Should I not be upset?

[spacemountainmom]

Maybe you just have lower standards.

REALLY?

DH is actually a peach of a guy compared to most. But, let's face it....men do not think like women at all. DH works a ton so I can only work very part-time and be home for the kids. He might run off to Fleet Farm for one thing and then decide he needs to run to Menards for something else and then have to go to Gander Mountain as well. He told me he was going to Fleet Farm so I expect him home quicker.....obviously he is a louse and I have low standards.

He's not lying to me and telling me he's going for a haircut when he isn't.

 

[MELSMICE]

How do you know he's not getting his hair cut? Do you think calling hiim names is going to help the OP

The OP says this also isn't the first time he's done this.

She also said he came home without getting his hair cut!

 

[Scurvy]

How do you know he's not getting his hair cut? Do you think calling hiim names is going to help the OP

The fact that he told his wife he hadn't gotten one sort of led me to believe he hadn't gotten one. I have no idea if he really intended to get one when he left the house, and never speculated about that part. Regardless, he was gone for hours - much more time than it would have taken to get a simple haircut. That is time he could have spent with his wife and child if he had wanted to. As for saying he's being a jerk - well, I think he was. He might be the nicest guy and best husband in the world most of the time, but his behavior today was not nice or considerate. The OP wanted to know if she was right to be upset so yes, I think knowing that other people think he was being a jerk might make her feel better, since she was apparently afraid she was overreacting.

 

[monkeybug]

REALLY?

DH is actually a peach of a guy compared to most. But, let's face it....men do not think like women at all. DH works a ton so I can only work very part-time and be home for the kids. He might run off to Fleet Farm for one thing and then decide he needs to run to Menards for something else and then have to go to Gander Mountain as well. He told me he was going to Fleet Farm so I expect him home quicker.....obviously he is a louse and I have low standards.

He's not lying to me and telling me he's going for a haircut when he isn't.

I'm certainly not saying you have low standards, and it sounds like you have a great husband who you love very much, but saying men don't think like women is in my opinion a poor excuse for an inconsiderate lack of communication.
If I left my husband with my three kids to go to the gym and didn't come home for 5 hours because I decided to go run a few errands after my work out, that's inconsiderate. He would have every right to be very upset. Part of being a grown up is being considerate of other peoples time, feelings, and expectations, and it doesn't matter if your a woman or a man.

 

[sparklynails23]

There aren't any football games on at 10:30 in the morning.

 

[marlynnp]

^^^ I was just coming back to add all of this. According to the OP, she hadn't spent a Sunday together in the last 4 weeks. So he already had the previous 4 Sundays to spend with his friends. It also didn't sound like she was getting Sunday off next week or possibly in upcoming weeks. So he'd have the next Sundays to spend with his friends.

Instead of being happy, making plans (any of HIS choosing, according to the OP,) to spend time with his family, he preferred and chose to spend it with a buddy. One he could spend time with next Sunday, or already has the previous Sundays. He indicated where he'd rather be.

The OP says this also isn't the first time he's done this.

You are assuming he spent those Sundays with his friends. I look at the info in the OP and assume that he's spent those Sundays at home with the child.

Regardless, when I heard he was going to lunch and hadn't had a haircut yet, I would have asked, "Where are you eating? We'll meet you there."

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Regardless, when I heard he was going to lunch and hadn't had a haircut yet, I would have asked, "Where are you eating? We'll meet you there."

Really? I'm not going to opine on what the OP's husband was or wasn't doing, but he's entitled to have lunch alone or with friends without his wife running in to check up on him. I would have handled it when he got home by saying, "dude, here are the problems as I see them." I'd lay them out and ask him what's up.

 

[spacemountainmom]

I'm certainly not saying you have low standards, and it sounds like you have a great husband who you love very much, but saying men don't think like women is in my opinion a poor excuse for an inconsiderate lack of communication.
If I left my husband with my three kids to go to the gym and didn't come home for 5 hours because I decided to go run a few errands after my work out, that's inconsiderate. He would have every right to be very upset. Part of being a grown up is being considerate of other peoples time, feelings, and expectations, and it doesn't matter if your a woman or a man.

Trust me....I agree with you. I just took exception with all the people who immediately assumed that the guy has a girlfriend. Guys do not communicate as well as women and they also do not take hints well. They generally need clear instructions and that even fails at times.

I don't think he should have lied to her, but I also wouldn't immediately assume that another woman is involved. Yes, my dh is a great guy, but he doesn't think like me and I get that.....now....and even then it doesn't hit me right away always.

 

[dizluvah]

There aren't any football games on at 10:30 in the morning.

No but the pregame shows start at 10am on Sunday..

OP - I'm sorry your spouse disappointed you - I feel your pain it has happened to me with my DH as well but I think it is a huge leap from your hubby disappointing you today to assuming he's having an affair. I think that is ridiculous.

As many others have pointed out, lots of walk-in hair cuttery places are open on Sunday and probably lots of salons or barber shops too - don't make this bigger than it is. Your feelings are hurt and rightfully so, and you are disappointed that he let you (and your DS) down, but try to cut him some slack.

Another famous therapist always says "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" Decide if this is worth fighting the rest of the day over. You can discuss with DH without ruining the rest of your precious time together today.

to you.

 

[SaraJayne]

There aren't any football games on at 10:30 in the morning.

Depends on what time zone you're in.

There sure is a lot of leaping going on in this thread.

 

[Disney Doll]

Today is my first Sunday off in a while (at least a month) and DH ONLY has Sunday's off. Which means we very rarely have a whole day off together. I told him over a week ago that I would be home today and I just wanted to spend the whole day with my DS and DH.

It is now almost 1:30pm he has been gone since around 10:30am. Where is he? He is going to get a haircut! He was unable to go on Friday like he usually does bc he worked late. DS and I were going to go with him but he wanted to go with a friend of his bc his friend needed a cut too and his friend knew where the barber is located. Fine I ran some errands with my DS and when I called my DH about an hour ago he said he was going to get some lunch with his friend AND he hadn't even
had his haircut yet!!!! I don't even know any salons that are open on Sunday's are barbers different?

I am just sad bc I was really looking forward to this family time. He knew how I felt and that I didn't care what we did today as long as we were all together. This is also not the first time he has done something like this. Guess I should have expected it.

So where has he been since 1030AM? That would be my 1st quesiton.

 

[marlynnp]

Really? I'm not going to opine on what the OP's husband was or wasn't doing, but he's entitled to have lunch alone or with friends without his wife running in to check up on him. I would have handled it when he got home by saying, "dude, here are the problems as I see them." I'd lay them out and ask him what's up.

Yes, really. I would say that.

And I would wait to see what the story was. I wouldn't necessary join him. But he would know that I had expected he would be home for lunch. And I would find out just what the plans were for the rest of the day and plan mine accordingly. I wouldn't be sitting at home waiting for him to show up whenever and stewing about it.

My husband does this occasionally when he stops to see his dad. He thinks it will be an hour and the next things you know he's fixing something and it's 2 hours later. Stuff happens but a lack of communication about it is not acceptable in my book.

 

[grafxgirl]

My husband tends to get sidetracked too if he meets up with a buddy. For instance, yesterday afternoon he left to get gas for the lawn mower, and pick up a few things. I ended up with a text message from him several hours later that he ended up playing poker at a friend's house down the road. It was midnight before I saw him. Unless we have something major planned, I usually just go about my own business and enjoy some time alone doing what I want.

 

[Nancyg56]

Counselor/author, John Bradshaw says that what you choose to spend your time on shows what is really most important to you. OP, he didn't choose to spend it with you and your child.

If this was the one day the two of you could have spent together as a family and he wanted to be elsewhere instead, that says a lot.

I agree that if they had decided to spend the day together and he chose to skip out and not come home for hours instead...............well that speaks for itself. I wonder if the OP assumed this. I have doen it with my DH and then after a few hours of steaming and fuming he would really not know why I was mad I learned that with my DH I need to be specific.

I disagree, he's not allowed to have any time with his friends. I can't image telling my hubby he couldn't spend time with his friends. It's his day off as well

true, but if he chooses to spend it elsewhere and does this routinely then I would wonder what place I am in his priority list.

You just reiterated my point. He can CHOOSE tho spend his time however he likes. What HE chose indicates that spending time with his friends is MORE important than spending it with his wife & child on the one day they have off together.

This.

 

[Imzadi]

REALLY?

DH is actually a peach of a guy compared to most. But, let's face it....men do not think like women at all. DH works a ton so I can only work very part-time and be home for the kids. He might run off to Fleet Farm for one thing and then decide he needs to run to Menards for something else and then have to go to Gander Mountain as well. He told me he was going to Fleet Farm so I expect him home quicker.....obviously he is a louse and I have low standards.

He's not lying to me and telling me he's going for a haircut when he isn't.

I'm certainly not saying you have low standards, and it sounds like you have a great husband who you love very much, but saying men don't think like women is in my opinion a poor excuse for an inconsiderate lack of communication.
If I left my husband with my three kids to go to the gym and didn't come home for 5 hours because I decided to go run a few errands after my work out, that's inconsiderate. He would have every right to be very upset. Part of being a grown up is being considerate of other peoples time, feelings, and expectations, and it doesn't matter if your a woman or a man.

Sorry, spacemountainmom, I meant it in the way that monkeybug had put it, much more succinctly. Not that you have low standards, in general, plural. Or that you have a bad marriage. Just in this one area, as you put it in general terms, "Men are..."

I personally have seen men who can be extremely thoughtful and considerate and precise in communications. Many people here have stated examples on other threads of how thoughtful their male DH/SO is.

However, no one is perfect, and we have to ultimately pick the foibles and faults we can live with in a spouse. You've accepted that your guy can be thoughtless and inconsiderate at times and is a great guy even with that foible.

I don't think there is any indication in the OP's situation, but some women, like the Kennedy women, accept that their spouses' faults are, "Men cheat."

I think the OP will just have to come to terms with the fact that her DH prefers to spend some time with his bromates over her & DS. And he has problems being direct with her about it, that he'd rather be doing other things.

 

[momof1princess]

you sure he isn't with a "lady" friend....

could be, if his "lady" friend is a 60+ year old man named mr. pledger. if mr. pledger is a she, then my DH works AWFULLY fast, because he always comes home in about 25-30 minutes with a crew cut.

OP, as i stated, your original post made me suspicious, but that's just me, and i'm only basing that on what you wrote. my dad is a serial cheater, so, sometimes, i'm inclined to believe the worst. i know, it's sad. only you and your DH know what really went on today, and, frankly, if you chose not to share it with anyone here, i wouldn't blame you. i do hope your DH came home in time for the 3 of you to salvage the afternoon together.

 

[denisem]

Depends on what time zone you're in.

There sure is a lot of leaping going on in this thread.

Really.

OP, I get where you're annoyed, but I wouldn't automatically assume DH is having an affair or prefers his friend's company to yours.

Maybe they got to BSing and lost track of time. Maybe the friend had a recliner to pick up & he asked DH for help. Maybe the friend needed someone to talk to about a serious issue. Maybe they were abducted by aliens. Don't mean to make light of the issue, but you need to TALK to HIM before relying on scenerios from complete strangers.

We live in Podunk, FL and there are plenty of places open on Sundays to get your hair cut - the mall, Fantastic Sam's & their clones, heck, even WalMart.

 

[leebee]

There aren't any football games on at 10:30 in the morning.

Depends on your time zone. When we lived in San Francisco, one of our favorite things to do on a Sunday morning was sleep in until about 9:30, get up long enough to make coffee and get the muffins, and get back into bed with breakfast while watching the NFL!

 

[C.Ann]

and all barbers are closed on Sunday & monday

Not all barbers are closed on Sunday..

There sure is a lot of leaping going on in this thread.

And you never "leap" right? LOL..

-------------------

It's been determined that he didn't get a hair cut - and that's about it..

I think the two of you need to sit down and come to some sort of agreement about how the one day off a week is going to go.. Something that works for both of you - not just one sided..

And for goodness sake, don't listen to this nonsense about another woman.. By tomorrow morning some folks will have you rushing off to the bank to clean out your accounts and filing for divorce..

 

[spacemountainmom]

Sorry, spacemountainmom, I meant it in the way that monkeybug had put it, much more succinctly. Not that you have low standards, in general, plural. Or that you have a bad marriage. Just in this one area, as you put it in general terms, "Men are..."

I personally have seen men who can be extremely thoughtful and considerate and precise in communications. Many people here have stated examples on other threads of how thoughtful their male DH/SO is.

However, no one is perfect, and we have to ultimately pick the foibles and faults we can live with in a spouse. You've accepted that your guy can be thoughtless and inconsiderate at times and is a great guy even with that foible.

I don't think there is any indication in the OP's situation, but some women, like the Kennedy women, accept that their spouses' faults are, "Men cheat."

I think the OP will just have to come to terms with the fact that her DH prefers to spend some time with his bromates over her & DS. And he has problems being direct with her about it, that he'd rather be doing other things.

No worries. I honestly get tired of some of the "man bashing" that goes on around here and was (clumsily) trying to explain how his and her ideas on the day off can vary greatly. I've been married for almost 20 years and for the most part my dh is wonderful, but he does have his moments and so do I.

We had another example of he thinks/she thinks at my house this week. It was teacher convention time here so the kids and I were off school on Thursday and Friday. Months ago, dh asked when the break was so he could see if he could get those two days off. He was able to get them and I assumed we would do some stuff over the two days as a family. I later find out that dh wanted the time off so he could take ds and go get ready for hunting season and play with the four wheelers and that's what he did. DD and I ended up having a girls' day out - including lunch, shopping, coffee and all that good stuff. The boys got home and we met up with dh's hunting buddy and his family and went out to dinner. It was not what I had originally imagined, but we still had a good time, nonetheless.

We each had a different idea of what we were going to do with the time off. Yes, better communication should have been involved, however, we both made assumptions. I assumed what I thought he had in mind and he assumed that I would figure out that it was close to hunting and he would be going up north. It wasn't a big deal. We both ended up getting to do what we wanted. However, I do get to see plenty of my dh so it wasn't like I was really devastated that he wanted to play with his toys. Next time, I will remember to ask before I make an assumption.