Sahm

[Tinkermommy]

Let me start by saying I am not a SAHM.

But I think you are in the ideal position. Not financial worries and options to got to school etc.

The one thing I wanted to suggest is find a counselor or coach that works on career development. They have testing and other tools to help you focus on your strengths/likes/dislikes, etc.

Not all jobs that are fulfilling require a degree (think florist) so unless you know what you want I wouldn't just jump into school.

There are also some good books out there. "Do What You Are" by Paul Tieger is supposed to be good. I haven't read it but it comes highly recommended.

I think really finding something that you will look forward to doing is the key. Best of luck!

 

[Nik's Mom]

I'm a SAHM right now as well, and honestly I wish I had my old life back. I know it sounds bad, but I'm just not good at it (mentally.) I also got married really young and my DH is in the military and I feel like I let that end any kind of real career for me, which was really dumb, but with him never being around and having to move every few years, my stuff is always on the back burner. Even with that though, we had been living in a city that my mom lived in and I had a good support system and had a job I really loved (paralegal at our D.A.'s office.) I was happy, and balanced. I was able to work full time, but it was still pretty flexible and always attended any school things my kids had ect., and was home by a decent time. With my kids sports and stuff it was busy, but I'm a much better person when I have a busy schedule, then one with a lot of "free" time. We moved about a year and a half ago, and we decided that I'd stay home with our then 2 year old dd, and be home for my ds that's in school. While, I really do love that my dd doesn't have to go to daycare, and I love spending time with her and being able to spend a lot more time at my son's school; I really feel pretty worthless. I need to go back to school too(have an associates,) but again we'll be moving in the next cpl. months, so that will have to wait, but I'm looking forward to hopefully getting back to having somewhat of a career in the near future. I agree with the pp that if you can go back to school NOW. I've been counting up the time it would take and how old I would be when I graduated with a B.A. for years now. If I could do it all over, I would have never left school, and finished my B.A. and gone on to law school, but with almost a decade that has past, law school seems totally out as an option, but I think at a min. I need to get a B.A. I'd go now, even if you can only do a few classes to start, and get it done with.

My dh isn't military, but I can totally relate to what you just posted. My dh travels a lot, and there is always the chance we will have to relocate again. I've had to put my career on hold because of that. But I try to make the best of it. I love my family and really wouldn't change a thing.

Anyway, thank you to you and your dh for his service to our country.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

SAHM for 10 years and a homeschooling one even (dd is copying vocabulary at the moment!)

I yearn to return to work. Kind of like the folks in the military who do their 20 years, retire and then pick up a second career.

I enjoy the mommyhood...I just would like to make some money and work for people who aren't my children .

It would likely require a return to school as I am unlikely to return to my original career. Just not sure what, just yet.

And I do enjoy my days. Just looking forward to "retirement".

 

[Hoodie]

SAHM's have the hardest job! One I would love to have, we just can't do it financially. My mom was a SAHM while we were growing up and I wish we could afford to do the same.

Still, I really truly feel for SAHMs trying to re-enter the workforce. Every SAHM I know has been unable to find anything - from being out of the workforce for 20 years to 18 months. It's so tough right now and the title of "mom" doesn't carry much weight on a resume (although it should - is anyone a better multitasker/problem solver?) It broke my heart when I mentioned going part time to some of my SAHM friends and every one of them said they wished they had done that instead of staying home because they felt stuck now.

Good Luck OP!! I hope you find something you love, either in or out of the home.

 

[samshane]

I kind of have the best of both worlds. I was a WAHM for 9 years - I worked in publishing before I had children so I was able to transition that to work from home as a freelancer. I still do that - but 2 years ago when my youngest started going to full-day school I got a part-time job at a local community college which is great. It is 15 hours/week and while the kids are in school. The pay isn't great - LOL, but the hours and people could be more perfect. I wanted to meet people who where not just parent sof my kid's friends.

The publishing work varies - some weeks I am really busy and other weeks I have nothing, so it can be hard to schedule. But with a supportive DH, it has been a really great arrangement.

 

[Robinrs]

Where are all these jobs everyone's planning to get? I have so many unemployed friends who would love to know!

 

[Colleen27]

This has been interesting as I have been thinking about transitioning out of my job for some time now. I agree with the previous posters about life getting busier as the kids get older. Right now dh and I are taking the Financial Peace classes at our church. A serious questions for the SAHM is this - do you worry about retirement and having enough money to live on? What about college costs for the kids? Those are my two really big worries as I'm contemplated changing direction in my career.

Retirement is a concern, because our investments and savings rate have really taken a beating over the last couple years, but prior to that we were on a good track and I think we will be again before too long. We saw a lot of improvement this year over last, and I'm not nearly as pessimistic as I was a year ago.

As far as college goes, we're blessed to have a relative who bought prepaid tuition contracts for the kids when they were born which really lightens the burden on us. We also planned things in such a way that the house would be paid off before the college expenses start, and actually made that happen earlier than expected. I can't say for sure that we'll have 100% of any college the kids want to go to covered, but we'll have enough that any student loans they have to take (if they choose a more expensive school; we will be able to cover 100% of the costs of in-state public college) will be relatively small.

My bigger worry over the long run is insurance because DH is self-employed. There will probably come a time when one or both of us develops health issues that make getting insurance prohibitively expensive if not altogether impossible, because that's just the nature of health insurance if you're not part of a group.

 

[SCHBR'smom]

I've been a sahm for 11 yrs with no end in sight. My kids are 11, 7, 6 this month, 3, 2 this month, and the last one is due any day with an eviction date of Dec. 14. I've also been homeschooling them for the last year and a half and plan to continue through high school. This is not the life I ever planned on having, but it is a life I love. I always expected to go back to school and get a job one day, but it doesn't look like that will happen. With so many kids and all of them at home, I'm pretty busy and I'm completely happy.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Where are all these jobs everyone's planning to get? I have so many unemployed friends who would love to know!

Online.

You have to be willingly to take entry level pay.

 

[Colleen27]

A
So I can say a large part of the college worries depends on your kid, really. My older dd struggles with what to do and my youngest wants to go to college tomorrow.

I can already see that coming with mine. My oldest hates school and has gotten "bare minimum" down to an art form; he knows exactly how much he has to do to maintain football eligibility, and that's precisely what he does. He has no desire to go to college unless it is to play ball, something we're working to change, but I know if he does go the cost is 100% on us because the kid is not going to be getting any scholarship offers. I'd like him to consider community college, but his love of football gets in the way when it comes to talking about schools without athletic departments.

My middle child, on the other hand, is a straight A student that loves school and is looking forward to applying to the IB magnet for high school to get a head start on college. On one hand, that could be nice if it means academic scholarship dollars, but on the other I'm a little worried that she'll be like me and set her sights on an Ivy or other elite private school that we can't even hope to afford!

 

[olwyngdh]

I'm a SAHM right now as well, and honestly I wish I had my old life back. I know it sounds bad, but I'm just not good at it (mentally.) I also got married really young and my DH is in the military and I feel like I let that end any kind of real career for me, which was really dumb, but with him never being around and having to move every few years, my stuff is always on the back burner. Even with that though, we had been living in a city that my mom lived in and I had a good support system and had a job I really loved (paralegal at our D.A.'s office.) I was happy, and balanced. I was able to work full time, but it was still pretty flexible and always attended any school things my kids had ect., and was home by a decent time. With my kids sports and stuff it was busy, but I'm a much better person when I have a busy schedule, then one with a lot of "free" time. We moved about a year and a half ago, and we decided that I'd stay home with our then 2 year old dd, and be home for my ds that's in school. While, I really do love that my dd doesn't have to go to daycare, and I love spending time with her and being able to spend a lot more time at my son's school; I really feel pretty worthless. I need to go back to school too(have an associates,) but again we'll be moving in the next cpl. months, so that will have to wait, but I'm looking forward to hopefully getting back to having somewhat of a career in the near future. I agree with the pp that if you can go back to school NOW. I've been counting up the time it would take and how old I would be when I graduated with a B.A. for years now. If I could do it all over, I would have never left school, and finished my B.A. and gone on to law school, but with almost a decade that has passed, law school seems totally out as an option, but I think at a min. I need to get a B.A. I'd go now, even if you can only do a few classes to start, and get it done with.

As another military spouse, I know what you mean--and I do have the degrees, just not the stability to get a job where I could use them. No one wants to hire someone who they know is only going to be available a couple years for a professional position, and with the instability of our lives with deployments, schools, etc....

Someday my husband will retire. I keep telling myself that. Now if I could only learn to believe it...

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Ok, I'm premature posting because I only read the first page and I wanted my post to be a reaction to that only. SAHM can be a hot button issue and if someone has been less than kind, I didn't want to read that before I wrote this. Ok, I make no sense..maybe someone will figure out what I mean.

I have been a SAHM since April. I had to leave my job for medical reasons. I'm in the process of trying to get disability. I'm also being treated medically in a way that would make it impossible to work right now. But honestly, I feel like I haven't been able to work even before April. How I hung in there that long, I don't know. FMLA, I guess. And when that ran out, I had to quit.

Anyway, I'm still kinda young (38) and my girls are old enough to take care of themselves (15 and 17). My DH works 2 jobs. One on the side, but he says it's a hobby and he would be doing it regardless if we needed the money or not. But I feel SO guilty. His main job is retail management and this is the worst time of year...he's working 60 hour weeks and all I do is stay at home. I can't get a PT job right now due to my health, I also have a hard time cooking and cleaning. I was crying this morning to him saying I'm as useful as our dog, Pepper. And she is as lazy as a dog can be. I feel worthless, useless, guilty, etc.

I guess my point in telling you (the OP) this is don't feel bad about your situation because I feel way worse. I literally hate myself for not being able to work. I thought when I left my job (which I LOVED at one time, but had become so stressful I had a couple of breakdowns and was hospitalized) that the stress would disappear and I could be little Suzie Homemaker and bake cookies and my house would be spotless. WRONG. Now the stress from work has been replaced with the guilt from not working or being the perfect 50's housewife.

I'm probably oversharing and it's gonna come back and bite me in the butt. I'd love to be able to go back to work, but I don't know if that will ever be possible. I miss being proud of the job I did, I miss my work friends, going out to lunch, the Christmas things we would be doing this time of year like Dirty Santa or departmental luncheons. That job made me feel good about myself until...well everything changed and I couldn't adapt.

When I left work, we lost about 40% of our family income. Thank God I was able to pay for braces for them and buy one car for my oldest DD. And we were able to go to Disney several times. But I guess all that is over.

Ok, I guess I've shared enough. Too much. Sorry.

ETA: I have read all the posts and I left out some things. I only have a 2 year associates degree in Business Admin. And that's the type of work I have always done. My last job (of 7 years) was Payroll for a Fortune 50 company (I was so proud).
As far as college for my DD's, my oldest is going to be forced in all probability, lol. She doesn't have a clue what she wants to do, so I'm trying to talk her into 2 years at the community college to get a general degree and then transfer to Appalachian. Youngest DD has her sights already set on Western Carolina. She is just a sophomore but is already making plans. We will have to go in debt to put them thru college, unless I get disability and then hopefully, I'll be able to pay a good portion for both of them.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I can already see that coming with mine. My oldest hates school and has gotten "bare minimum" down to an art form; he knows exactly how much he has to do to maintain football eligibility, and that's precisely what he does. He has no desire to go to college unless it is to play ball, something we're working to change, but I know if he does go the cost is 100% on us because the kid is not going to be getting any scholarship offers. I'd like him to consider community college, but his love of football gets in the way when it comes to talking about schools without athletic departments.

My middle child, on the other hand, is a straight A student that loves school and is looking forward to applying to the IB magnet for high school to get a head start on college. On one hand, that could be nice if it means academic scholarship dollars, but on the other I'm a little worried that she'll be like me and set her sights on an Ivy or other elite private school that we can't even hope to afford!

Spell it out for her. I don't know how old your dd is but mine starts HS next yr. She already knows we can't even afford a "top" state school let alone a top tier. She knows she has to carry that onto herself.

Right now she is being realistic and just hoping to get out of college with minimal debt because she knows the debt her sister is racking up and she is not cool with that.

She also is considering writing and trying to get published somehow.
I don't know if that is doable, but hey, she is a talented writer and it is not out of the realm of possibility for her if she wanted to attempt it.

She has started many short stories and promised to finish them for her peers and teachers. They are waiting....

 

[AKL_Megs]

This is interesting to read.

My DH and I are currently trying for a baby. Our plan was that, once baby came, I would quit my job, but for many reasons, I quit early and will be working a part-time job while I am pregnant, and then be a SAHM for a least 5-6 years.

We are lucky in that financially, it's not an issue, and my DH's job is contractually secure.

I'm nervous, but looking forward to raising my baby and being a better wife (my career kept me away from home 20 days a month.)

 

[aaarcher86]

I'm 24, and I stay at home with my two girls who are 3 and (almost) 5. I work from home as well, and if I didn't I wouldn't be able to stay home. Thankfully, I was fortunate enough to work it out.

I'm actually in school now and I'll finish and be ready to start teaching in a few years. Both my girls will be in school during the day and as long as everything goes according to plan my last child (yet to be conceived lol) will be old enough that I'd be comfortable letting him go to some form of daycare a few days a week. My husband is a firefighter so he's home most days and can watch the babe.

It's always been really important to me to be able to take my kids to their sports and be with them on holidays and during breaks - basically any time they are home, I want to be with them. Teaching will allow me to have a career and be home with my kids (or my husband will be. As long as it's one of us).

 

[rodeo65]

I've been home for almost 10 years. I came home on maternity leave with DS a few weeks before he was born and have never gone back, although I do some bookeeping for a family member's business but that is only payroll and sales reports. Sometimes I think I'd like to work again, but I was not really enjoying my last job before the kids and also having been so long out of the job force...like you, I think I'd need to go back to school but not sure for what.

I do enjoy being home for my kids after school and being available for all field trips, teacher conferences and school volunteer positions. DS in particular needs a lot of support with homework, it's just through the day when I'm on my 6th load of laundry or hauling the crock pot out again that I start to dream fondly of being ourside the home. DH works from home which can be good and bad at times. While I'm not alone all the time, sometimes I'd just like to be alone KWIM? Also I tend to get sucked into his workday with this arrangement, so maybe I should just go out and get paid. Ideally, I'd like something part time that allows me to be here in the late afternoons/evenings. Not too particular am I?

I think I'm searching for the same answers you are...good luck.

 

[momof1princess]

i've been a SAHM for over 11 years. DD is now 13, and i've been trying to get a job for several months-no one will hire me, because i have no recent employment history, only volunteer work. i couldn't even get hired for a seasonal job at jcpenney. i'm a highly skilled legal/medical secretary with the degree to back it up (which you can't get in my area anymore, because the local business college closed down a few years ago), but that seems to be irrelevant. i'm unemployable, and it stinks, because i REALLY need to work.

 

[mhsjax]

This is interesting to read.

My DH and I are currently trying for a baby. Our plan was that, once baby came, I would quit my job, but for many reasons, I quit early and will be working a part-time job while I am pregnant, and then be a SAHM for a least 5-6 years.

We are lucky in that financially, it's not an issue, and my DH's job is contractually secure.

I'm nervous, but looking forward to raising my baby and being a better wife (my career kept me away from home 20 days a month.)

Nothing wrong with being a SAHM. Just my situation has changed in that DH is now semi retired, (long story) and has a side business and he controls his hours and does only as much as he wants. Also my youngest is 10. He is home, unless he wants not to be home, if that makes any sense.

I say enjoy your time at home, those babies are worth it, if it is something you want to do.

 

[mhsjax]

Wow, so many replies. Gives me lots to think about. I started having a more serious discussion with DH but stuff got in the way as usual. Still very interesting reading. Thanks everyone.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

I am a military spouse and have been a SAHM for 13 years. I don't ever plan on going back to work. That's not true...I might do something part time eventually, but I would rather stick a fork in my eye than go back to school.