Sending money in bereavement card

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

I have never heard of doing this and I personally have never done it but honestly this thread makes me think its a great idea.

Usually people I know give comfort food or gift cards to restaurants knowing the family is not going to feel much like cooking and doing dishes especially in that first week or two.

But yes cold hard cash can come in very handy with unexpected expenses after a death especially if that death was very unexpected itself.

 

[kymom99]

When my parents and father in law died I had to buy clothes for everyone to wear to the funeral. That alone is a big expense for people. We had people give money in an envelope and tell us to have mass offered.

As mentioned previously I usually buy a mass intention if the deceased is catholic as I am. I have also given donations to charity. But it's not unheard of to me to give cash or a check and tell the recipient to do with it as they see fit.

 

[HopperFan]

From the South.

My dad died at age 38 unexpectedly in 1985 when I was a senior in high school. I had 3 younger siblings and mom was a stay at home mom. They managed on dad's income by thrift.

I vividly remember the neighbors coming over with a fat envelope of about $600 that all the neighbors contributed to. The next door neighbor had given much of his recent over time check to my mom.

Mom broke down in tears and said she couldn't accept it. The neighbors insisted and said 'You can't eat flowers.' Such good, caring folks.

Money is not commonly directly given here, but if you know the family needs it, I would send it.

There are indeed so many unexpected things that come up at the time of death.

I'm in the south too, my Mom was stay at home as well ... so I do get that part. I like your story and how they handled it as a group gift to her, how they gave her and why .... and it was a great way to let her know they were there for her. But I think if my Mom had received $20, $50 etc in the mail then she would have been very uncomfortable with that.

I was getting ready to graduate high school in few months so at that time many gave me graduation cards and big checks (folks who may not have even sent a card) and said "use for books" etc. I think that was their way of helping, without putting her on the spot.

(and I'm a HUGE .... but flowers are dead the minute you cut them so I don't like sending them)

 

[Alesia]

I wouldn't put it in a card.

If you want to give cash, it's much better to do it in person. If you can't do that, I would write a sympathy letter, not a card, but an old fashioned, hand written letter. Some things need a personal touch.

 

[HarperLeigh]

Yes, it is commom to send money in sympathy cards where I live. When FIL died, MIL received almost $2000 just from sympathy cards.

 

[AquamarineSteph]

I would be grateful for any kindness which anyone showed me during such a difficult period.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I have never heard of this until now. Recently, my MIL died, the only checks we received were for our designated charity. Which is fine--although her death was sudden, BIL had access to her funds to pay for funeral expenses and so forth. I do think it's a nice idea, especially in circumstances where the death is a hardship. I'm used to the big piles of food at a funeral, which is also nice, but I know my family was completely overwhelmed when my parents died--just so much food to deal with. But, it was a kind and generous gesture, to be sure.

 

[AnnaS]

I forgot to add that on my pp - Usually money is given when there is no comment on the obituary about donating to a charity in lieu of flowers. Some will give $ to the family regardless and yes, it is given in a sympathy card, mass card with a personal note in it. Sometimes people will buy a Chalice, a robe for the priest, etc. and are donated the church. The church will send these gifts most of the times out of the country to churches that need it more. No right or wrong......every family's situation/custom/tradition is different.

 

[goodeats]

Like wedding gifts, this is very cultural. I used to work at the American offices of a large Japanese auto maker and we had many Japanese and Filipino employees. When someone's family member died they would pass around a card for people to sign and tuck money inside. I first assumed it was for flowers but later figured it out that they gave it to the bereaved.

 

[HopperFan]

Like wedding gifts, this is very cultural. I used to work at the American offices of a large Japanese auto maker and we had many Japanese and Filipino employees. When someone's family member died they would pass around a card for people to sign and tuck money inside. I first assumed it was for flowers but later figured it out that they gave it to the bereaved.

Cultural, regional, socio-economic ..... and I think the internet has changed how we view things, especially all these fund raising sites ... sadly I think lots of the personal touches are gone.

After reading the wedding gift thread of what people give, I'm leaning on not going to any more weddings.

 

[kid-at-heart]

OP here, I mailed a card and check today saying, "In 'H's' memory". If she was not 2000 miles away, I would have given it to her in person. Our friend is in her 90s, lives in a small town in the mountains (no stores or gas stations offer gift cards in her area) and from past experience, I know she is going to have to "pay back" her husband's most recent SS check, plus hospital, ambulance, funeral home, and many, many other expenses over the upcoming months. I do not know if it is a part of her culture to include money with the bereavement card and even though it made me feel a bit weird sending money and not knowing how it would be viewed, I felt it was the right thing to do.

I am glad to hear others also include money or at least do not feel it is a tacky thing to do.

 

[MRIMI]

I live in the Midwest & we always have given money in a card to the family. I recently found out how much this money can help. My 32 year old son recently passed away . He was single & didn't have any life insurance or assets. Friends & family were very generous with food & money. The money we put towards his funeral, as we all know there are lots of funeral expenses. This helped out my wife & I when we were having a hard dealing with his death. He has been only gone a couple of months & we still can't believe he is gone. So when I go to a funeral I give money & if the family has plenty to pay the expenses they can donate to the favorite charity y of the loved one that has passed.

 

[Minnesota!]

It is very common in the north/Midwest. I typically give $25 - $50.

 

[Minnesota!]

I live in the Midwest & we always have given money in a card to the family. I recently found out how much this money can help. My 32 year old son recently passed away . He was single & didn't have any life insurance or assets. Friends & family were very generous with food & money. The money we put towards his funeral, as we all know there are lots of funeral expenses. This helped out my wife & I when we were having a hard dealing with his death. He has been only gone a couple of months & we still can't believe he is gone. So when I go to a funeral I give money & if the family has plenty to pay the expenses they can donate to the favorite charity y of the loved one that has passed.

I am so sorry for your loss..

 

[kymom99]

I live in the Midwest & we always have given money in a card to the family. I recently found out how much this money can help. My 32 year old son recently passed away . He was single & didn't have any life insurance or assets. Friends & family were very generous with food & money. The money we put towards his funeral, as we all know there are lots of funeral expenses. This helped out my wife & I when we were having a hard dealing with his death. He has been only gone a couple of months & we still can't believe he is gone. So when I go to a funeral I give money & if the family has plenty to pay the expenses they can donate to the favorite charity y of the loved one that has passed.

Very sorry about your son.

 

[LynnTH]

In MN here. Very common also to give cash. My mom died 6 years ago and my dad got over $6000 in cash. My mom had been in Hospice for only 10 days but that bill was $3000 and insurance for that did not kick in yet as she had to be there longer for that to happen.. So, we advised my dad to pay off that bill, which he did. He then donated the rest to my kids school (Church School) and to the Hospice Center my mom was in as they were so good with her and all of us.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Like wedding gifts, this is very cultural. I used to work at the American offices of a large Japanese auto maker and we had many Japanese and Filipino employees. When someone's family member died they would pass around a card for people to sign and tuck money inside. I first assumed it was for flowers but later figured it out that they gave it to the bereaved.

I agree. I'm Latina and it's very normal to give cash. Lots of times it's spent directly on the funeral or just to get the family through the difficult time. It can be as small as $25 to up to 1k, especially if it was a young person with no life insurance. Usually close family gives the bigger amounts.

 

[kid-at-heart]

I live in the Midwest & we always have given money in a card to the family. I recently found out how much this money can help. My 32 year old son recently passed away . He was single & didn't have any life insurance or assets. Friends & family were very generous with food & money. The money we put towards his funeral, as we all know there are lots of funeral expenses. This helped out my wife & I when we were having a hard dealing with his death. He has been only gone a couple of months & we still can't believe he is gone. So when I go to a funeral I give money & if the family has plenty to pay the expenses they can donate to the favorite charity y of the loved one that has passed.

I cannot even imagine the sorrow you and your family have experienced. I am glad you had friends and family there to support you, not just financially but with love and emotional assistance.

 

[nycdisneygal]

I live in the Midwest & we always have given money in a card to the family. I recently found out how much this money can help. My 32 year old son recently passed away . He was single & didn't have any life insurance or assets. Friends & family were very generous with food & money. The money we put towards his funeral, as we all know there are lots of funeral expenses. This helped out my wife & I when we were having a hard dealing with his death. He has been only gone a couple of months & we still can't believe he is gone. So when I go to a funeral I give money & if the family has plenty to pay the expenses they can donate to the favorite charity y of the loved one that has passed.

I am so sorry for your loss...I cannot imagine your pain.

 

[nycdisneygal]

I have never heard of this before but I am glad I read this thread and I will plan to do this from now on...