Should we Leave Kids Ipads at Home?

[NYCgrrl]

On our first trip with our triplet boys in January, 2017, we let our boys bring their iPads. They never used them at the parks or brought them to any of our meals, but used them at night or in the morning, or for down time. On that trip, they were 7–nearly 8, and while there were some moments where they asked to go back to the room for a break, and we knew it was an iPad break, it was rare. For the most part, they didn’t detract from our visit. This Trip, though, DH and I don’t even want them to have the option to use them. They will be 9–nearly 10, and seem to be more into iPads and gaming then a couple years ago. Are we wrong to take the stance “No iPads at all on this trip”? Our rationale being that we are spending a lot of money and don’t want them even tempted to waste it on an iPad. My biggest concern with not bringing them at all, though, is that it did serve as a means for DH and I to get ready for the day, pick up the room, whatever else needed to be done in the morning or evening, or while we were waiting at the airport. I have visions of missing a flight or even a flight delay for hours with no way to entertain them.

I'm old fashioned. You can have your laptop to do homework and read books online but no other play only electronics on any type of vacation. We have an Uno game, deck of playing cards and portable backgammon/chess and checkers set for "interactive" play. Mad Lib books are fun too especially for long travel time. Learning to live semi unconnected is more relaxing and focused to your surroundings in my mind.
I finally gave up and bought DGD a basic phone when she was 11 y/o. This year at 13 she got an iPhone simply because our phone carrier messed up the family account and offered it as a mea culpa along with 3 months free service.

Everyone has to parent in the manner they feel most comfortable with and this works for us.

 

[have2getaway]

DGD brought her iPhone. We did “ picture shopping”. Instead of dealing with “I want” at all of the stores she was allowed time to take 3 pictures. Then at the end of the trip she decided what she REALLY wanted. This saved a lot of time and meltdowns.

I love this idea and plan to try it this week on our trip. We definitely had meltdowns over things our boys wanted to buy on our last trip, and it often delayed things we wanted to do. Kids always want to buy the first thing they see. This, I hope, will help prevent that.

 

[have2getaway]

I'd just consider boundaries before you go as others have said. Tell them they can have them on the plane but after that they stay in the room and can only come out when you say. I doubt you'll be actually in the room very much anyway. Just explain your expectations beforehand so they know what to expect.

Thank you! This is exactly what we did. To our surprise, they actually requested to bring their new robot instead, but they were happy to be able to bring an iPad for the plane and limited downtime. We’ve made it clear multiple times that we are not going on this trip to play iPads.

 

[have2getaway]

I don't want to ever think about the trip we decided to drive 9-10 hours down to WDW, and the boy killed the dvd player on the way back. We left a good number of electronics at home. That trip home was NOT one I want to remember. The rest of my crew are TALKERS. I wanted to throw myself out of the car about half way home. Take the ipads, it's a great fall back position for any number of issues, ie, rainy day, can't sleep, need 20 minutes to get ready yourself situations. I wouldn't bring them in the parks but YMMV.

Thank you for this! Good point, and a big part of why we changed our mind and allowed them to bring them.

 

[have2getaway]

I have not read all of the replies, so this is directly to the OP.

I would not think of making my kid leave her iPad at home. She already has time limits on it during school nights. Vacation means you get to play.

We don't bring iPads to the parks. In lines we talk to each other, play the parks app, or look at our Memory Maker photos.

But to tell her she can't use it during travel and in the room seems pretty rude. I wouldn't do that.

Thank you? This is exactly the argument I used with my husband. The kids were almost viewing our vacation as a punishment before we gave them the news we were letting them bring their iPads.

 

[Nancyg56]

Thank you? This is exactly the argument I used with my husband. The kids were almost viewing our vacation as a punishment before we gave them the news we were letting them bring their iPads.

LOL!!! The torture!!! LOL!

 

[Treysar]

How funny, my husband just mentioned this idea to me today. We leave Saturday. My kids are 10,8&8. The twins have autism and have an unhealthy relationship with technology. They would not eat or sleep if we didn’t take the iPads away. They would be on 25 hours straight. Stimming. An addiction. We are considering not taking the iPads and using this week as a detox. It could be ugly. I’m nervous about it.

 

[kenthanson]

Always leave them at home, or at the store.

On our first trip with our triplet boys in January, 2017, we let our boys bring their iPads. They never used them at the parks or brought them to any of our meals, but used them at night or in the morning, or for down time. On that trip, they were 7–nearly 8, and while there were some moments where they asked to go back to the room for a break, and we knew it was an iPad break, it was rare. For the most part, they didn’t detract from our visit. This Trip, though, DH and I don’t even want them to have the option to use them. They will be 9–nearly 10, and seem to be more into iPads and gaming then a couple years ago. Are we wrong to take the stance “No iPads at all on this trip”? Our rationale being that we are spending a lot of money and don’t want them even tempted to waste it on an iPad. My biggest concern with not bringing them at all, though, is that it did serve as a means for DH and I to get ready for the day, pick up the room, whatever else needed to be done in the morning or evening, or while we were waiting at the airport. I have visions of missing a flight or even a flight delay for hours with no way to entertain them.

 

[LSUmiss]

I believe this kind of “if then” kind of attitude is silly. As an adult I have choices that children simply do not have. This is true in every affect of life: as an employee my supervisors can model their behavior differently than I, as do their managers. One cannot tell a manager that if I may not use the internet than the same holds true for all.

Since when do the same rules for children apply to their parents, and who gets to make that determination for all families?

Yeah a simple when you get a job & pay for it blah blah...would work!

 

[LSUmiss]

I have not read all of the replies, so this is directly to the OP.

I would not think of making my kid leave her iPad at home. She already has time limits on it during school nights. Vacation means you get to play.

We don't bring iPads to the parks. In lines we talk to each other, play the parks app, or look at our Memory Maker photos.

But to tell her she can't use it during travel and in the room seems pretty rude. I wouldn't do that.

Good point. Kids have enough rules at home/school. They should be able to enjoy vacation even if it’s not how the parents expect them to enjoy it. If they would rather be on a device constantly than be on vacation maybe it’s not the best vacation destination for the whole family.

 

[LSUmiss]

You didn’t have to get to the airport 3-4 hours on top of flight time before they were invented. And it’s a nice gesture for the surrounding passengers on a plane if it keeps a kid more easily & quietly entertained than other methods of entertainment.

 

[Nancyg56]

Yeah a simple when you get a job & pay for it blah blah...would work!

LOL! That is not even an option for my DGD. Her Mom doesn't care who pays for her devices, the rules are set by her. Poor DGD! Thank goodness Kady is not locked to those devices, so Mom has never needed to use tt clout.

 

[Lilsia]

You didn’t have to get to the airport 3-4 hours on top of flight time before they were invented. And it’s a nice gesture for the surrounding passengers on a plane if it keeps a kid more easily & quietly entertained than other methods of entertainment.

I guess I don't understand what you are trying to say here. That kids can not learn to sit and entertain themselves without bothering others. I have seem many, many kids do this, including my own. It used to be rare that a child was being disruptive. Now it seems to be the norm. Did kids change, or is that they are being allowed to act this way now? I would rather that parents teach their kids how to behave in public then stick a screen in front of their faces.

 

[LSUmiss]

I guess I don't understand what you are trying to say here. That kids can not learn to sit and entertain themselves without bothering others. I have seem many, many kids do this, including my own. It used to be rare that a child was being disruptive. Now it seems to be the norm. Did kids change, or is that they are being allowed to act this way now? I would rather that parents teach their kids how to behave in public then stick a screen in front of their faces.

Depends on the age of the child. I was thinking of little kids on a plane.

 

[have2getaway]

How funny, my husband just mentioned this idea to me today. We leave Saturday. My kids are 10,8&8. The twins have autism and have an unhealthy relationship with technology. They would not eat or sleeping if didn’t take the iPads away. They would be on 25 hours straight. Stimming. An addiction. We are considering not taking the iPads and using this week as a detox. It could be ugly. I’m nervous about it.

Thanks for sharing. Our triplets are also diagnosed on the spectrum. I failed to mention it earlier, because I have an older son with Aspergers who showed much more severe symptoms than our younger boys do, but hearing how you described your twins obsession to technology is how we would describe our boys as well.

 

[Treysar]

Thanks for sharing. Our triplets are also diagnosed on the spectrum. I failed to mention it earlier, because I have an older son with Aspergers who showed much more severe symptoms than our younger boys do, but hearing how you described your twins obsession to technology is how we would describe our boys as well.

So you may be one of the only people who understands what a crazy idea this is. I’m really nervous about it, it’s not like five minutes of complaining and then it will be over. It could really ruin the entire trip if we don’t bring them. I’m still tempted to do it though. And I will be the first to admit that I do rely on them for my own sanity. A lot of the times we are in survival mode. My husband and I both work full-time from home, and we have to get **** done. The iPad is our babysitter sometimes. I know it’s not great, but there’s not that many choices. It’s just one of those things.

 

[PollyannaMom]

We are considering not taking the iPads and using this week as a detox. It could be ugly. I’m nervous about it.

I’m really nervous about it, it’s not like five minutes of complaining and then it will be over. It could really ruin the entire trip if we don’t bring them. I’m still tempted to do it though.

It is a tough call. With autism in the mix, they could be using the iPads as a survival strategy - something predictable when they are overstimulated (which they definitely may be at Disney!) I can see both scenarios if you don't take them:

1) the kids really do need that down-time, and the trip is ruined, or
2) the kids are ready to practice some new coping strategies, and not having the iPads will force you to push them to grow.

Best of luck making the decision!

 

[Treysar]

It is a tough call. With autism in the mix, they could be using the iPads as a survival strategy - something predictable when they are overstimulated (which they definitely may be at Disney!) I can see both scenarios if you don't take them:

1) the kids really do need that down-time, and the trip is ruined, or
2) the kids are ready to practice some new coping strategies, and not having the iPads will force you to push them to grow.

Best of luck making the decision!

Thank you! One more extra concern I have. One of my sons uses an iPad to speak. I would never leave that iPad at home. It’s his lifeline. Of course his twin brother would be really pissed if he had an iPad and he did not. LOL. Some sibling things are typical no matter what!

 

[Nancyg56]

Thank you! One more extra concern I have. One of my sons uses an iPad to speak. I would never leave that iPad at home. It’s his lifeline. Of course his twin brother would be really pissed if he had an iPad and he did not. LOL. Some sibling things are typical no matter what!

These are huge decisions that I do not envy. I will just add that if you do determine to remove an ipad for whatever reason, I would be sure that the habit of not using them is really well ingrained prior to the trip. WDW can be overwhelming and overstimulating for adults, so for children, especially those kids who have relied on ipads or electronic devices for whatever variety of reasons, the change could be very stressful for all of you.

I know people who never take the kids to dinner at home. They either use take out or a fast food restaurant for the kids. That week of dining out was a nightmare for all of them. I figure this kind of change is kind of the same as any, if the children are not comfortably into the behavior of habit, adding it to a WDW may be a nightmare.

 

[have2getaway]

So you may be one of the only people who understands what a crazy idea this is. I’m really nervous about it, it’s not like five minutes of complaining and then it will be over. It could really ruin the entire trip if we don’t bring them. I’m still tempted to do it though. And I will be the first to admit that I do rely on them for my own sanity. A lot of the times we are in survival mode. My husband and I both work full-time from home, and we have to get **** done. The iPad is our babysitter sometimes. I know it’s not great, but there’s not that many choices. It’s just one of those things.

Oh Yes! I completely get it. We have been on our trip since Saturday and the boys have only played on them 1/2 hour in the morning and not even that at night. They honestly haven’t even asked about them until we get back to our room or in the morning while DH and I are getting ready, but they definitely fulfilled a need for us. It has been a short means for them to unwind each day, but I don’t think we could have survived without them. Well, we could have, but it would have been challenging and would mean we wouldn’t have any time to unwind/relax ourselves.

I will add that I do think at least one of our boys uses the iPad as a survival/escape for when he gets overwhelmed. He has managed, but we have been trying to continue communicating with him if we notice he is getting anxious. He will start to get nervous and chew at his fingers, and ask us if it’s dark time yet. That’s our que that he’s hitting the wall and we need to think about leaving the park.