Sister switched resorts on me!

[HopperFan]

WOW, quite a dilemma. I agree that if she agreed to handle both of your reservations, then any changes should have been discussed with you in advance. I have also traveled to WDW w/Dsis and others on various trips. (and always liked staying at different resorts trips the best)

What would I do ? First, let it go for the sake of a great trip. Chalk it up to experience and do not get into this situation again by trusting her to book. Now, I would call my sister asap, very calmly explain... "I see that you have changed your reservation......so I checked ours to make sure all is in place.....I am concerned because there are no tickets assigned to our room so I will call WDW direct to verify. It appears they did not give us credit. I will get it taken care of, but since we paid you for our tickets already, you need to give me that portion of the money back so I can pay WDW direct." Then get to work on making sure your room/tickets and dining package is all in place so when you get there it is smooth sailing.

Then I would breath and decide how much of my trip I want to visit with them. My goal would be for MY family to have a wonderful magical trip ! Put the sister stuff aside. Do I want to keep my dinner reservations or do I want to change them to somewhere else ? Clearly you are upset and there is something happening here. Will you be able to let it go by time the trip comes and enjoy your meals together ? That is a time when visiting is necessary - unless it is character meals. Maybe you just meet in the parks to watch a parade together, or have the girls doing Fantasyland together. Some together time with distractions and focus on the children so that you can begin to rebuild your relationship here.

#1 Let your family go and enjoy and feel the magic, even if you don't see them at all.
It is your vacation and you are in control of your enjoyment. Just a different trip that you had envisioned before.

 

[Jennasis]

This all sounds quite strange.

Possibility #1:
Your sister changed all of the ressies to surprise you and for whatever reason, the system does not reflect it.

Possibility #2:
Your sister changed HER ressie to the Poly because they would rather stay there. If she never told you about it she either knew you would react this way and wished to avoid confrontation as long as possible, or MAYBE her husband switched it to surprise HER. Or maybe she is a callous sneak...who knows?

Either way, you obviously have a longstanding issue/grudge whatever against your sister (and possibly, she with you) so WHY on EARTH are you panning a vacation with her when you obviously have these problems???

I say take your vacation, let her take hers and meet up for dinner/lunch whatever along the way.

PS, having your husband call your BIL is not only a bad idea but a TOTAL cop-out. Call your sister yourself. Have the big blowout with her if it comes to that because you obviously have some things that you need to say to her and need to hear from here, and stop dancing around the issue and be an adult and deal with it yourself.

Sorry to be harsh but we all need a kick in the pants from time to time. I know I sure did not long ago!

 

[eeyore45]

My sister and I have had lots of issues in the past. Before I talk to my sister I want to make sure this isn't a surprise from her husband or something he did by having my husband talk to my bil.
Lesson learned NEVER HAVE FAMILY MEMBERS PLAN OR BOOK YOUR VACATION!

OK, lets start here

You have acknowledged your pain, confusion, and distrust. You have lots of great advice. Bottom line is, we cant walk in your shoes, only you can...

When you talk to your sister, try real hard to keep it on the *I* talk... *I* feel confused, *I* felt hurt when I called and found out, *I* feel you dont want to be near me, *I* feel deceived that you went behind my back... even *I* want to stay at the Poly, *I* want to watch our dds' experience Disney together...

You are walking a fine line, try very hard not to 'accuse' and say "you" changed to the Poly, You can afford, you did this... etc... (and its more than watching too many episodes of Dr Phil LOL- unless you want to burn all bridges of communication, you do have to walk the fine line, you do have to decide if its important to remain civil, and watch your niece grow, do you want your dd to have a relationship with her cousin? You have to decide.

You can call Disney, you do need to know 1. Free Dining!! That would be the hardest to give up, if you dont have the free dining, then that's a whole nother set of problems...

2. Ask about the total package price of the Pop room, what it includes, as you state 5 days, find out about upgrading to 8, but I forgot your dates, I thought they were from Oct 3 to the 8th, so I may be wrong on that front!!

3. Start a new thread and plan a vacation with just you and your family, what are you looking forward to? Cinderellabration? Meeting the Princesses in Toon Town Fare? Dumbo? Tiki Birds??

4. dont give up!! Chin up, but I will say, good for you, get all your emotions out here, and that way you can be more straightforward with your sister...

If you 2 live close, it might be better to talk in person, than over the phone, your sisters, dont hang up, give it time!

 

[tlbwriter]

This isn't really about truth and lies. It's about two famlies that have different ideas on what kind of vacation experience they want to budget. There is no reason for you to let it get ugly. Your sister wasn't comfortable telling you they changed their plans and you're not comfortable asking her why she didn't let you know they changed their plans. Sounds like she, correctly, knew you wouldn't take it well. Just because someone "yesses" you doesn't mean they agree with you.

I disagree. The OP is upset because the plans were changed behind her back. We have no way of knowing how she would have reacted if she sister had said "You know, we really want to stay at the Poly, so we're going to change." At this point, it *is* about truth and lies. I mean, they reduced the OP's number of park hopper passes - if it was done deliberately, there's no way to justify that. It has nothing to do with her sister "not feeling comfortable" about telling her anything.

 

[eeyore45]

Just stopping by to see if you've checked in...

WELCOME TO THE DIS btw!!

Since you only have a few posts under your name, you're new to the Dis, and may not realize how helpful the Dis can be if you want help and advice!!

For your Pop ressie, have you checked out this thread?

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=893376

lots of dis'ers are staying at the Pop for your same time frame!!

This thread has a list of all that posted they are going to Disney in October

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=744893

It has over 2,000 posts, read the first page and then skip to the last, ask any questions, lots of us read there, and will be more than happy to help you with any plans, or questions!!

Also, MommyBoo has a spreadsheet that includes everyone that posted their dates, and their Resort...
(Her last post was 2005, page 134, click on her orange link for the spreadsheet!)

Lets see, what else can I do to help you feel good about Disney? as well as the Dis?

Feel free to PM me, under username on the left side, click and one choice is send a PM to eeyore45!!

 

[Lewisc]

You may be right. I can't imagine the sister deliberatly dropping 3 days off the passes. Reducing the number of days isn't lowering the price by enough money to be worth stealing but anything is possible.

OP keeps saying it was the sisters idea to get connecting rooms and to make this a budget trip at the POP. Yet the sister changed to the POLY. OP keeps saying there is a lot of bagge between the two of them.

I think, but have no way of knowing, that both of them are a little wrong. The sister should have told OP that the plans were changing but when you read OP's posts it doesn't really sound like she would have taken it very well.

Many famlies decide to stay in different resorts and it's not the end of the world.

I disagree. The OP is upset because the plans were changed behind her back. We have no way of knowing how she would have reacted if she sister had said "You know, we really want to stay at the Poly, so we're going to change." At this point, it *is* about truth and lies. I mean, they reduced the OP's number of park hopper passes - if it was done deliberately, there's no way to justify that. It has nothing to do with her sister "not feeling comfortable" about telling her anything.

 

[tlbwriter]

You may be right. I can't imagine the sister deliberatly dropping 3 days off the passes. Reducing the number of days isn't lowering the price by enough money to be worth stealing but anything is possible.

I wonder if she shortened the whole trip (because you're right, 3 days off the passes is a drop in the bucket), including the resort stay. OP, are the dates still the same?

I think, but have no way of knowing, that both of them are a little wrong. The sister should have told OP that the plans were changing but when you read OP's posts it doesn't really sound like she would have taken it very well.

We'll never know. It may be that she would have simply been disappointed and a little bummed if it had been done honestly, and it's only the lies that have made her so hopping mad.

 

[Sandi]

But why so many parkhoppers in the first place? If it is the OP, her DH and two girls under three and the Sister's family is the same, don't they only need a total of 4, not 8?

Anyway, I agree with the others that the OP ought to just talk to her sister.

My family and my sister's family are going together in February. We're staying at the same resort, but I'm certainly not asking for connecting rooms! (We have a 10 year old DD; she has a 1 year old and a 2 year old.) We get along very well, but maybe part of that is because we don't live up the street from each other. Living in different states makes our time together more special.

 

[isyt]

I know how hard this is, I have a single mom sister and her 5yr dd. My family is myself, dh and 3 kids. I am always trying to get us to stay near each other and dh wants nothing to do with it. It hurts me but I also understand my neice was always opening the door when we were getting changed and she is up earlier than my kids. My sister can't afford deluxe ( moderate either) and we can not stay in value (5 in a room ), laast year I paid the difference for her to stay in deluxe(dh did not know), but this year she made a last minute decision to come with us so she is at Pop and we are at YC. I feel bad because she has to do the buses by herself with a stroller, but how long can I guilt myself for her life.

Who ever thought family vacations would be so tough!! I hope it does work out for you and your sister, mine is still my best friend!!

 

[meatballsmom]

But why so many parkhoppers in the first place? If it is the OP, her DH and two girls under three and the Sister's family is the same, don't they only need a total of 4, not 8?

You know I read her post the same way. Everybody on here thought thinks she means amount of days. If it's the amount of tickets, her daughter is turning 3 while there so that might be why 5. All the others are under 3. But if its the amount of days, it doesn't make much sense since it is all that much per ticket to extend it a few days.

 

[Viki]

You have a sister. I don't. She won't talk to me. She hasn't talked to me in about 5 years because my "lifestyle" is too complicated for her.

Talk to your sister. But don't spill your guts. You have a right to all of your feelings, but you don't have a right to share them with her. Just be curious about what happened and accept it at face value. Having your husband make this call for you is called "triangulating." That's what we do when don't trust ourselves. So, it's not your sister you don't trust in this situation. It's you. If you knew you could handle whatever reason she gives, you could make the call with some sense of peace. If you don't think you can handle it, then "fake it until you make it." That's the way we all grow up.

 

[eleanor]

I love my sister dearly but I would never ever travel with her. Did it once. I would go to the same place but have separate resorts. Meet for a few meals,and then talk about how everyone is enjoying themselves and off again to do my own thing. Sounds selfish probably but believe me it works out fine.

 

[disneymom2one]

my husband to get home from work. I am going to have him call my bil to get the truth. I know if I called her now it would get ugly. I want this to be a family issue not just a sister issue. Plus, I was up all night thinking about this and got very little sleep. I am a wreck.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I just would never handle things this way. I have a sister. Not only is she much younger than me but we are completely different people - nature definitely is stronger than nurture in our family (I'm adopted/she's not).

BUT when we have issues we TALK them out. We have each other's phone numbers and we get it settled. I don't stay up all night. I call her - and she's 300 miles away not down the street. It sounds like you need this to be way more drama than it probably needs to be. I'm not a fan of drama. If you can discuss it with perfect strangers on three different threads, why can't you go to your sister?

 

[dreamangelx]

If this comes up more than once, I am really sorry. I'm new and trying to figure this whole forum out.

I agree that the reservations should have been made separately. Any number of things could happen especially when dealing with family - if all of those court shows teach any lessons, it's that one. However, what's done is done and you can't go back and change the fact that these reservations were made together.

I don't think its fair that some responses have accused the OP of assuming that "yesses" were agreements. Her sister is a big girl, just like she is, if she had any objections to the plans they were making *together,* then she could have said no OR not have made the reservations together under her and her husband's name! In fact, if her sister had these feelings from the get go, a simple no could have prevented this whole situation (that is, of course, if this was something her sister was unsure of in the beginning).

It's nice to think that people are upgrading others as a surprise but the reality of the situation, IME anyway, is that doesn't happen often enough to assume that was the case. Also, again, this is only my opinion and based on the way I live and was brought up - but if this is supposed to be a family vacation, combined with the sister's family or not, the husband had no right to "surprise her" by changing the reservations without discussing it with her first. As a married couple, I would think money and how its spent, along with vacation plans shouldn't be taken upon oneself to make for the entire family unless given previous permission to do so.

What I think is that the OP should, like everyone said, talk to her sister. Having your husband communicate to her husband is a bad idea. Like another poster said, it will make it an even bigger issue than it is (FTR I do think that it is a big issue, way beynd just wanting to stay at different places). But anyway, that is my 2 cents.
--Stephanie

 

[Tinkerbells2000]

Be glad you are going to Disney!!! Trust me, you will be happy in seperate resorts. WE have traveled with DH's brother and his wife before, and it was a good thing we were in seperate resorts. We needed the brake from each other every night. In fact by the middle of the vacation we had decided to split up during the day too. We wanted to do our thing, and they wanted to do their thing, we met for a couple of meals, and that kept us all happy. If you have problems with your sister now, can you imagine being with her the whole vacation. Dh and his brother are like best friends, but we jst could not vacation together.
I understand you are hurt because she did this behind your back, but in the long run, and once you are at Disney, you will be thankful!!

 

[hawaii5o]

I just read this whole thread.... all 5 pages of it. I feel bad for you, but you shouldn't let it get you so worked up like this. You should ask your sister in a nice way if they decided to change resorts. If she says yes, then say ok and then move on. You can still have a great time on your vaca..... IMHO I would rather not stay so close to my sister. One year they stayed off site and we stayed on. I dont think they cared, if they did, they never said anything about it, we all met up at the parks and had a great time. The next time, we all stayed at the same resort, POFQ. We didnt have connecting rooms then either. Even with family, people want to do different things at different times and stay at different places etc....... That is why when we go on vaca with relatives, we just say we will meet you at wherever at a certain time or make dinner arrangements like 1 or 2 nights.....We are going again in Nov with a different sis in law and she wants to stay at a house off site and we will prob stay at All stars..... We like not driving and just hopping on the bus. They have a bigger family and want more space. We will all meet up and have a great time. You should too!!!! PLEASE dont let this get to you, this is suppose to be fun...... ITS DISNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and one more thing.... if your sister did it spitefully then still go.... be nice and then after the vaca just dont plan a vaca with her anymore......

 

[Nancyg56]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I just would never handle things this way. I have a sister. Not only is she much younger than me but we are completely different people - nature definitely is stronger than nurture in our family (I'm adopted/she's not).

BUT when we have issues we TALK them out. We have each other's phone numbers and we get it settled. I don't stay up all night. I call her - and she's 300 miles away not down the street. It sounds like you need this to be way more drama than it probably needs to be. I'm not a fan of drama. If you can discuss it with perfect strangers on three different threads, why can't you go to your sister?

I agree. I have a sister and a sister in law (Sister of my first husband) and sometimes issues arise. We never let them keep us apart. I sometimes talk out a problem with a trusted friend first, but them I talk to DS or DSIL. There may have been a reason for the change, and it may or may not have been a good one, but it still needs to be addressed and then settled. Better to commmunicate and know what happened then to speculate and allow hurt and anger to fester. I also think that now is a good time to discuss expectations for the trip in order to make sure that the vacation is magical for both families. The longer that you put this off the harder it will be to resolve. I also think that if your DH calls your BIL, you may open doors better left closed. I am hoping for a happy ending for you.

 

[WDW1st-timers]

Thank God I'm the only child.

 

[tekmom]

Any updates from the OP? At least for the hopper situation?

 

[meatballsmom]

I've been watching Tekmom but haven't seen anything.