SAHM's--How do you...?

[desiab]

How do you find time in your day or week for yourself?

I am struggling lately with trying to balance my role as a mother and wife with my needs as a woman. My kids are 1, 5, and 10.

Over the weekend my husband took care of the kids and it was so refreshing to take time for myself and do the things that I haven't been able to do for a while. But then I felt really guilty and selfish.

Anyone who is currently or a former SAHM have some advice for me?

 

[Jennifer S]

As the kids get older it gets much easier. Mine are 5 and 9 and both boys. Every weekend they love to hang w/ dad so I get a lot of free time then. I used to feel guilty but I'm over it. Hey it's your job to be a SAHM and EVERYONE gets time off from their job. My DH is better w/ them now that they are older. Sometimes I even feel left out.


Edit to add: They are both in school every day too so that is a huge amount of time to myself. It does get better and it will go fast. Enjoy them while they are little. Before you know it they'll be gone.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I finally got all of them in school full time! I love having some time for myself after all these years. When the oldest four all were in school full time I started babysitting for extra money. I stopped doing that when I had my 5th. Now the three little ones are all in school all day (Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grades) and I don't feel the least bit guilty doing things for myself - like napping! I do a tremendous amount of work for our PTA and keep our home nice so I feel like I'v earned some "me" time (especially like my free time for Dissing). I remember when the kids were young I thought I would never get any free time for myself, but eventually you do.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

My boys are 8, 6 and 3 and I make it a point to go to the gym almost every day. As soon as my oldest was 6 weeks old, he was off to the gym with me. Now, I only have my little guy with me full-time, but I couldn't trade my gym time for anything. It is truly the one thing I do for me and only me.

Oh, and a facial every 8 weeks doesn't hurt, either!

 

[golfgal]

When the kids were little nap time was MY time. When our oldest was out of naps, that was quiet play time in his room. I took time for myself on weekends and didn't feel the least bit guilty about it. Your kids are your DH's kids too. There is nothing wrong with him spending time alone with the kids and you doing something for yourself. Now that they are in school, I pretty much have all day to do what I want and my day "starts" when they get home from school.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

It gets better....especially as the kids get a little older. My kids are now 5, 7, and 16.

Give the 10-year-old child duties that require him/her to help out with the younger two. That can include pouring drinks or getting out a snack...changing a diaper or taking out the trash.

The 5-year-old can unload the dishwasher. Mine does. She puts all the utensils away and then stacks the other dishes on the counter. It saves me about 15 minutes every day and makes her take some responsibility for what she's messed up.

When my daughter was 10, she starting doing her own laundry. I told her that if she was going to continually change clothes 3-4 times a day, she'd have to take on the responsibility. She's 16 and still has to be reminded to do it, but it works. My 5 and 7-year-olds can sort their laundry and do. They also use those sorting skills to help fold socks, straighten up a room, and put the DVDs in order.

A 5-year-old can set the table for dinner and can keep the 1-year-old out of your hair while you fix it.

Children rise to the level of their parents' expectations. If you never teach your kids the value of housekeeping, cooking, and taking care of one another, they'll become lousy parents one day. If you expect it out of them, they will reach the goals you set. To do anything less it to set your child up for much failure.

As for the time to yourself...TAKE IT. Schedule it. Do it every week and forget the guilt. Guilt is a useless emotion. Sometimes I take my time DISing. Sometimes I go to the spa. Sometimes I just go for a pedicure.

 

[desiab]

It gets better....especially as the kids get a little older. My kids are now 5, 7, and 16.

Give the 10-year-old child duties that require him/her to help out with the younger two. That can include pouring drinks or getting out a snack...changing a diaper or taking out the trash.

The 5-year-old can unload the dishwasher. Mine does. She puts all the utensils away and then stacks the other dishes on the counter. It saves me about 15 minutes every day and makes her take some responsibility for what she's messed up.

When my daughter was 10, she starting doing her own laundry. I told her that if she was going to continually change clothes 3-4 times a day, she'd have to take on the responsibility. She's 16 and still has to be reminded to do it, but it works. My 5 and 7-year-olds can sort their laundry and do. They also use those sorting skills to help fold socks, straighten up a room, and put the DVDs in order.

A 5-year-old can set the table for dinner and can keep the 1-year-old out of your hair while you fix it.

Children rise to the level of their parents' expectations. If you never teach your kids the value of housekeeping, cooking, and taking care of one another, they'll become lousy parents one day. If you expect it out of them, they will reach the goals you set. To do anything less it to set your child up for much failure.

As for the time to yourself...TAKE IT. Schedule it. Do it every week and forget the guilt. Guilt is a useless emotion. Sometimes I take my time DISing. Sometimes I go to the spa. Sometimes I just go for a pedicure.

You made some great suggestions. My daughter(10) had to start doing her own laundry because she would put the clean clothes that I had washed and folded back into the dirty hamper so that she didn't have to put them away. After about the second time I refused to wash anymore of her clothes.

My son (5) does help with his little sister, so that I can get dinner ready or he will put his clothes in the washer once I get it started. Yesterday he cleaned his room before he went outside to play.

I am starting to look at me time the same way that I have always viewed "couple" time. I don't hesitate to plan for our anniversary every year, so I shouldn't hesitate to plan for "me" time.

 

[gris gris]

I'm not a SAHM but DH & I each have a "night out" every week. He goes out on Tuesdays & I go out on Wednesdays. Can your DH stay home one night a week with the kids? I use my time to get my hair cut, do errands, meet up with friends, etc.....whenever I make plans I make them for Wednesdays. I don't feel guilty about it at all. Plus, DH gets a "dad's" night with him and DD.

 

[zalansky]

I am a SAHM for only the past 4 months now. I have a 7 month old and a 3 year old. I joined a moms group and we do lots of playdates and more importantly, we have a moms night out once a month - which we are going to start doing actually more than once a month. We go to dinner and have drinks, and now are discussing doing different things like movies and comedy clubs. You have to have time for yourself. If I didn't I would lose it!

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Hi there! i have two babies 11months apart. a 4month old and a 15month old. I LOVE naptimes! those are MY times, i don't clean, or anything i actually do what i want whether it be a nap or here i am on the DIS!!! my monitors are on for whenever they wake up. I'm still in the 2naps a day club, so it's a good feeling my little guy tends to sleep more and it's great to have one on one time with DD too!!

I wake up early in the morning with DH when he leaves for work 5am and shower, tidy up the kitchen and laundry or whatever needs to be done. Then once they wake up i'm all theirs. I start on dinner about 4pm depending on what i'm making and when DH walks in the door he finishes it up and sets the table then he clears the table, does dishes and tidies up the kitchen for the evening. Then unless it's Monday (Prison Break) or Wednesday (LOST) we go out to the park/yard/pool/library depending on the weather. and on those 2 days DH leaves me all alone to watch my shows in PEACE! it's fabulous!

Hopefully your DH can help you out like that? every little bit helps

 

[HaleyB]

I remember those days well. My playgroup did Mom's night out every other week. Often enough that we all could make it at least once a month.

You must make your time a priority, and encourage your husband to go out once a month with just adults too. That was what really helped with my guilt feelings. Do not feel guilty when your husband takes over with the kids. First of all, a happy Mom makes for a happy husband and happy kids. Second it is very good for your kids and your husband to have time without you there. My husband learned that he can take good care of the kids if need be, early on, because I had surgery after my second and third were born. He is much more relaxed and able than a lot of Dads I know.

They grow up so fast, but you want to be able to enjoy them. If you take a little time for yourself you will enjoy them more. It really is good for everyone, just keep telling yourself that.