Should I not be upset?

[SpecialK]

My husband just got home from getting a haircut. There are many places here that are open on Sunday. My guess - he and his friend were off watching a game somewhere.

 

[kathie859]

My husband just got home from getting a haircut. There are many places here that are open on Sunday. My guess - he and his friend were off watching a game somewhere.

Or.......He has another "special" friend in the wings. I'd be highly suspicious....

 

[Ceila]

and all barbers are closed on Sunday & monday

No, they are not. Around here there are many that are open on Sundays and Mondays.

There are quite a few fishy parts of the OP's story, but simply going to a barber on Sunday is not one of them. (And by fishy, I do not mean that the OP's husband is cheating on her. Lying, perhaps, insensitive, definitely, but I don't jump on the "he must be a cheater" bandwagon so quickly.)

 

[hambirg]

Wow - suspicious much?

No offense - men are self-centered and dense. He is used to her not being around on weekends so he made plans with his buddy to go watch the game or have a beer or whatever. He shouldn't lie about it, but I really think it's a reach to assume that he's having an affair.

Waaay back in the day, my dh had a softball game and I really needed to have time to study for my CIC (Insurance stuff) test. I asked him to come straight home and take dd so I could study in peace and quiet. He didn't come home and didn't come home and it got later and later. This was pre cell phone days. I was madder than a wet hen when he finally strolled through the door a good three hours after he should have been home. He got asked to sub for another team and then got to bs'ing and having a beverage or two. He totally forgot about me, dd and my test. Did I immediately assume he was stepping out on me? - um, no.

He was thoughtless and believe me, I still bring it up when I want to make a point. I wouldn't still be married if I thought something was up everytime dh didn't come home as soon as I thought he should. There is always some other errand or whatever.

That was my first thought. . Sunday. . .gone for 3 1/2 hrs. . .going to get something to eat. Yep. . .watching the game and enjoying some brews with his buddy.

It sucks that he feels like he has to lie about it though.

 

[kacaju]

I was thinking the same as this

Well, I'm going to be no help coz I can see both sides.

Does your DH work 6 days a week & really only has 1 day off? Then I can see him wanting a little time with his friend, especially if he normally has your son on his one day off. What did he say when you told him you wanted to spend all day together? Was he as into it as you were? Are all your Sundays off spent as family time? Do either of you take time to do things on your own?

Is he otherwise helpful & loving? If he is, you might have to let him go on this one. I know you are disappointed, but he might see this as his only time in months to get some "me" time.

My DH & I did worked opposite shifts like this when our kids were little too. He worked Mon- Fri & I worked Sat & Sun. So I know it is hard & takes both of you working together to make it work. Sounds like you might need a calm talk about what you both need on your days off.

I'm sorry you are upset & I hope you can salvage some of your day.

 

[sookie]

i don't know of any salons or barber shops that are open on sunday. sorry, i don't mean to be suspicious, i guess it's just my nature. my DH drives 10 minutes round-trip to the local barbershop to get a crew cut and is back in about 25-30 minutes. i hope you guys can meet up soon, and salvage your afternoon together.

ETA: yes, you have every right to be upset. if i gave DH a week's notice of an upcoming day off that i wanted to spend with him, and he took off with a friend instead and totally left me hanging, i'd be more than upset, i'd be totally irate.

you sure he isn't with a "lady" friend....

 

[Sadie22]

DH got called to work this morning. Good thing we went to church yesterday afternoon. After he got home and had some lunch, he went to get a haircut. Then he spent an hour cleaning the kitchen after my major cooking session. Now he's over at his mother's house doing yardwork.

 

[happygirl]

That was my first thought. . Sunday. . .gone for 3 1/2 hrs. . .going to get something to eat. Yep. . .watching the game and enjoying some brews with his buddy.

It sucks that he feels like he has to lie about it though.

This is my guess as well, we watching a game somewhere

 

[Robinrs]

I drop my son and my uncle off at the barber shop every other Sunday at 11 and pick them up around 1:30pm. They actually see it as a social gathering!! A bunch of guys laughing and talking!

Men do NOT get clues like women do. Yes, a bunch of women on the internet or at the office will always agree with you but I'm sure he is not deliberately trying to hurt you. One more excuse for men to think we're crazy...

 

[Imzadi]

You have good cause to be upset, and for more than one reason....

Counselor/author, John Bradshaw says that what you choose to spend your time on shows what is really most important to you. OP, he didn't choose to spend it with you and your child.

If this was the one day the two of you could have spent together as a family and he wanted to be elsewhere instead, that says a lot.

 

[si-am]

My husband gets his hair cut on Sundays, at Sports Clips (which is kind of like Great Clips/Super Cuts but for guys). I usually drop him off and then spend time at Super Target while it gets done.

It never takes more than an hour, if that.

 

[happygirl]

Counselor/author, John Bradshaw says that what you choose to spend your time on is most important to you. OP, he didn't choose to spend it with you and your child.

If this was the one day the two of you could have spent together as a family and he wanted to be elsewhere instead, that says a lot.

I disagree, he's not allowed to have any time with his friends. I can't image telling my hubby he couldn't spend time with his friends. It's his day off as well

 

[Imzadi]

Wow - suspicious much?

No offense - men are self-centered and dense. He is used to her not being around on weekends so he made plans with his buddy to go watch the game or have a beer or whatever. He shouldn't lie about it, but I really think it's a reach to assume that he's having an affair.

Waaay back in the day, my dh had a softball game and I really needed to have time to study for my CIC (Insurance stuff) test. I asked him to come straight home and take dd so I could study in peace and quiet. He didn't come home and didn't come home and it got later and later. This was pre cell phone days. I was madder than a wet hen when he finally strolled through the door a good three hours after he should have been home. He got asked to sub for another team and then got to bs'ing and having a beverage or two. He totally forgot about me, dd and my test. Did I immediately assume he was stepping out on me? - um, no.

He was thoughtless and believe me, I still bring it up when I want to make a point. I wouldn't still be married if I thought something was up everytime dh didn't come home as soon as I thought he should. There is always some other errand or whatever.

Maybe you just have lower standards.

 

[Imzadi]

I disagree, he's not allowed to have any time with his friends. I can't image telling my hubby he couldn't spend time with his friends. It's his day off as well

You just reiterated my point. He can CHOOSE tho spend his time however he likes. What HE chose indicates that spending time with his friends is MORE important than spending it with his wife & child on the one day they have off together.

 

[wilderness01]

There are plenty of places around here open on Sunday for haircuts.

 

[Scurvy]

I disagree, he's not allowed to have any time with his friends. I can't image telling my hubby he couldn't spend time with his friends. It's his day off as well

Why do you say that? It seems like quite a leap. The OP said that this is the first day off that the two of them have shared in at least a month, which means she and her husband haven't spent a day together in at least that long. I think it's understandable the she wanted to spend today with her husband, and he apparently never bothered to tell her there was something he preferred to do. Of course she's upset. How did you get from that to him never being allowed to have time with his friends?

I'd be annoyed too if my husband chose to spend the one day we could have spent together in more than a month with a friend instead, especially if he wasn't honest about his choice to begin with. I wouldn't assume there was any kind of affair going on, but I would assume that spending the day with me wasn't important to him. That would really hurt my feelings. OP, I'm sorry your husband was being a jerk today and I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

There are places that are open on Sunday. My MIL's has a hair salon that she has open until 2:00 pm on that day. However, I would be upset with my husband.

 

[happygirl]

Why do you say that? It seems like quite a leap. The OP said that this is the first day off that the two of them have shared in at least a month, which means she and her husband haven't spent a day together in at least that long. I think it's understandable the she wanted to spend today with her husband, and he apparently never bothered to tell her there was something he preferred to do. Of course she's upset. How did you get from that to him never being allowed to have time with his friends?

I'd be annoyed too if my husband chose to spend the one day we could have spent together in more than a month with a friend instead, especially if he wasn't honest about his choice to begin with. I wouldn't assume there was any kind of affair going on, but I would assume that spending the day with me wasn't important to him. That would really hurt my feelings. OP, I'm sorry your husband was being a jerk today and I hope things get better for you soon.

How do you know he's not getting his hair cut? Do you think calling hiim names is going to help the OP

 

[Imzadi]

Why do you say that? It seems like quite a leap. The OP said that this is the first day off that the two of them have shared in at least a month, which means she and her husband haven't spent a day together in at least that long. I think it's understandable the she wanted to spend today with her husband, and he apparently never bothered to tell her there was something he preferred to do. Of course she's upset. How did you get from that to him never being allowed to have time with his friends?

I'd be annoyed too if my husband chose to spend the one day we could have spent together in more than a month with a friend instead, especially if he wasn't honest about his choice to begin with. I wouldn't assume there was any kind of affair going on, but I would assume that spending the day with me wasn't important to him. That would really hurt my feelings. OP, I'm sorry your husband was being a jerk today and I hope things get better for you soon.

^^^ I was just coming back to add all of this. According to the OP, she hadn't spent a Sunday together in the last 4 weeks. So he already had the previous 4 Sundays to spend with his friends. It also didn't sound like she was getting Sunday off next week or possibly in upcoming weeks. So he'd have the next Sundays to spend with his friends.

Instead of being happy, making plans (any of HIS choosing, according to the OP,) to spend time with his family, he preferred and chose to spend it with a buddy. One he could spend time with next Sunday, or already has the previous Sundays. He indicated where he'd rather be.

The OP says this also isn't the first time he's done this.

 

[monkeybug]

How do you know he's not getting his hair cut? Do you think calling hiim names is going to help the OP

I thought we all knew he wasn't getting a haircut because the OP says he's on his way home, and he didn't get a haircut?

OP, I'd be upset too! We obviously don't know the whole story (how much time your DH gets with friends, how many day's off a week he gets, ect.) but I think just on the basis that you two had made plans, you had shared your expectations of this day with him, and he didn't tell you he had conflicting plans or other expectations, you have the right to be angry. I think what he did was very inconsiderate.