Since when is a "size 6" overweight?

[DawnCt1]

I have a friend whose DD is 18 and a college freshman. She is very attractive, average height and active, more so in high school when she could play sports. Ever since I have known her, her mom, who is overweight, has been on her about her weight. Her reason? "Because I am overweight and I know how bad it is". The other day her mom told me that she bought her a "string bikini" but unless she looses weight, it will "look terrible on her". First off all, I don't think I would ever buy my DD a string bikini, but that was her choice and I didn't say anything about that. If she wants one bad enough, she would have to buy it herself. But I did say to her rather directly the other day, that I would never consider anyone who wears a size 6 overweight unless she was three feet tall! And that her DD looks absolutely fine and if she gets to the point where she would like to lose a couple of pounds, she knows what to do. With her body type, height, etc, I couldn't imagine her being smaller than a size 4 anyway. Her response was, her belly is getting too big, and we asked her if she wanted a breast reduction, we would look into it. Now there is nothing wrong with a breast reduction....if that is what her DD wants, but I think it should come from the DD and not a constant barrage of "LOSE WEIGHT". Any thoughts?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would say it is a form of munchausen syndrome. Mother is overweight and instead of looking at herself she "loses weight" thru her dd.

 

[Buckalew11]

I know a few moms with issues like these. What it does to a girl's self-esteem is devastating.

 

[Stacerita]

The mother sounds like she has issues and is projecting them onto the DD.

 

[Christine]

Well, without seeing the girl, what can I say?

I will say this: Vanity sizing is here. I know that a size 6 sounds good, right? Well, I could stand to lose 10 lbs and YES, I am wearing a size 6, and NO, I do not have an eating disorder.

I'm telling you, you cannot pat yourself on the back anymore for being a size 6. Most of my adult life, I have been a size 10 to 12 until about 7 years ago, when I noticed I was all of sudden an 8-10 and I hadn't lost weight. In fact, gained weight. I am now the same weight and am fitting in most sizes 6's with a few 8's thrown in. A 6 is really no longer "tiny" like it used to be. I could have never dreamed of being a 6. Now, I am 45 years old and wouldn't think of a bikini but based on my size and not my age, no I am not bikini ready.

Having said all that, it does seem like the mom is a bit obsessed by it all.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I agree with everyone here.

 

[AlexTina]

Sounds to me like mom is living vicariously through her DD. My grandmother is very similar to this woman, when I was younger she was constantly commenting on my weight. I got so tired of hearing it that I quit eating and got down to a size 4, I am 5'10 BTW and was weighing in at a hefty 110 lbs at the time. So great I lost weight, looked like a skeleton (cheek bones stuck out, hip bones stuck out, etc.) grandma should be happy right? Wrong! Now grandma suddenly decides that she is now going to force me to sit at the table and finish all of my food at all meals. Talk about mixed messages, UGH!!! Hopefully this girl is smart enough to realize that she's fine the way she is and just ignore her mother.

Tina

 

[RitaZ.]

Mom is projecting her issues onto her daughter. What is mom going to do when she is no longer allowed to control her daughter? Poor girl!

 

[DawnCt1]

I would say it is a form of munchausen syndrome. Mother is overweight and instead of looking at herself she "loses weight" thru her dd.

I know a few moms with issues like these. What it does to a girl's self-esteem is devastating.

The mother sounds like she has issues and is projecting them onto the DD.

I totally agree with all your opinions. I jokingly said to her a while back, "Now you can't live vicariously through your DD". She admitted that she loves to buy her clothes because she is "too heavy" to enjoy shopping for herself, and she often says her DD has 'too much'. She spends a lot on her DDs hair, etc but the nit picking is constant. Ex; Why do you have your hair in a ponytail, X might come over, do you want him to see you like that?" (not even her boyfriend). I ended the conversation the other day with, let her focus on school for now. She has all her life to diet.

 

[DawnCt1]

Mom is projecting her issues onto her daughter. What is mom going to do when she is no longer allowed to control her daughter? Poor girl!

Her weight is the only thing she really has ever seemed to want to control. She has tolerated underage drinking in both of her teens. "All kids do it". She was more upset that her DD bought a pizza and ate it in her room than her drinking at a party the night before.

 

[DawnCt1]

Sounds to me like mom is living vicariously through her DD. My grandmother is very similar to this woman, when I was younger she was constantly commenting on my weight. I got so tired of hearing it that I quit eating and got down to a size 4, I am 5'10 BTW and was weighing in at a hefty 110 lbs at the time. So great I lost weight, looked like a skeleton (cheek bones stuck out, hip bones stuck out, etc.) grandma should be happy right? Wrong! Now grandma suddenly decides that she is now going to force me to sit at the table and finish all of my food at all meals. Talk about mixed messages, UGH!!! Hopefully this girl is smart enough to realize that she's fine the way she is and just ignore her mother.

Tina

I am concerned about that part. She told her mom's friend (another friend) that she doesn't want a breast reduction because her chest hides her fat stomach. This girl is NOT fat. If any stranger saw her, their first impression would be that she is just fine.

 

[RitaZ.]

Her weight is the only thing she really has ever seemed to want to control. She has tolerated underage drinking in both of her teens. "All kids do it". She was more upset that her DD bought a pizza and ate it in her room than her drinking at a party the night before.

Well, there it is. Her priorities are in order. Mom should take the focus off her daughter and join a gym.

 

[Lionqueen2]

Her weight is the only thing she really has ever seemed to want to control. She has tolerated underage drinking in both of her teens. "All kids do it". She was more upset that her DD bought a pizza and ate it in her room than her drinking at a party the night before.

Did Mom ever think that the drinking might be contributing to the 'extra belly' that she sees on her daughter?

 

[Chicago526]

No, a size 6 does not generally mean you need to lose weight! Tone up a bit, sure, I could see that. But unless you're 4'2" a 6 is fine.

Heck, at my ideal weight I'm a 10 and I'm smokin' hot! Size does not indicate if you're a healthy weight, in shape, or anything else.

 

[Allison]

Gosh, this stuff makes me cringe. Jessica Simpson is getting a ton of criticism and being call full-figured for being a size 8. What is wrong with our society?

She is setting her daughter up for future issues if she makes her feel bad for being a 6.

 

[AlexTina]

I am concerned about that part. She told her mom's friend (another friend) that she doesn't want a breast reduction because her chest hides her fat stomach. This girl is NOT fat. If any stranger saw her, their first impression would be that she is just fine.

This is key. When I was wearing a size 4 I can remember asking everyone "do these pants make me look fat" . I can look at pictures of myself back then now and see how skeletor like I was but at the time I truley believed I was still fat. I guess the only thing you can really do is emphasize how she looks fine the way she is and hope it sticks.

Tina

 

[Feralpeg]

Poor kid! Size 6 doesn't seem large to me. DD wears a size 3. She is 5"2" and weighs 105 pounds. Sometimes, she tells me that she thinks she is fat. I think she's nuts when she says that, but I stay out of it. I would never say anything unless I saw her doing something self-destructive. Kids don't need their mom's putting that kind of pressure on them.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Her weight is the only thing she really has ever seemed to want to control. She has tolerated underage drinking in both of her teens. "All kids do it". She was more upset that her DD bought a pizza and ate it in her room than her drinking at a party the night before.

Oh yeah, this mom has some issues. Some of it is probably very much based on love and worry. I know I worry constantly that my daughter will grow up to be overweight like me. But I certainly don't project that onto her and I certainly wouldn't tell her to get a breast reduction when she's so young. So I'll give the mom a bit of sympathy but overall, she's gone overboard and sounds like she needs to work on herself and let her daughter alone.

I feel really sorry for this girl. All of this will probably translate to a lifelong struggle with self esteem, food and body image. Very sad. That mom needs a good slap.

 

[C.Ann]

I only wish I could get "up" to a size 6!! I would be dancing with glee..

That mom is going to push her DD right over the edge - and the consequences could be deadly..

 

[rcraw45425]

Believe me, it's starting earlier too. DD13 is 5'2" and weighs around 115. She thinks she's fat as a cow. Some of these 8th grade girls are literally skin and bones and still are on the "diet bandwagon" . DH is an Internist so we keep an eye on her, luckily she's not into the binge/purge stuff or the laxatives, but she has a friend (also 13) that's already spent one week in inpatient care, three weeks out patient for "cutting issues" That child looked like she had been in Auschwitz for Petes sake and was still talking about being fat and unattractive. What has our world come to?