Sahm

[kacaju]

I was a SAHM for 16 years before going back part time. I started last year working in the HS cafeteria!! Yes... I am now my girls lunch lady!!
I took this job because I always say I would go back to work if I found a job where I could work from 10-2 (I now go in a 9:30 to 2!!) I needed to be off weekends, Holidays and the summer. Not to mention I am off all school holidays and any snow days!!
My girls are 17, 14 and 10. They are old enough to stay home alone for 4.5 hours if they are just not feeling well/ slight fever etc.. If they are really sick I will stay home with them. Co workers understand since this is why they all took this job as well, to be home for their kids when needed. They are all older now, but remember what it was like with kids in school. I love this job for those reasons!!

I will admit... I planned on keeping this job for the next 8 years (until the youngest is out of school) But seriously now consider keeping it much longer because I love the idea of having the summers off!!

 

[mhsjax]

I was a SAHM for 16 years before going back part time. I started last year working in the HS cafeteria!! Yes... I am now my girls lunch lady!!
I took this job because I always say I would go back to work if I found a job where I could work from 10-2 (I now go in a 9:30 to 2!!) I needed to be off weekends, Holidays and the summer. Not to mention I am off all school holidays and any snow days!!
My girls are 17, 14 and 10. They are old enough to stay home alone for 4.5 hours if they are just not feeling well/ slight fever etc.. If they are really sick I will stay home with them. Co workers understand since this is why they all took this job as well, to be home for their kids when needed. They are all older now, but remember what it was like with kids in school. I love this job for those reasons!!

I will admit... I planned on keeping this job for the next 8 years (until the youngest is out of school) But seriously now consider keeping it much longer because I love the idea of having the summers off!!

I would keep that job as long as I could. It sounds great.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Interesting thread.

I think it could have just as easily been named "Fortysomething Dilemmas" (or Pass the Prozac ) because forties are the time of life when a lot of realizations hit you. Hit everyone. (Maybe especially women.)

And not just hit us for ourselves, but hit us for those around us. (For example, seeing our slightly older friends, siblings, spouses with health issues and parents, uncles, neighbors passing away, etc.)

And not just SAHMs, but for us working Moms as well.

Somewhere, somehow, it creeps up on us that the Ship of Youth has sailed, and the Dinghy of Depends is on the horizon. (OK, just JOKES people!)

I think it's normal to kind of look back at this point to see where we've been, and to think forward to where we're going. (Isn't that one of those "stages of midlife"?)

I hate to see anyone have regrets because it's easy to look back and say "I should have". I prefer to think that people make the best decisions they can at the time. No point in Monday Quarterbacking those decisions.

I do think that there's no reason why we can't make changes as we re-evaluate now, though. Just think, if the economy wasn't what it is, it would probably be a lot easier to start on new paths now. But there are ways to find what you're looking for even in a crappy economy, especially if the pressure's off that you "have to". You just really need to "want to".

I've been fortunate enough to have kept and enjoyed my career while raising my family. But I'm finding I'm feeling the same things that some of you are: now that my kids are getting older, I'm looking at where to go from here, what will happen when they're grown and gone, and what do I want to do with the rest of my life? I'm not sure I have answers, either. And chances are it won't be drastically changed from what I'm doing now. But I am branching out a bit with hobbies and other interests of my own. Like some of you, I don't have pressure, either, because I have a job already but I'm doing things just because it's time for me now. One of my hobbies is turning into a paid gig, even though I didn't intend it that way (photography). It' gives me options for earning "fun" money without the pressure of commuting to and dealing with some of the regular stressors at work.

Just want to say good luck to everyone. Remember to think outside of the box. Look at what you're good at and see where you can go with it.

The Mystery Machine (and others), don't give up, you (we) are still "young"!

 

[mhsjax]

Interesting thread.

I think it could have just as easily been named "Fortysomething Dilemmas" (or Pass the Prozac ) because forties are the time of life when a lot of realizations hit you. Hit everyone. (Maybe especially women.)

And not just hit us for ourselves, but hit us for those around us. (For example, seeing our slightly older friends, siblings, spouses with health issues and parents, uncles, neighbors passing away, etc.)

And not just SAHMs, but for us working Moms as well.

Somewhere, somehow, it creeps up on us that the Ship of Youth has sailed, and the Dinghy of Depends is on the horizon. (OK, just JOKES people!)

I think it's normal to kind of look back at this point to see where we've been, and to think forward to where we're going. (Isn't that one of those "stages of midlife"?)

I hate to see anyone have regrets because it's easy to look back and say "I should have". I prefer to think that people make the best decisions they can at the time. No point in Monday Quarterbacking those decisions.

I do think that there's no reason why we can't make changes as we re-evaluate now, though. Just think, if the economy wasn't what it is, it would probably be a lot easier to start on new paths now. But there are ways to find what you're looking for even in a crappy economy, especially if the pressure's off that you "have to". You just really need to "want to".

I've been fortunate enough to have kept and enjoyed my career while raising my family. But I'm finding I'm feeling the same things that some of you are: now that my kids are getting older, I'm looking at where to go from here, what will happen when they're grown and gone, and what do I want to do with the rest of my life? I'm not sure I have answers, either. And chances are it won't be drastically changed from what I'm doing now. But I am branching out a bit with hobbies and other interests of my own. Like some of you, I don't have pressure, either, because I have a job already but I'm doing things just because it's time for me now. One of my hobbies is turning into a paid gig, even though I didn't intend it that way (photography). It' gives me options for earning "fun" money without the pressure of commuting to and dealing with some of the regular stressors at work.

Just want to say good luck to everyone. Remember to think outside of the box. Look at what you're good at and see where you can go with it.

The Mystery Machine (and others), don't give up, you (we) are still "young"!

OMG, funny you should say photography, that is DH hobby and he does as a fun side job. This is why I don't really have to worry about someone being here with the kids, but he has been very busy lately and if I did work, it would have caused some minor logistics problems. It is a long story and I won't get into it, but he is retired in an odd sort of way and he does photography on the side when he wants to for fun and a little extra cash.

People will ask me what he shoots, I look at them and say a camera. lol I know nothing about his hobby at all. I hate cameras, especially being in front of them.

 

[disykat]

Great post, Pea-n-me! That is so true! I'm sure people who have worked all along come to the questioning their choices point too. Maybe they're bored and wanting to change careers at this point.

While money plays into it, for me it's less about money and more about worrying what my life will be like as an empty nester. It's kind of hard to imagine. Whether I work or not (I've done both, currently I work part time) really isn't the issue.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Sahm here but my kiddos are 3 and 3 months. I think once DS is in school I"ll sell crafty stuff, maybe work part-time. Unless I'm working for myself, I don't see myself working full-time while the kids are in school. After that, I'll probably be in your position-- not knowing what to do!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I was a SAHM for 16 years before going back part time. I started last year working in the HS cafeteria!! Yes... I am now my girls lunch lady!!
I took this job because I always say I would go back to work if I found a job where I could work from 10-2 (I now go in a 9:30 to 2!!) I needed to be off weekends, Holidays and the summer. Not to mention I am off all school holidays and any snow days!!
My girls are 17, 14 and 10. They are old enough to stay home alone for 4.5 hours if they are just not feeling well/ slight fever etc.. If they are really sick I will stay home with them. Co workers understand since this is why they all took this job as well, to be home for their kids when needed. They are all older now, but remember what it was like with kids in school. I love this job for those reasons!!

I will admit... I planned on keeping this job for the next 8 years (until the youngest is out of school) But seriously now consider keeping it much longer because I love the idea of having the summers off!!

I like that idea! That actually never crossed my mind, but I'd defnitely do that!

 

[monkeybug]

I'm a stay at home mom to a 8 yr., 4yr., and 11 week old. I plan on staying home until all of the kids (and we plan on one more) are in school, and then my hiney is going back to school! I will probably do some online classes before then though. I don't want to work in the profession that I was in before having kids, and I don't have any interest in working in the field I was in college for (education), so I think I'm going to go to culinary school and specialize in Pastry.
If you don't have a financial need for a job, I say go back to school! My dad retired from his job and went back to school. He had a psychology degree, and went back for computer science. Now he teaches at a state college, LOVES his job, and makes more than he did at his "real" job.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm a stay at home mom to a 8 yr., 4yr., and 11 week old. I plan on staying home until all of the kids (and we plan on one more) are in school, and then my hiney is going back to school! I will probably do some online classes before then though. I don't want to work in the profession that I was in before having kids, and I don't have any interest in working in the field I was in college for (education), so I think I'm going to go to culinary school and specialize in Pastry.
If you don't have a financial need for a job, I say go back to school! My dad retired from his job and went back to school. He had a psychology degree, and went back for computer science. Now he teaches at a state college, LOVES his job, and makes more than he did at his "real" job.

That is interesting. My neighbor works for Panera aka St. Louis Bread Company here, it's original name.

Anyway he said the pastry chefs work all night baking the pastries and breads and then go home in the morning.

Just passing it along as an FYI if you are looking into working now. I think most bakers work all night and have days off.

 

[tonilea]

I am going to school now after being a (mostly) SAHM for six years. While I enjoy school and expect to enjoy my new career, if money was no object, I would love to be a SAHM/SAHW. But, working is the best thing for our family financially. Not so much just the income, but the retirement, insurance and other benefits.

BTW, I am not much younger than you and I am in school.... I turned 41 today.

 

[mhsjax]

Well, I am sitting her thinking and stewing as usual. I think tomorrow I will bite the bullet and go register for school. I can go and update my info at the CC I attended back in the dark ages. lol

When I say that we don't really need the money, I mean that we can pay our bills, and we have great health insurance. DH retirement is pretty good, but his 401 has taken a hit as has everyone else's. He will have gov't retirement.

Still, we have taken a pretty good pay cut, since he is technically disabled from his job. I still worry about paying for college,we have 3 kids, retirement and little things. I feel that if I do go back to work it will take some of the pressure off of him and he will be able to be here during the day for the kids.

 

[marcyinPA]

I was a SAHM for 11 years. I did a stint in real estate...sold it for four years, but I still considered myself a SAHM (which is why I probably didn't succeed in RE and ended up quitting!). After that, I started subbing at my kids' elementary school and my church's preschool.

The year my youngest DS started first grade, my church's preschool decided to add a two year old program. I have my degree in el/ed and early childhood, so I applied. I was lucky to get the job, and have been there for going on five years.

Timing is everything. The perfect job became available when I needed/wanted it. I only work 12 hours a week (actually, I work a few more than that, but I only get paid for 12....teachers will know what I mean!) and since my preschool follows the school district calendar, I am off when my kids are off. I do work during the summer, at our summer program, but I am able to tailor it around my kids.

I really feel blessed!!

 

[Magpie]

I'm a SAHM, and my kids are 13 and 14 years old right now. Last year my husband and I discussed having me go and work for a wage. We drew up a list of the pros and cons, and realized that we're really all quite a bit happier with me at home.

My husband likes having someone at home to cook dinner at night and then watch TV with him afterward. I like being able to prepare healthy meals that keep his weight and my son's blood sugar under control. I make breakfast and everyone's lunches in the morning, too. I also run daily errands, go to parent teacher meetings and field trips, do home repairs, and keep up on the housework (more or less - I'm not very good at the housework thing and I absolutely hate the sound of the vacuum, so my husband does that part for me).

My son benefits from having someone keeping very close tabs on his school work, as he has a learning disability and has trouble staying organized. I spend a lot of time working with him after school and on the weekends.

My daughter just likes having someone to meet her when she gets home from school. She talks to me a lot.

Our dog is better trained and socialized, because I was able to be here when when she was a puppy and devote the time and attention necessary. If I was working, we wouldn't own a dog.

And me - I like having enough time to pursue my writing, and assorted other personal projects. I like having the flexibility to travel on my husband's schedule and not worry about "booking off time". I like my quiet evenings, knitting socks and watching TV with him. I feel like a very lucky woman! I would not have won the awards I've won, or see my work published, if I was working.

So we've given up a lot of disposable income, but we've gained more in overall quality of life. Or, at least, that's what we decided when we looked at our list of pros and cons. All the things I do here aren't worth the bit of money I could earn outside the home.

Other people's choices will be different, depending on what they want and need out of life. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer.

I should really go paint the bathroom ceiling now... (I just finished tutoring a friend's son in 9th grade math.)

 

[missypie]

My H has been a stay at home dad for 20 years. Our youngest is 15. I would LOVE for him to get a job. I make a good living but we don't have nearly enough saved for retirement. He thinks that if he can clip coupons and save $11 at the grocery store, he is doing a great thing. I have asked him what he is going to do when the next is empty - he gets angry every time I ask.

I would love to be in his position...to be able to take a job because it sound fun and not worry a lot about the money or benefits.

 

[mhsjax]

I'm a SAHM, and my kids are 13 and 14 years old right now. Last year my husband and I discussed having me go and work for a wage. We drew up a list of the pros and cons, and realized that we're really all quite a bit happier with me at home.

My husband likes having someone at home to cook dinner at night and then watch TV with him afterward. I like being able to prepare healthy meals that keep his weight and my son's blood sugar under control. I make breakfast and everyone's lunches in the morning, too. I also run daily errands, go to parent teacher meetings and field trips, do home repairs, and keep up on the housework (more or less - I'm not very good at the housework thing and I absolutely hate the sound of the vacuum, so my husband does that part for me).

My son benefits from having someone keeping very close tabs on his school work, as he has a learning disability and has trouble staying organized. I spend a lot of time working with him after school and on the weekends.

My daughter just likes having someone to meet her when she gets home from school. She talks to me a lot.

Our dog is better trained and socialized, because I was able to be here when when she was a puppy and devote the time and attention necessary. If I was working, we wouldn't own a dog.

And me - I like having enough time to pursue my writing, and assorted other personal projects. I like having the flexibility to travel on my husband's schedule and not worry about "booking off time". I like my quiet evenings, knitting socks and watching TV with him. I feel like a very lucky woman! I would not have won the awards I've won, or see my work published, if I was working.

So we've given up a lot of disposable income, but we've gained more in overall quality of life. Or, at least, that's what we decided when we looked at our list of pros and cons. All the things I do here aren't worth the bit of money I could earn outside the home.

Other people's choices will be different, depending on what they want and need out of life. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer.

I should really go paint the bathroom ceiling now... (I just finished tutoring a friend's son in 9th grade math.)

Well, I really stink at writing, so how about I send you my English Comp papers. lol. I would rather have a root canal than write.

I also understand what you are saying about the pros and cons, for us it is different now, DH is home and can play house husband, and actually is fine with it. If he was still working at his former job then there is no way I would work, he worked crazy hours and shifts, it wasn't worth it. Also, by the time I get through school our oldest will almost be in college, just in time for me to help pay for it. DH told me, if I want to go and finish school fine, if I find a job and I don't like it, no worries. He is a great guy.

 

[mumom95]

I was a high school teacher before but gave it up when my son was home then we had my daugher 18 months later. I was a SAHM until my daughter started 1st grade, then I started subbing part time (very part time, usually no more than 2 days a week) at their school. That was perfect for those first few years of school. This past year I was offered a part time teaching position at a local University. I only teach 3 classes a week (9 hours) but the pay is much better than subbing and I absolutely LOVE the job, more than I've ever loved any job I've had.

I don't regret one bit having stayed home with my kids. I think they and the entire family are better off for it. But I didn't love being a SAHM. I do think those years made me appreciate working though, and I think that is part of the reason I love my job now as much as I do. I don't make as much money as I did when I worked full time (making better per hour pay, but only working a third the hours I did when I was full time) but it's great because I'm still able to get the kids on the bus in the morning and be there when they get home in the afternoon and I just love teaching at the college level more than high school.

It has been a bit of an adjustment on my dh. Not a big deal and he's handled it well, but he has admitted it was easier on him when I was home full time. The friends I have that were SAHM and now working all joke about how the transition was much harder on the husbands than on the wives. We went from dirty diapers and spit up to business lunches and they went from home cooked meals to having to help clean the bathroom But he loves how happy the new job makes me so he says it is all worth it.

Whatever makes you and your family the happiest is the best decision to make. And that can be different for every family. But don't be afraid of change.

 

[debster812]

I worked outside the home for the same company for 17 years. Full time all those years, even when DS was a baby, and in Day Care.

That company crashed and burned epically in December of 2008, and I was actually laid off in October of 2008.

I was a SAHM for around 9 months, and found a new job, which turned out to be horrible. Left that one, stayed home for about 3 weeks, found a contract position, that lasted about 120 days. Then I found a VERY part time (10 hrs/week) position.

While I was at that 10hr/week job, I was headhunted for my current job. It's PERFECT. During our high season, I work 30-35 hrs/week, and I will work 2 days a week all winter. Both of these schedules give me time to do what I need to do as far as errands, getting DS to his activities, and spending time with DH.

Like another poster, I was not very good at being a SAHP. If things had worked out differently DH would have been a TERRIFIC SAHD.

 

[Owlpost23]

I'm very fortunate to work as the kitchen manager for a high end private preschool.My hours are seven to one-M-F.My degree is in hospitality management and I have cooked professionally for over 25 years.Our daughter is 16,and in all sorts of activities,so a good deal of time is spent by myself.My husband is an executive chef/food and beverage director,so his hours are long.I have to come up with some other things to occupy my time so that I don't have my brain turn to oatmeal.I'm 50,and I am imagining "what next" in a few years when our daughter is in college.

 

[hulagirl87]

I'm a new SAHM but so far I can't imagine doing anything else. DD will be 1 in February and I'm so glad that I have seen every moment with her so far. I didn't work for most of my pregnancy either. I don't really miss the work force. I don't know what i would want to do if I was to go back to work. I have a degree in Retail Business management ( I was a manager at the Disney store for 8+ years) and I have worked a desk job which was super boring for me But right now I am right where I want to be. DH and I have talked about it and I will probably go back to work part time when DD is 4 or 5 or going to school. I would love to stay home all the time but I don't know if financially we would be able to afford it. we'll see I guess

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think it's normal to kind of look back at this point to see where we've been, and to think forward to where we're going.

(Isn't that one of those "stages of midlife"?)

I piqued my own curiosity with this post earlier. So I did some some looking around.

Yup, Midlife is defintely a stage, and there are definitely issues that most people at midlife have to grapple with at some point.

Here are some articles if anyone's interested.

Mid-Life Happiness http://www.drlizhale.com/?p=119

mid-life calls for a psycho-social adjustment. This is a time of major change. There are shifts in career, marriage, and parenting. And with our physical signs of aging comes a realization of impending old age, retirement, and mortality.The central theme, really, is that realization of one’s own mortality….it’s a harsh reality to face that we will not live forever. There is a shift in time consideration from “time since birth” to “time left to live.”

As I age my focus is on what time I have left and with this comes a major re-evaluation of who I am, the decisions I have made, and what really matters most in life. There are several things that can cause sadness and depression at mid-life: unmet goals, unrealized dreams, and lack of purpose. However, wherever we are in this life cycle stage there is always a chance for a new beginning and a renewed sense of purpose. Perhaps just understanding this mid-life transition might help some people move from thinking “there is something wrong with me,” to seeing that feelings and changes associated with mid-life are quite natural, as they are indeed a natural part of adulthood.

A Focus on the Midlife and Later Adult Years http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q...ORprgD&sig=AHIEtbQ_YY5XBgIQZ3_ZEHkIoP0lDVyzxA

Midlife Crisis: Transition or Depression?
http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/guide/midlife-crisis-opportunity

How to Deal with Stress in Midlife
http://www.stress-management-4-women.com/dealwithstress-midlife.html

Mid-Life Transition http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/midlife.html (religious ovetones, but interesting)