Seriously ... Is This Really That Bad re. Niece's Wedding? LONG

[Daxx]

OK - as I mentioned before, I have to attend niece's wedding on Long Island. My nephew (from different SIL) is getting married a week after niece's wedding. Both weddings are out-of-town.

Niece's wedding is an 8 hour trip. I looked at flights and can get an inexpensive flight to LI and rent a car for less than a two-night hotel stay. Hotel price of niece's wedding is $150/night plus tax. I would need 3 nights for niece's wedding (total $450 plus tax) b/c I would need to arrive the day before the wedding (so I'm fresh for the wedding), the night of the wedding and b/c I am not going to drive 8 hours home the day after the wedding, I'd need another night.

Nephew's wedding is 3 hours away and "hotel" price of nephew's wedding is $30/night per person and that includes tax and food b/c it's at a Catholic retreat!

Then, we have our Disney vaca. a few weeks after nephew's wedding.

So, I told SIL that I would be flying in and out for niece's wedding. When talking about nephew's wedding, I mentioned that we would stay overnight so we can party at wedding. Then SIL asked if we were still planning on going to Disney. SIL got really miffed b/c we are staying overnight for nephew's wedding and not niece's (her daughter's) wedding. I explained that if I drove out to LI, it would cost me a lot in gas plus I'd have to stay over three nights which is $450 plus in hotel alone. For nephew's wedding, the entire cost/distance is far less and more feasible. Of course, SIL said "Then cancel Disney". She was really hurt that we weren't going to stay for more than just the wedding. I'm thinking that she should be lucky we're going at all b/c it's become more expensive by the second.

DH has to work and cannot go to either wedding. I will take DS to nephew's wedding b/c it's far less costlier than niece's.

Am I so bad to do an in-and-out for niece but stay overnight for nephew? It would be one thing if both weddings were equal distance away and costs (hotel) were the same ... but that's not the case. DH says don't sweat it ... but I can't help but feel awful!

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Why feel bad - you are going. SIL isn't going to have much time to spend with you anyway.

 

[Sandy V.]

You're right - your SIL is lucky that you are making the effort to attend AT ALL.

I would do it the way I originally planned to and follow my DH's advice to not sweat it. But relatives can sure lay down the guilt trips, don't they? The key is to not fall into that trap!!

 

[Daxx]

Why feel bad - you are going. SIL isn't going to have much time to spend with you anyway.

I guess I'm not putting in adequate "family time" by doing the fly-in-fly-out thing.

 

[crzyred]

I'm confused.

Aren't you flying to your niece's wedding?

 

[Daxx]

I'm confused.

Aren't you flying to your niece's wedding?

Yes ... I am flying ... and it's cheaper than driving (gas money) and hotel. Niece's wedding will be a 24-hour experience.

 

[okeydokey]

It's not her business how you spend your vacation money, especially seeing how you are going to attend both weddings.

 

[supercarrie]

Why can't you fly in the morning of the wedding, stay in a hotel the night of, and then fly back home the next morning? (The way I read it now you are flying in morning of, and flying out that same night?)

Does that make it extremely expensive? Surely that would solve your SIL's complaints about not being able to spend time together?

Edited to add - its not really her business anyway, but might be worth it to keep the peace and enjoy the party a bit more.

 

[Tinker74]

i think you are right...Your SIL should be glad you are going at all seeing as it is 8 hrs away.
The cheek of her asking you to cancel disney ....yeah right..so your family should go without a vacation just so you can stay longer at her daughters wedding!!...She's the selfish one..no doubt about it.

i hate weddings...

 

[babytrees]

Your sister is giving you a nice guilt trip. I probably wouldn't have mentioned to her that you will be "partying" at nephew's but other than that you need to let it go.

I am betting she is just stressed and may be having a mother of the bridezilla moment.

Just remember to "Bless her pointy little head" as one of my favorite people says about people who frustrate her.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

i hate weddings...

Me too!

 

[Daxx]

Why can't you fly in the morning of the wedding, stay in a hotel the night of, and then fly back home the next morning? (The way I read it now you are flying in morning of, and flying out that same night?)

Why? No need for a hotel room for 3 hours! Here's how it works ...
Arriving Long Island 10:30 am on Sat.
Wedding from 3pm Sat. til 1am Sunday
Arriving airport 4:30 am on Sun. for 6:30 am flight

No reason to have a hotel ... wedding ends at 1 am on Sun. morning and it's only 3 hours til I have to dump the rental car and check in at the airport (they always want you there 2 hours before flight time). Why get a hotel for 3 hours? The earlier flight is about $75 less than an afternoon or evening flight. It's a 24-hour trip from the minute I leave Buffalo to the minute I leave Long Island. Most of the 24 hours will be spent at the wedding.

Does that make it extremely expensive?

Yes -- it would be an extra $75 to leave on a later afternoon flight plus $150+ for hotel. Over $225 to say for a few extra hours on Sun? Sooo not worth it!!!!!

Edited to add - its not really her business anyway, but might be worth it to keep the peace and enjoy the party a bit more.

I'll enjoy the wedding enough ... from start to finish. I won't be missing a second of it.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Oh good Lord! I think she is way out of line. You are going to the wedding. Sorry but it is not the most important day in YOUR life. Yes, you would like to be there and you will but she expects you to cancel your vacation for her? Uh yeah right! I can't stand when people get like that. It's "Well you go away every year to WDW or wherever. Why can't you not go and spend your money visiting us?" Blah blah blah. Isn't this the same person who was going to let you stay at a beach house for the wedding and then said sorry you have to get a hotel? I think you are being more than generous. You are 8 hours away! She should be grateful that you are coming. How nice that they want to tell you how to spend your money. Isn't this the black tie event? Sorry but she is rudy mcrude pants.

 

[susieq76]

I guess your not close with the niece?

My niece is getting married July 6th. In Long Island- 10-12 hr road trip. I couldn't imagine not going and being at the rehearsal and brunch afterward- but that's because I would feel bad not to see Jill and spend the time fawning over her... Not b/c of my sister. I'm heartbroken that I have to miss her shower next weekend as I just can't afford it since DH's brother (who I can't stand) decided to get married Nov 1 a few weeks ago- so now we have two weddings. But for his, I'll gladly (emphasize the gladly) fly in and out- shoot, I'm trying to figure out a way not to go at all and just make DH go.

So, if I were close to her I'd stay, if not, then I wouldn't. Seems easy to me.

 

[Nennie]

I wouldn't sweat it!!! It's not like you are even leaving the reception early!!!

Then again, you can give Niece the choice of either a gift, or you staying overnight in a hotel!! <evil laugh>

Seriously, it's great that you will be there for the entire wedding, and it is silly of your SIL to insist that you stay the next day too!

Have a great time at both weddings!!

 

[Daxx]

I guess your not close with the niece?

My niece is getting married July 6th. In Long Island- 10-12 hr road trip. I couldn't imagine not going and being at the rehearsal and brunch afterward- but that's because I would feel bad not to see Jill and spend the time fawning over her... Not b/c of my sister. I'm heartbroken that I have to miss her shower next weekend as I just can't afford it since DH's brother (who I can't stand) decided to get married Nov 1 a few weeks ago- so now we have two weddings. But for his, I'll gladly (emphasize the gladly) fly in and out- shoot, I'm trying to figure out a way not to go at all and just make DH go.

So, if I were close to her I'd stay, if not, then I wouldn't. Seems easy to me.

Yes, I am close w/niece but she has been living in NYC for over about 7 yrs. and we see each other when I go out to NYC (once every 2 yrs. I'd guess) or when she comes to town (once a year). It's not a matter of how close I am to her ... it's a matter of money. It's having to buy two fancy dresses (b/c the same people will be at both weddings), two wedding gifts, two shower gifts and everything else. If it were just one wedding I had to attend, I'd go for the extra days. But, it's not. Aside from these weddings, I have another local wedding I have to attend. Plus, I feel that I deserve a vaca. and so does my family. Why should DS have to consider an out of town wedding as his summer vacation? I think he deserves better than that.

And, how much time am I going to spend w/her? It's not like I'll be the only person at her wedding. She'll have 250+ guests to deal with. I doubt she's going to find more than a minute for me. She's getting married on Sat. and leaving for honeymoon on Sun. morning. I wouldn't be surprised if I ran into her at the airport. If there's a brunch the next morning, I wouldn't see my niece anyway since she'd be long gone on her honeymoon.

 

[NotUrsula]

Oh, I smell a MOB that was planning on assigning you jobs on the day before and day of the wedding. I'm guessing that the real issue is that she's miffed that she just lost a potential errand-runner.

 

[Daxx]

Oh, I smell a MOB that was planning on assigning you jobs on the day before and day of the wedding. I'm guessing that the real issue is that she's miffed that she just lost a potential errand-runner.

You may be right ... hadn't thought about that one!!!! Veeeery interesting!!!!!

 

[TinkerbellMama]

All I know is that I'd be white-hot mad if someone (even a family member...ESPECIALLY a family member!) suggested I cancel my vacation because of THEIR insensitivity!!

I have a grandmother like that. We called her from DC last spring and when she found out where we were, her next words were, "If you can afford to go there, you should've come here instead!!!" Boy, was I unhappy with her!! We are going to visit them this summer, because we want to and it fits into our schedule and budget, but the very idea that she should tell us when and where to take our vacations ticked me right off. Tell your SIL that you have no intention of scheduling your entire life around her dd's expensive wedding plans, that you will attend, that you cannot reasonably afford to stay longer, and that she should probably focus her attention on planning the wedding rather than meddling in YOUR personal affairs. Nah, that's just my dream response. My real response would be: "I wish we could afford to stay longer, but it just isn't in our budget, and of course our other travel plans were made and paid for LONG ago." Then say nothing more. It's her problem if she can't accept that!!!

 

[LindaM]

The most important thing is you are there to share the day with your niece, that is all that matters. Enjoy, have fun and don't feel guilty, you can only do so much.