Should I not be upset?

[The Mystery Machine]

Today is my first Sunday off in a while (at least a month) and DH ONLY has Sunday's off. Which means we very rarely have a whole day off together. I told him over a week ago that I would be home today and I just wanted to spend the whole day with my DS and DH.

It is now almost 1:30pm he has been gone since around 10:30am. Where is he? He is going to get a haircut! He was unable to go on Friday like he usually does bc he worked late. DS and I were going to go with him but he wanted to go with a friend of his bc his friend needed a cut too and his friend knew where the barber is located. Fine I ran some errands with my DS and when I called my DH about an hour ago he said he was going to get some lunch with his friend AND he hadn't even
had his haircut yet!!!! I don't even know any salons that are open on Sunday's are barbers different?

I am just sad bc I was really looking forward to this family time. He knew how I felt and that I didn't care what we did today as long as we were all together. This is also not the first time he has done something like this. Guess I should have expected it.

 

[Swan4Me]

Not all barbers are closed on Sunday..



..[/B]

Actually, traditional Barbers belong to Unions and abide by their rules-closed Sunday & Monday(MY DH said so-he goes to one)

Hairdressers in Malls and chains are open

Its odd that the OP didnt know where to go to get a haircut and had to go with the buddy-that is a poor excuse, IMO

 

[C.Ann]

Actually, traditional Barbers belong to Unions and abide by their rules-closed Sunday & Monday(MY DH said so-he goes to one)



Its odd that the OP didnt know where to go to get a haircut and had to go with the buddy-that is a poor excuse, IMO

I've never heard of a Barbers union.. I wonder if that's a regional thing? We've had barbers work on Sundays and off on Mondays for years and years..

Yes - it's odd he didn't know where to get a haircut - but I don't think that's enough to convict him of having an affair - which at least some (not you specifically, I don't think) seem to be leaning towards..

Obviously OP needs to ask him where he was all that time - and why he came home without a haircut - but beyond that, they just need to sit down and come to some sort of agreement as to how this one-day-off thing is going to work in the future.. It doesn't appear to be working too well right now..

 

[Bob NC]

Can you sit him in front of the computer for a few minutes?

We never get to hear the "other" side of the story.

 

[dumboiu]

Can you sit him in front of the computer for a few minutes?

We never get to hear the "other" side of the story.

 

[Swan4Me]

I've never heard of a Barbers union.. I wonder if that's a regional thing? We've had barbers work on Sundays and off on Mondays for years and years..

.

Since you spend 80% of your time at a remote lake , how do you know this?
Both my son & Dh go to different Barbers-neither is open Sunday or Monday

History-



Barbering dates back to the Bronze Age of 3,500 B.C., and is even mentioned in the Bible. Barbers initially cut hair, but also acted as dentists and even surgeons. Initially, women were not allowed to visit a barbershop, but today they not only receive services, but may also attend barber schools in order to become licensed barbers. Barbers typically do not work on Sundays and Mondays because of a tradition that dates back for centuries.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

From what you said OP, I would gather that "friend time" was more important than "family time" with him. I'm sorry. I'd be upset too.

 

[LittlePinkDot]

This is not about a haircut.
Nor is it about having lunch.

It is about a husband who has no desire to have a rare Family Day with his wife and child.

I find that sad.

The fact that many of you are saying “Men are dense” and “Men lose track of time when they meet up with a buddy” must not know many men that would actually move Heaven and Earth to get a rare family day

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

This is not about a haircut.
Nor is it about having lunch.

It is about a husband who has no desire to have a rare Family Day with his wife and child.

I find that sad.

The fact that many of you are saying “Men are dense” and “Men lose track of time when they meet up with a buddy” must not know many men that would actually move Heaven and Earth to get a rare family day

ITA. He wasn't being dense or losing track of time, he was dodging spending time with the family. It's not a "man thing", it's a "him thing". Family time is very important to lots of men. I think to generalize like that is a disservice to many men who make time to enjoy their families.

 

[LittlePinkDot]

It's not a "man thing", it's a "him thing". Family time is very important to lots of men. I think to generalize like that is a disservice to many men who make time to enjoy their families.

Don't you just scratch your head at the posters that find this completely acceptable? It makes me wonder what their children are learning.

It’s ok to bail on your family, because it’s a Guy Thing

 

[spacemountainmom]

I don't believe it is acceptable for men to spend no time with their families. I was trying to explain that men don't always think like we do and perhaps assuming instead of communicating doesn't always work. Men are also human and forget things from time to time as do women.

If the OP is working every weekend, I might assume that her dh is on child care duty while she is at work. He might not be off playing with the boys every weekend while she is working. He might enjoy a Sunday to do what he wants as well and I do not fault him for that. I will say AGAIN that he should not be lying to his wife about it. They need to sit down and discuss each of their expectations for time off and work it out so both of them are able to do what they want. It's called compromise.

 

[JVelasquez]

I just wanted to start off by saying thank you for all the responses!

When my DH got home yesturday day just after 2pm we had a talk.

He said that when they got to the barbershop their barber was not there yet so they sat down to wait. One of the other barbers that was on told them that he talked to the other guy and he was on his way. None of the other barbers on could do my DH's hair bc they were booked with appointments. My DH said he and his friend waited about 90 minutes and then decided to go get something to eat. That's when I called him... They then went back to the barbershop, the barber had arrived and his friend got a haircut and then he came home. He didn't get a haircut bc I needed him to help me get a rocker and foot stool from Dad's house... I mentioned this to him last Wednesday.

He has done something similar a couple of mths ago we had a birthday party for my grandfather... My DH knew of this well in advance yet in the morning he HAD to go do an oil change on his friends car. Needless to say the oil change that he said would take 30-45 minutes took almost 2 hours and made us late for the party.

His friends always come first!!! Every Sunday that I am at work he spends it with his friends!!! On his days off he visits his mom with DS and then brings DS to his friends house so that DH can be with his friends and DS can play with his cousin. I just wanted one day with my family but a haircut was more important.

 

[SaraJayne]

I just wanted to start off by saying thank you for all the responses!

When my DH got home yesturday day just after 2pm we had a talk.

He said that when they got to the barbershop their barber was not there yet so they sat down to wait. One of the other barbers that was on told them that he talked to the other guy and he was on his way. None of the other barbers on could do my DH's hair bc they were booked with appointments. My DH said he and his friend waited about 90 minutes and then decided to go get something to eat. That's when I called him... They then went back to the barbershop, the barber had arrived and his friend got a haircut and then he came home. He didn't get a haircut bc I needed him to help me get a rocker and foot stool from Dad's house... I mentioned this to him last Wednesday.

He has done something similar a couple of mths ago we had a birthday party for my grandfather... My DH knew of this well in advance yet in the morning he HAD to go do an oil change on his friends car. Needless to say the oil change that he said would take 30-45 minutes took almost 2 hours and made us late for the party.

His friends always come first!!! Every Sunday that I am at work he spends it with his friends!!! On his days off he visits his mom with DS and then brings DS to his friends house so that DH can be with his friends and DS can play with his cousin. I just wanted one day with my family but a haircut was more important.

I'm so sorry. I understand how disappointed you are. Have you ever told your DH how you feel about the time he spends with his friends (sometimes at the expense of your family)? Did you tell him yesterday what you told us here?

I've learned being direct and clear with my feelings is the best way to make DH understand how I see a situation.

 

[Nancyg56]

I've learned being direct and clear with my feelings is the best way to make DH understand how I see a situation.

That is what I was saying earlier. My DH used to get sidetracked a lot. Most of the time I was fine with it, but there were times when that was not okay with me. I learned that I needed to make sure that I was clear when I was discussing plans with my DH because he really had no way of knowing what I wanted unless I told him.

 

[LittlePinkDot]

His friends always come first!!! Every Sunday that I am at work he spends it with his friends!!! On his days off he visits his mom with DS and then brings DS to his friends house so that DH can be with his friends and DS can play with his cousin. I just wanted one day with my family but a haircut was more important.

How sad for you and your child.

I couldn't live like this.

I feel sad for you

 

[Magic Mom]

Actually, traditional Barbers belong to Unions and abide by their rules-closed Sunday & Monday(MY DH said so-he goes to one)

Hairdressers in Malls and chains are open

Its odd that the OP didnt know where to go to get a haircut and had to go with the buddy-that is a poor excuse, IMO

Not around here. The barbarshops are all open on Sundays, at least the ones I am familiar with.

OP, I don't think there is anything suspicious. He was just really inconsiderate. He probably planned to hang out with the friend and instead of telling you that he made the whole haircut excuse.

 

[ccgirl]

I just wanted to start off by saying thank you for all the responses!

When my DH got home yesturday day just after 2pm we had a talk.

He said that when they got to the barbershop their barber was not there yet so they sat down to wait. One of the other barbers that was on told them that he talked to the other guy and he was on his way. None of the other barbers on could do my DH's hair bc they were booked with appointments. My DH said he and his friend waited about 90 minutes and then decided to go get something to eat. That's when I called him... They then went back to the barbershop, the barber had arrived and his friend got a haircut and then he came home. He didn't get a haircut bc I needed him to help me get a rocker and foot stool from Dad's house... I mentioned this to him last Wednesday.

He has done something similar a couple of mths ago we had a birthday party for my grandfather... My DH knew of this well in advance yet in the morning he HAD to go do an oil change on his friends car. Needless to say the oil change that he said would take 30-45 minutes took almost 2 hours and made us late for the party.

His friends always come first!!! Every Sunday that I am at work he spends it with his friends!!! On his days off he visits his mom with DS and then brings DS to his friends house so that DH can be with his friends and DS can play with his cousin. I just wanted one day with my family but a haircut was more important.

If I had set plans, I would be upset. But, it doesn't sound like you did. Guess I will be the lone voice of dissention here. This was his only day off during the week; right? I don't tell my DH how he can spend his 1 day off, I am his partner not his mom. Did you ask him how he wanted to spend the day? Maybe he wanted alone time? You said he spends every weekend day you are working with his friends. Who watches your son then? If my DH had something to do in the morning and we had to be somewhere at a different time, we usually just take two cars and he meets me there. Before my DH makes plans with his buddies he will usually ask me if we have any plans. If I say no; he will then make alternate plans. FWIW, just sitting around is not having plans to us. If something was truly bothering me; I would talk to my DH about it. Good luck.

 

[momof1princess]

I just wanted to start off by saying thank you for all the responses!

When my DH got home yesturday day just after 2pm we had a talk.

He said that when they got to the barbershop their barber was not there yet so they sat down to wait. One of the other barbers that was on told them that he talked to the other guy and he was on his way. None of the other barbers on could do my DH's hair bc they were booked with appointments. My DH said he and his friend waited about 90 minutes and then decided to go get something to eat. That's when I called him... They then went back to the barbershop, the barber had arrived and his friend got a haircut and then he came home. He didn't get a haircut bc I needed him to help me get a rocker and foot stool from Dad's house... I mentioned this to him last Wednesday.

He has done something similar a couple of mths ago we had a birthday party for my grandfather... My DH knew of this well in advance yet in the morning he HAD to go do an oil change on his friends car. Needless to say the oil change that he said would take 30-45 minutes took almost 2 hours and made us late for the party.

His friends always come first!!! Every Sunday that I am at work he spends it with his friends!!! On his days off he visits his mom with DS and then brings DS to his friends house so that DH can be with his friends and DS can play with his cousin. I just wanted one day with my family but a haircut was more important.

i'm so sorry, OP.

 

[kacaju]

His friends always come first!!! Every Sunday that I am at work he spends it with his friends!!! On his days off he visits his mom with DS and then brings DS to his friends house so that DH can be with his friends and DS can play with his cousin. I just wanted one day with my family but a haircut was more important.

So every Sunday you are working he takes ds and visits friends and family so your ds can play with his cousin, see his grandma....
While I completely understand YOU wanting family time...maybe your dh needed some alone time...

 

[EMom]

I just wanted to start off by saying thank you for all the responses!

When my DH got home yesturday day just after 2pm we had a talk.

He said that when they got to the barbershop their barber was not there yet so they sat down to wait. One of the other barbers that was on told them that he talked to the other guy and he was on his way. None of the other barbers on could do my DH's hair bc they were booked with appointments. My DH said he and his friend waited about 90 minutes and then decided to go get something to eat. That's when I called him... They then went back to the barbershop, the barber had arrived and his friend got a haircut and then he came home. He didn't get a haircut bc I needed him to help me get a rocker and foot stool from Dad's house... I mentioned this to him last Wednesday.

He has done something similar a couple of mths ago we had a birthday party for my grandfather... My DH knew of this well in advance yet in the morning he HAD to go do an oil change on his friends car. Needless to say the oil change that he said would take 30-45 minutes took almost 2 hours and made us late for the party.

His friends always come first!!! Every Sunday that I am at work he spends it with his friends!!! On his days off he visits his mom with DS and then brings DS to his friends house so that DH can be with his friends and DS can play with his cousin. I just wanted one day with my family but a haircut was more important.

This may sound harsh, but......What is he? In kindergarten? He had to go with his friend when his friend got an oil change? And men laugh when women go to the ladies room together...... From the time I was 16 and got a car, I have been able to go into the big, bad world and get my car's oil changed by myself, without the aid and comfort of a buddy. I have never heard a MAN use this pathetic excuse.

As for having to go get haircuts together.....I can barely even type that. Did they want matchies? They waited 90 minutes? A woman with long, flowing locks would be hard-pressed to wait that long. And your DH (at this point, it does NOT mean dear) didn't even manage to get that stinking haircut in 3.5 hours. For crying out loud, he could have let goats gnaw on his head and gotten a haircut in under 3.5 hours!

As some have pointed out, this isn't about a haircut or oil change. This is about guy who seems to place NO value on spending a rare family day with his wife and child. Although he gets to spend a lot of time with his friend (more than with his wife, it seems), he just CANNOT get enough of being with his buddy and will ditch his wife in a heartbeat if the friend needs to do something vital like gas up his truck or change the line in the weedeater. He puts the OP in the position of either allowing him to completely get away with this (thereby sending the message to the OP and his child that a day with his son and wife is nothing compared to a day with his friend) OR antagonizing her enough to make her call and pester him about coming home. Then HE can play the victim.

This would NOT fly in my house. No way, no how.