Oh and grabbed a beer and decided to watch the eagles football game.

I could have cheerfully stabbed him!!

 

[Disney Doll]

I think it's a good thing to come here and vent. You also get to see all the replies too.

My hubby is the kind of "office type". I mean, he can walk by water leaking from the washer, entry lights off, kitchen lights burnt out, even can go to sleep without making sure the garage door is shut. Drives me bananas.
Don't even get me started about what he doesn't know about cars.

We use to fight over those things. Now, I just leaves notes all over for him. We joke now that when he sees one he's wondering if it's a good note or a bad one. I put a huge sign on the door leading to the garage:

1. Please lock doors.
2. Check garage door is shut.
3. Lock the cars. One night he hit "open lift door" instead of locking and my neighbor, walking his dog, saw it at 12:30 am! Closed it for us.
4. Be sure the side gate is closed (sometimes he walks the dogs and then will pick up poop but left the iron gate open).
and then I go into the quilt:
5. You may not care if we get robbed or someone kidnaps our daughter but I do.

When he walks into the house that's where I leave notes:
1. There are 3 lights out in the kitchen.
2. A light went on in my car.
3. A headlight is out.

And no matter how many times I tell him that Open House is tonight, I always have to leave a note on his closet door.

And his response to those are....he does it but will leave the notes and signs up!!

He'll do it otherwise I will pay someone to do it and that always motivates him. One of my pet peeves is him spilling his coffee all the way down the stairs. I called a carpet cleaner. I could have spot cleaned them, but they started going all the way to the master bedroom, like he had no care. I threw in a couple of rooms and now he's careful.

However, no water is not a good situation for the kids no less.

I hope it was a good movie

God bless you. I would not be able to be married to someone liek this.

OP, expense or not, I'd have been calling another plumber. And one of my instructions to him would be "In addition to fixing the shower, please put shut off valves on each individual sink & shower in the house so that if we every have a problem with one area. we don't have to shut off the whole house".

And if DH had the nerve to get on me about the exepnse, I would have have told him that it's a lot cheaper than a divorce.

I don't suffer fools well, and if it's something he is supposed to take care of and it isn't being taken care of, I take care of it in the way that I think is best.

 

[mhsjax]

I was thinking somewhat along these lines too. While the OP's husband was not really in the right by leaving mid way and not being clear on the reasons-- it is not like OP is a mother home alone with toddlers and preschoolers who need constant supervision. An older teen and an adult ought to be okay without water for a day (especially knowing they could go to the parents house, or the mall, etc) AND ought to be as capable of using google and working out the issue themselves as the dad was.

I get some of the being annoyed on this thread--but the level of anger many PPs have towards the husband and attitude that he somehow abandoned a helpless wife and child seems awfully misplaced.

The problem as I see it, he started to fix it and then just stopped. To me it is the total lack of consideration that is the problem, not the broken shower. Look beneath the problem. My DH would have never gone to a movie and left me there with no water. He started the project, he should have finished it before going out to play. I also don't believe that some of you wouldn't be mad.

OH adn as far as the shut off valve, our house isn't very old and we do not have a separate one for the showers

 

[NHdisneylover]

The problem as I see it, he started to fix it and then just stopped. To me it is the total lack of consideration that is the problem, not the broken shower. Look beneath the problem. My DH would have never gone to a movie and left me there with no water. I aslo don't believe that some of you wouldn't be mad. If you weren't mad I would call you a doormat. Also, how exactly do you all know that it was an easy google search and fix? If was all this easy, we wouldn't need plumbers

OH and as far as the shut off valve, our house isn't very old and we do not have a separate one for the showers

It very well might not be that easy--but if not then how is the DH any better off than the DW and 16 year old at fixing it
Either it is something relatively simple that a typical homeowner can figure out or else it isn't.

You'll note that I said the husband was not in the right to leave midway and to not explain a valid reason why, I also said that it was not such a huge issue as some have made it out to be. An older teen and an adult with a car at their disposal can certainly handle a few hours without the water on. This is an annoyance, but not life threatening.

Honestly, if it seemed that the fix could still be done that day, I can totally see not cancelling plans with others to stay home and get it fixed 3 or 4 hours faster.