Situation with DN with Downs Syn. help long

[i12go2wdw]

Hi I am new to this board but I am in a new situation and I knew you all would be the ones to give me some insight.
I have 4 kids of my own dd5 ds10 dd12 ds16, all typical (hope that is the right term). My beautiful and fiesty neice 14 has Down syndrome. She is very high functioning, participates in Special Olympics, attends a highschool with a special program where she is given an excellent education, has a great sence of humour, loves to be the center of attention, loves Hannah Montana. I am sure you get the picture ( she is also very stubborn and emotional ) My kisd love her and are very excited when she comes to visit, she adores her cousins as she is an only child and counts the days till she gets here. They live in the Yukon and we live in Vancouver (for you it's like Alaska and Seattle ) She is here now and I have just noticed that my kids, while talking to her, are laughing at some of the things she says, she laughs along with them and she is trying to be funny but I know my kids are laughing for the wrong reason. They are not being mean or laughing at her, they just find how she says things funny. I have never made a big deal about labelling
my neice, they are aware of the differences but focus on the similarities, I am just wondering how to handle this, should I say something to the kids or just let them go on and enjoy each other even if dn is unaware of why they are laughing. I hope this makes sense, if I ever thought my kids were making fun of her ( which I don't think they would ever do) I would hit the roof, this is a lot more innocent.
My sister is not down on this visit and I am unsure what she would think if she were here, I would never want to hurt either of them but I also don't want to put a damper on their friendship with their cousin.
Thank you for reading my long-winded story.
christine

 

[ireland_nicole]

o.k., so this is just my opinion, and I don't know how other people will respond, but I think that just the fact that you are aware of the situation and are monitoring things is great. Your kids love their cousin, and vice versa. Maybe she's just a natural comedian. My 8 y/o w/ autism says the darndest things, and sometimes, even though she doesn't mean it, she's hysterically funny. I think they're just being family.

 

[handicap18]

Maybe start with your oldest. Let him know what you heard and what his take on it was. Since he's 16 he is old enough to pass along correct behevior to his younger siblings. Then take them all individually and explain to them your observations and concerns and what is correct behavior and what is not. If they don't know they're doing something wrong they're going to keep doing it.

Now I don't have a 16 year old. My oldest is 6. So I don't know what that fine line is going to be exactly with your overhearing or observing so your going to have to go with what you know. Thus I say talk to them individually at first. Make sure they know what they were laughing at wasn't a laughing matter and that while they may not have being doing it purposly they were making fun of her (if that is what they were doing) and while she may not have shown it, it very well could have hurt her feelings.

Based on your post it seems like your family would be understanding in this situation. Kids just need a little direction on the rights and wrongs. If it bothers you, they should know about. Otherwise nothing will change and you can't blame them for something they don't know. Use it as a life lesson.

 

[TrixieBel]

My advice (as the mother of a 15yr old daughter with DS) is PLEASE DON'T talk to your kids directly about this at this point. The main thing you'll probably do is make them nervous about talking/interacting with her, and that's the worst thing that could happen for the relationships among the cousins!

Maybe after your DN has gone home you could just mention that you noticed they all seemed to be having fun and just ask what it was that your DN was saying that was so funny. A conversation along those lines might work if handled carefully.

In the meantime, just keep on observing and go and join in the conversation and take it in a different direction if you feel the need. If your DN is happy and laughing then there's no harm in the fun they're having at the moment.

If your DN is a socially "aware" kid she'll probably notice for herself if they're laughing in the wrong way - that's when you'll find that she'll probably go a bit quiet and start wanting to hang out with you a bit more, OR she'll just tell them to shut up

The thing that my daughter now lacks is regular interaction with other "normal" kids her own age - we've got no cousins/family even in the same country, and she goes to a school for kids with special needs. I would love for her to have some cousins to go and spend time with! They will be her best examples of how to be "normal"